A/N: Ah! I'm a terrible human being! I'm sorry I didn't update I was visiting my Grandparents and had limited computer access and then I was at my friends house for a movie/chinease/chat night and was tired and yeah... sorry! BUT This is a killer of a long chapter, though I fear it's mostly random drabble, so I hope it sort of makes up? Hannah xxx
Jack and I spent yesterday evening at my apartment for a change and, though I can't say that he was in the greatest of moods for parts of the night (for reasons that I shall explain shortly), it was nice to have a little break away from Torchwood. We'd been forced into staying at the hub quite a bit recently as there's been a great deal of late nights and early starts through one cause or another (mostly Weevil related) and, of course, we had been needing to watch over our little bunny friends and make sure that they didn't get up to any mischief. But our dear rabbit friends have now been relocated to a much more suitable home within a sturdy hutch in my garden as, after four and a half successful weeks of keeping them hidden, our bunny chums were finally found. And it was Jack's that was found first, might I add, meaning that I won our little bet (by sheer luck alone though) leaving one Captain J Harkness a little sulky.
I'm not entirely certain what I did to befriend the Gods so closely in the way that I must have done in order for this result to have come about, but there's no doubt about the fact that Tyche and Hermes must have been watching over me closely these past few days. My good fortune was surprising really, I mean I've never exactly been an unfortunately unlucky soul, but I've never been especially fortunate either… but for whatever reason, yesterday my luck vastly improved allowing me to, rather coincidentally, triumph over Jack and win the bet. And it wasn't just Jack that was left mildly disgruntled by this outcome – Owen too was a little more than peeved by the state of affairs after eventually firming up and deciding to place his bet on the 'wrong' man, thus having lost out on his tenner and a whole lot more in the end.
He hadn't settled on the man of his choosing until a good few days after he had discovered our little secret; he'd spent this time evidently mulling over his options and what further benefits he could exploit from us beyond a holy ten pound note, Jack and I on the other hand had spent the extra few days he'd needed worrying that he would just change his mind and 'out' us completely to the others and ruin it all. It's just as well that things ended in the manner that they did in the end, otherwise we could have easily come to regret the fact that we'd allowed him in on the secret with us and even wished that he'd have had it all out there and then!
Way after home time (for the other three at least, the pair of us hadn't gone anywhere) on the fourth day that this knowledge had been in Owen's possession we were starting to seriously anticipate his springing of it upon the others when, completely and utterly out of the blue, he returned to the hub at around eleven to propose his decision.
"Hu-hum" He coughed upon arrival, walking towards the sofa area within the hub to greet the scene of the two of us closely curled up there together, rabbits happily lounging on laps and Jack nuzzling his face intimately into my neck, whispering breaths escaping his mouth and tickling my neck.
Neither of us had yet to notice his presence as Jack had his eyes buried to deeply in the curve where my neck and jaw met and I was far too distracted to notice a great deal else than the gentle twitching of Thelma's breathing underneath my hand and far too focused on not bursting into laughter at the tickling sensation on my neck. It took a second cough from Owen to eventually capture our attention, encouraging a laugh from Jack and a rather awkward and embarrassed chuckle and blush from myself and a silent, thankful prayer that he'd walked in on something innocent and nothing… 'Avant guard'…
"Right, now that I have your attention ladies" He smirked (I blame Jack for that, after referring to us both as women way back a few months ago) "I have an announcement to make"
"You're leaving?" Jack suggested grinning, inviting a swipe at his arm from the other man.
"Oh ha-ha, hark at Harkness: Comedy genius" He rolled his eyes grinning back. "I was just coming to say, that I've made up my mind as to which of you two weirdoes I'm going to place the risk of losing a tenner on and thought of a better way for me to benefit from those two" He gestured accordingly towards Thelma and Louise.
"Oh really, how so?" Jack asked with intrigue.
"Yeah…" Owen mused for a second, a wry twinkle spreading in his eyes. "How about, on top of the tenner this is, that if I bet on the winner of this bizarre little scenario I also get to turn up to work whenever and if ever I like for a whole month and I don't have to clear up the medical bay after any of my experiments of work projects and I'm allowed a cup of Ianto's extra special coffee whenever I should request it" He announced.
I scoffed, "As if you clear up your working area on a regular basis anyway!"
Jack laughed lightly as Owen scowled. "And why would we agree to that?" Jack asked him, one eyebrow raised.
"Because" Owen stretched out the word, grinning, "if you don't I'll tell the others right now about your bet meaning that you would have lost"
Jack groaned and eventually gave into agreeing to Owen's revised demands, not wanting to admit defeat outright there and then. To be honest, I'm not sure I was ready to give up and receive my winning glory then anyway – we were having too much fun! - So I went along with his decision.
"Fine… but if you lose what will the winner get?" Jack asked.
"That's up to you, but trust me; I don't want to be your 'slave' for the day so you can forget that one!"
Jacked let out a small laugh and I blushed a little again, "How about if you bet on Ianto and I win you promise to turn up on time for work and put in 100% effort for at least a month!" He suggested.
"And if you bet on Jack and I win… then you HAVE to clean your autopsy bay without fail at the end of each day" I grinned.
He huffed a slight sigh of annoyance before replying. "Fine, fine, that's settled then gentlemen, but Jack your terms and conditions are really unnecessary because…" He turned to face me then for a quick interlude: "I'm sorry Ianto, and I have every faith that you will fight as cunningly as is fairly allowed and that you have some blinder of a plan up your sleeve… but come on, you're not up against a normal person are you – it's Jack! I'm not sure any man would be wise to bet against Jack…" He apologised – to be honest, it didn't bother me all that much, I was just happy that he was referring to us as part of the male gender again.
"Quite right, but I'm still going to give it my best shot!" I smiled; not knowing then that would in actual fact be the pair of them that was left disappointed by the bet's climax and not myself.
"I wouldn't expect anything less" Jack grinned back turning to face me, and with that Owen left mumbling something about not wanting to 'stick around for the show'.
Over the next few weeks Jack and I upped the ante as far as trying to land the other one in it was concerned and Owen, confined to playing a neutral part in the whole affair for fear of breaking the rules of his own engagement in the deal, sat back and watched whilst attempting not to laugh. There was endless rabbit innuendo with talks of 'Brigadier Masterson rabbiting on again' and Gwen's new diet of 'rabbit food' and of doing 'bunny hops' on bicycles etc. There was a whole host of rabbit paraphernalia littered throughout the hub in prominent and suggestive places – including some rather irritating windup toys that Jack kept setting off around my desk. But none of this had attracted too much suspicion from the others as yet; it hadn't reached beyond the stage of shared confused looks between the two of them.
It was my most thought over, and most favourite, plan which eventually sparked up some real curiosity within the girls. Last Wednesday, in-between sly attempts to get the girls to come and look at one of the books on ancient Egypt in Jack's shelf and rounding up a pair of rogue Weevils, I put in a rather special announcement to the local radio station:
"…And you've been listening to 'Gives You Hell' by 'All American Rejects'" The DJ's voice had cut off the end of the song; I've never been a big fan of that one I must admit … "Next up, is a special request from Jack in Cardiff, going out to Thelma and Louise who are apparently buried in their books right now – it's 'Rabbit' by Chas and Dave, hope you enjoy it girls!"
I'd made certain that the DJ would read out that exact dedication, alluding to Jack's secret hiding place. As it was played out in the hub Jack just looked over to where I was nonchalantly fixing everyone a coffee, a mixed look of annoyance and appreciation spread across his face, and Owen was stood over in the autopsy bay elbow deep in the blood of goodness knows what, biting his lip a little to keep from smiling. Gwen and Tosh however just exchanged puzzled looks, clearly wondering whether it was worth either of them mentioning anything and then, as the song progressed to it's chorus and most relevant section: "Rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbi"t etc.
Toshiko finally made her way over to where I was stood and began the first conversation that suggested that either of the two girls had actually picked up on what had been going on over the past couple of weeks.
"Ianto…"
"Yes Tosh" I replied innocently.
"What's going on Ianto, with you and Jack I mean?"
"Well now, that's not for you to know" I winked, playing the not so innocent 'innocent'.
She blushed slightly "That's not what I meant!" She replied with indignation, giving me a friendly elbow dig in my side "There's just definitely something odd going on… something to do with rabbits – I mean, what was with that song? Was it requested by Jack Jack?"
"You think that the Jack they were talking about was our Jack?" I asked, feigning a tone of incredulousness whilst inwardly smiling at the fact that Jack was being blamed. "There are lots of Jack's in the world Tosh… and besides… who on Earth would Thelma and Louise be?" I finished in the most perfectly innocent tone, without expressly denying our involvement, and with just a brief sly glance towards Jack (who was shooting me an evil glance that could bring down hell itself) as I mentioned our two rabbits by name.
"Fair point… But … well, and I'm sure I'm not going mad, there seems to be a lot of 'rabbityness' about at the minute… I think I'd been filtering it out, but the song brought it all to my attention and then to top it all Jack's name was mentioned… is this some strange private joke that you and Jack have got going on, like the 'Weevil hunting'?" She asked intrigued.
It was my turn to blush now at her mention of 'Weevil hunting', I can't believe that it took me so long to realise that they all actually knew what it meant… anyway…
"Really? I don't know what you're talking about?" I replied, struggling to keep up my naive sounding tone just a little now.
"Oh come on – those windup toys? That picture of the Easter bunny taped to the book shelf? I mean I know that it is coming up to Easter, but still, it seems a little odd and Gwen and I were wondering if we were missing out on something…"
For a second or so I worried that it was all going to spill out of the bag (or desk… or bookshelf so to speak) right there and then, I started panicking that I would get flustered and accidentally out myself and accepting losing to Jack – but somehow I held it together enough to rather hurriedly reply:
"Oh? I hadn't noticed must be a coincidence. Here's your coffee Tosh" I smiled sweetly and ushered a rather frustrated Tosh away from the coffee station, breathing a sigh of relief as she left. She immediately headed over towards where Gwen was working, no doubt to inform her of the 'non' news on the 'situation'.
On the face of it, my plan hadn't actually achieved a great deal other than highlighting both Tosh and Gwen's awareness of the general 'rabbit theme' that Jack and I had been circulating around the hub surreptitiously (or not so) for a little while now. But I had, to their present awareness or not, subconsciously planted this three way union between Jack, rabbits and bookshelves within the depths of their minds and I had hoped that when I eventually came to in this bet that it would have been down to the sheer brilliance, if I do say so myself- it took a great deal of planning, of this plan. I'd been hoping that I'd be able to knock the smug grin off Jack's face as his rabbit was found before my own through the use of intellect and fair play rather than whatever dastardly levels he was prepare to go to, and I suppose that in the end I did win fairly and squarely rather than cheatedly… but it was by sheer coincidence that Louise was found first and that Thelma was only then discovered by default, as it was a third party who in the end uncovered our little game and not Toshiko or Gwen.
Yesterday, the day after the radio announcement, the hub was eerily quiet. Jack wasn't speaking to me a great deal after I'd put that particular plan in motion (though he revealed during the course of that day via an email that he was mostly acting standoffish so that we could have, and I quote, 'hot, kinky make-up sex' later…) and Gwen and Tosh were quite decidedly speaking to none of us until the mystery was resolved which left Owen was the only one attempting to make real conversation and that lasted all of five minutes. We got a call out from the police which meant that we eventually did all have to try and negotiate and talk with one another, but it was kept to the bare minimum. If PC Andy had noticed our peculiar behaviour he obviously had thought better of mentioning it as he launched straight into the matter that we were here to address: some nonsense about 'encoded alien messages' which turned out to be nothing more than common, not even ASBO worthy, graffiti – bloody Torchwood? Bloody police more like!
We returned to the hub to greet the most surreal scene. I went to turn the light switch on, as usual, upon entering and immediately noticed the distinct sound of breathing and a hurried shuffling movement, initially I feared that one or both of the bunnies had escaped and were on a rampage around the hub, but as the energy saving light-bulb slowly flickered on it became evident that this was nothing to do with Thelma and Louise.
Crouched behind the back of Owen's autopsy table, not quite out of our sight, was a body – a person – trying to hide and failing miserably. From behind it was evident that she was a girl, there were long tendrils of auburn hair cascading down past her shoulders and even in that awkward pose she had a very definite posture as though she had been classically trained in dance. What wasn't quite so obvious was whether the person before us was a child or an adult, she seemed small in frame and in height but was she simply short? Or was the crouching position simply making her appear ambiguously smaller than she was in reality? And, of course, the most unusual and noticeable characteristic of the girl was her blue and scale-like skin, left fully exposed bar the clothing covering the essential areas.
We all stood impossibly still, silent and unmoving for a few minutes in the entrance way whilst trying work out what the devil was going on. We all looked towards our Captain and in the end he went with the nice and easier, classic approach:
"Hello" He called out, making the girl startle slightly
"Hello?" She called back cautiously from behind her hiding table in an almost French sounding accent; by the pitch of her voice she was evidently a child.
Jack turned to us and we all shrugged in response, none of us quite sure what to do.
"My name's Jack and this is Torchwood Three, Cardiff – what's your name?" He asked gently, slowly making his way over towards her.
"Heidi, Heidi Zimmerman" She replied, a strangely human sounding name for a creature so extraordinarily beyond human.
"How did you get here then Heidi?" He asked, facing her now. Cautiously we began to move over to the medical bay now and were greeted with the sight of what was, despite the blue and reptile like skin and yellow eyes, undoubtedly a rather frightened girl of perhaps about thirteen.
"I don't know… I was just at home playing hide and seek with my little brothers and I couldn't find my youngest one Seth… and then there was this flash… and then I was here!" She said rather quickly and all of our minds jumped to the same conclusion: the rift.
"And where exactly is home?" Gwen asked, crouching down to meet her eyes, immediately jumping in to the mother like role.
"Europa"
"What the moon?" Owen asked
"No the planet, in the Cleaon region" Heidi replied slightly irritated as if it had been obvious that that was where she meant: she was definitely a teenager.
"What year?" Jack asked.
"3126, what year is it now?"
"2008"
"Shut up!" She exclaimed, I'm pleased to see that even teenagers from over a thousand years from now, on other planets even, use such 'slang'…
Jack just nodded in confirmation, smiling.
"And how old are you sweetheart?" Gwen asked soothingly, cutting across them.
"Fourteen in two weeks" She said standing up now, accompanied by Gwen. Not a bad guestimate as to her age on my part then… "But I've been told I look older" She smiled.
"What are you?" Asked Owen suddenly, taking a detailed look at the foreign and unusual creature before us.
"I'm a European" She replied back rolling her eyes at Owen's bluntness. We all held in a slight laugh, that would undoubtedly have not gone down well, at that revelation - European indeed!
Toshiko had snuck off in the meanwhile to take a look at the readings from the rift monitor and, sure enough, there had been a large spike in activity between us leaving the hub for that bloody police call out and us arriving back, and by the looks of things we weren't scheduled any further activity for a couple of days – Tosh and Jack conferred.
"Heidi, to cut the long story short, there's a rift in time and space running through the centre of Cardiff – where you are now – and we think that's how you got here. It's possible, in theory for us to be able to send you back home through the rift, but it is risky, and there's not scheduled rift activity for a couple of days so… you're pretty much stuck here with us for a bit" Jack told her, smiling kindly.
"Oh… but I'll be able to get home right?"
"We hope so, the rift is fairly unpredictable but we've managed it before and we'll try and be as accurate as possible. In the meantime I'll need to get Owen to run a few tests on you to make sure that you'll be alright within our climate and environment over the next few days and we'll look after you here in the hub – won't we Ianto?" He turned to me expectantly.
"Of course" I smiled.
"Or…" Gwen began "You she could come back to mine, Rhys wouldn't mind and I'm sure a normal flat will be a lot less intimidating than this place" She suggested.
Jack nodded and raised a questioning eyebrow towards Heidi: "Does that sound ok to you, if you go home with Gwen after we've checked you out today – don't worry she doesn't bite!"
"That's fine with me, if there's nothing we can really for a bit then I might as well" She smiled a little nervously "Oh and just one thing… I was having a little look around earlier, when I first got here and no one was in, just out of curiosity really and well… does everyone on Earth keep their rabbits in bookshelves – or is it just a 21st Century thing?" Heidi asked innocently.
At her question, five rather exaggerated reactions took place: Toshiko and Gwen both took large sharp breaths inwards and stared aghast, mouths wide open, fingers pointing, managing to piece together all of the confusing parts of the puzzle in their heads; Owen and Jack simultaneously threw back their heads and groaned with the annoyance of defeat – the cause of which being a lost tenner and the need to clear up his autopsy bay to precise levels of cleanliness in Owen's case and the challenge of becoming my slave for a day in Jack's; and I, well I let out an almighty cheer and I think I might have even leapt up into the air a little bit with the over whelming sensation of triumph.
It appears that teenagers of all races and time periods must automatically be given that 'adults are weird eye roll' as some sort of inbuilt mechanism as Heidi displayed it perfectly then, proclaiming that we were all mad as hatters and that she can understand why her Mother and Father had never been that keen to visit Earth in one of their Winter holidays, if the people were all as odd as this…
Once we had all calmed down a little Gwen began to speak:
"Right then boys, there's no denying now that something very odd is going on here… so would one of you care to explain?" She asked looking from the rather frustrated looing Jack, to the equally annoyed Owen and then to my own grinning face.
"Would you like to do the honours, or should I Jack?" I grinned further, already planning out in my mind exactly what his tomorrow would entail.
He huffed a little sigh then, "NO, I shall explain thank you very much, it was my idea!" He said indignantly and I chuckled lightly in response.
"Basically about a month ago, it was really quite in the hub one day and I thought it would be a good idea if Ianto and I engaged in a little bet… the idea was that each of us would try and hide a rabbit inside the hub for as long as possible without getting caught out by any of you and then the one who had managed to conceal theirs for the longest would get to have the other as their personal slave for a day" He allowed his eyes to twinkle mischievously at that last bit, making me feel slightly hot under the collar – though I think I just about contained the blush that was attempting to follow.
"And I hid mine in the book case, making air holes naturally, and Ianto hid his in… wait… Heidi, did you find the other rabbit?"
"No" She replied, "Why, where was that one?"
"Damn it! Bloody lucky hot Welshman" I heard Jack mutter under his breath when he thought that no one could hear before continuing: "Never mind, anyway, and then Owen worked it out about a week into the bet and neither me nor Ianto were ready to give up and Owen wanted in on the bet…"
"So I bet a tenner on Jack and now I've lost it to Ianto and I have to clean up the bloody medical bay at the end of every sodding day!" He moaned, begrudgingly handing me a rather crumpled ten pound note as he did so.
"Ah… so that's what all this rabbit stuff has been about!" Gwen proclaimed, evidently relieved that she and Toshiko had not gone barmy.
"All of the toys and the innuendos and the pictures… oh and that radio announcement-that was you Ianto wasn't it!" Stated Tosh.
"Indeed" I replied a little smugly.
We didn't get a great deal more work done yesterday afternoon; Owen ran a few essential tests on Heidi, measuring breathing rates whilst exercising, lung capacity, heart rate, blood type (?) etc. – out of pure curiosity more than anything else, Jack remained in his office 'talking to UNIT' but I secretly think that he was having a little sulk, and the two girls were eager to find out more details from me and to, of course, have a stroke of our bunnies who were now able to roam freely within the hub. Then, before we knew it, home time had crept up on us and it was time for everyone, Gwen accompanied by Heidi, including Jack and I to leave.
Initially I was worried that it would be a rather awkward evening back at my apartment and that Jack and I would eat whatever I ended up cooking for dinner (it was lasagne in the end) in near silence and end up going to sleep in separate bedrooms, but Jack seemed to have bucked up a little by the time we arrived.
"You won then" He said, smiling but still sounding slightly aggrieved and sulky about the whole ordeal.
"I certainly did" I replied, basking in my glory.
"But you know… technically… it was by pure luck, it wasn't either Gwen or Tosh who discovered Louise AND Heidi did say that she only happened upon her by chance as she was taking a look around…" He pointed out clearly trying to console himself.
"Ah, that's as may be…. but I still won!"
"Yes… you get to have me as your personal slave for the day… so I guess on some levels we kind of both win" He said moving in very close towards me and practically purring out the line.
"Oh, how so?" I asked innocently.
"Well… I could expand but I don't want to give you any bad ideas" He replied into my neck in a tone that was practically indecently seductive.
"Not to worry, I've got a few of my own ideas" I replied – little does he know that these ideas are perhaps as far from the ones he's thinking of as possible!
"I would have been disappointed if you hadn't!" He finished.
I cooked dinner and Jack followed me around the kitchen, generally attempting to distract me from the cooking process at every potential opportunity, and trying to sneak in as many 'taste tests' as he could before it went in the oven. We ate and then half watched a little television, I think it might have been Gavin and Stacey that was on, and went to bed where Jack suddenly pretended to be all cross and sullen once again and demanded that make up sex that he had proposed earlier… I suppose it was only fair to give in to him, considering what I have planned for him today!