A/N: Good evening readers! I am currently trying to find out how to enable anonymous comments... may have to resort to google... :L Anyway, there isn't actually as much Bond type stuff in this one as I had planned to write in, but I hope y'all like it anyway ;) Hannah xxx
So it's finally happened, Gwen's starting to notice the effects of negative rift spikes, and is forming her own suspicions about what's going on. I suppose that really it was only a matter of time before somebody other than I picked up on the activity that Jack has been trying to conceal for years, the ugly truth that he has been protecting us from, the secret of Torchwood that he has been trying to shield us all from us.
After uncovering the negative rift spike mystery and visiting the centre at Flat Holm for myself, I could fully understand why Jack had acted so, and why I must also from then onwards keep it a secret, because the realisation of what the rift can do to ordinary, innocent people's lives is heart breaking. From then onwards, I had no real desire to ever set foot in that place, or have to face the reality of the situation again, but I have done so on several occasions to support Jack and because I know that not only is it the right thing to do, it's also our duty; my duty.
Since that first visit, I've never documented any of the cases that I've encountered because I don't want to further reinforce the memories of the horrors that can be caused by the rift, because it reminds me that we can't save everyone, that Torchwood can't always protect the human race, and that ultimately no one is safe. And this is precisely why I had hoped, despite knowing that of course it was unavoidable that the others would discover it, that none of them ever would.
If I'm honest with, I always suspected that it would be Toshiko who discovered it; after all she is the one who works closet with the monitors and the one who pays most attention to the rift patterns, and though Jack has put it down to 'residual rift flares' that are 'nothing to worry about'… I always thought she was most likely to question it. Yet at the same time, I wasn't exactly surprised that it's Gwen who seems to be on the verge of piecing the puzzle together, she's got the keen analytical brain needed in a police officer (and a Torchwood employee for that matter) and she always manages to attach herself so readily to cases and the people involved in them. So when PC Andy started talking to Gwen about Jonah Bevan who disappeared seven months and thirteen (eleven then) days ago, on the same night that we registered a large amount of negative rift activity near Penarth where he was taken from, I knew that she would begin to unravel it all. Andy was so insistent that Torchwood knew exactly what had gone on and quite rightly so after all, he had the footage of Jack and I pulling up in the SUV at the scene, but Gwen just seemed mystified and rather irritated by it all. She went to Tosh to get her to check up on any past rift activity from that date and dates close to it but of course there was nothing of any note for her to find.
So, once that had failed she went to speak to Jack about it all and when he recalled to me what had happened then I was almost waiting for him to tell me that he'd told her everything. He certainly used to tell her everything, she was the first one that learned of his immortality, the one who he would often confide in, the one with whom he shared a few projects or missions etc. which was a fact that used to make me rather jealous… luckily I have conditioned myself out of my jealousy and learned that, in reality, he probably hasn't told Gwen half of the things that he's told me. But anyway, this was work, this was something that Gwen would be interested and want to help with, so I thought it logical for him to admit the truth to her after her questioning – but he didn't:
"I just threw her some line about there being a nice coffee shop there that I liked; I'm surprised she bought it really, considering that everyone knows I prefer your own special orgasmic blend."
"Of course" I replied… although, seeing as he brought up coffee… it's a bit odd really, I keep catching Jack lurking by the coffee machine and it's all very suspicious, I think I 'll have to keep an eye on that one.
"I even offered to 'look into it' for her. But she seemed convinced enough… and then I made a quick escape on the pretence of Weevil hunting with you" He grinned and winked as I flushed a bit in the memory of what 'Weevil hunting' had actually entailed a few hours back.
"You know, I think we need a new code phrase. Everyone knows precisely what you mean when you say we're going 'Weevil hunting'…" I suggested.
"And that is precisely why I say it" He grinned wider.
I still think we need a new code word… but anyway, this of course is not the point of that conversation at all, the point is that Jack is unwilling to tell Gwen at the moment, and I can't make up my mind as to whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, if Gwen doesn't know then she is protected from finding out the horrific reality that this is happening, that it will continue to happen and that we can't stop it; also, I hate what the negative rift spikes can do to innocent people, but I do rather selfishly enjoy those extra moments of alone time with Jack…. On the other hand of course, with a third party knowing about what is going on, it might make it easier to manage Flat Holm, and she'll finally have her mind set at rest.
Whatever Jack said, I'm not sure that Gwen will just leave it there and I don't think he truly is either. Knowing her, she'll be reporting back to Andy… visiting Nicky Bevan, Jonah's Mother, finding out anything she can to try and help her and generally doing what Gwen does best. I suppose we'll just have to sit and wait and see what comes of it.
Gwen hasn't mentioned anything much more about Jonah, other than that she was going to a meeting with the support group that Nicky Bevan had set up to bring other families who had missing children together, but certainly nothing that suggested she thought that his disappearance could be linked with our line of work. But, I am keeping a close eye on her and Tosh; what with Gwen's affair with Owen and the very different interests that the two ladies hold, they've never really been close friends but over the last few days they seem to have been living in each other's pockets. I mean, I've got nothing wrong with the two of them become better friends, but I'm certain that that isn't all this is…. they're sneaking around, working funny hours and generally acting out of character.
And it's not just those two that are acting strangely, Jack has also been a bit off over the past two days – I've pretty much only seen him in the mornings and in the evenings, he keeps sending me out Weevil hunting with Owen or on random expeditions to Tesco's. And whenever I arrive back in the hub he's either not around or he's talking in hushed tones on the phone with someone or he's yet again milling around my coffee machine… And to add to this, Owen said that he keeps catching him looking at motor magazines, which is highly odd as Jack really has no interest in cars other than that they are fast and look 'cool'. Owen reckons that we're getting a second SUV or something… and I am just down right confused at his behaviour! So I haven't had the chance to mention anything about Tosh and Gwen to him yet, because I simply haven't seen him! Once he snaps out of this peculiar bout of mysteriousness I think I'd better mention it.
Ah, too late, they've both just given Jack and I a little presentation on their investigation into the correlation between the supposedly 'harmless' negative rift activity and the disappearances of local citizens. I noticed that Tosh and Gwen seemed to gather up several large dossiers of research and information and head up to the conference room, so when Jack asked Owen and I to meet him there a few minutes later I suspected that it may all be related to the spikes. It was surprising that he actually asked me to join them, rather than sending me out for chocolate hob nobs or to gather up yet another friend for Janet, but then again under normal circumstances I suppose I would have been a bit miffed if he hadn't asked me to join them.
Jack was so, well for want of a better word 'smooth' in that meeting, I felt like a nervous school boy trying to cover up something naughty that I had done, quickly trying to suggest that it could just be coincidence and that they really were just missing persons cases… but Jack, he was on fire. He had everyone convinced that this was the first he had learned of the effects of the negative spikes and managed to rationally put together and argument as to why we should drop all interest in the cases, due to a lack of our being able to do anything to prevent it from happening, without once accidentally mentioning more than he should. It was quite impressive, and just a little bit scary, to watch. When she started talking about wanting to help, wanting to help the families… my mind wandered swiftly back to that awful place where the haunted and traumatised victims of the lift dwell, if their families knew what had happened…
I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Tosh and Gwen really, they had worked so hard to culminate all of their research and draw valid conclusions from it all, only to be shot down by Jack. Yet again part of me thought that he might just have come out with the full truth there and then, especially now they all knew for definite that it was happening, but he didn't, and for once I'm not sure that he was right to do so. I told Gwen that I would try and talk to him and so I did, after the meeting, with my nerves on edge:
"Are you really not just going to tell them now?" I asked with trepidation
"I didn't even want to tell you! What they don't know won't hurt them." He replied.
"But Jack, they do know, sort of at least… and they aren't going to stop asking questions just like that, Gwen certainly not, so isn't it just better if they knew?"
"I am making sure that none of them ever find out to protect them and if I have to keep deflecting questions to do so then I will" He replied, a little more frustration in his voice this time.
"But what if I told Gwen?" I almost whispered, rather nervous as to how he would take it.
He widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows in disbelief for just a second and then calmed his face to reply. "Do you really think she needs to know that badly?" He asked, surprisingly coolly.
"Yes, I do. Owen and Toshiko will just drop it now they've been asked to, but Gwen will never be able to let go and I think it's only fair that we tell her."
"Well, then it's your call. If you think she needs to know then tell her"
"Really" I gulped; I hadn't quite been expecting that.
"Yes." He replied, smirking a little.
"Why me?"
"Because you're the one who wants her to know so badly… and besides… I kind of like it when you're a bit dominating sometimes" He winked and started to walk away back up to his office again… probably to make another mysterious telephone call.
Sometimes, that man really knows how to catch me by surprise. I think I've just about worked him out, and then he says something like that I mean – what's that about. I'm not sure if he was serious about me telling Gwen or not, or if deep down he thought that might put me off the idea… but I've decided to try and subtly let her know about Flat Holm and what happens to the victims of the spikes by leaving a parcel containing a GPS system programmed with the location of the Float Holm centre; I guess I'll just have to accept the consequences if Jack gets angry about it.
Oh Christ, I don't even know how to begin writing what I'm about to, it's all so humiliating! Completely and utterly mortifying! Jack left the hub for an hour or so after our conversation, and when he returned he suddenly decided that everyone could just leave early for the afternoon. So, what with how he'd been acting, all secrets and suspicion, for the past couple of days, I assumed that this was Jack code for 'I want to be alone' so I went to gather up my things and leave along with the others. But of course, now he decides he wants company again and was all: "Not you Jones, where do you think you're going? I need you to demonstrate just exactly how dominating you can be during naked hide and seek". I should have just said no and left, after all he always bloody cheats at hide and seek, naked or otherwise, but of course I just couldn't resist as ever.
Apart from the usual cheating (he was so peeking through his hands when he was counting, even if he denies it) I guess it isn't actually the naked hide and seek that was the issue earlier it was the… oh lord. Well afterwards, after we'd already put all of our clothing back on which really was a bit of a waste of time in the end, Jack announced that he'd worked out that the green house was the only room in the hub that we had as yet to… 'Christen'… and that we absolutely had to do it now. It was asking for trouble really, doing something like that at work, in the middle of the working day, as even though everyone had the afternoon off , it wasn't entirely unlikely that someone might pop back in… which of course Gwen did.
Because we were upstairs and shut up in that room and because Jack was… well, doing what he does best, and we were entirely caught up in the moment… neither of us heard Gwen make her way up the stairs, in fact, unless she had announced herself in the shocked manner with which she did then I don't suspect that we would have ever noticed her! Naturally I hurried to put back on my clothing, embarrassedly rushing to go and apologise to Gwen, whilst Jack just stood there laughing, finding the whole thing hysterical.
"Always room for one more… we could have used you an hour ago for naked hide and seek" Jack said, grinning like the Cheshire cat as he waltzed back out of the room with his shirt flapping open in a ridiculously attractive manner.
I can't believe he mentioned naked hide and seek! I mean, she didn't even see that part, she would never have known! But of course, Jack might not want her to know about something work related, but anything like that he's more than willing to share… I'll never quite understand how he is able to feel comfortable about joking about that sort of thing, the way he easily and casually talks about it; I only went along with it all because I was so nervous and embarrassed and could think of little else to say than a comment about his disregard for the rules of the game.
Jack was good to his word regarding the rift spikes as well, not relenting at all on his stance with regards to telling Gwen, still commanding that she leave it alone and just drop the case all together, and his seriousness almost made me regret what I had done a little, but I stand by what I said: Gwen had the right to know it all. So I gathered up what was left of my dignity, told Gwen about the package… and headed back into the greenhouse.
About a half an hour later Gwen rang me up at the hub to ask about the package… I denied all input, mostly just to delay the inevitable occurrence of Jack finding out I left it there for her, but also as that man in question was busy calling me and begging for his coffee (though really with all that time he's spent lurking by the machine he should probably be able to get his own!). I don't doubt for a second that she saw through my little white lie…
Gwen called in sick this morning. Of course, I never actually thought for one second that she actually was sick because, well, I suspected that she had gone out to Flat Holm. If she was she probably would have come in unless it was life threatening – she's worked whilst having tonsillitis before so it would have to be pretty bad! Therefore it had to be something else, and this was the only thing that seemed to make sense, unfortunately Jack also made the leap to this conclusion fairly swiftly, which I did nothing but reinforce as I shiftily avoided his question about whether I had said anything more to her…
He left the hub around ten and when he returned with a rather shaken looking Gwen almost six hours later I really thought he was going to completely fly off the rails at me. She'd been to Flat Holm and met Jack there, she'd found Jonah and she'd initially thought that it was some sort of sick experimental centre, where Jack had been taking innocent victims to but then he had explained it to her and she had reacted in a similar manner to how I had. Repulsed and horrified by what the rift could do, and completely and utterly disheartened by the realisation that we can do nothing to stop it, and ultimately and inherently wanting to get as far away from Flat Holm as possible.
But then she started to think about Nicky and about how she was sat at home in fits of worry, praying each night that Jonah would come back to her, and how her son was so close by… and then she did what she always does: what she thinks will help those in need of it. She took Nicky to see Jonah despite Jack's best advice, Jack himself hadn't gone with them, but he had hung around to meet Gwen afterwards … and things had not gone well with her and the Bevans to say the least, all three parties were left utterly distraught, and I was left questioning whether I was wrong to tell her after all.
But Jack, surprisingly, didn't seem to think so.
"So" He said, walking – marching? Storming? – Over to my desk where I'd refused to get up from. "You told Gwen about Flat Holm in the end then" He began, voice neutral.
"Yes… sort of" I replied nervously.
"What do you mean sort of?"
"Well… I didn't so much as tell her as… drop a handy hint"
"Nice" He chuckled, actually chuckled at me.
"I'm starting to think… I mean, was I… it was wrong of me to tell her" I mumbled.
"No, no. You were right. I should have just told her straight away."
"Really?" I asked incredulously.
"Yes." He half chuckled again, before taking on a slightly sadder tone. "Maybe, if I had just told everyone a while back, before Gwen became linked to a specific case then she would have realised the futility in what she tried to do… that oh I don't know… I mean what she did wasn't wrong, she did what she thought Nicky would have wanted but" Jack said, starting to get a little worked up, with himself if anything.
"Hey" I said, stroking a hand down his arm to find his, "You were just trying to do what you thought was best, as was Gwen and as was I. And maybe we were all wrong on some levels, but we're human and when faced with something as horrific as what the negative rift spikes can do to anyone it pleases, who can blame us" I said, hoping to reassure myself as well as him.
We stood in silence for a minute as the words sank in and I think they worked for Jack at least as he squeezed my hand, smiled and quickly darted around the corner and re-emerged holding a large Thermos flask and a set of keys which belonged neither the SUV or my car.
"Ta-da!" He said, moving on entirely from out previous conversation and causing me to be even more bemused than he has been making me already this past week. He rolled his eyes when I didn't immediately praise him, or thank him or appreciate him… or whatever he had been waiting for.
"What?" I asked.
He jangled the keys in my face and dropped them into my hands; I looked at them closely and saw that they were to an Aston Martin.
"What I… how did you, did you buy…?" I spluttered, too shocked to form proper syllables.
"Sort of, I rented one for the evening. And I've been practising using the coffee machine and have made about a litre for us to take so we can go for a really long drive and won't get tired… and then maybe we can pull up somewhere secluded in the countryside…" He said and wiggled his eyebrows.
Suddenly everything made sense: the cosying up with the coffee maker, the mysterious telephone calls and the motor magazines… it had all been for this. He might cheat at hide and seek and embarrass me in front of the others with sexual innuendo or forget to put his dirty socks for washing, but Jack really is so thoughtful.
I didn't say anything for a minute or so, just stood there grinning like an idiot, so Jack picked up the slack.
"Jones, Ianto Jones. You can have five minutes to get your head together if you need it, we wouldn't want you to be in an unfit state to drive" He laughed.
"But why?" I asked, grinning like a maniac and fondling the keys, not really having paid much attention to his last sentence.
"Err because I don't want you to miss out on driving it, and I don't want us to crash so…" He joked.
"Sorry, I meant, why have you done this? Gone to so much effort?"
"Why not" He shrugged and grinned widely. "I'll see you in five Jones!"