Hello, my name is With Death Comes More Death, and welcome to the eleventh installment of Tokyo Ghoul: Remnant.
Today, the masses both cheer in jubilation and flip their tables in anguish as today officially marks the beginning of yet another two month update cycle for this fine story, which yet again ends in a cliffhanger. Though, the author has reminded its readers several times that he is an "asshole who likes to feast on the salt of his readers", many are still outraged.
In other news, the author of this story has formally announced on his profile that this chapter should've been posted much earlier than it was, as he had apparently finished it in a span of only two weeks after the posting of the last installment. He says that his beta-reader, FineChyna, is responsible for the delay, but before anyone could get a word in, he then proceeds to defend his editor and has been quoted in saying: "she has a life outside of helping me, and anyone who's mad at her for having one, should, frankly, go get one".
Oh wait… what's this? I'm just getting word that we actually have a never before seen comment from the suspect about her role in the delay. FineChyna says, and I quote, "Enjoy the chapter, I'm laughing at all of you because I've had this for at least a week. Plus, *insert shameless self-promotion here."
Viewers, I do not know what a "*insert shameless self-promotion here*" is, or why she verbally said the asterisk portion of that comment, but I assure you that authorities are working to detain her as we speak.
Now, after these mandatory disclaimers, we have a never before seen video from the author of this story, detailing the reasoning behind the relatively short length of his most recent work. Apparently, he thinks that the content of the actual chapter easily makes up for the length.
-Mandatory Disclaimer-
I'm simply not even going to try anymore. Dude, all I want is people to know that I don't any of these series, but they never seem to listen!
-Chapter 11: Half-Hearted M-
When Kaneki returned to consciousness, his mind was nothing more than a complete, jumbled mess. He couldn't remember anything after he gave into the voice in his head. There were a few moments where the half ghoul could've sworn he heard people calling out to him and seen a blurry figure that reminded him of Blake, but other than those few instances, he couldn't recall a thing.
Now, however, there was absolutely nothing. No sights, sounds, or smells. Only absolute darkness and a slightly sweet taste that lingered in his mouth.
Is that honey…? He wondered to himself idly as he continued to sit in the nothingness that surrounded him. No… that can't be-
"Well." A voice-one that sent a cold shiver down his spine at the similarity it held to his own-spoke up suddenly, instantly breaking through the veil of nothingness around him. "We made a mess out of that partnership, didn't we?"
The invisible weight on his eyelids suddenly lifted and allowed Kaneki the opportunity to open them. His dull gray eyes were immediately met with an all too familiar colorless sky which he could only blink at owlishly. He ended up staring at the monochrome sky above him for a full twelve seconds before he forced himself up into a sitting position, taking a few moments to scan the oh-so-beautiful world around him.
Everywhere around him… They were everywhere around him, those flowers that, fittingly enough, he would only ever see when he was on death's impending doorstep. Spider lilies. He managed to recall their names after a few moments of contemplation. That's what they're called.
Kaneki couldn't stop himself from smiling at the ethereal beauty that surrounded him. Despite knowing full well what all of it meant, he couldn't stop himself from silently enjoying the morbidness of the scene around him.
"Come on, are you just going to sit there all day?" The same voice called out to him once more. This time he was able to pinpoint that it had come directly from his right. Kaneki turned his head over in that direction. The moment he did so, he was immediately faced with a sight that made his eyes widen dramatically. "But then again, it's not like I'm any better, am I?"
There, sitting up in a position very similar to his own, was himself. The hair of his copy was jet-black, but there was no doubt in his mind that the person he was staring at was indeed himself. Subconsciously, Kaneki pushed himself to his feet and immediately began walking towards his dark-haired counterpart. Said counterpart did the same in perfect unison with him.
As he neared the figure, Kaneki noticed that his duplicate had heavy bags under his eyes. The moment they were in arm's length from one another, the two stopped their respective approaches, doing so in a way that made it seem like they planned to do so beforehand. The dark-haired variant of himself slowly began to reach a pale hand up, and an unknown force inside of Kaneki made him do the same.
For a moment, the snowy-haired half ghoul thought that there was a mirror between the two of them, but that thought was dashed the moment the figure across from him pressed his hand against something completely invisible and Kaneki himself felt nothing touch his hand.
Glancing down at his hand to see why that was, Kaneki found…Well, he didn't find anything. There was simply no hand there to touch the glass. "What-?" He immediately trailed off, his words coming out as shaky as his body became at the sight of his missing limb.
"You don't remember what happened?" His dark-haired counterpart asked him, forcing his attention back onto the figure standing before him. "Ah, let me lend you a hand with that." He smirked wryly, turned his attention to something behind him, and gave Kaneki an upwards nod.
Not knowing what else to do, the artificially-made half ghoul turned his trembling body to face the direction his counterpart had indicated and found himself staring at something that wasn't there previously.
A stream of water, stained the same color as the flowers that surrounded it, had somehow appeared behind him. Unconsciously, his dull gray eyes followed the brilliant crimson water downstream and found that it seemed to go on forever in an unnaturally straight line.
"Look into it," Kaneki heard his counterpart say from behind him before. The black-haired doppelganger let out an amused snort that sounded oddly bitter. "More likely than not, you'll regret it, but I assure that you'll find the answers you want in there."
Once again, Kaneki found himself not knowing what else to do and simply did as he was told. His body was still shaking uncontrollably as he gripped his stump of an arm, moved to the edge of the blood-stained water, and peered into it. As he did so, he realized that the colored liquid was more transparent than he first thought.
Inside the crimson-colored stream, Kaneki saw himself standing in front of the remnants of one of the dock's storage containers. His kakuja, white and black instead of black and red, was on full display to his adversary, the girl he knew simply as Neo. The moment he laid eyes upon himself, it became immediately clear that the throes of madness were already upon him.
Then, chaos erupted on the docks. Kaneki could only watch on helplessly as he fought the tri-colored man. Eventually, the two combatants found themselves inside the jib of a crane with his madness-addled self leaning towards Neo, mouth stretched open in preparation for a meal.
Before he could sink his teeth into her, a sudden explosion rocked the makeshift cage, knocking the kakuja-afflicted version of himself off balance and off of his meal. Neo didn't waste any time after being freed from his clutches and teleported away, which then allowed the man who caused the first explosion, the orange-haired man from earlier, to shoot an explosive directly into Kaneki's face.
At the exact moment he saw that happen, Kaneki felt an intense heat spread through three-thirds of his face, but despite the intense pain, he made no physical reaction. He could only watch on in shock as his body proceeded to search for food to heal the damage he took, which eventually brought the kakuja to the one place he didn't want to be in that state.
Standing directly in front of him was a group of three made up of an orange-haired girl he didn't know, Ruby and Blake. The half ghoul could only stare on in a maelstrom of shock and anguish as the half-kakuja controlling his body attacked the girl he wasn't familiar with, which prompted the group of three to retaliate back against him.
Kaneki soon found out what caused the lost on his arm. It was a team effort, really.
When he tried to split the unknown girl in half after managing to get behind her, Ruby slammed Crescent Rose into his side to stop him. Blake then proceeded to tie him up with the ribbon she always kept tied around her forearm, which gave the unknown girl enough time to recover and shoot those floating swords of her's into him repeatedly. Like the explosion that hit him earlier, the snowy-haired half ghoul was hit with dull bursts of pain in the exact same locations those swords hit the incomplete kakuja, but once again he opted to ignore them and continue watching the unfamiliar memory.
The repeated impacts were eventually enough to force his crazed self down onto his knees, where his unfamiliar opponent saw her opportunity to charge up and fire some sort of laser at him.
Fortunately, even in that terribly delirious state, the kakuja-variant of himself was able to notice the danger and immediately attempted to flee. Unfortunately, he didn't manage to do so in time and was clipped in his attempt to dodge, sending him careening head-first into the corner of a nearby storage container. Beaten, bruised, burned, bloodied, partially mutilated and without a portion of his arm.
It was truly a gruesome sight to see. Kaneki could only imagine what it looked like to his friends. He didn't want to know what it would do to them in a mental sense. Having to see a friend in such a desperate state…
"I told you that you'd regret it," the doppelganger told him, his tone still irritatingly light-hearted and playful. "But then again, it's not like I gave you much choice in the matter." Upon glancing over his shoulder to look at the copy, Kaneki found the dark-haired variant sheepishly scratching the back of his head. He opened his mouth and added, "Oh, and I'm sorry about all of that."
"What was that?" The snowy-haired half ghoul asked, his voice becoming nothing more than a low whisper as his trembling suddenly ceased.
"Sorry about that," the copy reiterated, his tone suddenly became much more solemn. "I thought that the two of us together would be enough to gain some sort of control over it, but looks like I was wrong."
A spike of anger flared up inside Kaneki at those words, prompting him to put his feet under him and burst towards the doppelganger. However, that only resulted in him slamming up against the invisible barrier that stood between them. "Why then?" He growled venomously, using his remaining hand to scratch at where the copy's throat should've been.
"Do you want this body back?" Kaneki demanded, slamming the underside of his fist into the obstruction between them, doing so over and over again with all of his might. "This body's mine…" he growled, his voice becoming more and more feral with every word. "...Mine mine mine mine mine!"
"Why?" The doppelganger repeated, scoffing in amusement as he tilted his head quizzically. A wry smile that only infuriated Kaneki further crawled onto the copy's lips. "Couldn't I ask you that very same question?"
Kaneki stopped his pounding the moment his counterpart said those words. "...What do you mean?" His voice didn't lose any of its previous venom despite its mellowing, nor did his glare lose any of its previous intensity.
Wordlessly, the dark-haired variant of himself nodded his head off to his right and soon began walking in that direction. Once more not finding himself not knowing what to do, Kaneki followed his copy, but not before noticing a familiar gap in the crimson flowers on the other side of the glass.
"Kaneki…" Blake whimpered helplessly, staring at the downed form of her friend as he sat slumped up against the dented wall of the metal shipping container. Blood poured down his snow-white hair, and his body refused to move an inch from where it lay.
Blake knew that she had seen the half-ghoul survive things that would've killed a normal person tenfold, but there was something about this time that just seemed different to her. She could tell by the way he wasn't healing. Normally, after being injured to such an extent, Kaneki's body would begin repairing itself, but for some unfathomable reason, it wasn't.
"Blake!" The all too familiar voice of Ruby cried out to her, but that, even when it was accompanied by a good shake of the shoulder, wasn't enough to break the bookworm's fixation on the snowy-haired half ghoul. "Blake, you need to get up!" This time Ruby pulled on her hand like she was a child trying to get their parent to look at something. "We need to go and help Kaneki!"
This managed to drag Blake's attention away from her friend and over to her young team leader, who was staring down at her with worried silver eyes. The cat-eared Faunus immediately felt a wave of resentment wash over her upon laying eyes on Ruby. She wanted to lash out at the younger girl for bringing the person who was responsible for all that happened to Kaneki. To yell and scream at her for being careless enough to bring someone they didn't even know on a search for the two biggest secret-keepers on the team. To blame her for everything that just happened.
Thankfully, Blake knew better than to do something like that, especially when Ruby wasn't the one to blame for Kaneki's current condition. It was her fault, all of it. If she had kept her cool and avoided accidentally exposing her Faunus heritage how she had, then none of this would've ever happened in the first place. If she-
"Wh… What do you want from me?" Those words escaped the half ghoul's mouth in a low, shaky whisper. It immediately drew Blake's attention back into him upon hearing it. "Wha…"
"Kaneki…?" She whispered back. Her voice held an undertone of relief to it that her friend's lacked.
"Come on Blake, get up!" Aforementioned dark-haired teenage girl heard her team leader cry out, her tone desperate as he tugged at her arm once more. "Kaneki needs our help!"
"Y-yeah," Blake could only stutter in response as she slowly pushed herself back up to her feet with the help of Ruby.
"Ruby, Blake, I must suggest that you stay away from him," Penny warned the two. "Your friend is far too dangerous to be near."
"'Dangerous'?" Ruby repeated, her voice filled with astonishment. "Penny, look at him." She pointed directly at the downed half-ghoul. "Does that look like someone who's dangerous to you?"
"Well, no, not really."
"Then, what exactly is the problem?"
"Didn't you see those protrusions coming out of his back? He's very clearly not human!"
"So what? I could really care less about the fact that Kaneki's not human! All I care about is that he's my friend and he's really hurt, right now!"
The moment those words left Ruby's mouth, Penny visibly flinched in response, but never got the chance to say something back as another, all too familiar voice cut into their conversation before the girl could.
"This body is…" The sound of Kaneki's voice drew all three girls' attention. They saw that at some point, he had forced himself back up to his feet. "…Mine…" The half ghoul then clutched at the gaping wound in his side with all five of his black-tipped fingers. "Mine mine mine mine mine!"
And then, suddenly, the beaten, bloodied young man took a shaky step forwards.
Wordlessly, Kaneki continued to follow the dark-haired variant of himself, making sure to keep a wary eye on the copy at all times.
"Alright, this is where we stop," the doppelganger stated right as he brought himself to a stop.
That statement only served to confuse Kaneki, as there was nothing particularly different about their current surroundings. The only real difference that he could see was that the crimson stream next to him began to angle off to the right, but only very slightly. He probably wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for the fact that there was nothing else to catch his attention during the trek.
"…What exactly does bringing me here accomplish?" The snowy-haired half ghoul asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Sorry, can't tell you that just yet," answered the dark-haired variant, cheekily raising his index finger to his lips. "But I can tell you how you can move the process along." Kaneki let the narrowing of his eyes be the response to that. "All you have to do is turn around and look into the water like you did earlier."
Not seeing any other option, Kaneki did as he was told and turned to face the crimson stream behind him. He stepped over to the bank, kneeled down and looked down into the waters. What he found when he looked into it was a sight that was forever burned into his mind.
There, inside the waters, was the reaper of the CCG himself, Kishou Arima. Kaneki saw himself in the scarlet stream as well, with his only visible eye widened and jaw slackened in shock.
An all too familiar feeling of dread welled up in the half ghoul's stomach at the sight of the most feared man in all of ghoul society as he stood there, in what he, at the time, thought to be a bed of flowers-the same flowers that surrounded him now. He knew that the man standing before him would most likely bring kill him, but for some completely unfathomable reason, Kaneki still found him beautiful. Then, reality reared its ugly head and brought the truth of the situation to the forefront of his mind.
Arima wasn't standing in a bed spider lilies like he first thought. No, he was standing in a pile of corpses, all of them wearing the same masks he knew Irimi and Koma to be wearing at the time.
Horror filled the snowy-haired half ghoul. Horror directed at the sight itself and horror directed at himself for thinking such a sight beautiful. Fear filled him and yet, somehow, he dug up enough courage to try and fight the Reaper of the CCG.
The second after he steeled himself to fight, Kaneki felt a sudden numbness take up the entirety of the left portion of his face. For the briefest moment, the artificially-made half ghoul could only stand there and wonder what just happened, but it wasn't long before an indescribable, mind-numbing pain overtook all of his senses-both inside the memory and outside of it.
Pain became his entire world. His limbs gave out and he subsequently crumpled to the ground. The him outside the memory probably would've done the same if he could.
What happened next played out exactly like he remembered. The him in the memory pulled the quinque from his head with his kagune and then proceeded to engage Arima. He fought against the Reaper with everything he had, but no matter what he did, he couldn't land a single hit. Eventually, the half ghoul got caught by one of Arima's quinques and was impaled clean through the stomach.
As his body parts failed and he fell onto his back, he subconsciously recognized the blow to be final nail in his coffin. A fact that only became more apparent to him when Arima walked up to his motionless form and positioned the tip of his quinque over Kaneki's one remaining eye.
Right as the Reaper was about to impale Kaneki's eye, the memory faded from his mind. He found himself back in the field of spider lilies, kneeling on the bank of the stream that had dragged that memory back to the surface.
Slowly, shakily, the snowy-haired half ghoul brought his hand up to his head and clutched at the area surrounding his left eye, which began to ache from the pain that memory brought to him. His breathing became rapid and uncontrollable as everything he felt in that moment came rushing back to him in a single, overwhelming wave of pain and emotion.
Kaneki could hear his doppelganger say something to him, but wasn't able to comprehend the copy's words as the world around the original seemed like nothing more than an incoherent mess.
Eventually, through sheer force of will alone, the artificially-made half ghoul was able to force stability back into his world. Pushing himself back up to his feet, Kaneki took a moment to scan the crimson-filled world around him for the location of his doppelganger, but found that the copy was nowhere to be found.
Realizing that the dark-haired variant of himself most likely continued on walking downstream, Kaneki's feet began moving him in that very same direction, knowing that it was the only way any of this would come to an end.
No matter how much he hated the idea of having to relive anymore painful memories, the snowy-haired half ghoul needed to clear things up with Blake and Ruby as fast as possible. His own welfare was secondary in all of this, after all. The only thing that really mattered here was keeping his relationship with those two stable. That's all that matters… That's all that matters.
Blake could only watch on at the pitiable form of Kaneki as he tried to make his way over to where the three of them stood, even with his body seemingly rejecting every attempt at movement in favor of shutting itself down. Each step forwards lead to a stumble that nearly brought him to the ground, but despite that, his approach never ceased.
"Need… need to save…" The words left the half ghoul's mouth in a low, absent-minded mumble. "…Manager… Irimi… Koma… have to get to, need to save…" Pain stabbed Blake's heart when she heard the desperation in her friend's voice. It wasn't the kind of desperation someone could fake, not even in all of his delirium. It was so pure and unadulterated that there was no way it could've been a delusion. Clearly, whatever he was referring to was something that actually happened. "Going to… can't-won't let them be taken away from me."
Not being able to take watching anymore, Blake moved to go and help him, doing so right as his legs gave out under him and gravity forced him down to his knees.
"S-so beautiful…" Kaneki murmured to himself, staring blankly off in front of him, jaw hanging loosely. "…The Reaper, he's standing in a field of flowers." The snowy-haired half ghoul brought his one remaining hand up and clutched roughly at his temple. "He…he's razed a coffee field to the ground…A field that's sown on beloved corpses, but still I-so why…?" His voice became nothing more than broken sobs. "Why do I still find the sight to be so beautiful?"
Kaneki continued to follow the stream next to him until he came across the figure he was looking for, who was standing with his back to the invisible wall that separated them, leaning against it almost as if he didn't have a care in the world.
"So, you finally caught up," stated the copy, his voice sounding noticeably more solemn as he spoke. "Good, I think you know what I want you to do by now." The doppelganger flashed Kaneki a reassuring smirk. "Don't worry, we're almost done, I assure you that."
"…Yeah," the snowy-haired half ghoul stated with a slight nod of his head. Not wanting to waste any more time, he quickly positioned himself at the bank of the stream and allowed his gaze to fall into the waters.
The next moment, Kaneki found himself staring down at an all too familiar checkerboard floor as a numbness suddenly overcame his fingers. His breathing came faster, quick, terrified gasps. A flood of fear and panic swelled up inside of him when he heard a cruel, familiar begin to taunt him, laugh at him for being so weak and helpless.
As it persisted in his ears, anger swelled up inside of him. Anger at the man putting him through all the hell he was going through and anger at himself for being too weak to stop any of it. That was when Kaneki heard Yamori say something that caused the blood in his veins to still to a dead stop.
Less than a second later, the thing was inside his head. Writhing and wriggling, biting and scratching at everything. The amount of pain coursing through his body was so much that he couldn't even express it in a normal shriek. For some reason, he found that incredibly funny.
And so he laughed. Laughed and laughed until his laughter turned to uncontrollable sobbing. The half ghoul couldn't help crying anymore. He couldn't take it anymore… All of the pain. It was too much. He asked for it... Death. Begged and pleaded for it between his sobs. He just wanted it all to end so he didn't have to go through anymore pain, but it didn't.
For days, Yamori persisted on with the torture, taking his fingers and toes off so many times that he started to believe that they had become separated permanently. Then, the hockey-mask wearing bastard did something that pushed him right off the edge of the proverbial cliff he was hanging off of, dragging any remaining semblance of sanity he had left down with him.
Kei… Kouto… All of it was his fault. His lack of power caused them to die. Not just the two of them, but Ms. Ryouko as well.
That was when the memory faded and Kaneki found himself kneeling on the bank of the crimson stream once more, a noticeable coolness slowly trailing down his cheeks as he continued to kneel there and stare into the water.
"Hey, uh, are you alright?" The sound of his doppelganger's voice broke the artificially-made half ghoul from his reverie and pushed his numb body back up to a standing position. As he looked over his shoulder at the dark-haired variant of himself, a hoax of a smile crawled onto his lips. He gave the copy a nod of his head in response-one that Kaneki was sure wouldn't fool him at all.
The doppelganger didn't say anything, but his expression did become troubled as he began heading downstream once more. Wordlessly, the snowy-haired half ghoul cracked his index finger and moved to follow his copy.
Blake finally reached Kaneki a little bit after he finished with his most recent outburst. Aforementioned half ghoul having prostrated himself during the time it took for her to do so.
"It…it hurts so much…" he muttered to himself, in the same broken sobs from earlier, "…My toes-my fingers-they're completely numb…I can't feel them at all." His body began to tremble violently as his crazed ramblings dissolved into desperate pleas. "Stop…please stop…please stop taking them…I-I can't take watching them regrow again."
Pain stabbed at Blake's heart at the words her friend just uttered and she immediately reached a hand out to try and comfort him. The instant her hand hand got anywhere near the trembling young man, he lifted his bloodstained head from the ground and flinched back at the sight of aforementioned hand, landing himself flat on his back in the process.
"N-no, please don't…p-please don't stick that in there…" The half ghoul pleaded, bringing his hand up to his head and rolling onto his side. Suddenly, he screamed, his voice full of agony. "Get it out, get it out, get it out!" He began to thrash around on the ground. "It keeps clawing and biting at everything! Get it out, get it out of my head!"
At that moment, Blake allowed herself to delve into the worry that was coursing throughout her and knelt down in front of the half ghoul to…to do something to help him.
Then, Kaneki muttered something that completely floored her.
Kaneki continued to follow his doppelganger until he was forced to stop by a familiar crimson stream, which suddenly made a hard turn to the right and cut directly in front of him. The sudden change shocked him, as he had kept his eyes so focused on his dark-haired counterpart that he nearly missed all of the aforementioned changes.
Following the drastically changed path of the stream before him, he found out how his copy knew exactly where to go.
There, on the other side of the translucent barrier that separated them, was another stream of a similar size that connected with his own-one that held waters clearer than his own. By no means did that mean it was actually free from color, however. From where he currently stood, Kaneki could tell that the stream's translucency was indeed slightly stained. It didn't contain enough to obscure his view of the bottom, but there was just enough to make said view slightly murkier.
"Alright, this is our final stop," the dark-haired variant stated, a slight edge of exasperation to his voice.
"Does that mean you'll finally answer some of my questions then?" Kaneki asked the doppelganger, his voice harboring a severe lack of emotion. The copy nodded his head. Kaneki took a few moments to contemplate what he should ask. When he finally came up with a few select questions he wanted answers to, he opened his mouth to lay down the first. "Who exactly are you?"
"What makes you ask that?" The doppelganger shot back a question of his own with the most unconvincing innocent tone Kaneki had ever heard. "I'm just a representation of your past self, after all."
Kaneki let loose an irritated snort in response to the question, not finding an ounce of enjoyment in having to explain what exactly he meant with that question. "You don't act like how any one of my past selves would act," the half ghoul explained to his ever so cheeky copy. "So could you please stop acting like you're no different?"
The imperfect reflection let out a pleased-sounding chuckle before replying. "Yeah, you're right." The dark-haired variant of himself then proceeded to flash him an all too familiar, kind-hearted smile as he added, "I'm not a part of you at all."
"Who exactly are you then?" The snowy-haired half ghoul repeated his question, narrowing his dull gray eyes at the dark-haired copy. "If you're not my past self, then…" he trailed off upon realizing who exactly he was talking to. "You..." Kaneki stopped, his face contorting in realization.
"You're Haise, right?"
The dark-haired variant hummed in amusement and replied, sheepishly scratching at his cheek, "I was wondering when you'd finally figure that out." He then proceeded to lower his hand back down to his side and added, "I've been sending you so many messages that I was starting to wonder how you could 'stomach' it."
"So, does that mean that what I assumed earlier-" Kaneki began to ask, his voice tensing with his body, before the figure claiming to be Haise cut him off.
"No, it's not."
"Then why are you doing all of this to me?" The artificially-made half ghoul asked, making sure to get across how little patience he had left. "Causing that pain in my stomach, convincing me to use my kakuja, and showing me all of my old memories…" Kaneki clenched his hand into a tight ball. "What was it all for?"
Haise flashed him what looked like an apologetic smile before opening his mouth to reply. "I guess you could say that I was just trying to indulge my own selfishness." He turned his head towards where the two streams conjoined. "Neo is really precious to me, and I just wanted to keep her safe."
"By having me unleash my kakuja?" Kaneki skeptically.
"Hey, cut me some slack will you?" his dark-haired boy shot back, playfully defensive. "I just thought that with the both of us present in your mind, we'd, or at the very least, one of us would be able to gain some semblance of control over it." Another chuckle escaped Haise's mouth before he added, "I guess that just proves you're stronger than me, even when you're completely out of your mind."
A crack sounded throughout the air as Kaneki narrowed his eyes in response to the statement. "So, why are you showing me all of this then?" He asked, gesturing towards the crimson stream behind him. "You told me that you were just trying to protect Neo, but none of that explains what any of that has to do with what you've been showing me."
"Do you want to hear something that you might find interesting?" the doppelganger began, going on as if the question had never been asked in the first place. "The two of us…" He trailed off as he returned his attention back onto the original. "…I don't think we have a single thing in common the way the both of us are now."
The dark-haired counterpart then proceeded to flash him a smile that was noticeably different from his previous one-it was a smile that truthfully wouldn't have looked out of place on Kaneki's own face. "You," Haise began, his voice being a strange mix of solemn and mirthful throughout, "are exactly the kind of person Neo wanted me to be, and yet for some reason I can say with the utmost certainty that I would never want to be like you, especially after seeing what you've gone through to become like that."
After saying that, Haise let out a laugh that contradicted its purpose with the heaviness that it contained underneath it. "The funny part about all of that is how easily our places could've been switched."
"What do you mean?" The snowy-haired half ghoul asked, a bead of sweat trailing down the side of his head, completely unsure of what the young man across from him had just said.
"Wait, you haven't figured it out yet?" Haise shot back with a question of his own. "Hm, I would've thought that someone who reads as many books as you do would've been able to pick up on what that meant easily. Or maybe you're just actively ignoring what it could mean."
Kaneki blinked owlishly at his interdimensional counterpart before his dull gray eyes gradually began drifting over to his left and onto the two conjoined streams next to him.
"Ah, so it was the latter then?" Haise asked, in a way that made it clear the question was rhetorical, so the half ghoul in question made no move to respond to it.
As cliché as it sounded, the sight drew Kaneki in like he was moth moving towards an open flame. His feet moved almost like they were in autopilot, slowly drawing him closer and closer to the center of his fixation with every step he took.
"Did you finally figure it out?" Haise asked, right as Kaneki reached where the stream branched off into two, separate parts.
"Mom, she really did beat the both of us a lot, didn't she?"
At that exact moment, the snowy-haired half ghoul peered deep into where the two crimson-stained streams met and almost immediately found himself staring at the familiar sight of his mother's house slippers.
The moment those slippers came into view a familiar and painful warmth began spreading across the surface of his left cheek, before it turned into a stinging pain that made him flinch upon reaching its full intensity-a pain that only became more prominent when compared to the coolness of the wooden floor pressing against the opposite cheek. After everything he'd gone through, the pain should've been miniscule, but somehow, it hurt worse than any pain he'd ever had to experience.
Out of the corner of his eyes, Kaneki saw the legs leading into his mother's house slippers bend and lower themselves onto their knees. His eyes began following the legs upwards and found the familiar face of his mother staring down at him, but even though her disheveled hair covered up the majority of her face from view, he could still feel her staring.
The sun wasn't present in her gaze like he remembered. That source of warmth and light that followed him throughout his entire childhood was gone. Blanketed away from view by blackened rain clouds that poured with a never ending flow of sleet.
Subconsciously, he reached a hand out towards where the sun once burned brightly, trying to grasp at the once present warmth that he remembered. That was when another hand was raised into the air and sleet suddenly became twenty times more appealing, especially when compared to the hail that it morphed into. And yet, despite the pummeling he was receiving at its hands, he couldn't bring himself to hate the world around him for it.
How could one hate mother nature for doing as it did naturally? The person affected could only sit back, numb, and try to make due with the moments of calm that lay between the storms, trying to find the beauty in the destroyed world, despite all of the debris that lay scattered on the ground.
A sudden warmth wrapping itself around his shoulder broke the snowy-haired half ghoul from his reverie. Upon turning around, he found himself staring at the hand of his dark-haired counterpart. Following it to its owner, Haise flashed him an apologetic smile. Kaneki allowed one of his own to form in response before his legs suddenly gave out under him, leading him to fall unceremoniously onto his backside. Not a few seconds later, a weight rested itself upon his back, but he made no move to look back, as he already knew what it was.
"You know, I both pity and envy you," Haise stated suddenly, his voice solemn. "You've gone through so much more than me, and yet I'm the one who accepted death with open arms." He hummed in bitter amusement before adding, "Despite what I said earlier, a part of me wishes that I had that kind of strength."
At that moment, flashbacks of his encounter with Arima surged to the forefront of Kaneki's mind and he thought back onto why exactly he thought the sight of the Reaper to be so beautiful. He…Ken Kaneki...saw the end of all suffering in that field of his friends' corpses. He desperately wanted the nothingness that road would lead to.
To have no more pain to go through…That was a desire that he kept buried deep down inside him for a while, so much so that even he forgot about it until he thought his death was certain-until he encountered Arima.
Yet, despite him having wanted it for so long, the artificially-made half ghoul couldn't help but hope that he would somehow miraculously live on, though what caused it wasn't strength like his Haise claimed.
"Strength?" Kaneki repeated incredulously, shaking his head. "No, that wasn't strength." His entire upper body slumped forwards dramatically as his chin found its way in between his recently curled-up knees. "That was just my own selfishness."
"In the end, I…" The truth of the matter caught in his throat as he tried to force it out. "...I just didn't want to be hurt anymore…"
He found it odd. How that simple phrase could accurately describe the entirety of his existence. But it did, and he refused to deny it any longer. It didn't matter to him if he received his desired future in life or death, he'd just had enough with being the one who was constantly hurt.
A warmth suddenly enveloping his one remaining hand. Kaneki glanced down towards and proceeded to lift it into the air, staring at the back of it as if the familiar confines held the answer to his dilemma. Silence proceeded to reign over the two, until Haise finally broke the stalemate between them. "Hm, if that's really the case, then would you mind allowing me to indulge in a selfish wish of my own?"
Not seeing any problem with it, the snowy-haired half ghoul let out a hum of acceptance, prompting his counterpart to begin speaking once more. "I'm okay with fading away," Haise told him, his voice wistful. "I'll gladly give you full control over this body, but only if you promise me this first."
"…What is it?" Kaneki asked, unsure if his decision to hear Haise out was a good one or not.
"Neo, she may not seem like it, but she's lonely," his dark-haired counterpart said, his voice getting more and more weak as he continued to speak. "I tried to remedy that problem, but I've never had to go through the kind of loneliness that she's had to."
"Remedy that problem," Haise added, with a finality that made it clear that he was almost done with his offer. "Promise me that much…" He trailed off weakly, before he took in a deep breath through his nostrils and continued. "…Promise me that much, and I'll fade away."
Another bout of silence reigned over the two of them-a silence which Kaneki promptly used to contemplate whether or not he should accept the proposal given to him.
"Alright," he stated after a while. "I promise."
"…Okay then."
With that final statement, the weight that was pressing up against his back disappeared and a sudden coolness surrounded the lower portion of his body. Upon casting his dull gray eyes down towards it, Kaneki found he was submerged in the crimson water clear up to his waist.
Curious, Kaneki turned his head towards the two streams from earlier, then allowed himself to fall backwards into the water. The smallest of smiles crept onto his lips when he saw that the two crimson streams no longer surrounded him; instead merging into one large river that flowed opposite the way it did earlier.
As his sight was taken away by the color crimson and then the color black, a pleasant warmth surrounded his upper body and Kaneki realized, in an admittedly selfish way, that he enjoyed it more than nothing at all.
"Mother…I don't need it… I don't need it anymore, I'm sorry…"Blake heard Kaneki whisper brokenly under his breath. His thrashing suddenly mellowed into trembling. "I…don't need it."He brought his remaining hand-his left hand-up to his face and cupped shaky fingers around his chin, continuing on with his rambling. "I don't need it anymore, so please…please don't hit me again…I'm sorry."
For a moment, Blake could've swore that she felt her heart grind to a stop after hearing him say those words. So is that why-? she thought, but was forced to stop that train of thought when some sort of ash-like material suddenly took up the entirety of her vision.
Glancing down at the body of her downed friend, she found that the mask that covered up the upper left portion of his face had evaporated away as if it was never there in the first place, revealing the eye that lay underneath. The first thing she noticed about it was the amount of sheer, almost child-like terror that lay within the dull gray pupil.
"I'm sorry…" Kaneki apologized under his breath once more, lifting his hand up into the air as if he was reaching out for some invisible object that hung just barely out of reach. "…I'm so sorry…"
That was the final straw in her books. Simply no longer caring about what consequences might befall her for doing so, Blake reached both of her hands out and gently wrapped them around Kaneki's outstretched hand in an attempt to comfort the obviously distressed young man in front of her.
The moment their hands made contact with one another, all of Kaneki's trembling immediately ceased. Free from his convulsions, he proceeded to lift his cheek up from the concrete and turn his head towards her, attempting to focus his shaky left eye directly at her own. They remained in that position for several, silence-filled moments before the half ghoul's hand suddenly slipped away from her grasp.
At first, Blake thought that his arm had gone limp, which caused a spike of worry to run through her, but upon looking down to check the condition of her friend, she found that the reality was much more reassuring than she first assumed. Instead of finding his arm lying motionless on the ground, Blake found that the palm of his hand was pressed up against the concrete as he tried to use it to push himself up.
Already knowing that the half ghoul was going to need help getting up with only one arm, she immediately moved to help him up, but was stopped dead in her tracks when the majority of her sight was obscured by a sudden monochrome blur. Then, before she knew it, white took up the majority of the peripheral vision on her left side.
"Why…?" Kaneki's breath tickled the surface of her neck as he spoke, which was probably a given considering he had rested his head directly onto her left shoulder. "…Why…" His voice trailed off right as he snaked his arm around the opposite shoulder and lightly pulled her body closer to his own-an act that probably would've made her flustered if it wasn't for the circumstances behind it. "…Why didn't I want to die?"
Feeling a sudden compulsion to do so, Blake slipped both of her arms around his chest and returned the embrace. The corners of her lips upturned in a smile when she felt him relax against her.
"I…" Her friend muttered at a volume that was just barely loud enough for her to hear.
"…I just don't want to be hurt anymore."
That was when his grip suddenly faded and he went limp, slumping up against her like there wasn't a bone in his entire body. Thankfully, his position slumped up against her made it easy for Blake to feel his chest continue to rise and fall normally, dashing any worries she had for his condition.
-Chapter End-
Well, that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I worked on it non-stop for those two weeks that I did and I'd really like to see you all enjoy it.
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