Clarke practically ran out of the school to her car. She couldn't hold back her tears. She didn't cry about it when it happened four years ago, she couldn't she was working and had another call to get to. Then she couldn't think about it so she dropped out of school and moved to Polis and chose dancing on a pole instead of EMS work because it's literally what she was avoiding.

She didn't want to think about it, she didn't even remember half of what happened once the day ended and she tried thinking about what happened. It's what she hated the most, not being able to write the report when she needed to.

Once Clarke calmed down, she reached into her purse, pulling out her foundation and started working on covering her bruises, she really didn't expect to see anyone today, thought the sweatshirt and her hair would cover it, but Bellamy saw instantly, then again they're so attuned to each other even with four years away from each other, he's attentive.

Fifteen minutes later Clarke walked into McIntyre Pie-R, laughing at the name, it was witty and cleaver and so Harper, she loved it. The inside was a mixture of town history and with a modern vibe that Clarke knew screamed Harper. There wasn't a line at the counter but there were patrons seated in booths. Clarke stood at the counter looking at all the items she could choose from.

"Hi, what can I get you?" a young man, college age, asked.

"Um, is—is Harper here?"

"I think she's baking something in the back, I'll go get her."

Clarke smiled as the boy walked back to where she assumed the kitchen was. He came out a moment later and said Harper would be out in a minute and asked if he could get her anything while she waited.

"Whatever Bellamy Blake usually gets is fine."

He nodded and got to work on whatever Clarke just ordered, trusting Bellamy's instincts.

"Oh, my God!" she heard a minute later and turned to find Harper gaping at her from the doorway the boy used minutes ago.

Clarke smiled, Harper's pregnant! Why the hell didn't Bellamy tell her that? "Hey, Harper."

"You're really here? You're back. Does—does Bellamy know?"

"Bellamy, Octavia, Kane and you."

Harper walked as fast as she could around the counter and hugged her tightly.

"I can't believe you're pregnant! I mean, I know you married Monty last year, but pregnant congratulations!"

"Thank you, it was a surprise but a happy one, we wanted to be married a year before trying but we definitely don't regret it. When did you get here?"

Harper dragged Clarke over to an empty booth to sit and talk, pregnancy and all that.

"Yesterday. I ran into Octavia while looking for Bell. I didn't want anyone to know because I don't know if I'm staying. Bellamy's been pretty adamant."

"Wonder why," Harper said dryly and Clarke grimaced. "Can I ask why now?"

"It's complicated but Bellamy found me last May and he didn't like my situation. It wasn't sketchy but it wasn't entirely safe so I agreed to text him once a week to let him know I was okay. The last few months I haven't been safe. I was finally allowed to leave yesterday."

"Allowed?"

"The less you know the better," Clarke grimaced as the guy brought over her coffee and a poppy bagel with cream cheese.

"So that's why Bellamy was almost fired last year. You wouldn't come home with him."

"He was almost fired?"

"He had them watch the history channel, some kids swore they smelled alcohol on him. Kane saved his job."

"I had no clue."

"We didn't know that he found you. If he told someone, anyone, we could have helped him."

"I didn't know he was a mess, I would have talked to him more, not just let him know I was okay, more somehow."

"Might have made him worse, he loves you, Clarke."

Clarke looked at the untouched bagel in front of her and grimaced. Like a sister, she knows, he's always tried protecting her like he does Octavia.

"So Octavia knows?"

"Yeah, she's not happy and texted Bellamy too many times last night telling him to not get used to me and I pretty much told him I was leaving."

"Are you leaving?"

"I don't know."

"Is he bringing you to Raven's party tomorrow?"

"I'm not ready for everyone to know, a slow progression. I didn't want Kane to know but I was at the high school so of course he knows, he promised not to tell my mom."

"So you don't want me to tell anyone?"

"Not yet, please."

"I can't lie to Monty."

"Okay, but he can't tell Jasper. The second Jasper knows, everyone knows."

"Too true. I have to get back to the cookies, but it was good to see you! We've missed you around here."

Clarke smiled. "I've missed everyone too," she said sincerely.

Harper nodded. "Jayden!" she called to the boy behind the counter. "She's covered."

He nodded and Clarke objected.

"Take it as a welcome back."

"Thank you, Harper."

Bellamy walked in the door ten after three with two coffees in his hands, passing one to Clarke over the back of the sofa. She was watching Stranger Things, so behind on pop culture, Bellamy smirked. "I have thirty minutes of grading to do," he whispered.

Clarke looked at him briefly and threw a piece of popcorn at him with a smile. He laughed, grabbing a handful before going to the dining room table to grade his last two class's pop quizzes.

Bellamy plops down next to Clarke, looking over at the empty bowl of popcorn and grimaced before focusing his attention on Nancy Wheeler appropriately freaking out in the Upside Down with the monster.

"I'm not understanding the concept," she whispered as Jonathan Byers pulled Nancy out of the tree before it closed up and the creepy opening music started.

"It's modern 80's horror, is it supposed to make sense?"

"I don't know, it's stranger than stranger."

Bellamy scoffed.

"Um, I hate to be the rude guest that also rudely invited herself to stay over but what are we doing for dinner?"

"Waiting for Octavia and Lincoln to show up."

"Oh."

"It's been planned for two weeks, you also realize it's Easter weekend and I have all next week off."

"Uh, shit. No."

"It's April 14th, by the way," Bellamy smirked, elbowing her.

"I know that, I just haven't had the importance of holidays aside from Christmas and July 4th in four years. I was a stripper, we have Halloween every day," Clarke said as a joke but Bellamy didn't laugh, the girls usually laughed.

Bellamy paused the show so she wouldn't miss it. "We're not talking about what we need to talk about until after they leave, but we are going to talk about it. What do you want to tell them?"

"The truth is usually the best, I'm just concerned about him finding me."

"He doesn't know your name, does he?"

"I don't think so."

"So we're telling them that you're an exotic dancer?" he grimaced.

"I'm going to let you tell them, I'm just going to sit back and relax with a beer and let Octavia's glare drill a hole in the side of my head."

"More like straight through an eye but I wouldn't let that happen."

Clarke looked up at him and smiled, this time it reached her eyes and Bellamy had the urge to kiss her, his eyes darting down to her plump pink lips. Her tongue darted out and bit her lip, her deep blue eyes locked with his. "I—I don't know what I'm going to do now."

"What do you want to do?" his voice was softer than he realized.

"Sometimes I think about LA, the art scene out there. There's nothing like that here."

"Lincoln is the art teacher. He's also the football coach, I don't know why I'm telling you that. Um, didn't Polis have an art scene?"

"Yes and no, street art mostly and it's not my thing."

"What is your thing?"

"You want to see?"

Bellamy smirked, "You brought your sketch book with you?"

"You think I'd leave my sketch book? I couldn't do that," she stood and went to a box she brought in today and placed in the corner.

"So you packed everything but furniture into your car?"

"I packed whatever I could fit in my car," she smiled getting up with the book to bring back to him.

She sat next to him handing him the book and he opened it, staring at a charcoal drawing of Raven. "That was right after I found out about her and Finn, I couldn't get her face out of my head so I drew it out, that's how it works sometimes."

"It's amazing Clarke, this is from high school?"

"I have eight sketch books, I work between them all."

Bellamy nodded, flipping the page to a landscape. "Why haven't you tried putting these in a gallery?"

Clarke stood and walked to the kitchen, not answering him as she grabbed two beers.

"Clarke?"

"Hmm?" she sat down next to him and handed him a beer.

"A gallery?"

"They found out I was a stripper, not good for business apparently," she shrugged.

"They're idiots, why does it matter what you do as long as you're an amazing artist?"

Clarke grimaced, "People are judgmental and don't take exotic dancers seriously."

"Well, you have really compelling moves," he said nudging her arm.

She looked at him with a small smile. "I didn't want you to see that."

"Yeah, the tears kid of told me that."

"I didn't want you to see that either."

"I just wanted to talk, you and Roan insisted on the dance."

"Roan insisted on the dance."

"Clarke, I couldn't touch you, I—I couldn't stop you."

"What if you could touch me?"

"I—"

The door burst open and Octavia burst through the door, Clarke jumped back to her feet and stood and Bellamy swore she looked guilty. They weren't doing anything.

"Lincoln, you remember the bitch that broke my brother's heart four years ago?" Octavia said, carrying more beer to the fridge as Lincoln walked in carrying two pies of pizza.

"Hey, Clarke, glad to know you're okay."

"Hey, Lincoln, thanks."

"So, Clarke," Octavia started. "When are you leaving?"

"I…" she looked at Bellamy and grimaced, but there was something else in her eyes, and Bellamy wondered if maybe he should hope she stays. "I don't know if I am."

"She's figuring it out," Bellamy said, backing her up, taking a sip of his beer.

"She couldn't figure it out wherever she was for four years?"

"Not when someone tried killing me after stalking me for two months."

Bellamy almost choked on his beer and Lincoln's mouth hung open with wide eyes. Octavia just looked at Clarke unimpressed.

"Are we going to eat or just stare at me while the pizza gets cold? I was nearly strangled last week and that's all I'm going to say about it so I'm back and I'm going to get my shit together. I just needed to… it doesn't matter what I need, I just wanted to come back."

"In my brother's apartment?"

"I'm going to look for a job starting Monday, so once that happens I'll be moving out. Not that I exactly moved in."

News to Bellamy, he nearly smiled, but she can look for a job anywhere in the country from the comfort of his couch. A job anywhere in the world.

"Clarke can stay as long as she wants, it's not like you exactly live here. You think I haven't noticed that all your stuff is gone from your room? And I haven't paid for room and dorm so you're living somewhere and Lincoln lives three blocks from your school so odds are you're with him."

"For what it's worth, I didn't know until March," Lincoln said.

"I'm saving you money, Bell, and Lincoln, I've been paying for groceries and I don't know, I kind of just leave money around letting you think you dropped it."

"That makes a lot of sense, I don't carry hundreds and you're at my place every night."

"Oh, hey! There's pizza!" Bellamy's sarcasm and discomfort of the topic of conversation on full display.

Compared to the night Bellamy had imagined, it was a decent night. Octavia's snide comments directed at Clarke were a constant but Clarke either ignored them like she said she would or she looked to Bellamy before giving a response. He didn't know how to take that, whether she was looking for his permission to say her piece, looking for what he wanted her to say, or just looking at him for strength. It made him hate how important she was to him, that she didn't know. How couldn't she know how he feels, it's not like he hid his feelings, Octavia called him out the first time she caught him watching her all those years ago when they were working on a chemistry project in high school eight years ago.

"You okay?" she asked when he walked into the kitchen after saying goodbye to Octavia and Lincoln. She's doing the dishes, he's never seen her do the dishes before.

"I'm surprised O didn't rip your head off."

"I'm surprised your head didn't explode when you found out they're living together."

"I've known it for a while, just wanted her to stop lying about it."

Clarke placed the last glass on the drying rack and grabbed the towel to dry her hands, turning to Bellamy with a smile. "He loves her," she said simply and with such finality that Bellamy couldn't even question it but also wondered how she knew.

"How are you so certain?"

"The way he looks at her. He couldn't even be mad at her when she was being rude to me. He gave her a hard time, certainly, but the look in his eyes. You can't even deny it."

He couldn't, he's seen it and wondered how Clarke couldn't see it in his own eyes, that he loves her. That he always has, even when they were knocking heads in high school, him riling her up because being a jackass to her was easier for him than admitting he had feelings for the know-it-all princess.

"She's my sister, Clarke, I'm always going to look after her."

"I know," she smiled. "I just want you to know that he's not willingly going to hurt her."

"Good to know."

"You know I don't want to hurt you, right?"

He nodded. "You told them you were strangled," he said, the realization hitting him suddenly.

"Selfishly thinking that she'd go easy on me if she knew I had a murderous psycho stalking me."

"Remember when she first met you?"

Clarke cringed, "I thought she was going to kill me."

"So did I. I had to tell her to be cool, it was the only thing that stopped her."

"That won't work now, she is cool."

"Don't ever tell her that!" Bellamy laughed. "I'm going to get more comfortable, you can pick a show or…"

"Get more comfortable? I do have to buy some clothes tomorrow, I need more than one pair of jeans and my shirts aren't exactly appropriate to wear out in public."

"You're a tease," Bellamy smirked, hoping he didn't sound hopeful while also hoping he did, he wants her to stay, he wants her to know that he cares about her.

"It was my job to be."

"And now?"

"And now what?"

Why did he ask that? He hadn't meant to ask that, why did he ask that? "Why didn't you want to dance for me? Why was it so horrible for you?"

"It was awkward," she sighed. "You're my best friend. I hadn't seen you in three years and the first thing I do is grind on you and lie to you. It wasn't the reunion that I wanted."

"What reunion were you hoping for?"

"Less dramatic than the two we got, I think I scared your class."

"They're juniors, they can get over it."

"It still wasn't fair to you."

"To me? Clarke, I got to see you again, I'm fine. It wasn't fair to you, to force you to… I yanked the wig off your head, I—"

"I wanted you to know it was me, I wanted to tell you the moment I saw you at the table. I—" Clarke sighed. "All I wanted to do was jump in your arms and hug you."

"I would have liked that more."

"Bellamy, I—I'm sorry I left, it was childish. I wasted four years of my life, four years without… my best friend. I'm sorry."

He pulled her to his chest and hugged her, feeling her arms wrap around him too. "Stop apologizing, you've been forgiven for a year. You did what you promised me you would, all I'm asking is for you to stay now."

"When I said goodbye…" she started, pulling away from him to look in his eyes. "Were you going to kiss me?"

Yes! He thought but instead said, "That was four years ago, I—"

"Four years of me thinking about that moment. We were best friends and I thought about that moment often over the years and it didn't feel like I was saying goodbye to my best friend."

"Clarke—"

"Am I wrong, Bellamy? Is that not where we were headed?"

"What if I had kissed you? Would you have left?"

"Yes, I couldn't stay then. No matter what, I couldn't stay. I would have wanted to though."

He didn't expect this turn of conversation, he didn't know what to say or how to act. What she wanted him to say and do, she's been hot and cold the last two days, he couldn't figure it out. "Would you have come back sooner?"

"I don't know, you were in school, Bell. You were in your last year, I couldn't take that away from you. I would have asked you to come with me and I knew you couldn't. You stayed and got your teaching degree, so it was good you didn't and that you stayed."

"Good? Clarke, I needed you. We all needed you and you left us. How would you feel if Octavia and I left you just after your dad passed? That's how it was, Clarke, it sucked. You think you had a hand in killing twenty people, but you didn't, you tried everything you could to save them."

"I didn't—Bellamy, I didn't know that!"

"I can't give you my heart again, I can't have someone have the power to destroy me again."

"I wouldn't," she grimaced. Bellamy's hand itched to smooth the wrinkle in her brow, but he didn't. She doesn't want to hurt him and yet her plan does exactly that!

"You want to go to California! You come running back for my protection and tell me you want to move across the country. That's the definition of hurting me."

"You want me to stay? Fine, I'll stay, but I don't think I can jump back into our friends and see my mom. I can't pretend that everything is okay!"

"I'm not asking you to."

"You didn't answer me."

"It doesn't matter, it wouldn't have made a difference."

"To you? You kissing me wouldn't have changed us? Changed how you felt, what you wanted? What I wanted? If that's how you feel then I should just go back to Polis." She stepped out of his grip and headed into the living room, the bag and box she brought in from her car. Why hadn't she brought anything else in?

Bellamy followed after her, not knowing where the outburst came from, but certainly not letting her leave or believe that he wants her to go back to that place where that man, whomever he maybe, can kill her. "Clarke, stop, it doesn't matter what could have been different four years ago. It was four years ago and we don't have a time machine to find out what would have happened if I kissed you, begged you to stay even more, gone with you. It doesn't matter because we aren't there, we can't change that. We are here, now, and this almost didn't happen."

"What?" she spun around, her duffel bag hitting her in the thigh, jolting her a little.

"A man had his hands around your throat and nearly killed you. Do you understand that he could have killed you? You could have died and I wouldn't have known, your mother wouldn't have known because you cut us out of your life."

"I didn't know how to come back."

"You knock on a door, you walk into a store, you make a phone call. You do something, Clarke. Not just ignore us."

"I'm not arguing with you about something I did."

"Yeah, when someone almost killed you."

"I know what he did. I see it every time I close my eyes, last night was the first night I slept in a week. Don't keep throwing what happened to me in my face!"

"Well, you don't know how it feels to find out the person you love nearly died!" the words were out of his mouth before he even knew what he was saying and once his brain caught up with his mouth, he couldn't take it back.

He finally looked at Clarke after what felt like an eternity at his stupid Ikea rug. She stared at him in utter shock but there was something in her eyes that he couldn't put his finger on, some sense of hope or want or… fear?

"What?" she asked and it was so soft, he wasn't quite sure he heard her.

"You're my best friend, Clarke."

"You love me like a friend?"

No, I'm in love with you, but it doesn't look like that's what you want to hear so… "Yep."

She nodded and turned back to the box, bending over to pick it up.

"I'm hoping you're carrying them into my room because that's where you're staying."

"I'm leaving, Bellamy, I can't give you what you want."

Clarke pushed past him and he grabbed her arm, the heat of her skin startled Bellamy, how the hell was she so warm?

"What is it do you exactly think that I want, Clarke?"

"You're the savior. You took your sister in, you took me in when my father died. Monty with his Mom, Jasper with Maya. The only people in your life who you haven't taken in are Miller, Murphy and Kane, but with Kane, he's the one that took you in."

"So I'm the dad of our friends, you're the mom."

"You're the mom, I'm the deadbeat dad that shows up whenever he feels like and hurts the mom every time like clockwork."

"Fine, I'm the mom and if that's how you feel, if that's how you see us, then why are you doing this? If you're this self-aware, then why did you come here?"

"Because," Clarke dropped the box on the chair next to her and wiped the tears from her cheeks, not Bellamy's intentions. "It's what the selfish dad does, shows up and acts like everything can be normal again when he's just going to break everyone's hearts and let everyone down."

"I hate this analogy," Bellamy scoffed, taking the duffel from Clarke's shoulder and placed it in front of the chair. "Come here," he whispered, pulling her into another hug. "Please stop making excuses. Please be the good dad."

Clarke chuckled, "You killed the analogy."

"Thank God," he sighed as she pushed him away.

"I'll stay," she said, her beautiful blue eyes looking into Bellamy's.

"You'll stay?"

"Yeah, but I'm not going to Raven's party, I'm not going to ruin it."

"Can I at least ask Harper to come hang out with you while I make an appearance?"

"Stay for the party, Bell. You deserve some fun."

He nodded, "Harper?"

"If she says yes."

"I'm sure she will, she missed you."

Clarke smiled, "I caught that."

"Let's finish Stranger Things before I fall asleep," Bellamy said, dragging her to the couch. "I'm getting too old to stay up all night."

"You're twenty six, Bell," Clarke laughed, sitting next to him.