11
Finn awoke once throughout the night, he came up to his knees and turned around and shook Piper's arm until she woke up, "Pippy, where's my mom?"
She spoke with her eyes closed, "she's at the wedding Finn remember? She'll be back tomorrow."
He laid back down on the blanket next to Alex, who was out cold. He moved his head around the pillow trying to get comfortable.
Piper could hear him rustling under the blanket, constantly readjusting. She cracked an eye open, "lay on your tummy Finn, ill rub your back." She rubbed his back in smooth circles in a dazed manner, until she felt him sit up again. She felt his stare through her closed eyes, she cracked them open, "I can't sweep."
She let out a small whimper, she was so tired. "Try Finn, just lay still."
"I can't. Mommy makes me warm milk."
She leaned up on her elbow, reached down and rubbed Alex's shoulder, "Al." Nothing. "Al," she rubbed harder. "Corpse," she mumbled, "Finn wake her up."
"But she's sweeping."
"I know, that's why I said wake her up, it's okay."
He placed both his hands on her upper shoulder and gently nudged her, "Ayix wake up."
"Shake her Finn, keep going til she opens her eyes."
He climbed up and straddled her hip, and rubs his hands against her shoulder harder, "Ayix." She moved slightly.
He leaned his chest along her side and pushed her eyelid open with his index finger, "Ayix," he whispered. Piper looked on through heavy eyes, amused.
She let out a grumble. He shook her harder, she squinted her eyes shut harder and furrowed her eyebrows, "mmmmm."
He leaned forward onto his chest again, inches from her face, she opened her eyes slightly, eyebrows still crumpled, her gaze was met with Finn's smile. "You're awake!"
"Grrrr."
"You're not a bear Ayix."
"Mmm."
"I need milk."
"Mmmmhmmm," she turned onto her back, Finn still sat straddled on her waist.
"Ayix, wake up," he nudged her further.
"I'm up, I'm up," her eyes still closed, reaching her arm out blindly searching for her glasses.
"Al, can you heat up some milk for him?"
"Do not even tell me you're awake right now," she said irritated.
"Al please it took me forever to find a comfortable position out here, I don't want to get up."
The brunette opened her grey green eyes, now remembering they were camped out in their living room, "oh...," she inhaled and exhaled deeply, "yeah babe, I got it." She lifted her neck, crunching her abs and looked at the small child sitting on her torso "what's up Finn?" she asked, still composing herself.
"Milk, Ayix."
She was never a morning person, never mind being torn from deep sleep. "Right, sorry bud, 1 cup of warm milk coming up."
She sat up causing him to slide back a little before she caught his back. She managed to get herself in an upright position, picked up Finn and trudged into the kitchen. She did a double take at the large blue splotch on the kitchen floor, remembering the playdough and then sat him up on the counter while she looked for a small pot to warm the milk in. He swung his legs around tapping his heels against the cabinet.
"You are wide awake, huh kid?" she said with a small smile.
He nodded enthusiastically. She leaned her head on one arm which lay over the counter and stirred the milk with a wooden spoon. She moved the pot to another burner, set Finn down on the floor, and pulled a mug down from the cabinet.
"I need my sippy cup."
She raised an eyebrow, a what? she thought to herself, "do we have that?," she felt legally drunk.
"In my backpack. When daddy gets my milk, it's not in the sippy cup and I make a mess. Mommy gets really mad."
"Got it, thanks man." He got his cup and another movie from his bag and handed them up to her.
She flipped the movie still in its plastic wrap, "ah Peter Pan, is it new?" she asked taking the cup and poured his milk.
He nodded. "Grandma got it for me for Christmas." She handed him the sippy cup and started picking at the plastic as they walked back to their tent. Piper was once again fast asleep on the couch.
Finn sat cross legged on top of the blanket with his back against the couch and started drinking his milk as Alex gnawed at the plastic wrap with her teeth. He laughed out loud, causing her to raise her pointer to her lips and pointed to Piper.
"She's really sleepy."
"Mookie moves a lot so when Mookie sleeps she can sleep, we have to be really quiet," she looked at him seriously.
He nooded,"can I feel Mookie move?"
Alex's features softened at his innocence, realizing Finn had never felt their baby move.
"Definitely kiddo, first thing in the morning okay? Let Pippy sleep." She put the movie in and mimicked his position sitting beside him. As the movie started he nestled into the space in her lap, like he always did, lied back and drank his milk.
Finn woke up in the makeshift tent, Alex lay beside him, her glasses still on her face, Piper side lying on the couch. He went to the bathroom, and then got his markers and coloring book, and brought them back under the tented sheet to start coloring.
Piper awoke to Alex still passed out on the floor with arms stretched out like superman under her pillow, glasses crooked over her nose. Finn lay on his front coloring.
"Morning Finn," she smiled happy to see her favorite little guy lying next to her favorite lady.
"Good morning Pippy," he scrambled up onto his knees and in the same breath asked, "can I feel Mookie?"
She looked at him somewhat surprised but couldn't fight her smile, "yeah baby of course." He placed his little hand ever so gently on the fabric lying over her skin, it was met promptly with a few quick thumps. His face lit up with a closed mouthed smile. "That's Mookie's feet?"
"I don't know, Mookie's all squished up like this, I have to lay on my back." She climbed down off the couch and onto the blanket. She lay back with a pillow under neck and bent her knees. Finn sat closely on his knees as she placed both of her hands on her skin and poked around, "there's a foot here," she took his hand so he could feel just under her rib to one side. She continued to prod, she felt a big soft lump, "I think this is Mookie's bum," he poked it and brought both his hands over his mouth covering his giggles. "And I know Mookie's head is down here," she said bringing her hands lower.
"Mookie's upside down?" he asked surprised.
"Yep so head is here, butt is here, and feet are here." He looked at her a little puzzled. "Gimme one of your markers babe."
He handed her a marker and sat back on his feet poking Alex slightly. He watched his aunt sketch across her abdomen what she thought she felt, and as it became clearer, he once again excitedly raised onto his knees.
"Can you make a circle right here?" she made a circle with her hands, "I can't see that spot." He bit his bottom lip and diligently drew the best circle he could with sure concentration. "I see it now," he stated looking at the image, "can I color it in?"
"Yeah sure," she'd never said no to him before, she wasn't about to now. Alex woke up and saw Piper lying next to her, her hand holding a rolled up part of her shirt while Finn's shoulder moved vigorously.
"Good morning," she said stretching up onto her arms. "Oh yeah I told him he could feel Mookie first thing in the morning, I guess he took it literally."
"Yeah he did and now he's making me a human Picasso."
Alex wrinkled her eyebrows and looked over Finn's shoulder, "what in the world are you guys doing?"
"Coloring a picture of Mookie."
"I think this is the position today, I could be totally wrong though."
The brunette shook her head from side to side at the ridiculousness of the last 24 hours, "so remember that time, we had a kid for a day and our apartment was completely blown up? We're in so much trouble."
Piper smiled crookedly and shrugged a shoulder.
"You guys hungry?"
"Um, duh?" she stated as if this was an absurd thing to ask, "what do you feel like having?"
"Was thinking bagels?"
"I like bagels," Finn stated raising his free hand as if placing his vote.
"Oooh, not feeling a bagel right now. Can you make that spinach artichoke thing in the bread?"
"Yeah I can but you want that for breakfast?"
"Mmmhmm," she replied with 'a your point being?' smirk.
"Whatever you want, but I'm gonna go grab us a normal persons breakfast. Finn what kind of bagel do you want?"
"The one with no things on it."
"Ok that would be 1 plain," she scribbled on an imaginary pad in her hand, "would he eat cream cheese or butter?"
"Cream cheese!" he said and got back to coloring.
"Well okay sir will that complete your order?"
"Yep."
"I'll let you guys finish your art project, don't wash it off though, I want a picture of this."
Alex returned and passed Piper his bagel to unwrap and worked her way around the kitchen. She pulled out the necessities and got to work. Finn walked in, "can I help?"
"Sure bud," she helped him wash his hands and placed the bag of frozen spinach into the colander in the sink, "press your hands into there to get the water out."
He sat on the edge of the sink looking down at the green substance, "what is that?" he asked completely revolted.
"Spinach! It makes you strong like Popeye. Want to try some?"
He shook his head no. "What's Popeye?"
"Aw man, he's this big sailor who gets really strong when he eats his spinach and then he can save his love Olive Oil."
She largely chops artichokes and peppers and puts them into the food processor. She presses down on the handle and the ingredients spin through the clear plastic.
"Can I try that?"
"Al...," Piper calls out nervously hearing Finn's request.
"I got him Pipes."
"The blades in there are really sharp, so I need to help you okay?" She placed her hand over both of his, and steadied the food processor with the other hand.
She reached down to pull a block of mozzarella from the crisper, never taking her hand off of his knee.
She cut the block of cheese in large pieces and proceeded to chop it into finer pieces in the processor with Finn. They crushed the garlic in the press, and poured in some feta.
"Look how beautiful all of the colors look!"
Finn looked into the bowl unimpressed. She pulled two crescent roll tubes from the refrigerator, started tearing the paper and handed one to Finn. She pulled hers open and let the tube pop, making Finn jump. He handed his back to Alex afraid of having the tube pop in his hands. She unrolled the dough and laid it in a pattern on the baking sheet, Finn copied and finished the line of dough. They scooped the contents of the bowl, laid it on the dough and then pulled the dough overlapping each piece, brushed it with an eggwash and shut it into the oven.
"Ok we're gonna acquaint you with Popeye kid." She pulled up an episode on Youtube, "I haven't watched this in years."
Alex does her best Olive Oil impression while Finn flexes his non-existent muscles. The timer goes off and she retrieves a slice of the now crispy braid for Piper. Piper offers him a bite which he declines. Alex pouts out her bottom lip, making a puppy face.
"Are you sad?"
Alex nods, "I wish you'd try it Finn."
He looks at Piper and then to Alex still pouting, feeling guilty, "just one bite," he says holding up 1 finger.
He takes the smallest bite and 5 seconds later approves with 2 thumbs up.
Pipers phone buzzed with a text from Polly
Polly: "Good morning. So guess who has the biggest hangover ever, when did I get old?"
Piper: "Guess who just ate spinach. Sounds like you had a good night."
Polly: "No way, not my son? What'd you guys do, bribe him with gummy bears?"
Piper: "Just another victim of Alex's charm."
Polly: "Oh God help me. It was a nice wedding, fun reception, maybe too fun. Was he good for you guys?"
Piper: "No he was a horrible delinquent, we just busted him from juvie."
Polly: "So hilarious. Just let me know when you're ready, well come get him, or maybe just Pete."
Piper: "Take your time, we're good. Go sober up."
Piper sets down the sage stick on an upturned jar lid on their bedroom dresser and pumps a dab of lotion into her hands. She massages it into the dry skin and works her rings off her swollen fingers with the slick consistency. She wiggles them with resistance until they finally give and fall onto the floor, her engagement ring lay inches from her feet,as she watches her wedding ring roll under the bureau. She settles herself onto the floor, slumps her shoulders and begins to cry.
Alex steps into their apartment very quietly, she'd learned her lesson twice that week, once when she came home nosily and prematurely woke Piper from a nap, and once when she breathed too loudly while they watched a movie. Alex mistakenly made an attempt to defend herself, explaining that she hadn't done anything to deserve being crapped on. She endured a 15 minute rant about how she didn't understand what she was feeling, how uncomfortable she was, that their baby was never going to come out, how it felt like she had a basketball between her legs, how she was insensitive for waking her up when she barely gets any rest anymore and how everything was her fault. This was met 10 minutes later with profuse apology.
Piper had taken the last week before their due date off from work, and there had been close to zero baby action the whole week aside from the occasional intermittent contraction. She felt this unremitting need to clean every palpable surface in their home, spray everything with a lavender mist, re-fold all the baby clothes already prepared in the dresser, and now the faint scent of sage filtered through the apartment and filled the brunette's nostrils.
She tip toed through their apartment to find Piper sitting on the floor of their bedroom, her back toward the door.
"Are we having a séance? What's with the sage burning?"
Piper moved a hand around her head pulling all her hair that hung on the left over to the right and turned around to meet the figure standing in the doorway.
"Pipes, I was kidding," she said in an apologetic tone seeing the evidence of a meltdown strewn across the blonde's face. Her wife had been labile and unnaturally sensitive over the entire last week, she didn't mean to rouse anymore unwanted feelings.
"What's wrong?" She knelt down beside Piper on their rug.
"I lost my wedding ring," she said through her tears.
Alex felt an immediate sadness clench in her stomach, and rubbed her thumb against the circle of metal around her own finger, glancing at it slightly, now an abandoned twin. "What happened?"
"I've been feeling so frustrated and moody lately, I feel like I'm putting off bad vibes and there's just negative energy everywhere...," Alex lifted the blondes chin mid-sentence and cut her off, placing her index finger over the blonde's lips, she couldn't stand the self-deprecation, "just say what happened."
"So I was smudging with the sage, and I set it down here," Alex looked up and saw the burnt out stick, "and my hands were so dry from cleaning all week, so I put some lotion on to moisturize and tried to get my rings off but they were stuck and I pulled so hard and I lost it."
Alex curled her head more closely, facing the blonde, "wait, so it's in here?"
She nodded, frowning, fighting back her tears.
Alex laughed out, "so why are you crying? We'll just look for it."
"It's under there," she gestured toward the bureau, while shrugging her shoulders, "I couldn't get it out."
Alex kissed the top of her head while leaning down underneath the bureau using her phone as a flashlight, "I see it, just pass me the hanger."
"I feel like I'm crazy," she stated flatly, handing Alex the hanger.
A few swipes across the wooden floor and she picked up the sparkling band between her thumb and index finger and held it out to her wife."You're not crazy, you're just tired."
Piper shook her head, "can you just put them in my jewelry box?" she asked slipping off her engagement ring and handed it to Alex, "I don't want to deal with this again."
Alex stood up and placed the rings in her box. She slipped a charm off a silver chain and slid Piper's rings through the necklace. She bent back down, "lift up your hair," she said as she reached around Pipers neck and clasped the chain. She adjusted the chain so it was even, and Piper fondled her rings that lay on her chest and exuded a small smile.
She helped Piper off the floor. "I'm sorry I've been such a train wreck, I'm just done babe. If she checks me tomorrow and I'm not more open I'm gonna smoke this kid out."
Alex laughed out and squeezed her shoulders. Their midwife examined Piper 6 days ago and she was just slightly open which she was reassured was a great sign and was given more information on how to get things moving. They tried going for long walks, and different exercises. After much urging, she convinced Alex to rub an oil near her cervix while she did nipple stimulation, but all it did was make her horny.
The brunette walked on eggshells behind the blonde and softly asked,"wanna go for a walk?"
"I don't want to do anything else," she said easing onto the couch. "I don't want to move." She didn't dare ask if she felt any signs of impending labor throughout the day for fear she'd awake the pure evil she'd become familiarly acquainted with over the last few days.
"Movie?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever."
"Any preference?"
"Just something light hearted, something to make me laugh."
Alex slipped 'The Sweetest Thing," into their dvd player and slouched onto the couch and crossing her ankles on their coffee table. She put a pillow across her stomach and rested one of Piper's feet onto it.
"Oh I love this part," Alex said sitting slightly more upright. "It smells like moldy ass, is what it smells like," she quoted the movie as she subconsciously pressed her fingers into the swollen skin of Piper's feet causing it to indent. She laughed hard, as the tin foil shaped swan holding old leftovers soared through the sky and slammed onto the windshield in the movie, causing the pillow on her stomach to bounce around, breaking Piper's attention from the tv.
"Are you seriously playing with my disgusting feet right now?"
Alex's hands froze, and turned toward Piper waiting for her reprimand like a naughty child.
"I just don't understand how you're not repulsed by them."
Alex exhaled relieved. "Is it bothering you? They're only slightly doughy, it's fun." She laughed.
"Shut up, I hate you," she said softly through delirious laughter. She peered at the brunette still reclined on her back, judging her completely, "you're so strange."
"Hey, you picked me, so what does that say about you?" she continued kneading Piper's topmost foot.
Piper waited on the table, naked from the waist down. Today was her due date; she glared at the date on her phone, "what a tease."
The midwife walked in and listened to the familiar complaints of overdue ladies and offered to check her cervix. She offered to move her cervix around separating the water bag that could potentially cause contractions to start up labor.
"One and a half, so it's a little more from last week, it's much softer and short though which is also important."
"One and a half? Seriously? That's it?" she said frustrated, sitting up slightly.
"Lie back down, let me move the water bag away, it might hurt a little alright?"
"Go for it." Moments later her legs tensed and she winced with discomfort.
"Whoa whoa, try to relax, press your bottom down and breathe." Piper followed her instructions and gripped the side of the table, Alex just kept her head down.
"Ok after that, you're about two. This baby is really low so that's why you're feeling so much pressure. You might have a little bit of bleeding later, it's no need to come into the hospital. Try to wait until your contractions are every five minutes for at least an hour. If your water breaks you don't need to come flying in, try to rest, let the contractions build up. Alright? It's hard to stay home. You know from class a first baby can take a while."
Despite her initial threats, Piper did not try to light a fire and smoke their baby out, but instead she arrived for an ultrasound and fetal monitoring, 3 days later to check on the baby's well- being. When the technician told her everything looked great, she felt slightly guilty and selfish for having hoped she'd have a reason to be induced that day. They went home with more reassurance that the date they had become fixated on is just an estimate and most babies are born two weeks before or after that date but they wouldn't let her go past that point.
The blonde slowly paced between the long hall and the kitchen while Alex prepared their dinner, "do they seriously think I'm supposed to be mentally capable of handling this for another 11 days?"
"I know babe, I'm getting anxious too."
"I love you Mookie, but this is not okay."
After dinner, Alex tried to lighten Pipers mood. She made a little "eviction notice" sign for Piper to hold in while she took a picture of their final days as a family of 2. She sent it to herself in an email and dragged the icon into a folder of pictures that Piper wanted to use to scrapbook later.
"Why don't we print some of these and work on a page or two?" the brunette suggested. Piper welcomed the distraction, she used wavy scissors to start trimming photo edges and laid them out over the scrapbook pages. She paused here and there to get through a few irregular contractions hoping they would continue, but they spaced out.
They went off to bed, and talked in the dark, the large body pillow remained between them. She felt Alex's fingers stroke through her hair untangling small knots. She turned over to her other side and wiggled her bottom into Alex's lap, sticking the body pillow between her legs and sighed. She woke up to an extremely strong contraction, but lay still and blew it away. She was initially irritated at the weight of Alex's arm strewn over her body, not needing anything additional to add to her pain, but as this contraction melted away, she was grateful for the proximity of her wife. She laid nervously awaiting a contraction of similar strength but it never came; her mind started wandering in a dreamy transported state and was overcome with euphoria at how lucky she was. She got up to pee and settled back into bed. She turned her side lamp on, and withdrew her journal from the drawer of her nightstand. She fluffed her pillow behind her neck, sat upright, moved Alex's arm back over her body like it had been before and started writing.
Alex woke up before the sun was up and encouraged Piper to switch her position from upright with a dangling neck into something more stable. She removed her open journal that had slid between them, her eyes caught pages and pages of scribbled messy blue script. She shut it and reached over Piper to put it back in her drawer, when she said, "you can read it."
"I don't want to, those are your private thoughts."
"The last few pages are kind of like a letter, you can add to it if you want." She turned to her side and fell back asleep.
Alex tried to make out where her last entry ended and the one from the night began.
You're hurting me, do you know that? I can't decide whether I'm more desperate to meet you or more desperate to have another day where I avoid feeling more of the contractions that I just felt rip through my body. Thanks for letting me have a halfway decent sleep though. Your mom's arm is lying across me keeping us both safe. I hope you can understand how much love we had for each other the day we decided to make you. I hope you always feel wanted and safe and that you can be yourself around us. So many people are excited to meet you; they've all given us lots of advice and personal memories to help you be a happy and healthy little person. We have so many gifts to help welcome you into our lives and help take care of you. I hope the names we picked for you suit you well and I'm so curious to see what you look like and how you'll act. I'm sure you'll teach me lots, you already have. I want to expose you to everything the in the world-the good and the bad, I don't want to shelter you. I'd love to take you to places your mom and I have been able to experience and see it through your eyes. I want everything for you Mookie and I'll try so hard to give you the best of everything, and as hard as it may be I'll try not to let my expectations run your life. I hope you'll try things even if you're wary and know that it's okay to fail and I'll be proud of you as long as you tried your best. I hope you're able to laugh at yourself when you do fail, and know that with some thing's, some people, will simply just be better than you and that's okay too. I hope you question the things you're taught, but please do so respectfully, everyone deserves to be treated with compassion and dignity. I hope we remain fortunate enough to stay in this cultural mecca and that you grow up among the great expanse of the diversity that comprises this city. I'm not even going to pretend that a carton of takeout from 3 different continents doesn't present itself in this home on a weekly basis, but I kind of love it too. You'll hear music from all over the world pumping through our speakers, and dozens of different languages on any given day just walking along the sidewalk-I hope you learn to embrace that diversity and see how beautiful difference can be. I'll try not to hover over you and allow you to fall down so you can learn how to get back up. I may need to look back at this later to remind myself, but I'll let you experiment with different things and dress yourself however you want so long as all the important parts are covered and you're not hurting anyone in your process. I'm kind of a cool person, at least right now, I'll try not to embarrass you with mom jeans or old school hairstyles. I hope I made you feel like you can trust me and I won't judge you but I'll listen to you and try to help you as your mother and your friend. I know I will mess things up along the way, but you're my first, and the way I'm feeling right now, probably my last. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll try to keep you thinking I do until you figure me out. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm not always going to be right—your mother jumps at every chance to remind me of this too. I hope this is the start of many letters, I'll try to keep them in a book for you to read when you're older, but if this is the only letter you ever get from me, I'm apologizing now, I'm kind of notorious for making too many goals and failing to finish them—example of me as a human being, right there kiddo. I already love you so very much.
"What could I possibly add to this?" Alex thought to herself. She picked up the pen and gave it a go:
So check out the penmanship kid, how's that for another example of imperfection? The problem is your mom's brain works faster than her hand so her words come out looking like that ^. She's exhausted and currently snoring in our bed, she said I could read her thoughts to you and I really hope for those same things for you too Mookie. I made your mom wait a long time before I was finally ready to be a parent, I'm still not, but I want you so much. It feels weird to write that word to describe myself, sometimes I feel like you're already here, this person that I'm responsible for, but sometimes I still get really scared that I'm really not going to know what to do with you. It blows my mind that you're pure, a perfect ball of innocence, that's untouched by so much of the madness that surrounds us daily. Your mom has done an amazing job to keep you safe and Ill do whatever I can to keep you unscathed. I promise I'll take good care of you kid and if I don't know something I'll figure out a way to find out, I don't care how many people I have to harass in the process. I do kind of wish that you'd decide you've run out of space and put on your miner's cap and look for the light already. Your mom is really sore and has been really patient waiting for you. The last two weeks have been rough, we're both foamin' at the mouth to finally meet you and bring you home. I can't wait to hang out with you and hear all the stuff that's going to come out of your mouth. I promise I'll read to you all the time, we have quite the collection here. I want you to have adventures like all the characters in your books. Sometimes mom and I sit in your room and read to you, you go crazy listening about all the journeys, I wonder about the questions you'll ask me or how many times I'm going to have to read the same stories over and over again, I'll probably have them memorized. Whenever you're ready, we're waiting.