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Chapter 11

Somehow, she ends up at Tori's house.

The tension had been too thick not to break up with words.

"Let me out."

"Cat, we're in the middle of nowhere, and this neighborhood isn't exactly safe."

"Caterina, and I'll be fine."

"Yeah, right. Like you've been fine these last—months? Years?"

"I was doing fine."

"Of course you were."

Andre's tone is still biting, but there's more hurt now than anger, and guilt is making Caterina's stomach clench. She places two hands on her knees, willing her shoulders to stop shaking, for all the emotions to go away. Still, when she realizes where they're going, she doesn't protest. One shock—two, counting the breakup of BeckandJade—is more than enough. She doesn't think she—they—can take any more.

"Let me borrow your phone."

They don't ask her who she's calling.

Terry's voice is slightly worried, but only slightly. "You sure? I can come get you."

"It's okay," Caterina hears herself say, almost instinctively, "I'm with friends."

Terry doesn't argue after that, just sighs a little with something between pleasure and surprise. "I'll let the Boss know."

Beck's trailer is a bit too small for him to share with anyone but a lover, Andre's grandmother would ask questions, she wasn't on that good terms with Robbie, and none of them particularly wanted Jade to blow up at them just yet. Well, maybe Andre wanted her there, just a little, but he would never do that to Beck, not when the wound was still plastered all over the taller boy's face.

So, Tori it was.

Cat had always been jealous of Tori's beautiful house, her huge backyard and seemingly endless closet of clothes. She'd been jealous of the sparkling clean deck, the sleek television, and especially the glass table where she was sure Tori's family ate together every night. If that glass table was hers, it would be fogged, dirty, cracked. She'd always envisioned it as a reflection of how perfect Tori's life was.

Caterina, on the other hand, wanted to be as far away as possible. Pride choked her, planting her feet as Andre parked. She didn't want pity, especially not Tori's pity. She wasn't Cat.

Andre senses the fist clenching her stomach, or at least she assumes that's why he stops, finger inches from the doorbell, other hand poised to knock as if by making the loudest noise possible he could erase whatever nightmare he'd just experienced. Stars are supposed to chase away the dark.

But, he stops. Turns around, looks at her. She stares back, and wonders when he got so tall.

I won't tell if you don't want me to. I don't agree with you, but I won't force you into something you don't want.

She hesitates, looks away. They wait, and from behind her, Beck's heart clenches.

…okay.

Tori doesn't ask questions, just opens the door and lets them in. The mark on her cheek is all but gone, but her eyes are still red. Cat remembers then that while they'd been chasing Beck, Tori had been all alone, with only Robbie and maybe Rex to talk to. Guilt flutters through her again.

They end up sprawled in Tori's room, not talking, and between the softness of the sheets under her skin and the soft breeze Tori's fan in kissing underneath her hair, Caterina can feel the silence sinking underneath her, weighing her down. Andre and Beck take the floor, Tori slumps into a chair.

Caterina swallows, lifts her chin.

She will not be ashamed of her story.

When her friends—were they still even that?— had shown up at her door, Tori had assumed they were there to talk about Beck and Jade. It was all that had been on her mind, ever since Jade slapped her for asking too many questions and she rushed through all her classes trying to find someone, anyone to talk to.

Well, that wasn't strictly true—there had been more than enough people willing to talk, but she'd wanted someone who understood that this wasn't just a breakup, this was as shattering as any divorce—that Beck and Jade couldn't be apart. They just couldn't.

And then she'd heard some students whispering about how BeckCaterinaAndre weren't at school anymore and betrayal had hit hard. Why hadn't they taken her too?

Now, as she listens to Caterina's soft voice—so different from the strong, soulful vocals that the girl displayed when singing—she understands. And for once, Tori lets her own pain go, shutters the glow and lets her star dim.

It feels strange, telling everything to these three. When Cat had imagined letting someone know about her family circumstances—(when Cat wasn't too busy playing pretend and giggling about bunnies and rainbows)—she'd thought Jade would be her confidant. Strong, fierce Jade who'd protect her and hug her and let her cry. Or maybe she'd thought it would be Jade and Beck, so that while Jade raged for her, Beck could take care of the practical side of things.

She'd never imagined half of Jade and Beck, or perfect Tori, or laughing, talented Andre to sit there and listen to her without speaking, without judging. Just being there for her.

When she's done, there's a moment of pure silence. The very air goes quiet, waiting for the first breath, the first pair of eyes to blink and bring them back to reality. Caterina's heart is higher than she wants to admit, and her hands clenched. In that moment isolated from time, she wonders when her knuckles went white. She hadn't meant to let herself get so vulnerable.

Trina ruins the night, or saves it, when she slams open the door, screaming for her purple slippers. Tori grabs it from the floor, shoves it into her sister's face and screams back, and in that moment of normalcy Caterina looks down, catching her breath. She shoves Cat as far down as she can manage, ignoring the pain as her insides tear, and when she looks up, there is iron in her face, steel in her back. Glass in her eyes.

Unbeknownst to her, she's never looked more beautiful, or more heartbreakingly sad.