A/N: Hello lovely readers! I just didn't feel like I'd finished off the last chapter properly so here is a continuation of the last chapter. Oh and by the way I went to the Ianto Jones shrine at Cardiff Bay today! Very impressive to see how much the public loved Ianto! As always, hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing! Hannah xxx

After an immeasurable amount of minutes we reluctantly pulled apart, gasping for breath. It had been the kind of kiss that rolls away your senses, takes away your surroundings and addles your thoughts entirely. Previously I needed this feeling to block out the memories of Lisa and what I had let happen to her - I hadn't forgotten any of this of course, but although it was painful it seemed distant. Right now however, my body was telling me that I needed it to submerse myself in Jack, he'd been away for so long and I'd missed him to the point of heart break.

It was so easy to lose myself entirely in a kiss like that, as we joined together again and he started working his hands between my layers of clothing, trying to take of my jumper, I had to work to remind myself of the internal promise I'd made myself. He may have honestly shared all of his deepest secrets about his past, and even confessed to 'needing' me, but I'm not ready to pick up where we left off. I can't go back to it just yet because if I gave in to him in that way, and then it turned out that he had only come to this conclusion after the Doctor rejected him, or he found out about Gwen's engagement, or even if he simply changed his mind… I would hate myself for allowing my heart to be broken again. His testimony seemed genuine and I am touched that he was so truthful and willing to answer my questions, but I need a little more time to make sure.

I didn't want tonight to be about this, about the physical things, I wanted it to be about finding connection and understanding.

So I pulled away and plainly said: "Jack, don't".

"Stop?" He finished presumptuously and grinned. He didn't move his hands.

"Well going by what you've told me, you're 140 give or take a few years, and I'm 25… you don't want to earn a reputation as some sort of paedophile do you?" I said smiling, attempting to jokily back my way out of where things were headed.

"Well what can I say, I like younger men" He said, eyes gleaming wildly. He wasn't getting it.

Trying again I stated: "I thought you said you were a gentleman, this is our first date after all…" I said jokily, though trying to put my point firmly across as I delicately withdrew his wandering hands. His smile fell.

"Seriously?" He said, his tone ringing heavily with dejection.

"I'm sorry Jack; it's just too soon…" I said sighing.

"I've told you, you're not the one who needs to apologise for anything right now. But I just thought… with what I said… I mean you know what I meant right?"

"I think so, I just, I'm sorry Jack I'm just not ready to jump straight back in, I need a bit of time." I said, biting my lip.

"I told you now more apologies!" He said grinning half-heartedly. "Do you want me to go?" He said, biting his own lip now.

"NO. No." I said a little too eagerly, on realisation of this I started blushing, he seemed to find that highly amusing. He started chuckling to himself as I cleared away our plates and left the pans I'd used to soak, probably overnight.

He just stared, watching me tidy things away for a minute or two before speaking again. He asked me to tell him what it was like when he left. He said he needed to know so that he could decide whether chocolates were enough to make up for it or whether he'd need to stretch to a watch… or a car…He was joking because he couldn't face the idea of what I was about to say next, I could tell that he didn't really want to know that it was the worst 3 months of my life. I didn't have to tell him how I really felt, I could make something up, refuse to answer, but my eyes would betray the truth if nothing else did. I didn't want to make him feel guilty for it, because in my mind it was forgiven if not forgotten, but never the less I obliged.

I told him how recklessly and selfishly I behaved on that first evening, drowning away my sorrows. How I didn't want to face up to the reality that he was really gone, that he had really abandoned me. How much my heart ached from the loss and the loneliness, but how I couldn't bring myself to hate him for it because I'd come to realise in this time that I really was in love with him.

He had expected that, wanted to hear it even, perhaps to punish himself – he wanted to know the damage he had done. But I think I surprised him with what I said next.

"But do you know what" I started, now I had got going I didn't know when to stop, the words were willing themselves out of my mouth, I was about to say something stupid. "None of that hurt as much, made me feel as upset as the way you saw me before you left." Shit.

"What d'you mean?" He said, his voice guilt ridden but curious now.

I should have just kept my bloody mouth shut, I prayed internally for a rift alarm to sound on his wristwatch as I started to speak again: "It's just… oh I don't know Jack, we were only ever 'friends with benefits', I was convenient and second best. And to begin with that was fine, I didn't want a relationship, not straight away after Lisa, and I just liked… being with you. I didn't ever imagine that I would fall… It just became so painful to go through everyday knowing that you didn't feel the same, that you still saw us as a convenience. And worse still you were ashamed to admit that anything was even going on, I mean you said to Owen… and oh God. I shouldn't have said anything, I mean I understand why you might have felt like that I mean you're the boss and I'm… the tea boy and you're gorgeous and charismatic and I'm just…" I trailed off, suddenly rather flustered after saying far too much.

"Perfect?" He suggested coyly. I was surprised to see him stood there, resting against the counter in the kitchen just grinning at me. I was expecting to be met with full blown rage and a defence argument.

I just raised an eyebrow to that.

His grin faltered a little as he went to carry on: "Ianto Jones, you have never been second best. You are beautiful and intelligent and caring and funny and polite and charming and just wow; and I'm very sorry that it's taken me leaving to realise what's been staring in my face and to realise that I've been mistreating you."

"Really?" I said, not bothering to hide the smile that had crept onto my mouth after hearing that.

"Absolutely" He chuckled.

"So you wouldn't prefer to be with… say .. Gwen? I've seen the way you look at her and the way you act together and…" I asked nervously, whilst we were having an evening of talking, I thought I might as well just come out and say it.

"Honestly? At one point I thought something might happen between us, but I realised a long time ago that nothing ever will, we're too different. Sometimes she makes me want to be angry with her, very angry on occasion, but I can't be because…"

"Because you're in love with her?" I suggested and gulped back the lump in my throat.

"Because she reminds me of a close friend" He said very firmly. "Rose, she was lost… in the battle at Canary Wharf… stuck on the other side of the void, in a parallel universe, unable to return. The reason I am the way I am with Gwen is because when I'm talking with Gwen, I can picture Rose so clearly, and it just makes me happy. But if it really bothers you I can stop, because your happiness is more important than mine, especially now after what I put you through."

"Don't be silly Jack, I…"

"I mean it Ianto" He cut me off. "I'd do anything to make you happy again."

"Jack…"

"Yes?"

"We're still not having sex this evening."

"Damn it!" He replied and we both broke out into laughter.

"So what are we going to do then?" He said, eyebrows wiggling superiorly in a way which made me blush at the implications they held, despite the knowledge that the ball that was tonight's events was very much in my court.

And, thinking of balls I replied: "Oh I don't know there's always Wii tennis"

"You know I think it's hot when you get all angry and competitive! That'd be like torture!"

I just laughed in response, I knew we'd find some way to while away the evening.

And we did, we sat together curled up on the sofa, watching the Sound of Music. What a stereotypical picture we made, two men who were… romantically involved (?) watching a musical. I'd have made a comment to Jack but he just would have started on another speech about 21st Century citizens and their 'quaint little categories' and narrow mindedness. I had to make an effort to hold back the tears when they were singing Edelweiss at the concert and the whole audience joins in; that bit always gets to me, how despite all of the oppression from the Nazis they all love Austria so much. It's beautiful. Normally I wouldn't resist crying, but I hate crying in front of Jack, and I've done enough of that to last me a lifetime.

I woke up this morning surprised to find that Jack and I had woken up together (well I had woken - he's still going by the whole 'not needing sleep' thing and I've yet to catch him out) both still fully clothed.

Jack, still hoping to change my mind, had tried to insist that he would sleep naked, or in his boxers at least as he didn't bring pyjamas and didn't want to crumple his clothes by sleeping in them. He literally growled when I lent him a pair of mine. He grew further frustrated when I went into the bathroom to change, he said that he had waited a whole year to see my 'perfect' body again and this wasn't fair. I simply said that if he's waited a year, then the time left to wait really shouldn't seem that long comparatively.

He offered to make breakfast this morning, but I like this apartment, and I didn't want it to catch fire through Jack's attempts to make pancakes, I was only just in time to save the hub's kitchenette when he started making chips a few days ago... So I made our breakfast whilst he followed me around the kitchen in close proximity, as he had done when I'd made dinner the night before. It was again most distracting…

"You know this would be so much more fun if we weren't wearing any clothes?" He advised cheekily, grinning all the while.

"Really, in the Kitchen?"

"Why not…" He said, still grinning.

"I only just cleaned..." No way was I prepared to give in that is easily, he's right thought it probably would have been more fun…

"You're not budging on this are you?"

"No. No way, not today"

"Technically… you said we weren't having sex last night" He pointed out mischievously.

"Jack"

"Fine, fine!"

I just laughed in response and made a mental note to the lock the bathroom door when I went for my shower….