Wow. This chapter took a while. I'm trying to build up the climax so the next few chapters won't be crap and the story fizzles out. So expect the next update to be kind of late too. The one shots will be put on hold until this fic is finished. Another 3 chapters or so to go and then it's over people.

I do not own Harry potter or Buffy the vampire slayer

Chapter 33…maybe

Since Spike went missing and Tara hospitalized, Xander had spent most of his time around the other Scoobys. Despite all of the drama and issues they had in the past Willow was still his best friend. She needed him, his support. Xander spent a good portion of his time comforting Willow. She hardly ever left the hospital so, he would bring her yummy treats and books for research. When she needed a shoulder to cry on he gladly offered his. When she called for him he always came and knew what she needed the most to feel better. He was her Xander-shaped friend again, always there always steady and always ready to be her rock.

Xander also divided his time between Giles, Buffy and Dawn. They needed his support as well, and he gave as much as he could. Every day he would spend most of his time with the other Scoobys, and every night he would come home to Harry.

Harry would visit the others as well and attend the Scooby meetings, but most of his time was spent researching the hell goddess and the ever allusive spell to turn her human. He wasn't as close to the others as Xander was. So he wasn't missed very much; the others were so wrapped up in their lives that they couldn't really spare Harry the time anyways. His forming relationships with them were put on hold.

Harry's and Xander's physical relationship was put on hold yet again. By the end of the day or night they were too tired to do anything, but cuddle and a few short kisses. But they still slept in each other's arms every night without fail.

Harry POV

Harry was starting to feel neglected. It was stupid of him and he knew it, but he couldn't help himself. Xander had been spending less and less time with him every day. It was like they were running on different time zones and the only time when they collide was at night when they were too tired to do anything, but sleep. Since Xander was with the other Scoobys and Harry researching the books at his house they hadn't had time to talk much either. Their conversations were sparse and few. Harry hated it, but due to the situation it really couldn't be helped. Xander was busy. He was busy. That's it. End of story.

Or at least it should have been. Harry tried to rationalize with himself; he explained the situation over and over again. They had no time, but he couldn't change how he felt. He missed Xander, his presence, his touch, is voice and his laughter. His heart ached when they were parted, and his pain only let up the few short hours they spent together every night. It just...it just wasn't enough.

Harry curled up on the couch in his living room, hugging his knees. He closed his eyes tightly, squeezing back tears. He shouldn't feel this way. He shouldn't. But...that didn't keep the tears at bay, the loneliness and the fear. The fear that despite being claimed as his mate, that Xander didn't want him. Really want him.

Harry got up off the couch abruptly. He pushed his disturbing thoughts to the back of his mind. He knew they were foolish and completely unfounded. Xander wanted him, he had said so. They were in love, together and that was going to be enough for him.

Harry trudged upstairs determinedly. He was going to go upstairs, run a bath and soak all of his negative thoughts away. Harry entered the bathroom and began running water. He ran his hands through the water as the tub began to fill.

"Oh I can do the cleansing ritual now."

He might as well. A nice bath with good scents was sure to clear out any negative feelings be had. He hummed at the thought.

He turned off the water and ran back down to the kitchen. Thankfully, it wasn't hard to find cleansing herbs. Some of them could be found in a kitchen and the book hadn't called for any specific herbs. Harry grabbed a jar of bay leaves and chamomile tea. These should do well enough. He smelled the leaves and smiled softly to himself.

"Maybe Xander would like to take a bath too?"

With that thought Harry put back the bay leaves and grabbed the jar of rosemary instead. These would be nice scents, good purification and well...they also dealt with love and lust.

Harry bounced his way to the fridge suddenly excited. Xander was due home soon. Maybe they could make this night their own? A romantic dinner with candles followed by a hot bath was just what they needed. Yup. This was bound to end with hot and naked fun.

Harry smiled to himself as he ran around the kitchen. He was going to make spaghetti, their first meal together, and the quickest thing to make right now. He kind of wished Xander was here to help make it, but this was supposed to be a super surprise romantic evening so it was best that he wasn't.

Soon the noodles were done and the sauce was on the lowest setting waiting for someone to eat it. Harry headed back upstairs to rerun the bath water as hot as possible and lit candles around the tub's edge. He sat on the edge of the tub and sprinkled some of the herbs in; he leaned down to touch the water and then pulled back his fingers just above it. He suddenly had the feeling that it would have been a very bad idea. He stood up and left the room shaking off the feeling of dread.

"Yeah, that would have been a smart idea. That water was too bloody hot!"

Idiot.

Soon he was all too excited again. He grinned and giggled excitedly as he picked out an outfit. Nice black dress slacks and a button down dark green shirt. He was going barefoot for the night. He couldn't keep the smile off his face as he changed. He brushed and rebraided his hair at least 3 times before taking it loose and then putting it into a very loose low ponytail. He licked his lips and bit them slightly making them a nice rosy pink. He pouted and was pleased at the cute/erotic picture he made. He giggled again and skipped down stairs. He hummed a random tune as he set the table; he lit the candles and nodded to himself. This was almost perfect. He opened the freezer and searched through it to find the piece de resistance triple chocolate chunk ice cream. He and Xander would need to recover from their, ahem, nightly activities and this would be just the thing to help.

Now all he had to do was wait.

Harry went to sit on the living room couch and wringed his hands nervously. He kept looking at the clock, but it wouldn't help anyways. Xander was due in soon, but he didn't have a set time to be back home. That didn't dim Harry's excitement and anticipation at all. This night was going to be perfect. Simply perfect.

-time skip-

Harry blinked his eyes groggily when he heard the phone ring. He must have fallen asleep. He shot a look at the clock to see that two hours had passed since he had been waiting. Xander had never been this late. Damn their bath was probably cold; he would have to run it again. The spaghetti sauce was on too low to do any damage so no problem there.

-ring ring ring-

"Oh right."

Harry leaned over the couch and grabbed the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Harry," Harry smiled at the sound of Xander's voice, but it immediately fell at Xander's next words, "Tara had a relapse and Will is in a bad way right now. I won't be able to make it home tonight."

Harry swallowed a few times trying to blink back tears.

"Okay...I guess...I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Sorry I can't make it home. Well, I gotta go. Bye."

"Bye." Harry said quietly. He hung up the phone and stared at it as if willing it to disappear and to somehow prove that the conversation didn't just happen.

He felt numb as he stood up and went into the kitchen to turn the stove off. He felt numb. Numb and cold.

Harry slowly lay back down on the couch and stared unseeingly.

"It had been a stupid idea anyways." he mumbled to himself.

Xander POV

Xander extracts himself from Willow's death grip and sighed. Ever since Tara had been attacked and Spike kidnapped the Scoobys had been falling apart. When Buffy wasn't at home with Dawn she was patrolling obsessively. She was quick to anger and most demons avoided her, well the ones that hadn't skipped town with the arrival of the hell goddess. Xander was glad that Joyce had gone out of town for art dealings; she would have been in danger AND had to deal with Buffy's increasingly pissy attitude.

Dawn spent her time studying and researching, trying to solidify her position in the group. Her head was always in a book. She was always learning and always trying to make herself more useful. She had pulled away from everybody a little because of Spike's disappearance. She saw what happened to Tara and was still worried about Spike and blamed herself for all of this happening. Xander constantly reassured her that none of this was her fault, but Xander wasn't sure if she believed him or not.

Giles had been researching up a storm. The man didn't sleep as much as he needed to and there was a time or two when Xander literally had to force him to put a book down and get some sleep. His English quips and snaps were coming more and more often, and if he hadn't known Harry Xander would have never known what the man said to him most of the time. Even so, he still had to ask Harry for a translation one or twice.

Harry...he hadn't been spending enough time with Harry lately and it was grating on his nerves. He was sure Harry was upset too, but the other boy hadn't said anything. He had been far too understanding, but Xander knew just knew that he was hurting. He missed talking to Harry and exchanging soft and loving caresses. He missed him so freaking much.

Last night was the second time they had spent the night apart. The first was because of the Dracula fiasco and now because Willow needed him. He couldn't just leave her, but he hated that he had to give up some of his already sparse time with Harry. He sighed and ran his hands through his thick brown hair. He leaned down and kissed Willow on the forehead.

"I need to head home, Wills. I'll see you later okay?" he murmured.

Willow opened her eyes and then nodded before going back to sleep. With one last look at his friend Xander headed home to his Harry.

-time skip-

Xander shut the door behind him locking it. He sniffed the air appreciatively. He loved spaghetti! He headed to the kitchen and stopped abruptly in the doorway. He froze as he saw the set table and the burnt down candles. The food was still on the stove, but the spaghetti noodles looked dried out and hours old.

He picked up the sound of Harry's heartbeat and followed it into the living room. Harry was curled up on the couch asleep. His hair was down and he was dressed very nicely. Guilt welled up in Xander's chest. It was obvious that Harry had planned something special for them last night, and Xander had ruined it. Xander picked up Harry and cradled him bridal style as he walked to their bedroom. He laid the black haired boy on the bed gently and went to lie down before a pleasant scent teased his nose. He brushed back Harry's hair from his face before leaving to search for the smell.

It didn't take Xander long to find it. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes drowning in guilt, regret and slight fear. Closing his eyes did no good, melted down candles and a tub full of cold water and sweet smelling herbs was all be could see. Harry hadn't just planned a romantic evening for the last night he had planned to...

Xander walked over to the tub and drained the water and the herbs. He watched as they swirled their way down the drain and into some unknown sewer system.

Xander had never felt like such an ass before. Ever.

He only hoped that Harry could forgive him.

Deciding to punish himself Xander went downstairs to put away the food that was still edible. Afterward he lay down on the couch. He fell asleep restlessly as he tried to figure out how to make this up to Harry.

Harry POV

Harry yawned and stretched out on the bed hurrying his head into the pillows. He mumbled incoherently, and then sat up rubbing sleep from his eyes. With another jaw breaking yawn he stumbled out of the bed and into the bathroom. He blinked at the sight of the melted candles laid on the edge of the tub. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes sighing. He counted the beats of his heart and frowned as he heard another. Opening his eyes Harry headed toward the sound.

Downstairs, curled up on the couch was Xander. The light from midday shown upon him and for the first time Harry saw the light brown highlights in Xander's hair. He smiled at the other boy fondly.

How could he be mad at Xander when the other boy hadn't known what Harry was planning? One day Harry's spontaneity was going to get him into trouble, but hey it wasn't his fault; he was half Gryffindor after all.

Harry sat down on the edge of the couch and gazed at Xander. Xander must have seen him here either late last night or early this morning and moved him upstairs. He had no idea why the other boy had slept downstairs though. The TV wasn't on and Xander wasn't in his usual position when he slept on the couch without him.

He combed his hands through Xander's hair and the boy stirred. He woke up slowly, blinking at Harry unseeingly before a grin stretched his face.

"Harry!" he sat up quickly and Harry yelped in shock and tipped off the side of the couch landing flat on his back. So much for hyena-like instincts. He glared at Xander when he saw familiar brown eyes peek over the edge of the couch. To his surprise Xander flinched. What the-?

-ring ring ring-

Harry sat up in surprise. His phone was ringing? But...nobody else had his number except for Xander.

Xander reached over and answered the house phone.

"Hello?"

"Xander!" Harry heard Willow's excited babbling on the line and rolled his eyes.

"I saw the number on my caller ID and your phone was off. So I was hoping that this was Harry's number so he could find you, but I'm guessing it kind of is. What are you doing at Harry's house? Is he okay? Did the hell goddess get to him? Xander-"

"Willow! Harry's fine and yes this is his house number. We had planned some male bonding time, but I was running a bit late and kind of had to cancel."

"You can say that again." Harry thought dryly as he pouted from his place on the floor. He wasn't angry anymore, just a tad bit upset.

"Really? Why didn't you invite Giles too? I'm pretty sure they have tons of stuff in common. Why-"

"Willow! Calm down. Why'd you call me? Did something happen?"

"Yes! Xander, Buffy found Spike!"

And here ends chapter 33.