Chapter 24

Danni sat up the bed and looked at her mothers. She could see the hurt in her mothers' eyes. She hadn't meant to hurt them, but she knew that they needed to talk…about a lot of things. She reached out again and Regina gave her another glass of water.

"I'm sorry that I worried you, Mom, Ma. I just have so much going on in my head sometimes that… Well, I'm sorry," Danni told them.

"You couldn't talk to us?" Regina asked.

"I…it's hard to explain."

"Try," Emma stated.

"You all know that Rachel took me in after I saved her. I left them in order to try to find peace. I knew that I needed to get away from magic. It was tearing me apart. All the good and all the darkness…I was so blinded by my need to protect you from the darkness, I didn't realize what I was really doing was running."

"How did you figure that out?" Will questioned.

"Santana," she said simply.

"The Wolf helped you?" Regina asked.

"I didn't know that she was a wolf. She definitely didn't, either. She and Quinn found me and made me realize that I hurt Rachel. I went back to ask for her forgiveness. Once I had it, she wouldn't let me leave without telling her where I was going. I couldn't exactly tell her about Storybrooke. So, I lied. It was easy and they believed me."

"Where did you go?"

"I went back to Storybrooke. I needed to get the magic out of my system. I needed to find a way to find a way to deal with all the anger I had inside," Danni stated.

"And were we…" Regina started.

"No, you weren't. You'd already come back. So, I was alone…completely alone. I blew up, literally. I wrecked the town several times over. Hell, I even burnt down the mansion a few times. But, every morning, it was back and everything was fine again. It was like the Curse was trying to reassert itself. I looked for the point of magic origins and kept going from the library to the well," Danni told them.

"And what did you find, darling?" Regina asked her.

"Anger was easy. Magic is part of me and I have to learn to use both the good and the bad. I had to find a balance between my need for anger and my need for love. I read and read and read your journals. And, then I realized that I needed a family. I needed something to help me stay grounded. I learned that once you got Henry you began to change. I could see it in your writing. I am sure that if the town people could have noticed outside of the Curse, they would have seen it, too. But, the most dramatic change was when you learned you loved Ma," Danni told her.

Emma reached out for Regina's hand. They completed each other. They didn't know what to say to their daughter. She had grown up without them and then fled before they could try to make everything right for her; their world turned upside down. Danni had become the Dark One. She killed a man. She tried to sever True Love's bond.

"You gave up everything to make sure that Remy had a better life than you did," Emma said.

"I tried."

"You failed?" Regina asked.

"I couldn't stay away. I found a fissure in the caverns under the library. I used it, several times."

"To do what?" Regina questioned.

Danni smiled at her mother. She was sure that Regina was about to freak out with her story, but she knew they deserved to know. She still wasn't sure that Remy hadn't told them, but the look in Regina's eyes told her otherwise.

"I went to other realms, other times. I spoke with sages, gurus, other sorcerers, theologians, and intellectuals. But, no matter where I went, I missed home."

"Home?" Emma stated.

"My home didn't exist anymore. I'd destroyed it when I took on the Darkness. I made things better, but for some reason, you all ended up here. I think that was Fate. But, I am not sure that I believe in it. I needed to make sure that Remy was cared for. I needed to know that it wasn't in vain," Danni told them.

"That's when you came back with Blue?" Will inquired.

"Yes. When I looked into Remy's eyes, I knew that she was happy. I knew that she had you both. I was honestly jealous, but I wasn't going to let her suffer. I needed to make sure that she had everything that I didn't. I don't mean just having you, Mom, or you, Ma. I meant everything… She needed to have a kingdom, a family, friends, and a life that she could be proud of. She didn't need to be the Survivor. She needed to just be the daughter of the Savior and the Reformed Queen," Danni explained.

"You've come back before?" Emma asked.

"Yes."

"And, you never sought us out?" Will inquired.

"No."

"Why?" Regina questioned with pain lacing her voice.

"I came back for Remy, not for myself. It would have been selfish of me to seek you out. I always made sure that no one would recognize me. Before I released you all from the spell, I would just come and go as I pleased. No one knew who I was. I would sneak into the castle late at night and go see Remy."

"What?" Will exclaimed.

"She'd always let me in. She knew who I was because she wasn't effected by the spell. I never hid my identity from her. Maybe that was a little selfish of me, but she understood on some level. She's never called me anything other than Coraline and somehow I am her older sister. She figured that losing me was too traumatic for everyone, so you never spoke of me. I never corrected her on this. She knew I had magic and she believed that I was magically coming back to take care of her. Which in a sense, I was. For a while, I was her special friend and I taught her things about the both of you. We would laugh and we would play in her rooms, but always before morning, I would put her to bed and leave."

"And, she never told us," Emma whispered.

"I think that she was afraid to hurt you. She knew that you'd been through a lot. She knew why Red and Belle named their daughter Danielle Coraline. The only person that she could talk to about the Legend of Coraline was Belle, and that was because she wrote the book about me. It is a small tome that was hidden in the library, but it was the actual history of me. Anyone who read it, thought it to be a prophecy or just a mythological story. No one ever gave it enough credence to believe that it was true and that someone had really lived through it all. No one cared that Dark One was gone and that she had suffered to keep them safe. No one needed to care, because no one really knew the fate of Rumple. All anyone knew was that Emma, the Savior, had destroyed the Dark One and the dagger. Regina, the mighty Reformed Evil Queen, had saved her lover, Emma, from the fate of being the Dark One with True Love's kiss. The Dark One was gone and Love was celebrated. That was all they needed to know. Who am I to take that from them? Who am I to come back and destroy a happier world than I had? What would that make me? I am the Dark One, but I am also the child of True Love. I chose Love," Danni replied.

"But, you're our daughter," Emma tried to argue.

"Would you have me destroy the relative happiness of the realm just so I was in your lives?"

"YES!" Regina answered.

"And, that is why I never came to find you."

"But, if you had come, I am sure that we would have found a way to keep you close. We're your parents. It is our job to take care of you," Emma stated.

"Really? Coming from you that's rich, Ma. Have you ever let your parents parent you?" Danni asked with a little bit of venom.

"That's different."

"How?"

"Well, umm…"

"Exactly, it isn't. I didn't want to disrupt your lives. You have me, well a form of me, in Remy. You didn't the broken and battered version of me haunting the castle."

"I would have liked to have seen you. I would have liked to have had the choice. I may not agree with your actions, even if I understand them, but even when we did know who you were, you still left us. You gave us no choice," Regina replied.

"I had to," Danni answered.

"Why?" Will asked as she started pacing at the foot of the bed.

"Because I had become the Dark One. I was not myself. I wanted so much…and I had so much power that I couldn't control it. I have lived many lifetimes since I left here. And, I don't mean that figuratively. I am a lot older than I look. When I came back to Storybrooke, when I went through the time portal to get there, I was barely twenty-five. When I 'died' I was still in my mid-twenties. When I came back to you in the Enchanted Forest, I was barely fifty. I know, don't look it, right? But, then after everything with George, I knew that I had to find a way to temper myself. It wasn't easy. I knew it wouldn't be. But, I also knew that I couldn't subject you to that. It was torturous enough on myself. I didn't want you to see that kind of pain."

"I have seen it," Regina stated. "I lived it, remember? I know what evil is and how easy it is."

"Not like this, you haven't. You've been tempted. I know. It is so very easy to give in to that temptation and I have much respect for you, Mom, because you've learned not to give in unless it is the only way. That is why you two complement each other so well. You temper each other."

"But?" Emma asked.

"I didn't have that. I did, but I didn't. I never had someone stand up for me and tell me that everything would work itself out. I had to fight for everything I ever had. I had to hide my true identity to survive. I learned real early that not everyone has your best interest at heart. But, most of all, I had to learn who I really was. I couldn't let the names of my parents define me. I had never been my own person. I was always the Survivor, the Swan Princess, the future heir of a non-existent throne. Never once was I just Remy Aurora Swan. I was Coraline French, until I was Coraline Swan-Mills, until I was just Coraline, the Dark One. I never learned to be anything other than what I was made to be. I never had the freedom to learn to be anything else. I was a fighter and sorcerer. I was taught to lead and make decisions long before I understood what my training was really for. I never learned what it meant to be me."

"Danni…."

"No, I am not blaming you for that. I can't. You both did what you had to do in order to protect the kingdom, the throne and me. I can't even find fault with Red and Belle. They were the ones who tried to help me restore the kingdom and protected my identity until I was of an age to do something with it. I grew up with four mothers and I'm proud of that, but circumstances took them all from me. Some consequences were of my own creation and I admit that fully, but I cannot and will not sit here and apologize for trying to become something better than I was."

"We would have helped you," Will stated.

"How?"

"I love you," Will countered, hoping that she conveyed enough emotion with her words.

"I love you, too, Will. I never stopped, but that doesn't mean that it would have stopped me. I have done some horrible things. I have laid waste to entire realms just because I could. I am not proud of that. I have sought solace in the arms of others, but I never stopped trying to find my way back to the light and back to love," Danni stated.

Regina hung her head. She knew that journey. It was a hard journey and damn near impossible when you were doing it alone. Thankfully when she started down the road of redemption she had both Emma and Henry to help guide her along. She wanted to cry because she knew that Danni had done it all alone.

"I'm sorry," Regina breathed out.

Danni met her eyes. They shared a look. And, when Regina reached out for her this time, Danni didn't back away. She let her mother take her hand. She gave her a gentle squeeze.

"I am not trying to guilt trip you. I wanted you to know. I needed to not be here. I needed to find my own way. Was it hard? Hell yeah, it was. Was I lonely? Yes. But, I couldn't put you through the horrors that I went through. It wasn't fair to you, any of you," Danni told them.

"I get that," Regina replied.

"But, you really don't, Mom. Trust me, you don't. I think that you might have some understanding, but you don't the full extent of the craziness that I created or caused. I have done so many horrible things that if there really was a Hell that I have a first class ticket there."

"I don't believe that," Emma stated.

"Believe it or not, it doesn't matter. I can't make you understand what I've done. But, the stories of the Evil Queen pale in comparison to some of things that I have done. I am the gods damned Dark One and you still don't want to believe that. I get it. I am your daughter and you don't want to believe that I could become the ultimate evil in the world, but I can."

"I am not saying that you don't have the capability, Danni. I know that you do. I do, too. What I am saying is that you don't seem like that person now. You've found something to hold on to and you've used it to come home."

"I am not home," Danni said with a certain finality in her voice.

She got out of the bed, then. She could no longer be in it. She needed to be free. She needed to roam. She needed the possibility of life without the pain and suffering that being the Dark One caused. She knew that she couldn't get it in Fairy Tale Land.

"What do you mean by that?" Regina asked, an edge in her voice.

"I can't stay here."

"Why not?" Emma questioned.

"The temptations are too great here. Plus, you've got Remy to think about. She knows that we are related but not to an extent that it could cause any damage to her psyche. She doesn't need to grow up worrying about me. She needs to forge her own path in this world, in this realm. She needs to the Swan Princess, not me."

"Where would you go?" Regina inquired.

"Probably back to Storybrooke or back to New York. I don't know. I don't want to hurt you, but my life is good there. I have friends. I have purpose. I have a life that I can be proud of without having to worry about if I going to kill someone just because I don't like what they said about me or my plays in the paper."

"They've kept you grounded," Will stated.

"They have, all four of them. They each have a little bit of you in them. I've created my own little family with them. We've taken New York theatre scene on and have become victorious. I am happy there. Can't that be enough for you?"

"Yes," Regina told her, as she gripped Emma's arm.

"Mom, Ma, look. I'm sorry about all of this, but I can't stay. I'm not comfortable here. My skin crawls and the thoughts I have…they are deplorable."

"Was it bad in Storybrooke?" Regina asked her as if it was the most important question ever.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you feel like that in Storybrooke?" Regina rephrased her question.

"No."

"Then, you'll go back there?"

"I might. I mean, I'll have to end up there at some point, but I don't know if that is where I will stay. I can't promise you that I'd stay there."

"There is no magic in New York to tempt you," Emma stated.

"Exactly. Or, what is there is so minute that it is negligible. I don't know how to explain it."

"You don't have to," Emma told her as she pushed away from Regina and walked towards her.

"I feel like I'm failing you again," Danni replied.

"You haven't failed anyone, Danni," Emma said as she gathered Danni into an embrace.

Danni didn't break away from the hug. Instead she fell into her mother's embrace. It invoked emotions that she had tried to keep buried for so long, but now, in her mother's arms, she couldn't stop the out pouring love between them. Regina saw her daughter's tears and joined the embrace, hugging both her wife and her daughter. Danni just cried harder. She couldn't help herself. This…this was all she ever wanted.

"If you want to go, we'll let you," Regina whispered in her ear. "We just want to hear from you. I know that you feel like you have to prove yourself to us, but you don't. You are still our daughter, regardless of the time line and what you've changed or become. You will always be my Coraline."

Regina and Emma slowly let her go. The backed away from her, but were still within arm's reach if she needed them. She looked over at Will. She knew that they would need to talk, but now wasn't the time. She needed her mothers. She'd always needed her mothers. She needed to fix things with them.

"Will…"

"I understand, Princess," Wilhelmina stated looking into her dark eyes before turning to Emma and Regina. "Majesty, Your Highness, I'll take my leave for now. I shall be in the armory if you have need of me. Good evening, Majesties, Princess."

Will bowed and clicked her heels together before leaving. Emma grabbed Danni before she fell over. She knew that things hurt between them, but she also knew that they would talk about things later. Now, though Danni needed to get things off her chest with her mothers.

"Will you sit and talk with us?" Regina asked.

"Yes."

"Is there anything that you want to ask us?" Emma questioned.

"No."

"Is there anything you need?" Regina inquired.

"Not that I can think of," Danni answered.

They were sitting at the table in her personal room in the suite. Regina finally looked around and saw that she had magically redecorated the suite to be more to her tastes. She saw that it more closely resembled the houses and rooms in Storybrooke.

"Danni…"

"Yes, Mom?" she replied as she turned to face Regina more properly.

"Why does Santana call you mija?"

"It is a very long story."

"I think that we have the time," Emma stated.

"She had some issues a few years back, things that she didn't tell Brittany. I don't know why she told me, but she did. She took care of me when I came back, before Rachel and Quinn knew that I was back in New York. I was living on my own. I had my own place and I was hiding. Rachel had just taken over as Elphaba in 'Wicked.' Santana found me beyond drunk just outside a bar on Broadway. She was leaving a meeting with some producers about Rachel's possible next project. I know that may not seem like it matters, but Rachel was always looking forward. She doesn't know how to settle."

"But, you didn't tell her that you were back in New York."

"No, I didn't. I couldn't. I wasn't in good shape. I didn't want her to see me like that. I was beyond lost. I didn't have a clue what I was doing or where I was going. I would have dragged them all down with me. Santana could see that. She is good at seeing what others don't, and I don't mean like Brittany does. Brittany does things on a completely different level."

"We're they together then?" Emma asked her.

"No and yes. They were married, but Brittany was out on tour. There was a lot going on with the both of them, so they weren't in New York together very often. She wasn't in a good place and she needed someone. I was there. I filled the void as she filled mine," Danni replied.

"What void?" Regina asked.

"She and Brittany were trying to have a child. Santana agreed to carry since she had the more stable job and would be in one place long enough to see it completely through. Being on tour and pregnant wouldn't be conducive to having a child. Brittany knew that she'd gone to the doctor to try. She never knew that it took because Santana lost the baby. She tried again and again and every time she lost the baby. The doctors couldn't figure out why."

"Do you think that it is because she's a Wolf?" Emma asked.

"I don't know, but I doubt it. Her mother and her grandmother before her bore with no issue. I went with her to three different specialists to no avail. She couldn't carry to term. She would always lose around fifteen weeks."

"And, Brittany doesn't know?" Regina questioned.

"She didn't want to break her heart. Brittany knew that she tried, but she thinks that it never took. They had just gotten to a point where Brittany was going to try to have child. They haven't told Quinn or Rachel yet. But because I needed someone to coddle me and treat me like a child, she needed someone that would give her the support to get through losing her children. Mija became a nickname that was said in jest one drunk afternoon when called her Mami because of how she was treating me. When we finally all came together, Santana would only call me mija when I was really sick and drunk. She was the only one that I would listen to in that state. She doesn't mean anything by it and in a way, it reminded me of you. In my drunken states, I could have my mother again. It was all fantasy, but that is what I am. I am a fantastical character from a story that will be never written. I am fiction and for brief moments I could find comfort in that fiction. Please don't be angry with her for that. She..."

"I'll talk to her later, Danni. Now, that I know, I am not so angry about it. I took it as a slight, but even Brittany knew more than I did. I was upset," Regina answered.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry about it, Danni. Just talk to us. Tell us everything, anything. Just don't shut us out."

"I'm trying, but..."

"It's hard. I know from experience. But, just remember that we love you, too," Emma told her.