A/N: So I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who read my story and to those of you who followed/favorited. And an even bigger thank you to those of you who took the time to review. I know that a lack of a review does not mean you didn't enjoy the story. I have a bad habit of not reviewing stories I like so thank you to those who took the time. Hopefully you'll do the same for this chapter! So enjoy :)
When I awoke the next morning my first thoughts were on what had transpired between the King and I the night before. I put my hand to my belly and started to pray but I had barely begun when my ladies began to open my curtains. When I looked up I saw that blonde bitch standing at the foot of my bed.
"Your Majesty," they all curtsied.
"Ladies." As I got out of bed I felt stiff and sore, no doubt due to the night's events. If only that country mare knew of the passion shared between Henry and I. She would know that there was no way for her to take my place. She would know that not even Katherine was as loved by Henry as I was. Jane would never have the King's heart, it belonged to me, and not, as she once said, in Katherine's keeping.
After a long and very hot bath I stood thinking on which dress I was going to wear. I waved away one after another before Nan brought out a simple one.
"Perfect." It was pale blue with silver embroidery and pearls on the sleeves. I chose to wear my famous Boleyn necklace with small pearl earrings;my hair was curled and left hanging down. I was not feeling very intricate today and besides Nan's advice still rang in my ear. When I was completely dressed I turned to my ladies. "I intend to spend the day in prayer so I shall go to chapel and you shall all attend with me. I'm sure there are some of you who are virtuous enough to spend a day in prayer to God. As well as some of you who have sins to confess."
I went into the chapel leaving behind a chorus of confused "Your Majesties". I usually sent ahead when I intended to go to chapel as well as being more ornately dressed. When I was satisfied that all of my ladies were in prayer I began my own.
"Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for all that you have done for me. For the blessing of my husband and King. For the blessing of my daughter and Princess. For the blessing of my place as Queen. And for the continued health of all of us. I beseech you to help me in my cause. I have made many mistakes in my life. I have lied, I have been prideful, I have had the sin of lust, I have hated. I have reveled in the misery of others. I have let others die to serve my purposes and thought nothing of it. I have kept sons and daughters away from their father. I have been so very jealous. I have kept my husband to myself, sharing him only with our daughter for fear of losing him forever. For fear of losing him, his power, and his riches...and his love. I have been cruel to those I've regarded my enemies. I have been cruel to those I regarded my friends. I pray you that you forgive my for my sins. I beseech you to help me down the proper path. Help me to be the best mother I can to all the King's children. Allow me to love those he loves. Allow me to love those he hates. Remove the hatred from my heart. Help me to be a proper Queen, the kind that England needs and deserves. Remove the past hatred and enmity between the Lady Mary and myself. Let us build a new path built on the love we have for the King. Show me to be a Queen as Katherine was, but of my own faith. I would be the mother Elizabeth needs; one to set a proper example for her. I would be a mother to a son for the King-to many sons. Not just Fitzroy or little Henry but sons of my own. I need a son, God." I spent a long time on my knees prostrated in front of God. I had much to atone for and he was the only one who could give me peace. He was the only one who could assure me that the path I was taking was just. My knees had begun to ache by the time I was disrupted from my prayers. I could hear Nan whispering with a man yet I was trying hard to focus on my prayers. "I would also ask you to bless my sister and brother who have always been faithful to me. I beseech you to give Mary the skill and courage to go down the path she is on. Keep her and her children in your mercy. Extend to her every grace you have and bless her heart with the strength it needs to battle through this. And bless George's marriage with issue. He too needs a son in his wife's womb. They are both my pillars of strength and I cannot do without them. They-".
"Madam," I heard her voice call to me.
I sighed, "Yes Nan."
"The King's groom is here. He has orders to take you to His Majesty."
I sighed and said my final prayers to God. Rising I commanded my ladies to do the same and follow me as I walked toward the groom.
"His Majesty sent you to fetch me?"
"Yes Your Majesty."
"Where is he?"
"In his chamber...with his council."
"What?"
"He is was in a council meeting and then commanded me to bring you to his presence."
I was immediately nervous. What did he know? It was a question I was tired of asking myself. I said a small prayer to God before making the journey to my husband and King.
I arose early that morning with thoughts of the Queen on my mind. I'd had many dreams of her that past night. One of which I was sure had actually happened; I could still hear her pleasure in my hear, feel her warm body as I held her against the wall, smell the rose water she loved so much, taste the lust coming off of her. If only she would mind her own affairs and deliver what had been promised to me. If Anne Boleyn would give me a son she would be untouchable. We would be untouchable. Those who continue to call our marriage invalid would be proven wrong and I would no longer look the fool to Europe.
"Don't play the fool, you'll lose the game", I could hear my father whisper. It was a saying he was very fond of though only Margaret and I used it. I turned that phrase over and over in my head. She has made me look the fool, she has made me play the fool! I refuse to lose this game. I will have a son if I have to take a thousand wives. Sighing, I steadied my thoughts before they could get too somber. I knew who my next wife would be if my current one failed me. She had better pray that my seed took root and produced a boy. I too should pray for a son.
After I was satisfied with the way I was dressed I went to my prayer closet and sat in front of the cross.
"My Lord in Heaven, I come to you not as a King, nor a Prince, nor a Lord. I come as humbly as I can, simply as a man, simply as Henry. I pray that you will send me a sign God. Should I give Anne another chance to bear me a son or put Jane in her place before she has another chance to disappoint me? It is true, she and I are both young, but why does it seem that we are cursed? After such a span of time together, Elizabeth and a dead child are all we can boast. Why do you deny me this? What have I don't to make you turn from me? I have made myself Emperor and Pope absolutely in my own kingdom to set this country on the proper path to Heaven. And whether I care to admit or not, without Anne that would never have happened. I love her still God- of course I do. But she has failed me. I can not suffer the same span of time as I did with Katherine; I have neither the time nor the patience. I beg you God to give me a son. A Boleyn Prince would serve my Kingdom well. With all the wit and grace of his mother and with my skill and valor, he would be unstoppable-I know he would. He would have the backing of every Protestant in Europe as well as a major Catholic family in his own kin, the Howards. Put a healthy son in my Queen's womb, God. I would welcome her as my lifelong partner and Queen if she could but give me a son, a clear sign of your blessing upon her and us. I pray for her continued health, and mine, as well as my children." My mind began to wonder as I thought of all five of my children; Mary, Henry, Catherine, Henry, and Elizabeth. All of my children had grown up in the ways of their mother. I needed a legitimate child to secure my reign. I would not put this country through another civil war, I would not see this country torn apart again, I would not see all my father's hard work undone simply because-. Before I could finish I heard a knock on the door.
"What?" I called out, irritation in my voice.
"Forgive me, Your Majesty, but your council has arrived."
That brought me up short. Had I really been in prayer that long? Sighing, yet again, I pulled myself up to my full height, adjusted my clothes and walked into my council meeting.
"My Lords, Your Graces", I greeted them.
"Your Majesty." I nodded to their greeting.
As I took my seat I waved for them to do the same and I immediately noticed two empty council seats.
"Has anyone seen Rochford or Suffolk? Wiltshire, Norfolk, where is George?"
They looked at one another confusedly.
"I have not seen my son Your Grace. Nor have I seen Brandon."
"Nor have I Your Majesty," came Norfolk's reply.
"Has no one seen them?" I called out. My council members' faces held only confusion and worry as they shook their heads. Irritated, I sent two grooms to their room to fetch them while I began my council meeting. We talked of small matters until the grooms returned, alone, to say that neither George nor Charles were in their room.
"HAS NO ONE SEEN THEM?" I thundered.
"Lady Rochford said..," the groom stopped, looking up to George's uncle and father.
"Lady Rochford said what?"
"Lady Rochford said the last time she saw him, he was on his way to see the Queen."
I thought about that for a moment as I began to consider where the two of them could be.
"Then go find the Queen and bring her to me. And if you value your life do not return here without her. I do not care if she has sailed to France. If she has, you get on a ship and bring her back to me! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
"Yes Your Majesty."
"Then go!"
My council room was silent as we waited for the grooms to return. It took them twenty minutes but it felt like an hour.
"Her Majesty the Queen!" My chamberlain announced.
When she walked into my chambers I checked myself. She looked so different. I was used to her always looking as if she was on her way to a coronation. She was always beautiful no matter what she wore but in her simple gown and jewels she resembled the girl I met in a performance for the Spanish ambassadors. I didn't even check for Jane as the door shut behind Anne who walked toward me and curtsied. She sank to the ground with such dignity and grace I found myself completely transfixed. What was she?
"Your Majesty. My Lords, Your Graces," she said addressing me and my council.
"Your Majesty, Your Grace, My Lady," was heard as my councilors bowed to her.
She nodded to them and turned to me, "You wanted to see me, Your Majesty?"
Her words brought me back to my true purpose; as well as my irritation. "Where is your brother madam?"
"Pardon, Your Grace?"
"Your brother, madam, is a member of this council. Your uncle and father can shed no light on his whereabouts...surely you can."
Without hesitation I began to remove suspicion from Henry's mind. "Perhaps a groom should be sent to his rooms."
"I have already done that. He is not there."
Shaking my head with a confused look I tried again, "Perhaps he did not stay in his chambers last night."
"As you well know Madam, your brother has no standing mistress. Lady Rochford claims the last she saw of him, he was coming to see you."
"I did see George yesterday evening but that was hours ago. If he is not in the aforementioned places, then I cannot imagine where he might have gone."
For a few moments Henry was silent, and so was his council; all the while he kept eye contact with me. After what felt like an hour he finally tried again.
"So then you don't know where your brother has gone?"
"No, Your Majesty. Nor did I know that he was gone."
"So then you don't know where Suffolk is gone either?"
"Brandon?"
"Yes Brandon! Unless you know of another Suffolk."
I took a deep breath at that. Somewhere in the back of my mind I could hear my brother's voice telling me to behave more like Katherine, I could hear my sister too telling me remain calm. It took a moment before I was able to respond to him, but my voice sounded strained and foreign even to my own ears.
"I do not know where Charles Brandon is. It is neither my duty nor my pleasure to keep up with the Duke of Suffolk. If His Majesty would like for me to keep up with his council members from now on, he need only ask. But as matters stand I do not know where either Lord Rochford or the Duke of Suffolk are. Neither of them felt the need to inform me before their departure." Henry only stared at me, his face becoming more and more irritated. What did he want from me? "Now I beg Your Majesties most humble pardon but I was summoned here from my prayers and I would like to return to them-with Your Majesty's permission."
"Leave us." His voice was curt and commanding.
"Your Majesty. Gentlemen." I curtsied twice as the council members bowed again. As the door to Henry's chambers shut behind me I took a deep breath. If George and Brandon did not return soon, much would be lost to us.
"Nan. I will return to the chapels to pray. Run and tell Lady Bryan to have Elizabeth made ready to be brought to my chambers after I am finished."
"Yes, Your Majesty.
"As for the rest of you, let us return to God's house so that we may better serve him."
When Anne left my council meeting began in full. I would remonstrate Charles and George later, for now I had important matters to attend to and despite what I preferred, the way Anne looked in that dress was not one of the topics we were gathered to discuss. Once I felt that business was concluded I got ready to dismiss them, Cromwell turned to me.
"Your Majesty, I am happy to inform you that Anthony Knivert and William Compton will be landing on English soil soon. All preparations for their reception have been made except for the dance."
"The dance?"
"Yes we thought it best to ask Her Majesty to provide ladies for a dance."
"I will have her send you a list of names. If that is all then this meeting can be concluded."
All my council members stood and bowed as they left. As for me, I still had a few prayers to send to God.
I had never been much of a praying man. I believed in God well enough, I just never felt the need to spend a lifetime in church. I understood attending mass but I could never imagine a life as a churchman; I could never imagine spending hours on end on my knees...for the purpose of serving God. And yet here I was. Richmond had given his permission for me to use his chapel and I had been using it since breaking my fast. Little Henry was outside ridding his, borrowed, horse around. I knew that God would probably ignore me, sinner that I was, but it was not just for my own neck that I found myself now prostrated in front of his image.
"Dear God, I know we haven't talked in years. I haven't prayed in so long I'm sure you'll have to get an angel to tell you who I am, but that won't stop me from going forward. It is the Christian duty of every man and woman to beg for your forgiveness. But alas, I will not do that. I have no reason to expect that you in all your power should forgive me, when I've done nothing to receive it. I do however beg you to help and protect my sister. Both of them. But especially Anne. My poor baby sister. She should be the mother of sons by now. What great sins has she committed that she should be denied this small mercy? I know my sister's secrets, nothing she has done makes her any worse than any other woman with a son. She has brought this country an entirely different religion in order to please you and yet you keep your blessings from her. I would not pry into your ways God, we all know they are vast and mysterious. I would, however, interfere with you on behalf of the Queen of England. Give her a Prince God to fill her womb. She is determined to correct her past mistakes, to heal old wounds. Please do not turn your back on her. I beseech you to give my sister a son. Give us a Boleyn prince to silence everyone who calls my sister a whore, her marriage illegitimate, and my niece a bastard. I beg you to bless my sister's womb with sons. I beg you to allow my other sister, Mary, to help us recapture the King. Bless her with the skill and knowledge needed to supplant that Seymour girl and return His Majesty into the bosom of the Boleyn's. And God, if you can find it in your will, bless my own wife with a Boleyn boy. I will have everything I personally need when I have a son. My wife will be away in the country and my father will have nothing to complain about. Find it in your will God to-", before I could finish I heard footsteps behind me.
"Lord Rochford," came a whispered voice.
"What?"
"His Grace would like to see you."
"I'm praying, boy."
"He said to tell you he had your answer."
Sighing, I finished up my prayer and followed the groom to his master's chamber.
"Lord Rochford", the chamberlain announced.
"My Lord", Fitzroy bowed slightly.
"Your Grace. Your groom said that you had an answer."
"Straight to business then. I do have your answer, but I would have answers from you first."
I nodded for him to continue.
"If I came to court where would I be lodged?"
"At such a time as you were presented to your father, Her Majesty would find rooms befitting your station. However that would be temporary as-".
"Temporary?"
"Her Majesty would of course give you more permanent chambers at court and she would have it designed as to your liking."
He nodded silently before continuing. "And I would be free to come and go as I like?"
"Naturally."
"Even to see the Princess Elizabeth?"
"It would please Her Majesty greatly if you were to have a relationship with the Princess."
"What about our sister? What about Mary?"
"That would be dependent upon His Majesty. If he reacts to her being at court well then surely you will be able to visit her as often as you'd like. If he does not react well, then I can make you no promises."
"Would I be required to see my other siblings?"
"Little Henry and Catherine? No. If you decide to have nothing to do with them, that is your own concern. Catherine will be in attendance upon Mary, as she is now, unless His Majesty objects. Little Henry will be in attendance upon the King if we can find him a spot, if not he will attend upon me."
"And their mother?"
"She will return to her duties upon Her Majesty."
"And you all find that appropriate? That the King's children should be servants? That the King's acknowledged children should have a relationship with his unacknowledged ones?"
"We find that attending upon royalty is a great honor. Your own mother was a lady in waiting to the Princess Dowager when she still thought to be Queen. Or have you forgotten that? It was not too many years after that, that His Majesty began to court my sister Mary."
He was quiet a moment as he thought about that. "I do not think I will have much to say to children that the King will not even claim as his own."
"No one is forcing you to. Mary and Catherine already have a good relationship in the short time that they have been associated with one another. We have no doubt that she and little Henry will also have good dealings with one another. They are cousins to the Princess Elizabeth and therefore they will have no reason to have anything but a happy relationship with her. I doubt they will notice that you do not want to be associated with them."
He shrugged and continued, "I will accept your sister's offer but I will not be going to court until we are to be presented to His Majesty."
"Why?"
"Because I would like to have the time to pack the proper attire for court. Besides it will be easier for all of us if the Lady Mary Tudor, the Lady Mary Boleyn, her children, and Henry Fitzroy are not all being hidden away at the same time. Don't you think?"
"Indeed I do. Well then if there is nothing else, I need to return to court as soon as may be. I will inform Her Majesty of your decision and rooms will be prepared for your arrival. Send a rider ahead to let us know of your impending arrival, by cover of night if you will Your Grace, and I will be there to greet you."
"Very well My Lord. Until we see one another again, I bid you farewell."
I bowed and left back to the chapel. I would properly finish my prayers before getting back on the road. I needed to get back to court as soon as I could, but more than that I needed to do my part in securing God's favor on my family. No matter what, Anne needed a healthy boy, and I was going to do my part in making sure she had one.
Attending upon the Lady Mary gave me plenty of time for prayer and I was taking full advantage of that today. I was in the room I shared with my daughter, on my knees, leaning on the bed.
"Merciful Lord in Heaven, I would like to thank you for the continued health of all of my children, as well as the rest of my family, and my King. I beg you to continue to preserve and protect them as you always have. I implore you to shield my children from the dangers of the mission I have found myself undertaking. I would never willingly allow any harm to come to Anne; she is my sister, and therefore one half of me. I beg you to spare my children any pain or discomfort for they have been dragged into a war that is not there's to fight. Protect Catherine, Henry, and Anne from this battle of their namesakes. They are innocent of sin in this, especially Anne. Catherine and Henry are both children to the King but Annie is only the daughter of a commoner. She has no part to play in this, yet one must be forged for her so that she too may help our cause. I pray you protect her when she is far from me. As for my siblings, I implore you to bless both Anne and George with a son. I have my own Henry it is only fitting that they too should have a boy. George will need a son to keep our father happy and out of his ear. Anne will need one to keep the King happy and the Seymour family away from the throne. If they succeed and Anne fails, little Elizabeth will have more hardships than Mary ever did. I beg you to give my sister a son God. A healthy son. One to be living image of his father, the King. I beseech in all your grace and mercy to have pity on my sister, forgive her of her sins for she is trying to make amends for them now. Allow her womb to bare fruit and to produce a son for His Majesty. I would also intercede on behalf of the Lady Mary Tudor. She is in so much pain God. She deserves some happiness in her life. She too has been dragged into a battle that has nothing to do with her. It is not her fault she was a girl born to a man who desires nothing but sons. A man who will never be happy with what he has unless it is more and greater than everyone else's. It is not her fault she was born to a woman whose sons all died. It is not Mary's fault she was born to a woman too proud and too convicted to abdicate her marriage and thrown. And sweet Jesus, it is not her fault she has a stepmother who was birthed, raised, and baptized in the waters of ambition. Guide her along her path to greatness God. Lead her not astray. I also pray you to restore the relationship between Lord Fitzroy and his father. He too is born into a fight having nothing to do with him. He-". I was cut off by a maid.
"My Lady?" She said sheepishly.
"Yes?"
"The Lady Mary would like to see you."
I sighed slightly, said a quick end to my prayer, and walked to Mary's chambers. Catherine, of course, was sitting next to her. I smiled at her and turned to Mary.
"You wanted to see me?"
"I wanted to ask you something."
"You may ask me anything, you know that."
"I don't want you to think I'm making fun."
"I won't think that. Just tell me what it is."
She hesitated a moment before speaking; she was wringing her hands together.
"Mary. Child, whatever it is just ask."
"Wh-when your sister, stole thing King away...how did you feel? How did you deal with...being replaced for my father's affections?"
"Oh," I whispered. Almost as a reflex a memory came into my mind.
It had become our custom, not long after Anne had started to gain the King's attention, for George to come to our chambers; rooms originally given to me by the King that I now had to share with my insufferable sister.
"God knows where this is taking us," George muttered to me one evening as we watched her sleep. "The King is besotted with her; the court is mad about her. What in God's name is she hoping for?" Anne stirred in her sleep.
"Hush," I said, drawing the curtains around the bed. "Don't wake her. I can't stand another moment of her, I really cannot."
George cocked a bright look at me. "That bad?"
"She sits in my place," I said flatly.
"Oh, my dear."
I turned my head away. "Everything I have gained she has taken from me," I said, my voice low with passionate resentment.
"But you don't want him so much now, do you?" George asked.
I shook my head. "That doesn't mean I want to be pushed aside by Anne."
He strolled with me to the door with his hand round my waist, idly resting on my hip. He kissed me full on the lips likes a lover. "You know you're the sweetest."
I smiled at him. "I know I am a better woman than her. She's ice and ambition, and she would see you on the gallows before surrendering her ambition. And I know that in me he has a lover who loves him for himself. But Anne has dazzled him, and dazzled the court, and dazzled even you."
"Not me," George said gently.
"Uncle likes her best," I said resentfully.
"He likes nobody. But he wonders how far she might go."
"We all wonder that. And what price she's prepared to pay. Especially if it's me that pays it."
"It's not an easy dance she's leading," George admitted.
"I hate her," I said simply. "I could happily watch her die of her ambition."
"And I meant it with everything in my body," I said. It wasn't until then that I realized I had been talking my memory aloud. The room was silent after that until Mary spoke again.
"You meant that? That you could watch your sister die?"
"In that moment I would have brought the axe down on her head myself. I love my sister, I always have and always will. But she...She is my sister, my born rival, we were adversaries in the nursery. When you grow with a brother things are different. You challenge each other of course, you strive to be the better child, you hope that your parents don't love him more than you due to your sex, but it is not the same as having a sister. When you have a sister things are quite different, you become different as you grow. Because at some point you come to a conclusion, that at any moment your parents might choose your sister over you. After all, one girl is much like another. Boys will always be desired but what use is a girl? So you must strive to be the best girl, the best daughter, you know how to be. You must sing prettier, run faster, sew better, dance lighter, and pray longer than her. You must be prettier than her of course because a girl without beauty is like a King without a crown. What purpose does she serve? Naturally you must be more chaste so that you will find the better husband and have more children, preferably sons, than her, defeat her, and then start the game all over with your own daughters. Of course, when you grow up and have your own children, when you become a mother yourself, you realize how silly that is. You realize that you could never love one child over the others-never-no matter what. Little Henry could come in right now and stab me and I'd still love him as I do now. Catherine could stand up and slap me and I would love her as I do now. Annie could grow up to shame me and I would love her as I do now; I would love them all the same and equally as I always have."
Mary was quiet for a moment, I could see that she was thinking. "I did not think it possible that anyone else knew how I felt. I love Elizabeth, of course I do, just as I love Hal. But how can I love a girl who usurped my position and took my father's love away?" She cried out.
"Because one day you will realize that Elizabeth did not and never could take your father's affections away. No one could. If your father has withheld is affections it is of his own doing. Not Elizabeth nor any other child will ever make your father stop loving you. And he does love you. He always has and he always will...he is just too proud and stubborn to show it now. Give him time; and give Anne's plan time to work. I know you hate my sister but perhaps you will hate her a little less when you and your father are as you used to be when you were the pearl of his world."
She smiled at her old nickname and appeared lost in thought.
"Now, if you have no more questions I will return to my prayers. Lady Mary." I curtsied and went back to my bed. We Boleyns had much to pray for. I could only hope that God was feeling merciful and that he would have pity on us. For fortunes never stop spinning and ours was currently at the nethermost position. With God's help we would see them again rise and reach their zenith.
A/N: So before anyone says it this is not filler. This chapter was necessary for this story to go on for multiple reasons. Not least of which is there is no transitions between the previous chapter and the next. But I don't want anyone grumbling about or thinking that I wrote this because I didn't know how to proceed. This is simply the pre-battle prayer. You know how before a football game or before a battle, or before a big test, people pray? Well this is what this is. Make no mistake about it, this is a battle of wills and only one family when the war. Next chapter gloves are going to come off and we will delve even deeper into the Tudors.
On a humorous side note, I want everyone who reviews to put what team their on. If you want Anne to succeed and have a son then you're "TeamBoleyn". If you want Mary Boleyn to take Henry for herself then you're "TeamMistress". If you want Mary Tudor on the throne then you're "TeamPearl". If you want Jane to become Queen, then you're "TeamSeymour". I'm just curious to see what you guys are feeling. :) Humor me lol.