A/N: Embarrassingly, I actually wrote this during French class, and I'm fairly sure the guy behind me read the first few senetences over my shoulder before I noticed... whoops. Hope you guys enjoy this more than he did.

Word Count: 341

Paring(s): Johnlock

Warning(s): Extensive discussions of sex and kinks, Lestrade, and a brief mention of drugs, I guess.

Captain Kink

Sherlock had a military fetish.

It wasn't something that Sherlock considered important, being as he was mostly aromantic and uninterested in something as messy as sex, and he didn't think of it enough to warrant informing John. He wasn't even full aware it was a kink at all. However, it became rather apparent to both of them after a certain trip to Baskerville, in which the idea of being platonic had been booted out the window faster than Sherlock could say, "Ok, that's it, take off my pants."

And, for that matter, apparent to one Gregory Lestrade, who found it generally impossible to look at either of them with a straight face after the discovery. Blocking out the memory of Sherlock moaning Captain from behind John's hotel room door proved to be a challenge.

John, on the other hand, had a rather fondness for handcuffs.

Sherlock found this one out quite quickly after a particular escapade, and while sore wrists and anger sex could not make up for the three years of faking his death, it certainly couldn't hurt.

Gregory Lestrade, unfortunately, knew about this too, though thankfully this time only because John had attempted to return the handcuffs after Sherlock had informed him that he'd picked them off the DI. Now, Greg was no Holmes, but the look on John's face gave him a rather vivid idea of just exactly where those cuffs had been. John had been told to keep them and he had.

More than anything, though, John and Sherlock had a fetish simply for each other.

At heart, though they both thrived on the dangers of life and the thrill of adventures, were lovers at heart when it came to activities between the sheets. Most nights they chose to make love simply and slowly, not bothering to dress it up as something it wasn't, and fell asleep at night feeling content with quiet, vanilla sex and the comfort of being in each other's arms.

Mrs. Hudson was glad. Earmuffs and herbal soothers only blocked out so much.

Reviews are kind of my fetish, guys.