A/N: Good evening to you all! I'm hoping that you might like this one, as I am trying to move away now from depressive 'Tosh and Owen are dead' stuff and onto happier times, so I have recalled a blast from the past in this one! Also, sorry that I've been neglecting a Captain and A Gentlemen recently, but I'm trying to finish this one off and Tomorrow Never Knows is by far my most popular story so I have been focusing on those two - BUT IT WILL BE UPDATED SOON I PROMISE! Hannah xxx
After that one hellish, nightmarish day two months ago I haven't been able to sleep properly – or at least soundly – since. Despite determinately closing my eyes tightly shut, and willing myself to fall asleep, every night I would be kept awake by the flashing memories of following the bloody trails around the hub until we found Tosh lying there dying; or pictures of the things I never saw like Jack being buried alive or Owen painfully decomposing into nothing with the full force of the radiation blast. Even though I would entangle myself in Jack's arms, and in turn wrap my own limbs around him, in attempts to feel sheltered from these memories – every night they would return. And of course, if I did actually manage to sleep, my dreams would be plagued with the same images yet again and lead me to the inevitable end of waking up struggling and murmuring discontentedly to a worrying Jack who would be there trying to calm and Shssh me back to sleep. In a way I think I much preferred the not sleeping to the sleeping with a dash of disturbing dreams, as at least then I could pretend to be sleeping soundly even if I was just lying there silently, and at least that way I wouldn't be worrying Jack – though I guess knowing him he'd probably already sussed that I wasn't asleep anyway.
Last night however, I had a pretty much peaceful night of rest and in fact had the most wonderful, and yet simultaneously the most disappointingly heart breaking, dream, much unlike the nightmares which have been plaguing me of late. Tosh and Owen were still here, and everything was normal – better than normal – everything was perfect. There everyone was, sat around the conference table whilst Jack began the briefing for that morning, I'm not sure what it was about because I myself was busy doling out the team's coffee orders, and everyone was laughing and joking just as we always did. And then we went out together, all of us crammed into the SUV with Owen complaining about being shoved into the middle yet again, as Jack drove us out to the beach to track down some sort of octopus it seemed to be in the end. We were just attempting to haul it back over into the SUV when I woke up. Back in reality. Back in a reality in which Tosh and Owen aren't here anymore.
It was nice to have a solid night's sleep and to not wake in the morning feeling as rough as if I'd been dragged backwards through a hedge, and it was nice not to have seen all of the blood and horrors yet again – but it was also utterly spirit crushing to wake and find that none of it was real and never could be now. I miss them.
On the whole though things are looking a bit better I suppose. In these last six weeks since the day Jack rallied us all back together and took on his Captaincy once again to drag us all back into work, all three of us having been working hard to try and build Torchwood back up in to, well, not what it was of course, but a fully functioning organisation again. Jack was one hundred percent right – we have a duty to protect the human race from alien threats, and we'd be letting down both Tosh and Owen if we didn't do so properly. This thought alone has been what has kept us going; it would have been so easy just to give up and never return to Torchwood again, but knowing that we were pushing through the worst of it to find the greener grass on the other side for the sake of Tosh and Owen's memories has made it all just a little bit more bearable. Initially, after the first (and hardest) day back at work, Jack had suggested to both Gwen and I that perhaps it might be an idea to ease back into the work routine more slowly, perhaps by going in just every other day, but though both Gwen and I were appreciative of his consideration, we decided that the easiest way to get back into the swing of things is to carry on charging straight ahead. It's been hard enough trying to get our minds back to normal while physically maintain normality, never mind if we had been working in irregular patterns, so I'm glad we all decided just to be brave and take a deep breath and throw ourselves into it all once again.
Thankfully we haven't, in our depleted state, had to deal with any major threats yet but those threats that we have tackled, have been done so smoothly and without complaining from anyone one of us – but I'm worried that a day will come when there is a challenge too great for just three of us to face. Like, for example, thinking back a bit to the time when Toshiko was followed home and harassed by that Weeping Angel, we certainly needed all five pairs of hands on deck that evening, so how would we cope with just the three of us? I'm worried that it's making us vulnerable, but there's nothing that can be done after all there is certainly no chance of us replacing Tosh or Owen any time soon, or even really of temporarily hiring a couple of extra bodies to make up the numbers as, regardless of how painful it would be to see others carrying out their work, we can hardly put a job advertisement out for the vacancies! Jack did errantly suggest at one point seeing if Martha would come back for maybe a couple of months or so, as the medical side of things is where we are having the most of our minor difficulties, but I'm not sure he can face calling her just yet because when he does he'll have to explain everything.
It might be a wise idea for her to join us for a little bit though, and maybe give us some basic medical tips so that we aren't stood there gormless any time an injured creature turns up or there is a dead body to be dissected. Last week for example, we were out on a rift alert when we found the dead body of what appeared to be some sort of lizard-esque creature (though it looked more evolved than a basic lizard, almost as though it might have upright stood on two legs) out by the docks. After transporting the alien back to the hub, we took it down to Owen's autopsy bay and all just stood staring at it or a while, wondering how to progress – the Weevil that we had dealt with on our first day back had been challenging enough, with none of us really sure of how to take a blood test or precisely what the results showed us, but we had muddled through ok. That had been with a familiar species to us though; this seemed an entirely new life form than anything we had discovered previously, and before we could stow away the body in our morgue we needed to firstly identify it, and secondly somehow perform an autopsy.
"Oh… so… what do we, how do we… you know?" Gwen said, just staring at the creature like we all were.
"I don't know, I've only ever been the reason for an autopsy, never the one carrying out one" Jack attempted to joke, and we chuckled back slightly - obliging.
"How did Owen used to do it? I spent so much time hovering over him and making fun of the way he would do funny little things as he worked – but I never paid any real attention to what he was doing." Gwen sighed.
"He… Owen would" I cleared my throat at the mention of his name, "Owen would determine the species with a full body scan, blood tests and DNA samples and then start dissecting from the brain downwards" I replied.
Jack looked at me with a strange inquisitive, and approving and almost proud look in his eyes as he turned to state: "Ianto Jones, he never misses anything"
I smiled back, mentally recalling all the times I had watched Owen completing his duties from my desk, or acted as his assistant (aka skivvy) holding his equipment or fetching drugs or blood bags from the store room. Of course, that didn't mean that I had a clue how to actually go about replicating his work.
"Well then let's give this a shot" Gwen had said nodding at the two of us.
It took us nearly three hours in the end to muddle through the task, but the point is we got it done. Jack took over blood sampling and DNA testing while I operated the scanner and Gwen had the first go at slicing open the poor alien's dead body, each of us taking our time and trying to complete our various tasks with as much efficiency as Owen. Hopefully today at work we won't have anything drastically medically related to attend to.
Speaking of work we'll have to be setting off soon as it's rapidly approaching six thirty. I like saying that 'we'll' have to be setting off soon… I know that before Jack 'officially' moved in we pretty much spent every evening together anyway and so often arrived at work together – but on many of those occasions it would simply be us climbing up and out from his bunker and walking down his office stairs into the hub, or sometimes when he had stayed at mine he may have had to dash off earlier than me. But ever since he transported the remainder of his belongings to my flat (which believe me was a whole lot more than I was expecting! I thought that my clothes took up a large amount of wardrobe space! At least he did have any bits of furniture to bring as well!) every single day we have entered the office together. And not only that, every single day we have made the effort to walk to work, offering us the time for hand holding and idle chit chatter. It's been nice.
However I have to admit that there are a few minor negatives to our new situation which I somehow never noticed when the whole 'us living together' thing wasn't official: he constantly leaves the toilet seat up, which I know shouldn't bother me what with us both being men and all, but it's unhygienic; he takes at least half an hour in the shower (which is where he is now in fact) unless we are in a major rush for whatever reason; he can be a little messy; and he is constantly raiding the fridge. Of course, I am not saying that I am without fault – I know that I have sever OCD about the positioning of the jars on the spice rack for example – and I certainly don't love Jack any less for having these little quirks. Although irritating, they really are very easy to put up with when you consider the view that this man has opted to pretty much share his life with me, and it's been nice having him around constantly taking my mind off my grief (wherever possible) and keeping my focus positive.
Nothing much going on as yet today, hence why I am writing this and not out and about avoiding being mauled to death by angry Weevils, but it's a nice sort of nothing – a sort of 'chance to do a bit of paperwork and re-organise the archives' kind of nothing rather than a 'bored out of my skull' kind of nothing. In the beginning, I worried about slow days like these because they provide you with the most time to think, but I think perhaps gradually I am getting used to the harsh truth and that when I do have quiet moments to think about the two of them, more and more often it is the happy memories that come to mind rather than the sickening feeling of grief that used to make me feel as though I was being torn in two. The hub still feels quiet, and rather empty without the presence of our two absent friends, and I keep being surprised by how quickly it takes me to produce everyone's hot drinks now, but we're just about managing.
The one thing which almost broke down my stoic and 'tough' resolve earlier this morning was when I stumbled across some documents in the archives. They were Tosh's. Tosh's plans and calculations for some sort of 'timelock' that she had been working on for the hub, and there they were just lying in the archives next to the files containing the floor plans of the hub, just where she had left them before we went out to investigate the bombs in that warehouse. For some reason, I can't quite put my finger on why, just seeing that stack of paper their with her neat scribblings covering it, a slight ring of a coffee stain and slightly creasing edges to the most referred to pages… it made me well up just a little. Because there, in essence, was Tosh before me – all of the hard work and the complicated calculations and the slight traces of her sporadic clumsiness were summed up in those documents. I've no idea if she even finished working on the timelock or not before she… but I remember her telling me excitedly about what she was planning and I just couldn't bear to throw it away, so I filed it along with the rest of the folders containing the details on the hub's security systems and swallowed back my tears before heading back upstairs again. I bet if Tosh was here right now she'd tell me off for being ridiculous – getting emotional over a stack of papers… anyway… the phone's ringing (for a change) and I think I'd better get it as I don't think either of the other two will, and who knows, it might be important, or at least something interesting.
As it turned out, it was both important and interesting – and highly pleasant too – as that phone call managed to provide Jack and I with a very entertaining, if initially confusing from my perspective, activity for the afternoon.
"Good afternoon Torchwood, Ianto speaking" I answered the phone, hearing Jack and Gwen giggling away in the background at my formality – but what can I say, there was a great deal of phone answering back at Torchwood One, and old habits die hard.
"Oh hello Ianto, it's PC Andy Davidson here." He replied in a slightly disappointed tone, I expect he was hoping for Gwen.
"Hello Andy, what can we do for you?" I asked, praying that it wasn't about some unidentified flying object that would turn out to be just a remote controlled toy plane again like last time. Honestly, the police can be brilliantly useful, but they really need to learn when it is and isn't appropriate to call us!
"Well… it's a bit of a funny one really… we've had reports of, well, reports of something loose inside a warehouse out by Splott, the person who spotted it reckoned that it looked like a Pterodactyl" He replied and I automatically looked up at the large, expansive ceiling of the hub to check that our Myfanwy was still contentedly flying around up there. Momentarily, I breathed a sigh of relief as I realised that she most definitely hadn't escaped.
"Oh right, well, do you want us to take a look at it?" I suggest, trying not to convey in my voice how dubious of the whole thing I was, certain then that it would probably just turn out to be some sort of escaped bird from the local centre.
"We're going to have the whole area cordoned off to the public, 'gonna tell them that there's some sort of bird escaped from the Welsh Hawking Centre"
Oh yes, because that's so much more reassuring… I thought inwardly, "Alright then, just let us know when you're ready and we'll be there" I replied.
"Right oh! Thank you Ianto. Oh… and you wouldn't be able to tell Gwen that I said hello would you?"
"Of course I can Andy" I smiled, "Bye bye then"
"Cheerio!"
"Who was that and what did they want?" Jack asked.
"It was Andy, says that there's been a 'Pterodactyl' sighting over in a Warehouse in Splott and he wants us to check it out. He says hello to you by the way Gwen" I smiled as she rolled her eyes.
"Ah so we might have a friend for you then girl" He called up to Myfanwy, and then turned to look at me, "Though I suppose I shouldn't get her hopes up, it's probably just a bird isn't it?"
"Probably" I laughed, "But I said we'd go and check it out once they've cordoned off the area – Andy's going to let us know when they want us"
"Why does it feel like we're always at their bloody beck and call – there was a reason I left the Police to take up this job" Gwen moaned and Jack and I laughed in agreement.
Half an hour later, Andy called us back and Jack deliberately made Gwen answer the phone this time and she had to endure a twenty minute long catch up with PC Andy before he actually told us that the area was ready for us to investigate. Gwen, after her very long and 'not so pleasant' by the sounds of it conversation with Andy, had opted not to join us, just on the off chance that he would turn up at the sight of the Warehouse in good old 'Sploe' waiting to talk to her. As it turned out though, luckily, when Jack and I pulled up in the SUV to the large row of warehouses surround by black and yellow tape, there were no Police officers in sight, meaning that we were a law unto ourselves.
As I jumped out of the SUV, a syringe filled with tranquiliser and a pocket stuffed with chocolate, well prepared from the last time that Jack and I had captured a Pterodactyl together on one of our first meetings, I expected to hear the sound of Jack jumping out from behind the wheel and coming along to stand next to me on the path way – but I didn't. I turned around, confused, to greet the sight of Jack – not getting out of the car – but remaining inside and starting to reverse back down the road with a mischievously excited grin on his face and a devilish gleam in his eyes.
"Jack?" I shouted as he drove away.
All of a sudden the SUV stopped in its tracks, and for a moment I wondered if Jack was just going to get out there after having decided that parking further away was a better idea for whatever strangely absurd reason, but no, he took the even more absurd course of action of driving straight towards me in the SUV at full speed.
"Jack? What on Earth are you doing?" I shouted again, not quite believing what was happening.
He braked just as I thought he was about to flatten me. He still had that same mischievous look upon his face but he quickly smoothed his features over again into a much more angry expression before jumping out of the car.
"Ok, this has to stop" He said
My brow knitted together. "What…?"
"I don't have time for this. Look, I don't care what your problem is, I want you out of this city by sunrise, there is no place for you here, go back to London and find yourself another life – keep stalking me I'll wipe your memory"
"Jack what the hell are you talking about?" I asked, genuinely beginning to get a little scared by his words.
"Look, any conversation between us no matter what the subject is over. Finished. Done. Forever. I'm getting back behind the wheel of that car – if you're still standing in the road, I'm going to drive through you" He finished, keeping up the serious act almost to the end when a small smile began twitching at the corners of his mouth and his left eye lid closed down into a large wink.
"Oh!" I smiled – he was repeating the exact words that he had said to me on the night we caught Myfanwy, when I was stood in the middle of that dual carriage way and he almost ran me over before I managed to persuade him to come with me. "So you're not going to help me catch this Pterodactyl then?" I asked, raising up and eyebrow, joining in his game.
Jack grinned "Oh yes please".
The two of us headed towards the door, both grinning like idiots at the excitement for both the creature we were about to catch and for the strange role playing that was going on, of warehouse 27 – the one for which Andy had received strange reports from the owner of a flying dinosaur inside.
"Who needs dinosaur nets eh?" Jack laughed as we stood leaning with our backs against the iron panelling of the door as I handed him the syringe.
"Dinosaur nets are for whimps" I grinned back.
"You ready?" He asked and I nodded back.
Together we flung open the door to greet the sight of one highly riled up Pterodactyl – so it turned out that Myfanwy would be getting some company after all. As it made a swoop for the now open door Jack shut it firmly before it could escape and before we could enter.
"Pheromones up to their usual tricks I see?" I smiled at him
"Well you know the pheromones, they just can't behave"
"Shall we try again?" I asked and Jack nodded.
"On the count of three. One, two THREE" He yelled the last digit grinning as we opened the door for the second time and threw ourselves into the room before the creature had a chance to make a break for it.
The Pterodactyl halted its circling of the roof of the building to land about twenty metres away from us.
"Same formation as last time?" Jack asked.
I nodded, "Though try not to let it take off with you clinging to it this time" I joked and he playfully punched my arm in return.
We split off and I broke out one of the bars of chocolate from my pocket, hoping that our new Pterodactyl friend would have similar tastes to Myfanwy. Strangely enough it worked, and this time the creature actually stayed relatively calm as I tossed the treat in its direction and as Jack silently approached it, armed with the syringe of tranquiliser. It was out for the count quicker than you could say Myfanwy.
"Well that went a hell of a lot better than last time" I laughed, staring at the now temporarily stilled body of our new addition.
"Quite" Jack replied smiling. "What shall we name this one then?"
"I think… Caronwen if she's a girl and Trefor if he turns out to be a boy"
"Oh dear, your sister had better not ask you for advice on baby names!"
"What? They're good solid, Welsh names!" I argued.
"Exactly" Jack laughed back.
"Well, have you got a problem with my name? That's a Welsh name!"
Jack smiled and pulled me close into a hug, "I was only teasing Ianto! You know I love your name… the way it just rolls of the tongue…" He purred into my ear.
I smiled back, about to make my reply when all of a sudden I felt him push me lightly to the ground.
"Hey!" I complained, worried about getting my suit jacket dirty more than anything else.
He just smiled that wicked Jack Harkness grin of his and leaned down himself to lie on top of me, rolling the pair of us over so that I was on top now. I couldn't help but laugh, recalling the exact moment which he was trying to replicate now, and he joined in with my chuckles.
"You remember this bit then?" He asked in that same, seductively purring tone.
"Oh yes…" I replied smiling softly.
He leaned upwards to connect our lips together and I willing obliged in kissing him back.
"I don't remember that though…" I whispered as he pulled back to smile at me.
"No…" He chuckled, "But I tell you what, I wanted to kiss you so badly way back then" He finished, stroking my cheek as he did so sending shivers down my spine and the blood to… somewhere else.
"Really?" I asked, a little surprised, "I thought you hated me?"
"What – you? Ianto Jones? With your sexy Welsh vowels and your fabulous suits and that gorgeous face and your delicious coffee, not to mention all the coat complements, of course I didn't hate you! I just hated what I thought you might stand for – the old ways of Torchwood One."
"Oh" I smiled, "And… umm… I think, well, even though there were other things on my mind back then…" I said, meaning Lisa, "I think, I think I wanted to kiss you too"
"I wish you had"
"Me too" I replied, leaning back in for another kiss.
We lay there for another few minutes, just joining lips and minds together as we held each other, before remembering that we had to load the Pterodactyl to the left of us into the SUV and get it back to the hub before the sedative began to wear off.
"I suppose we'd better be taking Caronwen/Trefor back to the SUV then, hadn't we Captain" I sighed, getting up from my position on top of Jack, and helping him up in turn with my hand.
"Yeah I guess so" He replied, reluctantly getting up. "So I'll see you at work tomorrow then?"
"Definitely! What was it you were hiring me as again…? Receptionist? Butler? Building Maintenance? Food and drink?" I asked.
"Aah well now, the answer to that would be expert coffee maker, bad ass and sex slave to the boss – sound alright to you?" He replied back suggestively.
"Always" I grinned, blushing a little.
"Love the sit by the way"
"I know. Love the coat." I said still grinning.
"I know." He beamed.