Chapter 20. I've come so far. I don't really feel like writing this chapter, but ill see what I can do for you guys. I'm kinda in an ugh mood right now and hopefully this will knock me out of my funk. I wont be able to post atleast one day this week. I'll see what I ca do though.

I do not own Harry potter or Buffy the vampire slayer

"talking"

"thinking"

Chapter 20

Xander POV

Xander wasn't sure how to answer Harry. He was sure that anything he said would make him seem so fake…like he had accused Harry of being a few minutes ago. He looked at the boy across from him and hoped he really didn't fuck this up.

He licked his lips, nervous. He had so much to lose…but if he kept silent he would lose Harry anyways. Xander wondered why everything that had to do with Harry was so complicated.

"I'm who they need me to be. It wasn't always like this…I was somebody to them before. I was cool, funny and they actually listened to my opinions. Willow and I were closer; we've been best friends since kindergarten, but after the fluke." Xander sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He knew he wasn't making any sense to Harry, but he hoped he could get his point across.

"We met Angel, he's a vampire with a soul and now Buffy's ex-boyfriend. Around him…I just couldn't seem to measure up. I was too goofy, and had a short attention span and weak. I was cast as a liability even though I have experience and have been through some rough shit and survived. It's even worse now that Willow knows she can do magic. I'm seen as the token human and they've been trying to make me fray adjacent for a while now. It's not even like Willow is some uber powerful Wicca, yeah she has potential, but she can barely levitate a pencil. Sometimes I don't really understand them, their motives don't make sense." Xander paused and took a deep breath.

"Now…I've kind of accepted my role in the group. I'm there to grab the donuts and to make everybody laugh and occasionally add in some good advice or insight that they may or may not take. It all depends on how much they feel like I should be fray adjacent that day. They haven't noticed me in a long time. Really noticed me. They don't understand that I can hold my own in a fight. They don't understand that everything is not a joke to me. They don't understand why I do the things I do sometimes and they don't understand that almost everything I do is for them."

"Sometimes I wish I could just show them that they are wrong. I just want to show them that their perceptions of me are completely different from the person that I really am. But then something happens and they need their Xander-shaped friend. Every time I try to show them the real me, it's like they see right through me. I don't think they'll every see and appreciate the real me. And I hate it." Xander closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold back the tears, just barely succeeding. He had never told anyone, never had anyone to confide in for a long time. Not since Jesse…

"So yeah," Xander didn't know how to continue, "Those are my reasons for what I do." He shrugged.

Harry POV

Harry sat still in his chair for a few minutes after Xander's confession. He was angry at how Xander's friends treated him and he was angry that Xander just continued to feed their stereotype of him. He was angry, furious, but he understood. He would be a hypocrite if he had not. He hoped, for Xander's sake, that his friends would come to realize how special Xander was. For now, he could do nothing.

Harry stood up out of his chair and made his way toward Xander. He grabbed Xander's hands from their fisted position on the table and tugged until the other by stood up. He led to Xander to the couch and sat him down, rearranging him until they were in their standard sleeping position.

Not long after laying down Xander fell asleep, Harry soon followed.

For the next week Xander and Harry kept up their act with the Scooby gang. Harry had been accepted easily into the fold and Xander's friends continuously asked Harry's opinion or included him in conversations. Unfortunately, things were not going well on Xander's end. The gang continued to push him to the side and took him for granted. Harry knew Xander was hurt, but the brown haired boy said nothing. He just took it with quiet dignity, smiling as if nothing was wrong. Harry hated to see that fake goofy smile on Xander's face.

They bounced back and forth between each other's houses with no definite pattern. Harry had finally gotten new sheets and comforters on the beds and he let Xander pick a room in the house to be his. Not that it really mattered; they always slept in the same bed.

They took a step back from their romantic feelings and allowed their platonic relationship to grow. They learned about favorite foods and music, shared memories that weren't too personal but nonetheless precious and confided in each other. Harry told Xander a bit more about the Dursley's leaving out the extensive beatings and Xander let slip about his drunken parents. Harry told Xander a bit about his school years without mentioning magic. He told Xander about the people he had met, people he had befriended and those who couldn't be trusted. He wanted to tell Xander about Ron, Hermione and Dumbledore but when he tried his throat closed up. Tears blurred his vision and Xander just smiled at him and said it was okay. Xander understood that it just wasn't time for Harry to share some things. He wasn't ready.

The drama between them cooled a bit, Harry wasn't a crying mess at every turn and Xander didn't freak out when he couldn't find or was separated from Harry. To tell the truth it was a big relief. Harry felt like he was going to go bonkers if he and Xander had another heartfelt conversation anytime soon. That being said he had not romantically approached Xander again. They continued to share a bed and cuddle and touch each other randomly, but that was normal for them. At the moment it was enough because neither of them were ready to move forward.

Harry spent his time learning about runes and warding from the magic books in his basement/study and learning more about the muggle world. After hearing about the incident at the high school Harry decided that he would just get his GED and be done with it. Xander fully supported him and he would help Harry with subjects he did not understand. Whoever said Xander was stupid was dead wrong. Xander had been taking AP classes in his high school with Willow so they would not be separated. He was an above average student even though he only made a C average in high school. He just didn't go to the college. When Harry had asked him about it, Xander just smiled and said that he didn't really have the money for it and there weren't many scholarships to Sunnydale College. So, he didn't really try. Harry decided that when he managed to get to his money in Gringotts, and he will get his money, that he would put Xander through school.

While Xander claimed he wasn't much for book smarts he could definitely work with his hands. Harry had heard about the trade schools in the area and he wanted to get Xander into one of them. Actually, Harry didn't care what type of school Xander got into; he was just far too smart to be working at a greasy fast food restaurant. Knowing Latin, Greek, Romanian and how to write Sumerian was nothing to sneeze at. Harry believed that Xander had been put down so much, by himself and others, that he couldn't see his own worth. Xander knew he was more than he showed his friend's, but even he couldn't see all of himself. But that was okay because Harry could see Xander. That would just have to be enough for now.

Harry flipped through his book on beginners' wards lazily. He had spent the last few days scoring the library to see how much he really knew about runes. He'd learned that he knew all of the basic runes and a few basic wards. The runes and wards were from all different magic types. Yesterday, Harry was able to hold a conversation with Willow and Tara about Wiccan warding techniques. Today, he had learned that he knew how to create wizarding and elven runes. Eleven runes were incredibly rare as only a few elves existed in the world today and they were not prone to sharing knowledge of their people's magic.

He had been thrilled and tackled Xander the moment he came from work to share the good news. Well, it was good news to Xander after Harry explained to him about the elves and then special runes and then wards…well you get the point. Xander was currently in the shower; Harry had damn near forced him up the stairs after he got a whiff of the grease on the other boy.

Now, Harry was bored. Oh so very bored, he supposed he should study runes and wards or for his GED test. He could brainstorm ideas to make money and he could cook. However, nothing appealed to him and he soon dozed off in his chair.

Xander POV

"Harry is so cute." Xander thought that in a completely huggable cute way, not sensuous pouty lips cute way. The other boy was curled in a chair in the study with a thick book in his lap. His chin was down on his chest which rose and fell steadily.

"I wish I had a camera." It really was rare for Harry to let his guard down completely. The green eyed by was always so tense, he never relaxed completely unless he was sleeping on top of Xander.

"That was also a nonsexual thought." Xander phrased carefully in his mind. He was still trying to figure out what to do about his feelings for Harry. He had yet to tell him about being pack and he could never be sure how Harry would react. Sometimes he thought Harry would smile gently and nod as if he already knew. And other times…other times Harry reacted badly. He would imagine Harry's face contorting in distrust, disgust or fear. He didn't know what he would do if Harry did not accept him, but for now he would not think on that. Now, he would just try to burn the image of an innocent, sleeping Harry into his mind.

That being accomplished Xander went over to the book shelf and grabbed a book on magical creatures.

The first page he flipped to show a scowling leprechaun. Xander grinned; he couldn't wait to see the look on Buffy's face when he showed her this.

So I managed to do it. Yay! Go me. Hey everybody I want to know your opinions on what you think happened to the deathly hallows.