A/N: Evening! (well morning...) This ch is a little bit angsty between Jack and Ianto I guess... but don't worry, all shall be resolved in good time! Hope you all like it! Hannah xxx
So it's Sunday mid-morning. The day that Rhiannon was due to come and visit Jack and I. Right at this very minute I should be busy in the kitchen preparing vegetables, and putting a chicken in the oven and putting the finishing touches to an apple crumble. I should be preoccupied with deciding upon just the right outfit to wear – whether to go all out on a suite, or stay casual, or find a balance in between – and helping pick out an outfit for Jack that I deem appropriate, and that doesn't clash with my own ensemble but at the same time doesn't look as though we have dressed specifically to match each other. I should be frantically laying down the ground rules for Jack, and making any last minute adjustments to our already spotless living room. But funnily enough, and I use the word funny ironically as I am far from laughing about what has happened, as per usual with a planned, normal social activity plans have been disrupted and I've had to ring up a rather disappointed Rhiannon in order to postpone her visit until next Sunday because of Torchwood – or rather, Jack specifically this time,
There have been countless times when I have been irritated with Jack in the past; perhaps because he said something thoughtless or flirted with someone else a little too much, or maybe when he's left muddy shoes on the clean kitchen floor or his dirty underwear strewn throughout the hub (explaining to Gwen why exactly there was a pair of his boxers in the microwave was a bit of a tricky one), but I have always managed to get over these issues fairly quickly, and let bygones be bygones as it were. There have been other times, only a few however, in which Jack has genuinely made me very angry – like that time he took us both overboard when we were out on that boat… or when he once openly discussed our sex life with Owen… but even after these occurrences, with a little grovelling and a box of chocolates from him, not to mention the added effects of viewing the ridiculously adorable pout he puts on when he's upset or thinks I'm angry with him, all was resolved. As a couple, and even before we were a 'couple' and were really nothing more than friends – or rather colleagues – with benefits, Jack and I never used to have fights, never had periods in which we were seriously not speaking to each other… but every time I go to look at him right now, let alone try and talk to him, I just feel as though I am about to bubble over with rage and thus have determined that right now it's better to just keep some distance between the two of us.
It's not that I necessarily blame him entirely for what happened, I mean it was really a genuine, honest mistake of his, but he just acted so quickly and without thinking – and now it's me who's paying the consequences! I know that he feels terrible about it, but I'm not quite ready to go and forgive him just yet, I'm going to let him wait for a while and give me the chance to vent out the majority of my anger into this so that I don't cause some major damage to our relationship which, besides from a job which is highly interlinked with said relationship, is pretty much all I have right now. And I really don't want to spoil anything.
So… yesterday at work… I… I don't even know where exactly to start with all of this, everything still feels so strange right now that even just holding pen and paper and trying to write feels like a foreign sensation, let alone how difficult it is trying to get my head around this enough to write about it. A large part of me is still totally convinced that none of this is really happening… but as I look across to the full length mirror opposite our bed and can see, well, can't see, my face, my hands, my feet… any part which isn't covered by clothing, it's pretty hard not to believe that this isn't frighteningly real.
Initially yesterday at work, things had been running pretty much as normal, if not actually slightly better than normal, and all signs were pointing towards a clear and peaceful Sunday. We'd been busy, incredibly busy, earlier on in the week dealing with several reported cases of identical suicides which turned out to be linked to an Oods infected with red eye that had been lurking on the outskirts of the city intercepting people's brain waves and driving them over the edge with confusion and panic. Each one had thrown themselves off the roof of the exact same corporate building, and each victim had been reported to have been behaving very out of character beforehand. After analysis of the bodies, lobotomies, scans of the crime scene, and general investigations of the surroundings, we tracked everything back to that one Ood who has now been… dealt with… so to speak. It's such a shame that they are so susceptible to such an evil disease – the Ood on the whole are such a peaceful and caring race, that it's such a crime to see them forced into behaving destructively.
Anyway, things at work hadn't exactly been manic since then, so I decided to devote the rest of my Saturday morning to re-organising the hub's armoury. From what I could recall of the state that it was in, it was far from tidy and ordered and in my opinion it was high time that this was corrected, seeing as I had a few free hours to kill anyway, so I told Jack and Gwen where I was headed to and that I would be contactable on the comms if there was an emergency. Of course when I reached the armoury, it became evident that the real emergency was down there. The room was in a far worse state than I had remembered. There were shelving units and locked cases and glass cabinets a plenty – but none of them were in use. Pretty much every single piece of weaponry that Torchwood owned, but did not regularly use, be it alien or human in origin, was scattered across the floor of the armoury bar two antique looking swords which were hanging proudly on the wall above the mess.
I sighed; I had been expecting it to be bad, but not that bad. Clearly since I had last been down there about 12 months ago to fetch some rarely used piece of weaponry, Jack had been down there rooting around and fiddling about, attempting to find goodness knows what, and probably not succeeding given the state of the place. Slowly, I began the painful task of sifting my way through the various items and accoutrements, attempting initially to actually clear an area for me to work in rather than focusing on arranging the weapons in any sort of order, and trying not to accidentally set some peculiar form of bomb off inside the small space.
I'd been down there for a good while, and was beginning to make some semi-decent progress by way of arranging them – if not on shelves yet – in terms of function and then size within that category, when Jack decided to look in on me. To be honest, I'm a little surprised that he hadn't either come down earlier or called me up on the comms as it was nearing two o'clock by this point (I had already spent way longer down there than I had anticipated) and I had expected him to have already been demanding sandwiches or coffee at least, as he is so useless at fending for himself… or I've just spoilt him… either way, it wasn't until two that he showed his face.
He stepped into the armoury and stared around in amazement; it was still in pretty much a large messy collection of items, but it was certainly more organised than the state in which he had left it in, and chances were that he was catching sight of items he hadn't seen in years – so the awe on his behalf was understandable.
"You look like a child in a sweet shop" I smiled at him as his focus finally settled on me.
"Ah yes… but I know exactly what it is in here that I want" He grinned back at me, winking as he did so.
"The ice gun?"
"Oh ha-ha" He laughed, and made his way over to me carefully side stepping various precarious piles of armaments, leaning in for a quick – but pleasant – peck on the lips as he did so.
"So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked.
"Nothing much, just wanted to say hello"
"Oh yeah sure… it wouldn't happen to really be down to the fact that your normal lunch time was over an hour ago and you're in desperate need of some sustenance?"
"Actually I made my own lunch! Well… I spread some jam on a couple of slices of bread and grabbed a banana… but still, it was food!"
"Well I am impressed, you clearly don't need me anymore" I joked.
"Hmm well… I wouldn't say that. I might perhaps be in need of one of your fabulous coffees… hint hint?"
"I knew you wanted something!" I replied.
"I did want to see you're gorgeous face too… it's just… you know what I'm like without coffee!" He laughed.
"Yes, I certainly do!" I laughed in return, "I can go and fix you it now if you like? I'm not really getting anywhere down here – as you can tell – so I might as well take a bit of a break"
"No, no it's ok, I'm not that desperate for one… and besides, you can't leave yet, because I haven't' had my wicked way with you down here in this private room full of hot weaponry" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, casing me to blush a little.
"Gwen's just upstairs… I don't want another situation like that time before when…"
"You found that funny!" He cut me off. "You made jokes about it afterwards and were perfectly happy to come back in for more!" He pointed out.
"I was not fine with it, and I didn't find it funny! I found it awkward and embarrassing and that was the easiest way of dealing with it! And as for your last point… was I really going to say no?" I blushed further as his grin widened.
"I am irresistible…"
"Well… I wouldn't go that far…"
"Hey!" He hit playfully in mock anger at my arm. "So, despite what you say, everything looks so much more organised already! Have you managed to find anything good down here yet?"
"Hmmm…" my mind thought back over the hand guns and the rifles and the swords and the strange alien devices, the function of which I had no idea about… none of it had seemed like junk to me, violent and threatening and harmful – yes, but also useful in the event of an emergency. "A few things, I don't know what a lot of it does to be honest"
"Did you happen to find the defabricator?" He asked eagerly.
I rolled my eyes, he was always mentioning that defabricator, desperate for us to 'try it out'… if only I had known then how much of a mess that bloody thing would land me in then I would have broken it or thrown it away the second I laid eyes on it that morning! Of course, I suppose you could argue that me having known about what would happen couldn't make all that much difference as I didn't actually know what the device looked like… "I'm not sure" I sighed, "you're welcome to have a look – but I'm not making any promises if you manage to find it!"
"Spoil sport" he poked his tongue out at me and began searching.
Within a matter of just a few moments of rooting around through the, now slightly less ordered, piles of weaponry Jack withdrew a large white laser gun type looking object with a triumphant grin plastered all over his face.
"Found it!"
"I don't know quite why you're grinning so much – I never said that we could use it"
"Oh come on Ianto, it'll be fun I promise!" He pouted, shamefully begging.
"Jack you don't even know how it works, what if something went really wrong?" Oh the dramatic irony that can be read in that statement now… because of course it pretty much went about as wrong as it ever could have gone; I should have stuck with my guns and ignored Jack's suggestions, but naturally, I gave into his pleas as always.
"Nothing will go wrong, I promise" He continued to pout. I think perhaps next time I'll need stronger evidence than simply a 'promise' from Jack before I get involved in one of his outrageous ideas.
I simply raised an eyebrow to contest.
"Don't give me that look; you know you'll enjoy it!"
I sighed and rolled my eyes at myself for what I was about to do, "Fine, fine we can use the defabricator but not until later when Gwen's gone."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! Ianto you will not regret this" He caught me in a bone crushing hug.
"Hmm… I'm not so sure about that" And now I am one hundred percent sure that I am regretting that decision….
"Trust me you won't! Did I tell you about the time when I was travelling with the Doctor and Rose way back when I first met them, and we went up to this space station – I can't remember what it was called now, but that's what nearly two thousand years underground does for you! I think it might have been Satellite something, Satellite 6? 7? 5? Anyway – while we were up there I ran into these crazy make-over android type robot things."
He paused to laugh.
He had told me the story before, but I let him carry on because I know that this is one of his favourite stories to tell, and I quite like hearing it.
"And all of a sudden they brought out the defabricator and stripped off all of my clothes. One of them wanted to chop of my head and I was stood there thinking 'crap, what the hell do I do?' and then I remembered the gun that I had… well, you can guess where… so I pulled it out and shout the robotic ladies down. As much as I love Trinny and Susannah, it was certainly a lot more entertaining than What not to Wear!" He laughed.
"I bet it was" I laughed along with him, "how did it to compare to Gok Wan's show?" I asked jokily.
He pretended to thoughtfully consider his answer for a moment or so before breaking out into a smile and answering, "of course not – you get to see naked people on that one!" he winked.
After that he headed back upstairs to the main floor of the hub, with me following behind him, and I made the pair of us a coffee each and had a break from my tidying for half an hour or so before heading back down there. I didn't hear another sound from Jack until just gone five when he had sent Gwen home; he called me up on the comms system:
"Elvis has left the building" He announced through a grin tha I could hear if not see.
"That's good, but what about Gwen – is she still here?" I grinned and asked back.
"Oh hark at your Mr sarcastic" He chuckled.
"It's why you love me" I replied, and instantly bit my lip, inwardly cursing myself for saying that, praying that he wouldn't pick up on it… or worse deny it… because, as much as I am almost certain that it's true and certainly hope that it's true, he still hasn't said it in so many words and I wasn't sure if I was over stepping the boundaries by suggesting something like that.
But it was fine; he just laughed and told me to hurry on upstairs, and to make sure to bring the defabricator with me. I did as I was instructed to do and made my way upstairs, still dubious about the whole plan, as I quite rightly should have been, but never the less I took the defabricator with me on my way.
"So, you all set to leave then?" I asked, looking sceptically at his unpacked bag and coat strewn over a railing, both of which looked like they were staying that way for a good while. I noticed however that he had changed out of his usual work clothes, and was now wearing an old-ish pair of blue jeans and a pale grey t-shirt, in preparation for the activity we were about to engage in.
"Actually I thought we'd stay here tonight, I think the hub's feeling a bit neglected since I moved in" He announced, wiggling his eyebrows and flashing his trademark Harkness grin.
"As you wish" I smiled back.
He took the device from my hand and stroked it lovingly before returning his gaze to me and smiling widely.
"So, can you remember how it works?"
"Pretty much"
"Pretty much?"
"Well, it can't be that hard can it? There are only a couple of buttons, and a dial or two it'll be fine." He reassured with his usual easy tones.
"Hmmm if you're sure…" I replied back sounding about as uncertain as conceivably possible.
"I am. Just as long as you don't mind that suit getting… well… gone." He laughed, eyeing up my suit from head to toe, making me feel just a little nervous "I just nipped down to the old bunker to change, I think some of your pyjamas or some jeans are probably still down there if you'd like to change."
"Yeah, I quite like this one…" I replied, brushing the sleeve of my grey jacket, "Better go and change then" I smiled.
"Be quick" He replied, hitting my behind as I left.
It was strange going back down to the bunker, we hadn't slept in there in well over two months, but things down there were pretty much the same as we had left them, my book was still on the bedside cabinet, his deodorant was still on top of the chest of drawers the bed was still left unmade the way that Jack always left it… except it felt different, less inviting somehow, but it was kind of nice that it felt like that, it showed just how much my apartment and my bedroom had begun to become our apartment and our bedroom. As Jack had said, there were still a few of my items of clothing knocking around down there, so I quickly changed into a plain white t-shirt and some red check pyjama bottoms which I concluded were suitable to be 'defabricated'.
"I like you in pyjamas" Jack smiled as I re-entered the main floor of the hub, "Of course I like you out of them a lot better…"
"Of course" I repeated sarcastically, "so who's going first then?"
"Well, not that I don't trust you with it…" Jack said slowly, clearly excited at the prospect of having the first go on this new found 'toy'.
"Oh gee, thanks a million." Oh how I wish that I had been allowed the first go.
"I mean no offence, I just have more experience with technology like this" He replied, seeming satisfied that that was a suitable excuse.
"Oh go on then" I chuckled back.
"Right" He grinned widely and firmed up his grip on the device, "here we go… 3… 2… 1… and" He turned up the dial, and pressed in the central button causing a large beam of purple light to flash out across the room in my direction.
For a second or so, I couldn't see as I was still blinded by the bright light of the defabricator, but once I was able to see clearly I was greeted by a look of sheer horror on Jack's face.
"Shit!" Jack cried out. I knew something bad had happened, he so rarely swears.
"What? What is it?" I asked frantically tapping down my body, inspecting every aspect. I didn't feel different, and to my eyes I didn't look different – I was still there, pale skin, two hands two feet, slightly bitten finger nails, and my face felt just the same to touch. And yet Jack was still staring at me with worry and anger, and I couldn't help but notice that I was still very much wearing clothes.
"You… umm, I… you" Jack stuttered, unable to find the words to express what had just happened.
"What Jack? Please just tell me!" I begged, a large anxious knot forming in my stomach, which is still present now I might add.
"I can't… I don't know how, I just… oh God… you're going to hate me… but it'll be alright. I'll fix it somehow, I'll find a way to reverse it I swear…" He continued to babble.
"I will hate you if you continue to not tell me what the bloody hell is going on!" I half shouted back, getting a little worked up by that stage.
"You're, you're kind of… oh god, Ianto I've turned you invisible!" He half whispered towards the end.
I might have though he was joking if it wasn't for the grave expression on his face. "You've done what?"
"I must have hit the wrong button and now… you're invisible… I'm so sorry, please forgive me! I promise that I'll fix it, I'll just have to fully analyse the defabricator an work out the settings properly, I should have done that in the first place I'm so sorry" He apologized, reaching out to grip my hand and finding a great deal of difficulty in doing so.
"But I can still see myself…." I said warily, not wanting to believe the awful truth.
"Really? Well trust me I can't see you" Jack said solemnly.
"Bring me a mirror."
Jack went to fetch the mirror from his office and quickly returned, "Here" he said holding the mirror up to my face.
"Well I'll be damned…" I whispered to myself. Sure enough there wasn't anything for me to look at. I move the mirror downwards a little and saw the neck of my t-shirt pulled over my invisible head, moving as I moved… I shoved the mirror back into Jack's hands, not wanting to face up to it anymore. "I can't believe I agreed to let you use it! I knew it was an awful idea and now look what you've done!" I shouted back angrily.
"Ianto I'm so sorry"
"Well right now Jack sorry just isn't good enough – I'm invisible. Fucking invisible" I replied angrily, feeling the need to stoop to swearing.
"I know I know, I'll make it better though I promise. Look, I'll start working on the defabricator now and we can have this fixed by morning" He replied, trying to reassure himself as much as he was trying to reassure me.
"It's late Jack and I don't want you using that thing on me again this evening." I said, pointing with disgust at the defabricator. "I just want to go home"
Jack nodded, and we made our way home (minus the wretched defabricator) in a tense silence which didn't break as we entered the living room, or even when we made our way to the bedroom and climbed into bed. He clearly had sensed that he was incredibly far from my good books at the moment and knew not to speak to me unless I spoke to him first, which I wasn't going to do as I had nothing constructive or nice to say to him at that moment, so instead I simply said nothing. He tried to cuddle up close to me in bed, it was dark and I guess he could simply pretend that everything was normal, but naturally I couldn't shake it from my mind, and I wasn't ready to forget that it was his fault that I was stuck like this for now, and I couldn't stand his closeness right then. So I got up and out of bed, heading for the sofa in the living room and he didn't try and stop me.
When I woke up in the morning, just before I opened my eyes, everything seemed normal. But then I opened my eyes, saw that I was in the living room, realised I had fallen asleep on the sofa and then remembered having left the bedroom last night and finally recalled everything else. Jack awoke shortly after me, and I could tell that he was trying to pretend as though things were vaguely normal as he smiled at me and offered to make breakfast – well cereal – before heading into the kitchen after he received no reply from me. He was trying to look at me, trying to pretend that he wasn't just seeing hovering shapes of a t-shirt and pyjama bottoms and socks, but it was as though he was looking right through me.
I left the living room to retreat into the bedroom for a little while, still not quite ready to be around him and wanting some privacy and quiet while I rang Rhiannon to regretfully cancel our lunch arrangement. She wasn't pleased when I gave her a work based excuse, started banging on about how she thought I was 'shagging the boss' and so didn't that mean that I could 'get him to do what I wanted' and therefore not have to work today… I just told her that the orders had come from above Jack and that there was nothing that either of us could do about it. She wasn't best pleased and I felt guilty for breaking off out arrangement and for lying to her – but what was I going to do? I'm invisible! I can't very well see her like this, and she can't very well see me! I've rescheduled for next Sunday and have promised that that will be no bother and I am going to make good of that promise I swear.
Jack's at the hub right now trying to work out how to use the defabricator properlynow and I'm really hoping that he gets some results soon because I don't know how long I can bear to be stuck like this.