Jack went to visit Owen at the hospital last night, I asked if he'd like me to go with him, but he said he needed to talk to him alone. It's probably for the best; the two of them really need to clear the air before Owen returns tomorrow. I told Jack to go easy on him, and to remember how kind he was to me after I messed up with Lisa, and to Tosh after Mary. He told me that it was easy to be gentle and forgiving with us, because he knew that we were genuinely sorry, but that Owen seemed so ungrateful for us saving his life, that he didn't know if could hold his temper.

When Owen arrived this morning, he came in through the tourist information centre where I was currently working as my desk has been over taken by Tosh – she's busy working on her translation programme again. I asked him if there was anything I could get him:

"A coffee would be lovely mate" he replied.

I was shocked, a lovely and a mate in one sentence. I was more than happy to oblige, so walked down with him to the hub to brew him a cappuccino. He looked so tired, and his bruises haven't quite faded yet, but the coffee seemed to perk him up a little. In fact he insisted on going down to see the Weevils straight after he'd finished it. I didn't think it was a brilliant idea, and tried to dissuade him, but Owen's a very determined fellow. He wouldn't even let me stay with him. I suppose he wanted time to face his monster, face up to the realities of what he tried to do, and more importantly time to think.

I noticed that Tosh was dressed up rather smartly this afternoon; she had changed since this morning. She always looked beautiful of course, but it really was nice to see her in a dress with her hair done up. I thought she might have been attempting to entice Owen, not that she would have had much success with that, as he was currently asleep on the sofa and when Owen falls asleep it takes a lot of noise to rouse him. When I asked her about it she said it was for her Grandfather's 88th birthday party, apparently that's a special age for the Japanese.

Her and Jack have gone off to check out some reports of music from the Ritz dance hall, the situations really rather odd as it's been derelict for a while now, in fact they're close to pulling it down now. It's such a shame to lose a piece of history like that, dance halls like this were the living heart of the 1940s, and it's so sad to see it get forgotten and let go. Tosh better be careful that she doesn't ruin her perfect outfit before her party.

Jack accidentally left the comms open for a while when he was investigating. The way he talked about the 1940s, it was as if he really had been there. Like he was remembering dancing beneath chandeliers, brass bands playing; rather than imagining what it would all be like as I have been sat at my desk doing so.

It got me thinking, there was also what I thought I had heard him say on Christmas day, about his last proper Christmas having been in 1941… We still know so little about the Captain, perhaps; somehow, he really had been there in the 40s. It sounds ridiculous, but then again half the things that Torchwood encounter would seem ridiculous and unbelievable to most, can we afford to rule anything out? Maybe I could try asking him, he has never been particularly keen to open up on his life before Torchwood, but maybe he might if I asked him in private and promised to keep it just between the two of us.

The rift monitor started going ballistic, which did a nice job of waking up Owen for me. The rift has been opening up more and more recently, letting in more Weevils and Ood and the like, it was certainly an inconvenience. Tosh reckoned it was more than a coincidence, and was convinced there were patterns forming in the equations that the monitor programme was producing, I thought I'd better contact her.

Her comms were down, so were Jack's. So I telephoned Gwen explaining the situation and asked her to swing by the Ritz dance hall to see if she could find them. Owen had been trying to hack in to Tosh's files whilst I was on the phone.

I should have kept a closer eye on him, he has got it into the head that Tosh might be able to figure out a way of opening the rift and brining Diane back, it's alright though, I know that the Captain would never let him do that.

Whilst Gwen is out investigating, we're researching all we can find out on the Ritz dance hall, and through this I unearthed a rather startling photograph. It was of Tosh and Jack with another man who I didn't recognise, from today's date in 1941. The only possible explanation is that the rift has somehow drawn them back in to the past and trapped them there. Gwen updated us from the dance hall, there's no sign of either of them, and the building still appears to be in its 'present day' sate. She did say that she can hear 1940s music coming through the rift though; hopefully this means that Jack and Tosh will be able to come back through as well.

I don't know what I'd do if Jack didn't come back. It's silly really, I know that I am not his first choice, that what we have is probably temporary, a little secret fling on the side, but I really care about him a lot. Probably a lot more than he does about me and probably too much, I'm going to get hurt sooner or later I can tell.

Trying to control Owen by myself certainly is a challenge. He now wants to open the rift as he reckons it will bring back Tosh and Jack (I wonder if secretly it's a cover up for still wanting to bring Diane back…) At least we don't have all of the equation, so he can't do anything rash just now.

Gwen rang to check back in with us again, we hadn't found much else of any use to report to her; the one silver lining was that there was no mention of them again anywhere after this date. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's a sign they get back safely. It was when mentioning Billis Manger, the manager of the dance hall that things began to get a little strange. Gwen said that that was the exact name that the caretaker had given her. It couldn't just be a coincidence, it's not a common enough name, yet Gwen said he didn't look old enough, just a 'out of his time'. (Like Jack….?) Anyway, when she mentioned the cravat, I knew that it had to be the same man. I told her to get out, but Owen wasn't having it, he wanted her to investigate further. He asked me who on earth I thought had put me in charge, and in truth no one had, but I really am in a more rational state of mind than Owen right now.

Yes, I definitely am in a more rational state of mind, I've just noticed he's tearing up the floor.

It's been a frantic few hours, but thank goodness Toshiko and Jack are safely back with us in the hub. I stepped in straight away to try and stop Owen from opening the rift; he reckoned it was do-able without the equation, that man really needs to take a little more time off I think.

I was desperate, I knew this wouldn't be what the Captain wanted – it was so unlikely to bring them back and at the same time almost certain to bring horrendous repercussions. So I hit Owen where it would hurt the most, by reminding him that Diane chose to leave him, that she wouldn't want him to bring her back. I've never sunk so low in my entire life. Not that it seemed to faze Owen of course; he retaliated with much worse, bringing up Lisa what she did to Torchwood, what I let her do. That familiar gut wrenching pain that I had somehow learned to get rid of returned at the harsh reminder of it all.

For a short while he was deterred from his efforts as a piece was missing, he said we'd play it my way "Safe and boring".

Despite myself even with all that was going on around us the boring comment still got to me. He went rushing off to the dance hall soon after that, to look for anything connected to the rift, I prayed that he didn't find anything.

Unfortunately he did, and so did Gwen sort of. He had found the missing piece of the rift manipulator and she had found the remaining parts of Tosh's equation, although some of the numbers were scrubbed out. We were getting closer and closer to the inevitable act of opening the rift.

Looking back on it now, perhaps I was being over cautious, after all Tosh and Jack are now safely back with us and disaster has not struck yet...

Owen began frantically searching around the hub for anything that might help open the rift, even attempting to get in to Jack's personal safe, the one that no one but Jack and myself knows the code to. Of course I wasn't about to tell Owen that I knew the code.

From Jack's desk he took out what appeared to be his diary – I wonder if it's anything like mine? Unfortunately, Jack had written the code for the safe in his diary, so Owen had access to the blue prints for the rift manipulator. I was sure at the time that it was all some awful trap and we were falling further and further in to it, but Owen was having none of it. He was even turning away from Jack's leadership, I agree that we really don't know an awful lot about him but he's our leader, and he's Jack – that's all we need to know.

Trying to grab the blue prints of him was a complete fail, I ended up with an elbow and a kicking in the ribs, I'm sure he's cracked some. I'm not going to dare mention it to him though, not after retaliating by shooting his shoulder. I still can't believe I did it, I hate guns.

I worry that my actions had more to do with what he said to me about Jack than with trying to prevent him opening the rift.

"His part time shag"

I could cope with teaboy, but this really got to me, for starters I had no idea that anyone knew about Jack and I. Jack had assured me that he had gone through and deleted all CCTV footage of us… in the hub, but perhaps he had missed some. Or maybe it was his constant flirting – but he was like that with everyone. And more importantly, it hurt to hear it spoken out loud, I knew that's all I was but I hadn't had to face up to it before. So I shot him.

Not that it mattered as he still managed to insert the missing piece of the manipulator, and I'm glad he did. In hindsight, he was right and I was wrong. The Captain and Toshiko could have been lost in time forever, and it would have all been my fault for stopping Owen.

I went over to apologise to Owen about his shoulder, he sounded a bit bitter but he told me not to worry about it, that he'd given my ribs a pretty good going for. I think he was just smug that he had been right after all.

Then he changed his tone to a more sincere one and said "I'm sorry about what I said, about you and Jack. I meant it as a joke because you're always working so hard like you're trying to impress him; I had no idea that there was actually anything going on."

Bugger, I'd really tripped myself up on that one then.

"It doesn't matter" I replied. "It's not like we're… it's nothing." I said with a small sigh and headed back over to my desk.

Then Tosh came out of Jack's office, I was desperate to know what had happened during their time in the 40s. She told me that she couldn't really explain what she meant by it or how it was possible, but that the man in the photo with her and Jack was the real Jack Harkness, that our Jack had taken his name. It all went over my head a little bit.

Then she told me about their kiss on departure. I wish she hadn't told me that, but she had no idea about how I felt about Jack, apparently nobody else did until I accidentally let Owen in on it. Hearing about it only added to my doubts about whatever was going on between Jack and me. I'm worried that I've fallen in love with him, and he'll never feel the same way back, and only ever see me as a 'part time shag'. I was hoping that Jack may eventually feel the same, and then we could tell the others and have it out in the open. But I don't want them to find out about it like this, like it's all been some dirty secret, something casual, hopefully Owen won't mention anything.

After a couple of hours at the hub, Jack sent everyone home, well everyone except me but I never listen when he tries to send us home early anyway. I went up to his office and found him with his head in his hands on the desk, staring at an empty whisky glass. Jack never drinks.

I wanted to ask him about his past, about this Captain Harkness, about us. But I didn't. I just went over to him and gave his shoulders a squeeze; he turned his chair to face me and pulled me on to his lap.

"Thank you" He said softly, his words almost lost on my back.

"What for Sir?" I questioned.

"Trying to stop Owen"

"But opening the rift brought you and Toshiko back, Owen did the right thing. If it had been up to me you might still be trapped there…"

"He shouldn't have opened the rift, I'm still not convinced it's not going to cause worldwide catastrophe. Oh and nicely done with the shoulder by the way" He said laughing.

I got up so I could face him now, leaning against his desk.

"I feel awful about that. But you have just reminded me of something Sir..." – I felt it only fair to warn him in case Owen did blab. "I think Owen knows about this, about us."

I waited with knots in my stomach.

"I know he mentioned it to me earlier", Cheers Owen, "But don't worry; I told him it was a onetime thing".

"Oh right" was all I could think to reply, so now I know how Jack sees us.

"Yea, I just thought it was better that way, we don't want to seem unprofessional and I didn't want the others to think that you'd get preference because of it or anything. Of course, you know you're my favourite anyway." He said grinning his heart breakingly beautiful smile. "Besides it makes it all more fun to keep it as a secret" He said standing up to meet me.

"I suppose so Sir" I lied, forcing a smile back.

He place his hands either side of me on the desk, trapping me. Then he kissed me so passionately it made me want to cry.