Unseen Conversations

"So… how long have you been in love with Lara?"

Sam almost sprayed a mouthful of beer across the table.

"Kaz! Jesus!"

The freshly peroxided girl shrugged, "What? It's not like I'm wrong."

"You don't just – You can't – I mean – It's not – "

"Sam Nishimura at a loss for words," Kaz grinned. "I didn't think that was possible."

Sam glared at her companion.

Undeterred, Kaz continued, "Seriously, I thought you guys were a couple for the longest time. Back in the Ukraine, Lara was always 'Sam this and Sam that…' The way she went on about you. Then I got here and found out you had separate rooms."

"We're not together."

She put a bit too much weight on each syllable. Kaz was too perceptive to buy such a clunky denial.

"But you want to be."

"I – " Sam sighed. "I've thought about it, okay?"

Kaz stretched out in her seat, looking inordinately pleased with herself. "I knew it. I knew my gaydar was picking up something."

Sam took another sip of her drink. The direction this conversation was turning, she suspected she'd cope better if she was buzzed. A little booze would sail her straight over the jagged doubts and discomfort.

She muttered into her glass, "I am bi, actually. I just don't advertise that fact because of the stupid stigma. It's easier being known as one or the other."

Kaz frowned, "I hear you…" Then her face brightened with excitement. "So, how long?"

"Have I been bi?"

"No. Into Lara."

"Oh." Sam's eyes darted around the Jolly Nag's Head. She couldn't believe she was having this conversation in a grimy London pub.

When would the damn alcohol kick in so she wouldn't care anymore?

"Scoot up." Recognising her friend's anxiety, Kaz had slipped around the booth and into the space next to the filmmaker.

"How long, Sam? Honest. Girl to girl."

"I think it's been coming for a while."

Kaz snorted.

That at least broke some of the tension. Sam knuckled the hacker in the bicep, and laughed, "Oh, shut up!"

Then, back to serious matters, she explained, "If I look back on our friendship now, I can see how important Lara has always been to me. She's really special, and I guess I recognised that right from the start. That, and how unfair her life has been.

"I don't know why that fact hit me so hard, but I wanted to make up for it. I wanted her to be happy; remind her to have some fun every now and then. You don't see it nearly enough but she has the most beautiful smile."

Kaz smirked, "And that ass."

"Oh God, that ass." Sam rolled her eyes skywards.

"I will say one thing for my brother. He did have exceptional taste." Kaz held up her beer and Sam chinked glasses with a chuckle.

Almost immediately afterwards, though, she felt her mood plummet.

She frowned into the golden liquid before her. "I didn't exactly pine for Lara but I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to please her. Lara has this big hang-up about her inheritance, but I don't. With my trust fund, there was loads I could do to make her life easier – help her dreams come true."

Her shoulders sagged. "Even Yamatai. I helped that happen when all the original funding fell through. Lara maintains it's all her fault but getting my uncle to invest makes me responsible too."

Kaz pulled a face. "God, you two and blaming yourselves. You are perfect for each other."

A wry laugh clambered up Sam's throat.

"Yamatai changed everything, including my feelings for Lara. I mean, how can anyone ever compare to her now? She won't talk about what happened exactly, but I know she went through hell to save me. She literally carried me down a mountain.

"And I know saying that makes it sound like my feelings are just some warped form of gratitude – the princess gifting her hero knight with a kiss – but it's more than that. She's the perfect woman. Brave, smart, ridiculously gorgeous. I can't imagine my life without her."

Kaz squeezed the filmmaker's shoulder reassuringly.

She added, "Well, you sport the biggest lady boner for her. It's so obvious."

Sam placed her hand over her friend's. She grinned, "Heh. I guess I haven't exactly been subtle."

"You could say that again. The endless innuendo, all the touches and caresses, not to mention the babes and sweeties; the only time I ever had that with another girl, she ended up as my wife."

Tragedy touches everyone.

Sam murmured, "You miss her?"

"Every day." Kaz raised her beer to her lips and swallowed heavily. "It would be so easy to go find a hit, and just escape for a while, but I know how disappointed Lucya would be."

"Shit. I'm so sorry, Kaz."

The hacker shrugged. "Take my advice, Sam. Don't end up like Alex. Don't leave it too late. Life is fucking unpredictable."

"Tell me about it."

A gloomy silence settled on the table.

Normally Sam would be the one to forcibly change the mood, but she had sunk thigh deep into despondency. Kaz was the one to haul them out.

The blonde ruffled her freshly cropped and bleached hair. "God, look at us sitting here crying into our beers…"

She turned to face Sam.

"Right, I have a question. So, Lara, is she…?"

Sam easily interpreted the unsaid.

"I don't know. She's never really had time for dating, though I know she's hooked up with a guy at least once in the time I've known her. She had to be quite drunk, but still.

"Mostly she's always been really uncomfortable around men who show any kind of interest in her. Like incredibly uncomfortable – complete personality change. She was like that with Alex. She was very reluctant to interact with him at all; always had this pained expression like she was worried about doing anything to lead him on."

"My poor big brother."

Sam leaned in to share her next confidence. "I will say though, the only thing that seems to excite Lara apart from archaeology and Jaffa Cakes is girls. She's always making new friends. I can't leave her alone for five minutes before she has a new gal pal."

She winked at Kaz. "Hell, she even brings home strange girls from Eastern Europe."

That restored some levity. The two young women snickered together.

Sam continued, "I believe there's even this Art student at Oxford who she hit it off with on a train ride. Lara told me she's going to take her up on her offer to stay with her next time she's in town for a lecture or something."

Kaz's eyebrows climbed. "Sleepovers with college girls. So there's hope?"

"Hmmph. Lara would say we're reading too much into things. That we're twisting truths to suit our theories."

"Well, when you're not straight, you're a lot more open to alternate trains of thought. You have to be."

"I know that. But Lara…" Sam plunged her face into her palms and groaned, "God, when it doesn't have to do with solving History's greatest mysteries, she can be so infuriatingly dense at times. Completely switched off."

Kaz cocked her head. "I got that impression. So what are you going to do about things?"

"About my liking Lara?"

"Yeah. She's clearly not the type of person who will wake up one day and go 'Oh, that's what Sam was hinting at.'"

The filmmaker slumped back in her seat. "I dunno. I don't see anything changing. Right now I just want to be back in her life. She's been shutting me out a lot lately when we used to do everything together. I guess she's worried about me getting in the way or getting hurt, and then having to rescue me again. It's humiliating."

"Oh, I had no idea things were strained between you two."

"They're not really." Sam winced, "Everything is cool as far as Lara is concerned. It's me. I just need to find a way to prove to her – and myself – that I'm not useless. That I can sort out my problems on my own."

Kaz frowned, "That's a big burden to bear alone, Sam. You went through a lot on that island too."

"I'll be okay. I know what I'm doing."

"Well, if you ever need someone to tal – Holy shit!" Kaz's head shot up. "How does she do it?"

Sam followed her friend's wide-eyed gaze to the pub entrance.

Holy shit was right.

There was Lara pushing open the door. She looked a bit dishevelled as she clutched the dripping pink Miffy umbrella Sam had bought her as a joke.

More curious though was the brunette's sheepish expression.

A second later, it made sense.

The sheep was shepherding a striking blonde into the Jolly Nag's Head. Sam didn't know the young woman – evidently the latest in Lara's sexy stray collection – but she was very familiar with the aura of vivacity and confidence radiating from the girl. She had to be an actress; most likely starring in Jonah's Pride and Prejudice adaptation. It was the same production the big man had guilted Lara into joining.

Sam's arm shot up, snaring her best friend's attention. "Lara! Lara!"

The archaeologist sighted her and her face immediately brightened, giving Sam's heart a jolt.

The filmmaker could sense Kaz's smirk at her sudden feigned sunniness for Lara's sake. That earned the hacker a boot tap to her ankle.

"Ow!"

Still, the pair were on their best, benign-smile behaviour by the time Lara reached them.

Ever the model of public school manners, the brunette started with introductions. "This is Andrea. She's in the play with me."

Of course now the beer would finally kick in. She was still smiling but Sam's could feel her tongue sprinting past her brain. There was no way she could stop herself in time.

Inside she was screaming, but outside was another matter entirely.

Her gaze tracked from Lara to her co-star, and Sam cheerfully addressed the blonde, "So, how's her Kitty, Andrea?"

While the actress fumbled for a diplomatic response, Sam received her very own, well deserved kick under the table.