50

"Oh look, its my savior, my knight and shining armor," Alex says dully, once she feels Piper staring at her.

"Can I come in?," she asks standing along the edge of Alex's cinder block cubicle.

"Please," she continues with the sarcasm, as she pushes her glasses up onto her head, "enter my palace, that I've been so graciously gifted with, again, thanks to you." She moves from the center of her sorry excuse for a mattress to make room for Piper to sit down.

The blonde exhales as she sits, "I know you probably don't want to hear it..."

"You're sitting here, because I'm willing to listen to you. Why? I dont know," she wiggles her crossed feet underneath her thighs, her toes curl as Piper sits straight on her bed. She pushes Piper's shoulders down, forcing her posture to slump. "Don't beat around the bush, say what you need to say."

Piper nods and looks straight ahead while talking, "...while you were gone, I got furlough."

She looks at her shocked, "you got out of here?"

Piper looks at her when she hears the shock in her voice, "yeah for like 48 hours." Alex's mouth opens to speak, but Piper continues quickly, "my grandma died," she says sadly with averted eyes.

Alex's mouth shuts closed, "I'm sorry Pipes. Bill's mom?"

"Yeah," she nods in confirmation.

"I'm sorry kid," she says genuinely, "I know she really helped you through some rough times."

"Yeah," she says in reflection. "Alex, while I was out there, I realized..."

Alex cuts her off, as she realizes the missed opportunity, "you were out, and you didn't try to see me afterwards? You knew where I lived."

"I was still mad at you."

"I wrote you like 10 letters, and you couldn't be bothered to answer one," she says matter-of-factly.

"I'm trying to talk to you now."

Alex huffs, annoyed that she continues to give Piper the time of day when she knows she can crack her heart wide open in an instant. "Okay then?," she says, willing her to get on with it.

"Alex I realized, when I was all dressed up, standing in my parents house, talking to my father," she breathes, "Alex they're never going to see me for who I actually am. And it's taken me...fucking forever, to figure that out. There are parts of me, that... I don't know..."

She nods willing her on.

"...I want some of those things they want for me, the things everyone seems to want."

"The house, the kids?"

"Sometimes, yeah. But I don't want it to be an expectation. I don't want to feel shamed for not following what was set out for me. I want to be whoever I feel like being," she looks over at her, "and just want someone who loves me for that. I'm done fighting myself."

"Pipes, I..," she pauses, because it's too easy. Why should she get to hear a love confession, when she wants to, on demand, just like that? But her words are all right. It's what she's been waiting to hear, but she doesn't want to let her guard down, when she knows that Piper is a swinging pendulum.

She glares at the blonde, frustrated by the way she always makes her feel. But she releases, ready to speak, letting her gaze soften slightly, because her feelings, while they are many things, they are no secret. She's tired of walking past Piper, purposely avoiding any conversation of this magnitude after being resentenced for violating parole.

"... I love you...for who you are, and unfortunately, I fucking always will," she laughs at the injustice.

The unfortunately, forms a knot in Piper's stomach.

"I would let you in again, but..."

But.

"I...cant...do this. Even the possibility of losing you...I honestly don't know if I could take it."

"I'm not gonna leave you."

"You're speaking as if we're together. We're not," she says this to be clear. "Don't be presumptuous, it's unappealing."

Piper corrects herself, after being smacked with a dose of reality, "I wouldn't leave you."

"Again? You wouldn't leave me again, you mean, right? Because twice now, you've turned your back on me, and I'm not saying it was easy for you but you have no idea what it does to me. To see your back," she stops, "to look at you while you tell me in the same breath that you love me, that you're choosing to be with someone else."

"Alex I...," she reaches for her hand gently.

The touch causes the brunette to sharply inhale. She wants to let Piper continue, to feel her fingers intertwine with hers, but she quickly snaps her hand back, "no! You don't get to do this."

Piper retracts her hand.

"You deserve what you want out of life, but so do I. Sort of? And I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me the same way. Because I'll always feel it, that you could've done better."

Piper shakes her head, wishing Alex would look at her, "I do want to be with you, with the same intensity that you want to me with me. I do, please believe me. I'm sure."

"You're sure right now," she emphasizes the depth of Piper's love. Her gaze fiercely pierces the blonde.

"No, Alex I've thought about this tirelessly, and hoped for the possibility that you'd at least be willing to talk about it."

"I can't promise you everything you want. Fuck, you don't even know what you want half the time, and while I'm okay with that, in the same way that you don't want things to be expectations for you, I don't want any either." She thinks back to the last time Piper asked her about their end game. "Nothing would've been completely off the table. If I saw that you really wanted something, I would've at least listened, because it would mean that we could still be together. But you couldn't give me the same opportunity, to see if maybe I'd want some of those same things."

"Because you always made it seem like a marriage and homeownership, represented a settlement of life. Like some stability meant complacency, like you'd be missing out on something better."

"I...," she scoffs with an exhale.

Piper snaps, "well isn't that how you regard it? Like this colorful world of opportunity gets blanketed with a heavy grey cloud, that sucks all of the luster into its darkened vortex."

"It's a big deal Piper, and it takes a lot of things off the table. It alters your life forever."

"Yeah I know, its a fucking marriage Alex, an honorable commitment of your love for someone. New possibilities can arise with that kind of commitment, have you ever thought about that? The things you'd gain? I'm not saying I want to be married, but it would be nice to know, that it's floating through the back of your head, as a possibility."

"We're not even together!," she hisses with frustration. Minutes ago, they began talking, truly for the first time in weeks, and the discussion of marriage was already on the table.

"Fine!," she says scooting toward the edge of Alex's bed. She places her hands at the edge and pushes herself upright, "as usual it was wonderful chatting with you. You know where my cube is."

"Could you not fucking run away? For once in your life, just stay."

Piper clutches onto the edge of her cubicle, wanting to leave, having just been reminded that in this moment, her and Alex are nothing anymore.

Alex reaches her hand out. Piper looks up at the unexpected gesture, she walks closer and takes Alex's outstretched hand. The brunette pulls her down some so she'll sit down again.

"I don't know why I'm doing this," she whispers, upset that her gate always seems to rise just high enough so that the blonde can crawl under and come back into her space. Piper looks at her warily. "It's gonna take some time," she starts, "for me to trust you, for you to trust me again."

"I know, I have a lot of work to do on my own. You'll see, I'm just really starting to see."

"Yeah?"

She nods, "and you can call me out when I'm regressing, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Perhaps, if I can find the time to be bothered, I'm kind of busy."

"I want another chance, a real chance, now that things are clearer."

She inhales through her nose and slowly, but loudly exhales, "you don't get to just bail if things get shitty, or something shinier comes along, do you hear me?"

Piper's eyes glisten, she doesn't nod in agreement or shake her head in opposition. She just sits and stays.

"I don't know why things always have to be so fucked up between us," she says toward a silent Piper. "I'll try to get over some of my preconceptions, but you have to hear me out too, or this is never going to work. It's going to continue swirling around this endless tunnel of bullshit and I don't have the energy anymore."

Piper nods and leans her head into Alex's shoulder, she feels her arm rest along the back of her neck and across her shoulder. The brunette lifts up to see if any of the C.O.'s are paying attention before slinking down along the hard bed frame, taking Piper with her.

"This is your day too, how do you see it happening?," she doodles on her notepad, waiting for Alex to respond.

"I dunno, nothing too over the top?," she says with a little hesitation in case Piper wanted a banquet style hooplah.

"I don't want a big sit down dinner," she confirms, "it should be casual. Buffet style? Let people choose what they want."

"Yeah? I'd like that. Open bar though?"

"Yeah of course," she laughs and writes that down.

Alex sits up straight and bites her lip.

"What?," Piper asks at the sudden change in body language.

"I have an idea...," she says and gets up quickly, she pulls Piper along.

"Where are we going?"

"Just hear me out," she says. They get in their car and drive until Alex parks the car along the sidewalk outside the bar where they met. She points, through the windshield, "what do you think?"

"We're gonna get married in a bar?," she says unrealistically. "I'm all about the low-key, but isn't this kind of pushing it?"

"They have a yard, c'mon," she says reaching out for the car door handle. She gets out and slams the door of her car before Piper has a chance to undo her seatbelt.

She's already asking the bartender to speak to a manager when Piper gets inside. They're told no one's been married there before, but there's a first time for everything. They walk out into the yard that's lightly covered in snow, as the manager drags a table toward the furthest end and asks them to help bring out a few chairs to estimate how many they could fit there if needed.

"Can we just have a minute?," Piper asks, excusing themselves to talk privately. "Al...," Piper breathes and continues to look at her skeptically.

"Piper we could...look," she stands behind Piper and rests a hand on her shoulder as she points to a corner of the garden. "From that pole to that piece of fence, we could string lights. We can get married once the sun starts to go down, and it could be all magical and shit. Or we could add a fuck load of flowers or whatever else you'd want to make it look like less of a bar."

Piper smiles at her enthusiasm, "look at you, all excited."

She comes down slightly from her high, slightly embarrassed, "it's just symbolic."

"You're so cute."

"Yeah yeah."

"You really think we could pull it off here?"

"Yeah, c'mon." They grab a seat inside, and make a quick guest list, managing to keep it minimal, down to the people who they really wanted present. They look over the names of about 50 people or so, step back into the yard and agree that they'd fit.

"Don't you think it's going to be awkward? Here with our friends... my parents?," she nervously laughs.

"Just slightly, but the people who say yes, should expect the unconventional right?"

She cuddles into her. "We're really doing this," she says, as the reality sets in deeper.

A rush of nervous energy runs through the brunette at the prospect. She pulls Piper close and nibbles into her neck, causing the blonde to moan out.

"Shh," she laughs and looks back toward the open door of the bar.

"Well I can't control it when you do that!"

"You're so loud!"

They're seated at the hotel's brunch table the following morning. Nicky pours Francesca a cup of coffee from the carafe when Alex and Piper waltz in, fresh and happy.

Nicky shoots Alex a look and shakes her head with a laugh.

"What?,"the brunette asks.

"Not-a-thing ," she responds to Alex. "Sleep well?," she asks Piper.

"Yeah, the bed was really comfortable."

"Had good give?," Nicky asks with a serious tone as she butters a piece of toast.

Piper raises a brow while she pours herself a cup of coffee. Alex realizes Nicky heard them overnight and does what she can, to delay the ridicule of noisy sex.

The waiter takes their order and walks away.

"So, d'you guys have a good night?," the brunette asks.

"Yeah," Nicky says putting down her knife, "our night was just fine."

"Is that all? No, riveting conversations?"

Nicky tenses some, but relaxes when Alex stops talking.

Francesca starts humming the theme music from the pool scene of "Wild Things," while Nicky starts moaning.

Piper's face turns a few shades in the direction of crimson and shoves Alex with her foot under the table.

Francesca says to Piper, "I thought you were sleeping? Faker."

"I was!," she says defensively, "Oh my God."

Francesca sports a huge smile, "it's not a big deal, we barely heard you."

"Yeah it wasn't like we listened at the door or anything," Nicky adds.

"Jesus," Alex laughs, "she," she says pointing to Nicky but looks at Francesca, "is turning you into a Neanderthal."

"Hey, it didn't take much convincing for her to listen too."

Francesca knew she'd throw her under the bus, "I was getting ice!"

"Yeah, to cool herself off from the fires of passion that seeped beneath the door."

"Ok enough, yes, we had sex," Piper whispers, "and yes I am loud, apparently. Can we please just have a normal breakfast conversation?"

Nicky takes a huge bite of her buttered toast, "yeah... sure... like what?"

"Like what you two did last night? Or didn't do? Or talk about?"

Nicky stops mid chew and moves the wad of bread to her cheek, with widened eyes.

Piper continues, "I mean are we really going to sit here and talk around the subject? Honestly," she scoffs, "you're around a wedding, you're naturally going to think about it, as a topic to bring to the table."

"This is not the same," Nicky says through gritted teeth, telling Piper to back off.

"But isn't it? If you two feel comfortable enough to mock my moans, then I should feel comfortable enough to ask what you two plan on doing for the rest of your lives."

"Pipes," Alex says with warn.

"No, lets go... stop being a chicken shit. You both want to live together, but are too scared at the possibility of it ruining what you have, meanwhile you're missing out on all of the benefits."

"Playing house isn't for everyone," Nicky barks.

Alex raises a hand, and looks around absurdedly as no one has come over to ask if she needs alcohol. "Can I have some Baileys?," she says to anyone who works for this outdoor café. She pours a nip into her coffee and takes a sip. Her eyes glance up to the heavens, thanks ma, she says internally for teaching her ways to make a boozed breakfast acceptable.

"Playing house," Piper points at Alex but keeps her eyes on Nicky, "you're preaching to the choir."

Francesca gets up and walks away, and Piper suddenly feels terrible, never having upset Francesca before, and for pressing the issue in this setting.

"Thank you," Nicky says pissed at Piper and gets up to go follow Francesca.

Nicky briskly walks after her girlfriend, "I'm sorry, I tease her about this stuff all the time, I didn't know she'd jump on the defense, and lay all our shit out."

She shakes her head, "it's fine."

"No it's not fine, it's not her place to tell us what we should be doing. If we were ready to move in together, we would've by now."

She shrugs her shoulder and shakes her head, wishing she'd had the nerve to do this before someone called her on it. "I have a key... that I had made for you," she tells Nicky.

"You do?"

She nods quickly, with a small smile, "I wanted to give it to you, like...," she thinks for a moment, "a year ago," she exhales.

The strawberry blonde, raises her hand to her mouth and bites her nails.

"I've had it in my wallet, never knowing what day would be a good day to ask."

"So why didn't you?"

"I was afraid you'd say no. That I'd scare you off."

"It is a little terrifying."

"I know it is."

"I've always lived on my own."

"I know that, but you know how I am? I'd give you your space."

She nods, "and I'm really sloppy."

"I know that too," she laughs. "You think I don't see the clutter shoved behind your door, or that I haven't gone into the hall closet and wondered if it was a portal to the Bermuda Triangle?"

Nicky laughs out loud.

Piper exhales from their table, relieved by the sound of Nicky's laugh. "It's a lot of togetherness," Nicky tells her.

"It's a big deal," Francesca confesses.

"It is a big deal!," Nicky agrees with lit up eyes.

The night before their wedding, Alex zips her duffel bag closed, and throws the loop over her head.

"I don't understand why we need to be separated," Piper whines from their bed. "Why can't we sleep in the same room, when nothing else about this wedding is traditional?"

"Because it's bad luck," Alex says before she kisses her long and hard.

"Okay ew, save it for tomorrow," Polly says pushing them apart.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Alex says to her smiling as she steps toward their bedroom door. She turns around, "you better show up," she says pointing at Piper which causes her to force a smile.

"I'll think about it," she says toward the brunette's back as she walks out of their bedroom and heads to Nicky's for her last night as an unmarried woman.

She unzips the garment bag that's hung over Nicky's door for weeks now, and takes it in one more time, laying out all of her accessories alongside it.

Nicky nods as she has for the upteenth time, assuring the brunette, that everything works well together, "you've got everything? Where are your vows?"

She pulls out the envelope with her folded papers and raises it over her head before putting it back in the bag, "you have a copy too though, right?"

"Yep."

"Okay something old," she says pushing her hands into her mother's red pumps, "something new," she points a shoe toward her dress, "something borrowed," she stands up and points toward the netted veil that's hanging over the door hook, "and...shit, I forgot my something blue," she takes the shoes off her hands. "What am I gonna do?," she says, her voice is panicked.

"Yo, chill. What was your something blue?"

"I had blue underwear."

"Of course you did."

"Nicky! What the fuck am I gonna do?"

"Alright let's go get them. Breathe."

"No, it's too late, ugh."

"Alright look, let's just go out and get you some new ones. New and blue. Extra luck, okay?"

"Okay," she agrees and they head to the lingerie store.

After scanning around the store, she narrows it down to two pairs of blue panties, "which one says 'come at your sexy wife?'"

"You know this is really awkward, picking out your wedding night sex clothes. Just get one, so we can get outta here."

"Don't act like you haven't eavesdropped at our door trying to hear the slapping skin okay?"

"You know, I'm offended by such an accusation."

Alex looks at her seriously to choose.

"Ugh those," she says pointing to the ones with barely any material.

She exhales and nervously looks over the underwear again, "I can't believe I almost messed that up."

"Vause, you gotta calm down."

"It's a big deal Nicky!"

"I know it is, but it's a great kind of big deal."

"But its a great kind of big deal," Nicky completes, letting it settle, that the nervous butterflies are only there because she cares so much about this woman.

Francesca smirks. "So we're doing this? You want to move in with me?" Nicky nods, allowing the wide smile to to take over her face, "yeah."

She's guided through the bar toward the back of the garden, when Nicky tells her Piper just arrived.

She peaks through the door that leads out to the garden to view the set up and their guests. The energy is thick in the air, and while the butterflies won't seem to settle, the promise she's about to make, is something she's never been more sure of.

The bar manager, pulls their makeshift byobu across the center of the bar to keep the ladies separated.

She talks through the screen, "Pipes?"

"Yeah?," she chokes out with relief at Alex's voice.

"You okay?," she says releasing the anxiety that was pent up. It had felt like the longest day, a day full of the biggest nerves and not being able to lean on Piper for support.

"Yeah, my ass is sweating."

"Piper...," Alex hears Mrs. Chapman drone with a tsk. "Sorry, but it is."

The brunette smiles widely, "I'll see you in a minute, okay?"

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you too."

Polly steps around the folding screen and comes onto Alex's side with Finn, Piper hears her gasp.

"What?," Piper asks through the screen.

"Nothing," Polly says gently, as she hugs Alex. She takes Finn by the hand and slowly walks with him to the front of their processional line.

The music starts to play, she squeezes Nicky's hand as she watches Polly reach the end of the aisle. She steps to the side of the altar with Finn, who holds onto a stick with their rings attached.

As Nicky, pokes her elbow out for Alex to grab onto, she comes up on her toes to adjust her veil a quarter of an inch. "Ready?," she asks as she stands with the brunette in the doorway of the bar.

"As I'll ever be," she says as their guest's stand up. They proceed up the aisle and stop halfway.

"You're not gonna fall over right?," Nicky asks letting her arm go cautiously.

"No," she kisses her cheek, "thanks."

Nicky proceeds down the rest of the aisle and stands opposite Polly on the other side of the officiant.

Midway down the aisle, Alex turns around and waits for Piper. Time pauses as Piper steps up to the base of the aisle. Her arms are linked through each one of her parents', she clutches her bouquet of wild flowers close to her dress. Her smile widens taking in the brunette who's waiting for her in the center of their aisle. Her dark hair is curled and pinned in an updo, the birdcage veil that covers her face, is held in place by a retro flowery hair piece. Sheer fabric covers the length of her arms, her tattoos are still visible but discreet for the occasion. Her dress flares out slightly at her waist, and stops at the length, just below her knee.

Alex shuts her eyes for a moment, wanting to keep this memory in her mind forever. As Piper's parents begin to walk her down the aisle, Alex takes in the blonde, and feels the calm wash over her. Her veil is pinned between her half-up hairstyle, the lace surrounds her shoulders and lays over the bodice of the sleeveless sweetheart neckline of her simply stated vintage dress. Her earrings have a touch of blue, she can't help but notice how they bring out the blue in her fiancé's eyes.

At the center of the aisle, both women's smiles are stretched ear to ear.

"You look so pretty," Piper tells her immediately, not able to believe this is happening.

As her father let's her go, he motions her arm toward Alex, "take care of her."

She nods, and whispers "I will."

They proceed up together slowly, Piper looks down as she walks, "are you wearing red shoes?," she asks her surprised.

She chuckles, "yeah."

"You're supposed to wear blue. I thought you of all people would know about that one. It's good luck."

"Who says I'm not?," she whispers.

"Where is it?," she whispers back.

"You'll find it later," she growls.

Piper laughs out as they reach the altar.

After the guests are seated and the welcome convocation is through, Cal comes up to do a reading of "The Art of Marriage" by Wilferd A. Peterson.

Nicky hands a tall glass of colored paint toward Piper and then one towards Alex. They carefully walk behind an easel with a blank canvas, as Polly gets behind them to make sure no parts of their dresses are in the line of potential paint splatter.

As each woman pours her paint over the canvas the officiant reads, "as these two vessels of paint are poured over this central canvas, the individual colors will no longer exist, but will be joined together as one."

As they step away from the art piece that represents their union, Polly moves it away while mumbling, "paint while wearing white dresses!," and moans that theyre going to cause her to stroke out.

The officiant continues with their expression of intent and asks them to exchange their vows.

"... and right through that door," she points back, "I teased you, like a little kid on the playground, but I knew from the second I saw you, that you were special. I thought I had you figured out, but you threw me for a whirlwind. You redefined what adventure meant for me, and you continue to keep me on my toes. You have changed my life in so many ways, and I know you'll continue to, which is more than enough adventure for me. With you, I have an equal partner, a best friend to go through the ups and downs that life still has in store. I vow to be next to you while we share the greatest joys that our future has to offer and I vow to be beside you when you struggle, have doubt and need me the most. To me, marrying you is an irreversible life long commitment. I promise to love you, honor you, listen to you, and build my life with you."

"Alex, when you asked me to be your wife, I didn't think it was possible to feel more commited to you, than I already did. Something changed between us that day, and the heightened sense of commitment that I felt towards you that day, has once again overcome me today. We've spent more time apart than we ever want to again, but I know we both agree that those times have strengthened our relationship and have given us what we need to get through times ahead that may challenge us. With you, I can be me, and I couldn't ask for a greater gift. That kind of love... no human ties are more tender, no other vow, than to love each other for who we are, is more sacred, and I'm so grateful and excited to have that forever with you."

The officiant asks for the rings, and with Polly's help, Finn hands them to Piper and Alex.

"These rings are an ancient symbol, blessed and simple... round like the sun... like the eye... like arms that embrace... and like a circle's perfect figure, may these symbols remind you... that your love, like the sun...illuminates...that your love...like the eye...must see clearly...that your love... like arms that embrace... is a grace upon the world and that your love like a circle is without beginning, without end, with no area of weakness."

They slip their wedding rings over each others fingers, and make their promise.

"Alex and Piper, I ask that you please hold each others hands, look down and take them in, for these are the hands of your best friend, strong and vibrant with love, that are holding your hands on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other all the days of your life. These are the hands that will work along side yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams. These are the hands that will countless times, wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow and tears of joy. These are the hands that will comfort you in time of challenge or doubt and hold you when you are sad. These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times. And these are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness. Hold onto each other tightly."

The squeeze each others hands firmly. Their fingers brush over the new symbols, adorned over their fourth fingers.

"Because Alex and Piper, you have showered our hearts with expressions of your love, and promised each other the joy of all your days, in the presence of your loved ones, it gives me great honor and pleasure to now pronounce married. You may kiss your bride."

Piper's head is in her hands, the distress of what she's said has taken its toll as Nicky and Francesca are only now finally returning to their table. She profusely apologizes, though Nicky and Francesca don't seem to be listening to her at all. Nicky sits in her chair, one leg bent under the other, as Francesca is crouched down by her purse that hangs on the back of her chair. She unzips the coin pocket of her wallet and holds the key in her hand and looks at Nicky who's looking down at her. She sits down at the table and slides it next to Nicky.

"Thanks," she says and puts it in her pocket, like its no big deal. "What just happened?," Piper asks them confused.

"Just got the key to my new place."