After that regrettable incident this morning, everything has carried on in some strange for of normality. I entered the main floor of the hub bearing coffee for all to find everyone busily working away at their respective stations: Owen was dissecting a section of Weevil tissue, Tosh was still working on her translation programme and Gwen was finishing off some admin.
I realised that I'd made five cups by accident, out of habit, but I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and pretended I wasn't dying inside.
Now that we were (finally) all assembled, Gwen just seemed to take command and began organising us.
"Toshiko you and I will monitor any rift activity for the morning. Owen, once you're done with the dissection I need you to go up to the hospital and follow up the call that I received this morning about some mysterious cases of cyanide poisoning. Ianto, this isn't going to work unless we have you on board full time, for all missions. The three of us can't handle it by ourselves, are you in?"
The way she spoke to everyone, it sounded so natural, so like Jack that I lost my words for a moment before I could respond.
"Absolutely, I don't want to let the team down" I replied, forcing what I hoped was a convincing smile onto my face.
"Excellent, well then, you can spend the morning on target practise then swap onto rift monitoring this afternoon if you like."
"Sounds good to me". I almost slipped in a Sir at the end; I had to bite my tongue to stop myself.
In the end I didn't get much practise in the firing range before Owen called us from the hospital. He's been assessing four bodies which were brought into the hospital last night, seemingly unconnected with each other except for the fact that they were all male and had the same cause of death. Cyanide, or so the hospital thought. And sure enough, the victims had appeared to die from oxygen starvation, and were showing the classic signs of a death by cyanide: cherry red blood, pink skin, and the slight smell of almonds emulating from the blood. Upon such evidence one might have just assumed that cyanide was the only explanation, and have left it there. But not Owen. He saw the peculiarity in four cyanide deaths reported in a row, and he saw the teeth marks in the victim's skin, and he knew further investigation was needed. So he requested blood and tissue samples which he has now brought back with him to the hub to analyse, it appears as if we have a proper mission in the making. Our first one without Jack…
I can't stop thinking about how foolishly I behaved last night; I shouldn't have let myself get into such a state. I know why I did it, because I still feel exactly the same as I did then, like someone has taken a knife and slashed my life to shreds. Jack has left, leaving a large gaping hole that I won't ever be able to fill. I have let him hurt me in the worst way possible, but I can't hate him for it, not ever, I love him far too much for hatred. As long as I am feeling like this, which I will be for the foreseeable, Jack-less future, I will do my best to conceal this from the others, for the sake of Torchwood, I just have to keep that in mind.
Owen has analysed the blood and tissue samples of the victims now, and has found something which has given us even further cause for investigation. Cyanide usually works by attacking red blood cells and preventing them from binding to oxygen, hence death by suffocation. But in this case, the blood samples revealed that an unfamiliar protein had attached itself onto all four the patient's blood cells. This appeared to have the same effects on the body as the poison, but was most certainly not cyanide. We were getting somewhere.
Owen had taken the tissue samples from where the patient's had bite marks, the marks weren't in the same place on each patient, but all were near large arteries. Sure enough, when Owen finished his tests, we found that there was a higher concentration of this unknown substance around the bitten area; it had to be alien.
So Owen and I went off to question the victims' families whilst Toshiko and Gwen were still monitoring the rift, and looking out for anymore hospital reports. I'm so glad we didn't have to tell the casualties' friends and relatives of their death this time, that was always the most awful part.
Nothing of much use came up during the investigations, all four families reacted similarly, wanting to talk a little about the happy memories they had had with their loved ones, rather than what might have killed them. The trip did reveal that all four were members of the same gym – could that be related? Tosh certainly thought it might be, she and Gwen have gone to check it out whilst Owen and I stay here watching out for rift alerts.
Owen's still calling me teaboy, but no longer in a sarcastic manner, in fact I think he's even trying to be nice to me today. I was dreading spending a prolonged period of time here, just him and myself, but it was fine. We were busy with work, so didn't do a great deal of chatting, but when we did it was all pleasant and not at all awkward. Of course, we only talked about the mundane little things: brands of coffee, television, whether Weevils really were all females or not… If either of us had mentioned what was really on our minds, then things may have become very awkward, very quickly.
I've noticed that the number of missing persons is starting to rise again in Cardiff. I hope it's not connected.
The rift alert monitor sounded, and Owen and I were off to catch what would most likely be a Weevil. We told Tosh and Gwen over the comms that we were headed off out and that if they needed us, they were to contact us asap – whatever her and Gwen were up against, it seemed more dangerous than a Weevil.
Owen and I had just got back to the hub, sedated Weevil in tow, when Gwen contacted us asking us to meet her and Toshiko at the gym immediately. We didn't need asking twice, so we loaded our new edition (I'm thinking Ramona is a good name for this one?) into a cell and loaded ourselves into the SUV, I didn't bother fighting with Owen over who got to drive.
We met them in the second locker room; they'd picked up traces of the residue that always surrounded the creatures that fell through the rift, like some sort of intergalactic radiation. On top of this, they'd found traces of blood by the showers. We collected a sample, and I'd have bet any money that it contained the same cyanide impersonating protein that we discovered in the victims' blood.
The girls had been speaking to various people at the gym, some of whom had known our victims; apparently those who had been killed had been last sighted entering the second locker room. Always alone, and always relatively late evening, near the 9.00 pm closing time. There had been others too on top of our four, some of who were on the lists of missing people I'd received form the police. It all sounded horribly creepy and suspicious to me.
The most inconvenient part was that there was no security footage from the locker room, as obviously it would be breeching a ridiculous amount of laws to have a camera filming while people were changing. Owen seemed disappointed by that – I reminded him that it was a men's changing room.
Most of the guys from the gym had taken against using the second locker room, out of superstition more than anything else but I believe that they have every reason to be superstitious about using that room, I know I would be. Which is why I was absolutely not looking forward to the idea of us returning again tomorrow, late at night to stake out the locker room and catch our murderous being. Sometimes I think Torchwood gets all the fun.
After returning from the gym at around 5.00 pm, Gwen was keen for us all to go home early, to relax and get some rest before the big mission tomorrow; we were all getting in bright and early tomorrow to discuss strategy. But I can't relax at home, if I go home I will have time to myself, to think, and run all of the past few days events through my head and I just can't take that right now.
I need a distraction, because I am desperately trying to avoid thinking about Jack as the more I give in to my thoughts, the more I am hurting myself. Every time my brain pulls out his name from a subconscious thought or a memory, it's like someone is tugging part of my heart, just enough to cause a painful, numbing sensation. It's been only a day, and I'm already not sure how much longer I can keep up this 'I'm fine' charade in front of everyone. How could I be fine in a world which requires me to forget my feelings and man up for the sake of the team? A world without him…
We've been arguing about our tactics for this evening all day. Things started off pleasantly enough, I made everyone coffee in the newly fixed machine as usual, although Gwen did tell me that I didn't have to anymore. I wasn't sure if I was pleased that I wasn't seen as 'just the teaboy' anymore, or saddened that that was really all they had seen me as before. Either way, 'a morning without a coffee from Ianto, is would be a very bad morning indeed' as put by Tosh, so I don't think I have been made redundant from that duty quite yet.
It was when we got down to business that things kicked off a little, with no leader to direct us all nobody could agree on our approach.
Owen wanted just two of us to go in, armed only with stun guns, whilst the other pair waited outside with back up.
Toshiko wanted none of us to enter, but rather to advertise the locker room as out of order, place a camera inside, observe our enemy overnight then enter tomorrow when we had a better idea of what we were up against.
Gwen wanted us to 'enter as a team and leave as a team' (dear lord) and to take with us the portable cell from the inventory, along with four of our finest guns.
I didn't have enough experience to have a strong opinion, or maybe I was apprehensive at making a decision without guidance from the man that I should not be thinking about. In the end we settled for Gwen's plan. She's been a rather smug since that decision was made; I wonder if that means she'll be taking charge permanently now?
Yes, what we were up against was definitely more dangerous than a Weevil, in fact possibly more dangerous than anything we have encountered before. It was a vampire, or at least something very much like a vampire.
We entered the gym locker room at 9.00 pm last night, after being granted out of hour's access with approval from the police. I was scared stiff, everyone was. We entered the room, completely unaware of what may greet us on the other side of the door.
I was genuinely surprised when we entered and found nothing more than an empty locker room with nothing more than a few discarded items of clothing. Then we heard a banging noise and the most ungodly scream imaginable, seemingly coming from inside one of the lockers.
The banging continued and we edged further and backwards away from the locker in question, almost so our backs were against the wall.
None of us anticipated what happened next; a deathly pale, male, human esque figure sprung out from the locker. On closer examination, the creature was anything but human; it had small black eyes and two rows of extremely sharp looking teeth, we had undoubtedly found our killer. On seeing us the monster moved insanely quickly, hissing as he lunged straight for Gwen. Thankfully Owen, fuelled by adrenaline, was quicker and activated the portable cell trapping him in his tracks.
After ten minutes of more hissing and screaming to be set free, the creature calmed down enough for interrogation.
"What are you?" Gwen began. No reply.
"Who are you?"
"Erasmus Hannigan" We were getting somewhere.
"Where did you come from?"
"I came through the rift when it splintered, others were taken back in but I survived here somehow, much to my delight" He replied with a wicked, unruly gleam in his eyes.
Owen went white at the mention of the rift.
"Why have you been murdering these innocent people?" Gwen asked, her anger now showing in her voice.
Erasmus simply laughed the most harrowing of laughs and answered "Because I must. I must kill to survive."
"Why, why must you kill?" She questioned, evidently trying not to reach for her gun there and then.
"I need their blood; I can't live without human blood" He grinned baring those awful teeth. "I bite them and infect them with my venom, then drain them dry" He finished, his grin didn't fade.
It was the most sinister ordeal we had been through since the cannibals. Gwen was stunned into silence.
"Then why leave some victims? The ones we found hadn't been drained of blood." I found myself saying.
"They were just for fun" He said and winked. I felt sick. "So what are you going to do to me?" He said, questioning us now.
"It's undecided" replied Toshiko.
"No it's not. I can see it in her face" He said pointing to Gwen. "She wants me dead, I've known it from the moment she started talking to me".
I could see it in her eyes too . It was all too reminiscent of the incident with the cannibals and that had really struck home with Gwen. I knew she never would let herself do it, but she badly wanted to see him suffer and die. I was quickly discovering that a large part of Torchwood is maintaining self-control. She raised her gun and took off the safety, pointing it straight at him, for a second I thought she'd had a lapse in control and I wouldn't have blamed her.
"Yes. I do and it would be so easy to see it through knowing what you've done. But do you know what I'm better than that, better than you." she stated, gun still raised and pointed.
"But I'm not" Owen said and quickly placed his hand on top of Gwen's and pulled the trigger.
We were silent in shock for a minute.
"I'm sorry but I had to. I've fucked up enough and caused enough death through opening that bloody rift. It was my fault he was here, and my responsibility to get rid of him."
Nobody resented him for it. Realistically what could we have done? This thing, this vampire as Tosh believed it was, wouldn't have stopped, it was pure evil. Shooting Erasmus was the kind of thing that the Captain would have previously taken it upon himself to do, giving us all cause to begrudge him just a little. Now it was up to us to take on this responsibility in his absence. Today Owen had taken the brunt of it, but tomorrow it might have to be Tosh or Gwen or even me, and that thought was petrifying. The idea of taking someone else's life.
We need Jack back, I need him. To come swanning back in to the hub, coat flaring out as he walks and I need him to come and take charge again. I need him to protect me again, as I see now that he had been trying his best to do whilst he was here. Of course, I know that none of this will ever happen, because he is gone for good and I should hate him but I still can't bring myself to, because I love him.