So that biology final…guh. Just guh. And not in the sexy time Xander way either or more like eye glazing willow babble. I take my chem final in a few hours so about halfway through the chapter or so you get to see my opinion on that. Srry about a all of the wording errors in the last chapter. hopefully this one is better.

Dont worry, i have a plan for the deathly hallows and has anyone noticed that harry's scar is gone? ;)

"thinking"

"talking"

Chapter 19

"Hey, Buff. We were actually heading to Giles house for the Scooby meeting. Harry finally kicked the last of his fever today." Xander grinned at her winningly and she frowned.

She looked between the two.

"You shouldn't be out here Xander you could get hurt." Harry raised an eyebrow. Either she didn't care about Harry or she thought he could handle his own because of the night with The Gentlemen. What really disturbed him however, was the slightly goofy grin that had taken residence on Xander's face.

"It's like when I was back in primary school and at Hogwarts. I always had to be somebody that I wasn't. I was either a fool, a hero or a quidditch obsessed boy." Harry studied Xander carefully and frowned.

"She never came to visit Xander and she could have called if she was tied up patrolling. Is she trying to make him fray adjacent like the Order of the Phoenix tried (and failed) to do with me? Why should she, Xander can hold his own. Something is going on here that I'm missing." Harry decided that he would observe Xander and his friends. He needed to see how this group worked with each other, how they interacted.

Harry turned a charming smile to Buffy. He walked up to her and kissed the back of her hand.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Ms. Summers." Charming English accent on full blast and Buffy blushed and giggled slightly. Time to put his slytherin skills to work; he knew that having this girl as his enemy would be a very bad thing for both him and his relationship with Xander.

Xander POV

They made it back to Giles place without running into vampires or any other baddies. Once there Harry became someone different. He became friendly more open. He quickly charmed everybody in the room. He discussed hair care products with Buffy and why he grew his hair out and they went into a friendly debate of long vs. short hair. Willow and Tara drew him into discussions of different herbs and light enchantments pleased that someone else had knowledge of Wiccan magic. Harry and Giles also got along fabulously. After learning that Harry was from the mother country Giles engaged him in conversations of American food and drink. They both lamented the lack of a good cup of tea and shared their hatred of tea bags, simple dessert recipes were shared and Harry promised to make Giles a full English breakfast one day. The older man was delighted.

Spike was a no show, but Xander didn't really care. Seeing Harry with his friends was enough.

He didn't like it.

"Bye Harry! We'll see you at the next Scooby meeting right? Make sure you get Xander home safe." Buffy said smiling at the charming boy. She didn't spare a glance toward Xander, if she had she would have seen his disbelief and hurt.

"Yeah Harry. Make sure you come back soon Tara and I want to ask about some of the different herbs in England." Willow beamed at him and Tara smiled shyly.

"Do come back soon Harry," Giles said, "and make sure Xander gets home safe. He does attract some unruly attention."

Harry just smiled and laughed appropriately agreeing to come to the next Scooby meeting. The whole way home Harry remained confident, smiling and completely different from the boy Xander had known the last few days.

When they entered Xander's apartment Harry went straight into the kitchen and Xander stared after him. He was angry, confused, hurt. Had he really misjudged Harry that badly? He entered the kitchen and sat down at the table. Xander watched Harry putter around the kitchen making a pot of hot chocolate. He put a mug down in front of Xander before sitting down in his own chair directly across from him. Harry hummed as he took his first sip.

Xander didn't touch his hot chocolate. Instead he watched Harry, searching.

Green eyes caught his and they stared.

"Where were you tonight?" Xander asked. Harry frowned and looked at Xander confused.

"I was right there with you? I'm sure you couldn't have forgotten." Harry teased lightly, but his slight joke fell flat. Xander wasn't smiling, wasn't laughing.

"No you weren't. That person I saw tonight wasn't Harry. He wasn't shy and bashful, he wasn't sweet or sometimes clueless, and he wasn't my Harry. Who was he?"

Harry looked taken aback; he looked at the table unsure how to respond. So Xander continued.

"That boy I saw there today was nothing like the Harry I know. So, I don't know how to react. Who are you really? Was the person I met a couple of days ago a lie? Was the person I met tonight a lie? Has the last few days been a game; did you want to see how good of an actor you are," Xander was getting angry, "did today mean anything to you or am I just a toy to play around with? Are you trying to get close to my friends through me? Are you using me?"

"No!" Xander saw the pain and hurt on Harry's face but held his ground.

Harry POV

Harry took a deep breath, trying to calm his emotions. He wished desperately that he could use his occulmency, but he knew the consequences.

"I have never, nor will I ever use you Xander. Tonight-," Harry hesitated unsure how to say this, "tonight, that wasn't me. I know your friends are dangerous and I know that if they did not get along with me that they would make things very difficult for me in the future. I'm not evil or anything, at least I don't think so. I just…if they hadn't…dammit Xander I'm not sure how to explain this!" Harry huffed and tried to steady himself; if he fucked up he knew Xander would never trust him again.

"If your friends hadn't liked what they had seen tonight they would have hurt me. They would have been suspicious of my every move, tried to monitor me, tried to learn more of my past then I'm willing to share. I don't…I don't trust them like I trust you. Not with my past, not with my secrets. If I charmed them then they would accept me easier. Maybe ill be able to show a little of myself in the future, maybe not."

"I'm the boy you held a few hours ago, I'm the boy you kissed, I'm the boy that you had taken care. That is me. What I'm showing them now is somebody I don't think I could ever be. But the thing is, I will show them that person, that Harry, if it makes things easier between them and me. I don't…I never wanted you to think that I had lied to you." Harry paused. He wasn't sure what else to say besides telling Xander of his very real romantic feelings, but he held that back and went into a different direction, "this is me, now I want to know who you were?"

Xander POV

Xander stared at Harry speechless. He had fucked up royally. The things he had accused Harry of doing…he had promised to never hurt Harry. He broke his promise in the same day.

He stared into Harry's green eyes and felt ashamed at the hurt he had put there. The desperation for Xander to understand what he had done, but the thing is Xander did that as well. Almost every single day he hid himself from the rest of his friends. He showed them what they wanted to see. Told them what they needed to hear, gave them all he had. Screw his own feelings, his friends came first. Looking back at it Xander knew he should have shown them the real him long ago.

He was sure that now…that now it was too late.

"This is me, now I want to know who you were."

Xander did not know how to answer.

And I'm done for the chapter lol. It's short; sorry about that but you know finals and all that jazz. My chem final went great.