A/N: Salutations one and all! I hope that all of you had lovely Mother's Days, whether you are daughters, sons or mothers yourselves :) This one will sort of overlap into the next ch (but it's not reaaallly a two parter) and then after that one we will be into the horribly upsetting, end of days stuff... so I hope I have given you all a suffcient amounf of 'fluff' to help soften the blow! Hannah xxx
Dear lord! I have woken up with a gargantuan head ache this morning, and I feel the beginnings of a sore throat coming along- this is not good! I haven't been ill, at least beyond the occasional sniffley nose during the winter or my rather embarrassing alcohol induced ailments after Jack left, for a good three years or more and was glad to have kept it that way! Owen keeps us well immunised against pretty much everything that it is physically possible to be vaccinated against, including some of the lesser known tropical and alien diseases, but I guess something must have been able to fight its way through my well supported immune system. It's not so awful that it warrants time to be taken off from work, but I must admit that I feel pretty rotten; for now I'll just suffer in silence and get by with a couple of ibuprofen and plenty of fluids because Jack has a tendency to become both possessive and a protective, and I dread to think how he would respond if he thought I was ill.
Oh and speaking of Jack, thankfully after last night's activities I have well and truly been forgiven for my very literal take upon personal 'slave for a day', and Jack has assured me that the balance in our relationship has more than been restored. When he'd said that I asked, jokily of course, whether that meant that I was allowed to make him hoover the living room in order for me to 'catch up' to him, and level things out once again…but he didn't seem entirely thrilled by that prospect however and my suggestion brought about a large bout of 'torture through tickling' for me. My sides still ache from it now in fact; we were sat up in bed early this morning at about half five, waiting for the alarm clock to start blaring out its incessant beeping sound, when I made me jovial proposition and he swiftly took advantage of my slightly sleepy state and soon had me begging him to bloody get off! I'm just grateful that we were still in bed – and that there were no breakable foreign objects cluttering my bedside table, waiting and ready to be knocked over by me – as last time he tried tickling me it was when we were in the hub, and cold stone flooring is, funnily enough, not the most comfortable place in the world to end up and I think the computer monitor that almost ended up joining me there as a victim of Jack's wildly moving limbs would have agreed too. I can just picture Tosh's look of quiet brewing anger mixed with amusement if we'd have had to tell her that we'd broken one of the monitors because Jack had taking the tickling a little too far…
Anyway, this morning we managed to successfully (well, fingers crossed that it was successful) send Heidi back through the rift and home to her family in Europa in the year 3126. Jack was more than a little nervous to try sending her back into the rift in this manner as the last person that we returned in such a way was John Hart and, as much as this is pleasing in many respects, we have haven't heard from him since – so who knows if he's alive and well out there in the world somewhere? The entire process is pretty much hit or miss, and the only reason that Jack was able to perform such an action for John Hart without feeling an incredibly painful pang of guilt for doing so, was because he was such a threat to him, to Torchwood and the human race. Part of me wonders if Jack really did feel completely guiltless about John anyway, I mean, regardless of what he did they were still 'partners' – in every way apparently – at one time and so there must have still been an emotional connection of sorts that made it little difficult? Even I, who believe me is more than glad not to have to be referred to as 'eye candy' once again, or to worry about Jack being led astray by him, felt awful about what we might have done to him… But I guess Jack must just keep reminding himself that it was essential for it to be done; it was an informed and most necessary choice to be made.
That, of course is the key difference between his situation and Heidi's however, this was not necessary; we could have kept Heidi here with us at the hub, or with Gwen at her flat maybe, or waited to see if someone from her own time might realise where she had ended up and come to rescue her. But despite how well looked after she had been, Heidi was understandably homesick and desperate to return and was thus willing to do whatever it might take to possibly get home.
She seemed both anxious and eager to leave us when Gwen brought her into the hub today at around elevnish for a quick health check from Owen, a prep talk on what to expect from Jack, a hot chocolate and a muffin (hot chocolate seems to meet her approval but she found my coffee rather peculiar; I'm not sure if that was because she's still quite young or because they don't have coffee in Europa – which would be a very sad fact indeed) from me, and a few last goodbyes.
"So all I have to do is basically just stand there and wait?" She asked after Jack had gone through the breakdown of our plan of action with her. She was trying to sound confident but she was nibbling at the corner of her lip like I do when I'm nervous.
"Pretty much" Jack smiled back encouragingly, though I could see her nerves reflected in his eyes.
I had to let out a rather large, chesty sounding cough just then that I had been trying to hold in for a matter of minutes now. He didn't say anything directly to me, but Jack fixed me with an inquisitive, sceptical gaze as I shrugged it off with a quick apology, luckily Gwen started to speak fairly promptly afterwards so he had no opportunity to question me. He hasn't said anything since, but I'm worried that I may have given the game away…
"We'll be right there with you when it happens Sweetheart, so don't worry" Gwen said, gently rubbing Heidi's arm affectionately.
Heidi smiled at Gwen and then turned to face all of us, still keeping her brave smile in place "Thank you, thank you all for being so kind to me when I came here and for helping me to hopefully get back home"
"You'll be missed, but if going home will make you happy then I'm glad to have helped" Gwen replied, squeezing her hand.
"I'll miss you all too and it's been fun, a nice – if a little unexpected – holiday of sorts… but I think if I had had to eat Rhys's lasagne for a third night in a row, or see any more rugby matches, or have to keep hiding away for much longer I would have been slowly driven insane! No offence of course" She said semi-sarcastically, winking, trying to fight off her nerves.
"None taken, Rhys does a marvellous lasagne – but that's about it!" Gwen laughed nervously.
"But, you might not want to knock rugby just yet" Jack interjected, grinning, "come back to us when you're a little older and I think you'll find you might be able to appreciate the burly men in shorts" He grinned wider and I elbowed him lightly in the ribs for the comment. You see I know that Jack has only ever seen about one and a half mixed and matched games of rugby in his entire life and was simply having a jibe at me; he's got it into his head that I only watch rugby to ogle at the players. Of course this is ridiculous – as I have explained to him time and time again, I don't think I could find any other man besides from him attractive and I'm Welsh, it's in my nature to like rugby!
Anyway, she seemed to find his comment quite amusing which I guess was his sole aim, to try and relax her a bit before we departed.
We all fixed her with mixed looks of reassurance, sympathy and understanding before we all loaded ourselves into the, now very cramped indeed, SUV along with all of the necessary equipment: the portable rift monitor to keep track of any changes in predicted rift patterns, and a stun gun per team member just on the off chance that something vicious was arriving through the very same crack in the rift that we intended to send Heidi back in. The activity was scheduled to occur at quarter to twelve (approx.) down by the docks, so we set off in good time and were there ready and waiting by half twenty to.
The five minutes that wait that we had to incur before the inevitable flash of blue light was seen and the final calls of goodbye from Heidi we heard was both a blessing and a curse. It gave us a couple of minutes to catch our breaths and prepare for what we were about to do, to double check coordinates and wish Heidi luck; but it also gave us an extra few minutes to panic and for tension to rise while we waited- both of which would not have occurred if we had arrived in a rush and had to leap straight into action. Never the less, we all put our doubts behind us and watched as Heidi, in her accurately positioned spot, disappeared into the blinding light with a last joke of writing to us to let us know that she was home safely.
I hope that she is home and safe.
I think Gwen's going to miss her rather a lot; over these past two and a bit days she really seems to have enjoyed taking on a motherly role in the situation and no matter what she's said to Rhys about the impossibility of bringing up children whilst working for Torchwood, it's obvious that she would make a really great Mother. Perhaps now that she's had a proper taste of it she'll think again, I mean, I completely agree – working with Torchwood and raising a child… it would be difficult to the extreme…. but I'm sure we could all figure something out to try and make it easier for her while it was needed. Oh well, can't tell people how to run their own lives!
Oh and as we were driving back from the docks to the hub, all of us in a fairly depressed and despondent mood after witnessing Heidi's exit, I received a rather worrying and slightly puzzling text from Rhiannon:
Oi Ianto! When are you going to introduce me to that film star of a boyfriend of yours then eh? It's been a good month or so since we met up! It'd be nice if we could meet up again soon, Johnny and I've sort have got something we need to tell you that I'd rather do face to face so if your boss could spare you for a couple of hours maybe this Sunday – which should be easy enough to arrange, after all, you are shagging him! – then that would be smashing. Rhi xxx
My sister, charming and eloquent as always….
I can't imagine what on Earth she needs to tell me, at least not something that could be too important or over whelming to be passed on via text, or even a phone call… I do hope she isn't ill, or one of the kids… Whatever it is, I'm not sure whether it will be as easy as Rhi claims it should be to get the time off, I'll have to attempt to sweet talk Jack later, but for now I've just ignored the text. I've got too much paperwork to be getting on with now that Heidi's left us anyway, so I haven't really got time to reply…
Finally! After two and a half hours of solid writing and typing and printing and stapling and filing of records and reports, and just about any other task which falls under the wide umbrella term that is 'paperwork', everything relating to Heidi's arrival, her medical notes, accounts of her time spent here, and her departure have all been sorted. Upon completion of said documents I went up to speak to Jack about Heidi and ask him if there was any additional information he thought should be included in her file before I stowed it away in the archives.
As soon as I saw him there in the office I could tell that he didn't seem to be doing all that well; I opened the door to the sight of him sat behind his desk, head resting heavily in his hands and fingers pulling agitatedly at his hair and an empty whiskey tumbler next to him. As he heard me enter his posture quickly shifted into a more upright manner, his hand were rapidly extracted from his now dishevelled hair and a falsified 'Harkness' grin was plastered onto his mouth.
"And what can I do you for?" He asked in a flirtatious manner, attempting to pretend that he was perfectly fine, but he should have learned by now that I am not easily fooled!
I raised a contesting eyebrow, "Jack" I said softly.
Immediately the artificial appearance of contentment disappeared, and a much more natural, worried and slightly pain stricken expression shifted into place. "I don't know why I bothered" He half smiled.
"Neither do I" I half smiled back, and walked closer to his desk to take a seat on the corner of it and he took a hold of my hand.
"What did we just do…" He whispered melancholically.
"The right thing" I replied, trying to sound reassuring even though I have my own doubts. "And exactly what Heidi wanted us to do" I reminded him softly, before bringing our laced hands up to my lips to give his a light peck.
"I know I know… it's what she wanted us to do… but will she have got where she wanted? Or will she have been spit back out god knows where! Somewhere much worse than here… or will she just be stuck somewhere in the middle of it… nowhere…" He said with a desperate and bitter tone.
"For all we know she's safe and well and playing hide and seek with her brothers again" I said in what I hope was a convincing manner.
"Perhaps… but I can't help feeling awful. She was a child, a child! And we might have just…"
"Shsshsh…there's no use dwelling on it, her mind was made up…"
He sighed and released my hand from his grasp in order to run them both through his hair once again, "I guess you're right, I'll just have to hope that it worked" He replied, mustering the best, most genuine smile he could manage.
I smiled back, but as I did so I felt another cough rising in my chest that just had to escape – this one sounded even worse than the last. "Damn it!" I mutter under my breath.
Jack's brow creased into a light frown, "Ianto are you alright?" He asked, his tone laced with concern.
"Perfectly fine Sir" I replied, allowing my voice to draw out the 'Sir' in the way I know that he appreciates in an attempt to distract him. Unfortunately I needed to cough once more, which cut short the effect of my lengthening of the word, and aroused Jack's concern further.
"Ianto?" He asked firmly.
"Honestly, I'm fine – just a slight cough"
"Hmm, you don't seem fine… and you were coughing earlier, and don't think I missed you taking those tablets this morning! What's up? Are you sick?" He asked, immediately getting up from his seated position behind the desk to come round to meet me and place a hand on my forehead which I know was burning up after the effects of the ibuprofen had long since worn off.
I rolled my eyes, "I might maybe be coming down with something… but I'm sure it's just a cold" I said, hoping he would heed my words.
"Are you sure, I mean you seem to be running quite fever and that chest of yours doesn't sound too good… perhaps I should get Owen to take a look at you?"
"Honestly Jack there's no need to worry" I replied.
Did my words have any affect what so ever? That would be a no… Despite everything that I had said he immediately instructed that I was to take the rest of the day off, and tomorrow and the next and more if I needed. He quickly let me go back down to my desk to get my bottle of water and some more tablets before sending me straight down to his bunker to rest for a bit. I also smuggled this down with me as I don't know how long I shall be forced to remain down here 'resting' and I might grow very bored very quickly – especially if the team all start busily jetting off after Weevils and the like whilst I'm expected to stay down here and sleep! Hopefully Jack won't find it hidden under the mattress while I'm resting, there's nothing that's been added recently that's especially incriminating, but I still don't particularly like the thought of him reading this. He's just popped up to the main floor of the hub to get me a hot Ribena for my throat (oh and he's taken me off caffeine! Says it will prevent me from sleeping…) but I shall have to secure this away soon before he returns. Honestly, I had predicted that he would become a little obsessively doting if he got wind of my 'illness'… but this is a bit ridiculous!
Oh my gosh! I have been near enough confined to this room for three days solid now and this is the very first opportunity I have had to write in here once again, now that Jack has gone for a shower!
My cough started to get a little worse, and my fever has been increasing steadily and so Jack has simply refused to allow me back to work as normal, despite how much I have begged him to. Instead he has insisted that I get as much bed rest as possible, which means that I have only been up to the main floor of the hub on occasion and have hardly spoken to any of the others over the past 72 hours, and drink as many fluids as possible. To his credit, he has at least been keeping me company down here, rather than heading off out with the others to the sites of rift activity or to attend police call outs. He has been providing me with ample entertainment and care, but it has all come at a price – Jack has absolutely one hundred percent lived up to my expectations of his being the 'obsessively caring' type, and has barely given me a chance to breath for the amount of temperature tests and medicine administrations and general 'how are you feeling' questioning that he has been partaking in. I've tried telling him that I have had colds and the fly before, that I was going to be absolutely fine and that I was more than capable of returning to work right away – but he wasn't having it, I guess he just thinks that a common cold is enough to wipe out us non-immortals!
Initially I thought it was endearing, that he cared so much that I should get better, but that soon wore off as I realised exactly how strict a 'nurse' he was going to be towards me, and irritation swiftly replaced admiration. Not that I've let it show of course, he might be driving up the wall with his insufferable attentiveness, but he's just trying to look after me and show that he cares and I can hardly come out an criticise him for that now can I? And he has been lovely, providing me with plenty of reading material, and chicken soup and trying to make me laugh, but I wish he'd just let me back to work as normal.
There have been moments when I thought I might lose it and get a little cross, like when I made me put on a dressing gown and pyjamas; I mean, it was bad enough that on that first day when I was coming down with whatever virus this is when he helped me out of my suit and into some old faded jeans and a plain white t-shirt (which I suppose was only practical considering the fact that he has had me sitting in bed pretty much all day every day, but honestly, jeans and a t-shirt at work? Even though I'm not working it feels wrong!) but the dressing gown… It makes me feel so untidy! Especially on the rare few occasions when Jack will relieve me from talking to him or watching TV or reading down in the bunker and allow me to stretch my limbs around the main section of the hub, and I have ended up running into Tosh or Owen or Gwen. They didn't seem to mind, but it still bothers me to have been seen like this!
"Men in dressing gowns are sexy" He had assured me, placing a kiss on my crumpled, protesting brow as I sat up in his bed. Hmm… well, I can say for certain that I feel far too much like an old man wearing this to think of myself as 'sexy'.
It was kind of nice when he washed my hair in the sink for me yesterday… like getting a proper Indian head massage almost, and I must admit that I kind of secretly (And guiltily) enjoyed it when he brought out the vapour rub for my chest and 'helped' me to apply it… but I'm genuinely not sure how much more of this I can take! How much longer I can put up with being kept hidden away down here until my 'recovery'! And as for Rhiannon, there's definitely no chance of getting to see her this Sunday, not unless we brought her to my bedside, and I doubt the idea of bringing my sister – and Johnny for that matter – down in to the hub would fly so well with Captain 'nurse' Harkness, and I'm not sure if that would be more down to the fact that they would be exposed to all sorts of alien technology and weaponry etc. and would need retconning afterwards… or if he would be worried that bringing them in would disturb my rest!
Gosh, he's coming back from his shower already; I guess I'll just have to hide this again until I get another opportune moment in which to write which, at this rate, might not be for another good few days.