The others were rather grumpy with Jack for quite a few days after the Halloween escapade. Tosh was surprised that I wasn't angrier with Jack, especially considering that I detest the 31st so much, but I am finding it increasingly hard to get cross with that man. He has always managed to addle my thoughts, but since confessing my love for him it's like the effect he as on me has been amplified in return. Occasionally when he makes an inappropriate remark about an attractive stranger, or announces something personal about our relationship in front of the team, or forgets to bring his coffee mug down to be washed… I will give him the odd frown. But I am never serious. I know that Jack will always flirt and that doesn't bother me, and however much he embarrasses me in front of the team I can always relish in the fact that he no longer cares who knows what about us.
But I certainly don't blame the others for being angry with him though. It frightened us all out of our skin and caused Tosh to send the hub into lock down in order to stop 'the Gelth' from escaping meaning we were stuck there until 4.00 am the following morning. So much for enduring a few hours of hell and then retreating back to the delights of my own bed… Rather fittingly, and much to my dislike, we ended up telling ghost stories all evening. We're well into November now and I believe that all has been forgotten, thank goodness. Although rather worryingly Jack does keep bringing up that alternative, Lycra devil costume…
Anyway, today's the day for our annual defrosting of Tommy Brockless. This is the second time that I will have had the privilege to meet with the young soldier, but he has been with Torchwood now for 90 years. It must have been so strange for him to have witnessed the faces of Torchwood change over the years, to wake up seemingly only minutes later to find that everyone you had previously known has gone.
Though I suppose Jack will always have been there, he's worked for Torchwood since before Tommy was frozen. I keep meaning to ask him about what it was like all those years ago, about how the technology has changed and all the wonderful people he will have met. It must have been a lot harder to cope with all of the rift activity and paperwork relying upon Geiger counters and typewriters. Although I imagine I would have enjoyed the typewriter aspect, I still much prefer physical, paper documents to word processed ones. But, as much as I would love for Jack to transport me down memory lane, I'm worried it will upset him to talk about it all, or worse that he won't want to talk about it with me.
We still haven't worked out exactly when we will require Tommy's assistance, or exactly why he has been kept with us for so long. All we know is that in St Teilo's Hospital in 1918 part of the future and the present were colliding together due a time shift caused by the rift. However, we don't know when in the future it was so have no idea how much longer we'll be waiting. But we'll need him one day and all will become clear when that day comes.
I noticed that Tosh had made an extra effort when styling herself this morning, she always looks lovely but this morning she was positively radiant. Of course it was typical of Owen to observe that she was dressed up on the very day that she was trying to impress someone else. It's such a shame that Tommy isn't obtainable as a boyfriend for Tosh, he would treat her with the proper adoration and respect that she deserves all year round if he could, whereas Owen…
Owen had to shock him into life this time, he usually he comes round by himself after the defrosting to a confused and bewildered state which usually ends up with him punching Owen in the jaw. But this time he remained still and without a pulse, however Owen still got his annual punch.
As per usual I was the one left to produce the hot beverages, I didn't really mind but I gave off a sarcastic eye roll for effect, much to the amusement of Owen and Gwen – Tosh was too pre-occupied to notice it.
After breakfast and an extensive physical Tosh and Tommy left for their annual date – drinks, a film and a pizza. Gwen seemed to think it was a little odd, given that he's a frozen soldier from 1918 and all, but Tosh seems happy and that's good enough for me. As Jack said:
"Nobody's perfect"
Which is especially true within Torchwood, I mean it could be far weirder; she could be off on a date with a member of a completely different species!
Looking at past Torchwood photos with Gwen made me realise something, something that I've always known but have never been willing to confront. That nobody who works for Torchwood lives to retire at an old age, nobody lives to have grandchildren, they all die so young. We will all die so young. All except Jack, he'll go on living long after all of us, maybe indefinitely, will he forget about us, forget about me? Gwen seemed to notice that I was a little off when talking to her, she told me to cheer up. I suppose when you're in a situation like this all you can do is live in the now.
She left rather hurriedly after that to go and join Jack up at the hospital in order to monitor the situation. Owen had picked up some rift activity occurring at the hospital whilst using Tosh's programme which seems to have corresponded with the timing of a 'ghost' appearance at the hospital. He wanted to call Tosh back in to see if she could help analyse the rift data, as none of us really knew what to make of it but luckily Jack wasn't having any of it – he wanted Tosh to have her date in peace. Secretly I think Owen may just be a little jealous of Tommy, he may not like Toshiko in that way but I certainly think he likes her attention and now that her attention is diverted…
Gwen said that she saw another set of 'ghosts', but this time they could see and she could interact with them. I think the cracks in the rift are widening, or getting deeper or something that's making this whole situation progress to bring the two time periods colliding together. I can't help feeling sorry for the patients and staff at St Teilo's Hospital back in 1918, we know roughly what's going on but the whole state of things is still intimidating and confusing to us, so they must be scared and bemused beyond belief. Or perhaps the 1918 Torchwood team are already on the case?
Jack, reluctantly had to call Toshiko and Tommy back in this afternoon, apparently the demolishment of the hospital is triggering the time shift and brining about the rift spikes and 'ghosts' that we've been seeing. I think it might finally be time for us to need Tommy's help.
Whilst Jack was explaining the consequences of the time shift to the others, using his classic screwed up ball of paper technique, he had given me the sealed box containing our instructions from Torchwood in 1918 to try and open.
"Because I know that you are good with your hands" He said and threw it towards me, as I raised an eyebrow in return.
"What?" He questioned, feigning innocence. "I've seen you with a Rubik's Cube that's all!" He finished, grinning.
Anyway I couldn't open the box, its well and truly sealed. It's on some sort of temporal lock, directly linked to the status of the rift in the hospital so we'll just have to wait for the rift to have opened enough for it to open I guess.
Tosh and Owen were sent off to the hospital to cover the place in rift monitors and surveillance cameras, whilst we stayed back at the hub to check out the readings we already had on the hospital to try and work out a time frame for what was happening. When they returned she came over to my desk sighing, apparently Owen had attempted a heart to heart with her during their mission. He said he didn't want to see her getting hurt if, when, Tommy has to get sent back.
Perhaps it isn't jealousy after all; maybe Owen really does care for Tosh. I find that man so hard to read, what with all of his insensitive comments, and sarcasm and one night stands – one could very easily get the impression that he doesn't give a toss about anything. But maybe it's all just a mask he is hiding behind, maybe there's some reason (maybe a memory?) that he can't handle those sorts of emotions very well and so blocks them out. Just looking at the way he was after Diane left… it all suggest that there is something deeper to Owen than first meets the eye.
I entered Jack's office this evening to see that the box had opened, and it contained instructions for Tommy and surprisingly enough for Tosh too. He's debriefing the others now about what will happen; Tommy must be ready at the hospital at the precise moment where it is possible for him to be in both 1918 and the present. And then he must go back, and step inside the time shift, closing it for good.
Jack asked me to stay with Tommy whilst he had a private word with Toshiko. I knew what he was telling her, about how Tommy was going to be shot for cowardice shortly after we sent him back. I didn't really know what to say to him whilst with him there alone, what are you supposed to say to a condemned man? So I simply told him about how much Tosh has appreciated the brief amount of time spent with him and how she, along with the rest of us, would be very sorry to see him go. Then I went with him to retrieve his belongings from 1918.
After Tommy and Toshiko left the hub together, to share his last night in 2008 together, I came back up from the archives where I'd been retrieving the last of the files we had on St Teilo's Hospital to find Jack sat his desk…
"This time tomorrow, he'll be back in 1918." He mused.
"In his own time. Would you go back to yours? If you could?" I bit my lip as I posed that question. It was just something I needed to know the answer to.
He deflected answering at first, instead asking me if I'd miss him although that was a silly question, as if my response could ever be anything but yes?
He spoke a little of not belonging to any particular time, of leaving home so long ago. I worried out loud about whether this made him feel lonely or not, inwardly worrying whether I was enough to stop his loneliness. His response was more than I was hoping for.
"Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see. Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was. And I wouldn't change that for the world."
That man really has a way with words, for a moment it was like I had a glimpse into his thoughts and his soul. Vainly, I suppose I'd like to think he was referring to me. I'm not expecting Jack to ever say it outright, but I like to think that he feels that way about me now. After what he said to me on his return from the Doctor, after all that we have been through, logic would argue that he feels something beyond attraction. I leaned in and kissed him as passionately as I could, conveying my own feelings back to him with all my might.
At 6.30 am sharp we met Tosh and Tommy at St Teilo's. I was half expecting the pair to have eloped to some far off exotic Island, but they arrived together, both looking anxious and angry and upset, but they were there none the less. Tosh is just too strong to run away from a problem, she is too dedicated to Torchwood to let her emotions mar her judgement. Even if doing the right thing means that she will suffer on account, she will make sure that the right thing is done.
We could hear the voices of wounded soldiers echoing throughout the building almost as soon as we arrived. The time was quickly approaching, the time for us to say goodbye to Tommy for good.
Seeing the nurse floating past in the corridor was what broke Tommy's resolve, he began to remember what his life had been like in 1918, how he had been. He ran off, with Toshiko and Jack following.
He returned a few minutes later saying that Toshiko and Tommy had wanted to be alone, that it was probably for the best as Tommy blamed Jack for what was happening to him. I've said it before, and I'll doubtless say it again, but as our Captain and leader Jack really does have to bear the brunt of such burdens. Yes we were sending him to face his death, but Jack wasn't the on to pull him out of his normal life in the first place anyway, though I can't begrudge Tommy for wanting someone to blame.
So, as it was, it was up to Tosh to make sure that everything ran smoothly – which of course it did in the end. Well about as smoothly as something like this could ever run at least. After Tosh's help via a psychic projection (Owen's idea) Tommy managed to use the rift key and seal it off, erasing the time shift. It was a risky process, she could have been lost to us, forever stuck as a figment of Tommy's imagination, but thankfully she came out of it all unharmed. Well, physically unharmed at least. I think she has taken Tommy's departure badly, which was to be expected given how attached the pair were. I did my best to remind her of the awfully clichéd, but very true fact, that it really is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. She agreed, she wouldn't have wanted to spend one second of the time she had spent with Tommy doing something else. Of course, you can remind yourself of these things all you like, but it won't make it any less painful, only time can help with that.
I took Tommy's leftover belongings back down to the archives; I couldn't bear the idea of just throwing them away, so I filed them back where they had come from. Whilst there I came across an old typewriter, like the kind I imagine they might have used back in 1918 and couldn't resist having a go.
Jack came down and found me there about twenty minutes later and laughed when he saw me.
"What?" I asked, sounding slightly defensive.
"What are you doing Ianto?" He said, still laughing slightly.
"Just… oh I don't know, I like old things. I like the idea of remembering the past and trying to see what things might have been like back then. And well I guess the typewriter was just calling me." I replied, feeling foolish admitting all of that.
Jack's laugh turned into a grin "You do realise that typewriter's nearly 100 years old don't you?"
"Well I think I can safely say that I have a particular interest in antiques" I said, placing enough emphasis on the words for him to understand what I was talking about.
"Oi! Cheeky!" He replied laughing once more.
"Jack…" I began, more seriously now "What was Torchwood like all those years ago? What's it been like seeing it change, seeing its employees change… losing all your colleagues and loved ones?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't get upset at my mentioning of it.
But he didn't "To be honest, Torchwood hasn't changed much over the years, Yes we've had better equipment and seen advances in technology both human and alien, but the essential values have remained similar. To protect earth from threats or die trying…" He trailed of looking ever so slightly forlorn. "Unfortunately that's the downside to the fact that nothing here ever changes: everyone always dies and dies young. I can't lie and say it ever gets any easier seeing your friends and colleagues die, but I've come to accept it as part of the job. It's hard always being the one left behind, the one that has to carrying on living. But at least by carrying on, by continuing to keep Torchwood active and running we're preserving their efforts." He continued. "I meant what I said before, I've met and loved so many people because of the kind of life that I have been given, and despite its hardships I really wouldn't alter one second of the time I have had." He finished finally, ending with a smile – smaller than his famous Harkness grin, but a smile all the same.
"You know I am always here if you need to talk about these sorts of things, don't you Jack?" I asked, gently squeezing his hand.
"Of course" He replied, flashing that more familiar grin now.
"And Jack…?"
"Yes Ianto?" He laughed.
"Have you ever… ever met someone like me before?" I asked blushing.
"Jones, Ianto Jones… as if there's ever been anybody else like you before." He said pulling me into a tender kiss as I felt my blush deepen. He may have loved before and he may love after I'm gone, but right now knowing that he thinks of me as unique is more than enough to keep me satisfied.