A/N: Hello all! Not a lot to say today other than that I've been to see Avengers and it was awesome, you shoul all go. Ok. Enjoy. Bye. Hannah xxx
It reached late Sunday afternoon before I decided to venture into work, taking the nearly always deserted back route so as to avoid public attention and frenzy in my invisible state; Jack had yet to call or text or drop round to tell me the fabulous news that he'd figured out the operation of the defabricator and could change me back, so I assumed that he was having no joy but though I may as well call by to check. At this stage I was still absolutely fuming with Jack for what had happened, quite naturally really, and even at the thought of seeing him again casually sat in his office chair joking away with Gwen while he idly looked over the defabricator, was making me feel a little nauseous with anger. Jack and I have never had a full blown argument, not even last night when everything happened, but right then I was genuinely petrified of how I might react when I saw him, yet I knew that it was better to be done sooner rather than later if any bad words were to be said between us. Besides, sitting in the apartment by myself, wallowing in my misery, and staring out at the empty mirror with bitter resentment really wasn't helping anything, and was in fact allowing my temper to brood.
So with that though in mind I dressed, into my best suit seeing as that was all that was going to be seen of me at the minute, and left the apartment without bothering to shave – I just didn't see the point. I walked briskly to the Tourist office and thank goodness didn't bump into anyone on my way through the back alleys of Cardiff, I didn't very much fancy starting a frenzy in the middle of the city and considering the fact that a rogue living statue is enough to catch people's attention here, the sight of a headless suit wandering around would be sure to cause chaos.
I couldn't bear to use the invisible lift, it just seemed so I entered the Tourist office instead. Making my way down to the hub through its various labyrinths and stair cases, I was surprised by how silently I seemed to move, as though I wasn't just invisible, but seemed to have no physical existence at all, a thought which I found most troubling. I could feel myself – skin and flesh and bone, slightly warm from the pace of my walk – but then again I could see myself too, so being able to touch my own arm and feel something, didn't really mean a great deal. In this world perspective is everything, one might be the most beautiful person in the world to everyone else, but not be able to see it in themselves at all. Or one might be the most arrogant pig headed of fellows, but think that they are the absolute cat's pyjamas. And thus feeling real and looking real from your own perspective just doesn't count unless you appear that way to the rest of the world as well.
There were so many times in my life prior to this moment, in which I had genuinely wanted to be invisible. In year 11 for example, when I asked out a girl, Becky James, and she rejected me in front of all of her friends, it felt as though everyone's eyes were on me, and I felt so embarrassed, and turned such a violent shade of pink that I really wished that I couldn't be seen at all. Or when Rhi and I were little, and I'd broken her unicorn money box by accident and she was so angry, I just wished that I could disappear and escape her shouting for even a just a couple of hours. Or right after everything that happened with Lisa – I just wanted to be swallowed up whole by the earth, disappear and never return. I didn't want to die but I never wanted to see anybody again, and invisibility would have suited me just fine. Now it seems ridiculous that I, or anybody else for that matter, could have wished for this because this is torture.
Moreover, there have been so many occasions in which I have genuinely felt invisible, unimportant and unnoticeable. For example when I first joined Torchwood One and for at least two weeks I am certain that nobody bothered to learn my name, I was so shy and quiet that I just kept to myself and I think only held about two conversations during that first fortnight. I genuinely felt as though no one in that office, or the rest of the building, could see me or at least didn't care if they could see me. But now I know truly how it feels to be invisible, how lonely it is and how depressing it is when you can see the person that you love looking right through you… at work, my 'invisibility' was easily cured with the introduction of my wonderful coffee to the office, slightly more flamboyant shirt colours and actually taking the initiative to start conversations. None of that would be enough now though.
I paused at the cog door, mulling all of this over, determining to try and not bite Jack's head off the second I saw him, and he didn't see me, no matter how tempted I was to do so, before I finally opened it and triggered the hub alarms. It was surprising to walk into a seemingly empty hub, I don't think I was genuinely expecting Jack to just be sat there neglecting his work on the defabricator and chatting away with Gwen, but I didn't anticipate walking into a silent and vacant hub. Somehow it seemed to amplify the severity of my state further, I'd been hoping that being able to interact with the others, even if it was to be a slightly strange experience, would give me a small sense of normality back.
I sighed to myself and, assuming that they had both gone out to attend to a rift alert, I began fixing myself a cup of Jack-strength coffee and headed over to the rift monitor to see if and where there had been a rift spike. According to the data, there had been no activity within the last 24 hours, meaning that Jack and Gwen couldn't possibly be out dealing with a spike right now, which begged the question – where exactly were they then? Many possible scenarios popped into my mind as I sat there drinking my coffee: something could have happened to the two of them, there could have been a security breech or alien attack in the hub; they could have been called out to something un-rift related to do with the police; they could have nipped out for a bit of shopping – though I'm always the one to get the shopping in; they could be… up in Jack's office.. together… I regretted thinking of that one almost the second it entered my mind, it was tempting to go and have a look just to check… but I instead I just sat down at my desk and resolved to get on with a little administrative work until one or the other of them arrived back at the hub.
Gwen was the first to come back, I'd temporarily managed to forget about my condition what with the lack of mirrors in the building, but she used the invisible lift to enter the building which brought everything painfully flooding back. She appeared to be covered from head to toe in something wet and slimy looking and was frantically wiping at her clothing and ringing out her hair as she walked past my desk, without even noticing me sat there, attempting to remove the worst of the substance. When I saw her from a distance I was worried that it might have been some sort of alien ectoplasm or the blood of a strange species, but up close it looked rather a lot more like pond water. As she continued throughout the hub, she threw off her sodden jacket in disgust and grabbed a nearby piece of old cloth (which I think may have used to have been one of Jack's t-shirts that has transformed into a dust rag over the years) to begin drying her hair, muttering under her breath about 'killing bloody Andy' so I assumed that Gwen at least had been called out by the Police.
"What happened to you then?" I asked in a jovial tone, pleased to have something normal, or at least 'Torchwood normal' to talk about.
Gwen jumped up out of her skin, before turning to face my desk and sort of look at me properly, breathing a sigh of relief and clutching her chest to reply: "Oh god sorry Ianto, I didn't see you there… I mean… oh bugger, I, I…" She stuttered.
"It's alright Gwen" I replied, not bothering to smile reassuringly as I might usually do seeing as it wouldn't be seen anyway. In all honesty though, it was more than a little irritating, but it wasn't her fault.
"No it's not; I'm so sorry I just… I was preoccupied, and Jack had told me about what had happened but it hadn't really sunk in and I didn't expect you to be in work today…" She rambled, doing her best to look right into where she though my eyes were, but in reality she was staring intensely at my nose – which was a strange sensation I must say.
"Honestly Gwen, don't worry about it, it's not your fault – I was hardly making a large amount of noise sat here working away, you probably would have done the same thing on a… normal… day"
"But still, I so sorry! How are you" She asked delicately.
I sighed, "I've certainly been better. It just feels so lonely and strange, and it's made worse by the fact that I can see and feel myself just like normal so for brief periods of time I can forget until I see someone again" I replied, nodding towards Gwen and then swiftly stopping after a realised the gesture wouldn't be seen, "I'm furious with Jack, but I'm trying not to think about that too much, as I know he feels awful for what's happened… but it's hard… knowing that even if he didn't mean it, it's all his fault. I'm hoping that everything will just revert back to normal at some point but I don't know how long it will last, or even if I'll ever go back to normal and it's terrifying." I gushed out all in one long go.
"Oh Ianto" She said smiling sadly and making her way over to where I was stood for a rather awkward and wet hug.
"No offence Gwen, but you're kind of covering me with… whatever it is that you're covered in" I chuckled.
"Oh sorry" She said, reeling backwards
"It's fine, it's just this is my favourite suit, though I might as well make the effort in my clothing today seeing as it's the only part of me people are going to see" I shrugged.
"And it looks lovely" Gwen reassured.
"Uh Gwen… this is going to sound… I mean… just before… could you, you know, feel me?" I asked, feeling foolish, and glad of the fact that she couldn't see my increasingly reddening face.
"Of course I could!" She replied back.
I breathed a small sigh of relief, "Good, good, just checking"
Gwen nodded and resumed cleaning herself up. "So what exactly happened to you then?" I asked.
She laughed a slightly bitter laugh, "Bloody PC Andy! He called us up asking us to go round to this old lady's house to investigate; she said that there was a strange creature in her garden pond. Of course, when I got there, it turned out that this old lady was very partially sighted and the strange creature in her pond did in fact appear to be some sort of crayfish. Andy had come with me and snuck up behind me just as I was turning to leave and reassure the old dear with a smile through gritted teeth when he made me jump and fall in the sodding pond. It was revolting!" She ranted, and then stopped to finish "Of course, I shouldn't be moaning to you, it's not a patch on what's happened to you…"
"Oh come on, you think I wouldn't be moaning if I had fallen into a dirty pond?"
"Maybe not…"
"Definitely not!" I replied firmly and she laughed.
"Do you want a hand at all" I asked, gesturing with my arm towards her wiping hand.
"No, don't worry I'll be alright… though this top's definitely ruined, and I think I'm in need of a good shower"
"Captain Clumsy Hands might let you borrow his if you ask nicely and don't mind the risk of him peeking at you" I said, feeling a little guilty about the dig at Jack, but he was nowhere around to hear it, and it was a fairly harmless way of venting out a little of my anger.
"I think I'll just see if he doesn't mind me popping home for a bit"
I smiled, "wise choice"
"Indeed!" She giggled.
"So, where is Jack anyway? Did he go out with you or…?" I asked, attempting to sound nonchalant, but desperately hoping that she would give me the answer I'd like to hear – that he was up in his office putting all of his effort dedicatedly into figuring out how on Earth to work the defabricator, rather than our gallivanting somewhere…
"Oh he's up in his office, still hunched over that dratted defabricator thingy or whatever it was… he'd been up there a while, and I don't want to get your hopes up but he seemed to be making a large amount of angry frustrated sounds before I left, so it's hopefully a good sign that he's quiet now" She replied, giving my arm an encouraging squeeze.
"Hopefully" I replied, "Though if he had fixed it, or worked out how to use it, or whatever needed to be doing to it, I would have thought that he'd have come down here by now." I sighed.
"Maybe…"
"Or, perhaps he just didn't see me down here through his window" I sighed again, "anyway, may as well go up and find out what's going on" I concluded.
I was making my way up towards the stair of his office when an ingenious, if a little evil, idea dawned on me – if I remove all of my clothing then I would be completely invisible and would be able to sneak up on Jack. I smiled to myself and began quietly stripping of my jacket and waistcoat, not wanting to attract Jack's attention. My unusual action did however catch Gwen's eye after a while, just as I was unzipping my trousers she looked up towards me and stared aghast in a manner which suddenly made me worried that I had gained visibility again.
"Ianto what on earth are you doing" She said, shocked and attempting to avert her eyes from nothing.
"I thought I'd sneak up on Jack" I laughed, "And don't worry you can look this way, it's not like you're going to see anything!"
"Oh right, yes, well… sorry" She replied looking back at me, sort of again, staring right at the nose like before – people must think I'm a lot shorter than I actually am.
I removed the remaining trousers and slowly and quietly made my way up to Jack's office, being especially careful to silently ease open the door which was, unusually, shut. It was so unbelievably tempting to laugh as I entered the room and made my way over to where he was, as Gwen had said, hunched over the desk. He was holding the defabricating device, but rather than appearing cross or angry with it he looked decidedly please, which gave me some hope that he had actually managed to figure it out. It was strange just standing there watching him, knowing that he had no idea that I was stood right behind him, and that even if he did, he wouldn't be able to turn around and watch me back in turn. In fact, it felt more than strange, it felt kind of stalker esque and voyeuristic and like when Jack stares at me on the CCTV – though he enjoys that – and I needed to let him know I was there before it all became even stranger. So I coughed, quite loudly, causing jack to spin round quickly on his chair and greet the sight of nothing.
"Ianto?" He asked, and stretched a hand out towards the direction in which my cough had come from, but I dodged out of the way and moved back round to the front of his desk again.
"I'm over here…" I chuckled, and watched him reach out a second time, as I moved further back away from the desk.
"Ianto, quit playing around!" He begged, but he was smiling.
"I'm not playing around, I'm honestly right here…"I said in a teasing tone as I continued to walk around him, allowing the circulation of air from my stride t breeze over him.
"Oh very funny… you're messing with me to get back at me, I get it" He said and stood up from his chair to come and sit on the edge of his desk.
"Not exactly" I replied, sitting down next to him on the desk, only half lying. I could have done so much worse to get back at him.
"Oh sure"
"Well, maybe a little."
"I thought so… but you know… it's really not such a punishment having a naked Welshman in the room with me, even if I can't see you… I can still feel…" He said reaching out with startling accuracy to place his hand on my chest… of course, knowing Jack, it might have been really poor accuracy and his actual destination might have been a lot lower down.
"I don't want to punish you Jack… I just… well… I am a bit angry I can't lie. But I know you didn't mean for this to happen" I sighed reaching out to place my hand on tip of his.
"I really, really didn't. And if I could swap places with you right now or go back in time and stop it from happening then I would, I swear! I feel so guilty…"
"I know, I know…" I replied soothingly, most of my anger having melted away by this point.
Jack turned to face me then and looked at me, really looked at me right in the eyes as if he could truly see me, before leaning forward to capture my lips in a once again accurately aligned movement. My own lips were quick to respond to the rhythm of his.
"Well that felt weird" He laughed as he drew away.
"Oh gee thanks" I replied sarcastically.
"Come on, I didn't mean to offend you! It's just well, not being able to see the person that you're kissing… it's strange that's all!"
"I suppose I can't really argue with that" I looked down towards the now neglected defabricator, "Have you figured that thing out yet?" I asked, biting my lip and praying that he would say yes.
"Yes. Well, 99% yes… I'm much more sure of how it works now than I was before, but I'd rather not try until I know for certain, I don't want anything worse to happen." He said cautiously.
"Jack, I don't want to be like this any longer, just do it. I promise I won't hold you responsible for anything that happens."
"Are you sure?" He asked sceptically.
"Definitely"
"I mean cause… well, aside from what could go wrong, we could think of the benefits to your invisibility… it might be useful on missions… and we could have one hell of a game of naked hide and seek" He laughed.
"Jack, just do it" I replied laughing too.
"Ok" He said and picked up the device.
I closed my eyes as he pointed it towards me and pressed whatever buttons were necessary, I couldn't actually see the light produced by the machine but I could sort of sense it creeping underneath my eye lids so I knew when it was over.
Slowly, I prised my lids open to look at the startle and astonished and shocked Jack – his face was so covered with so many emotions that it was impossible to read a good or bad message in his expression. "Did it work?" I asked nervously.
Jack just looked up at me, right up at me and grinned wider than I had seen him grin in ages, "Hell yeah" He proclaimed before embracing me in a large bone crushing hug.
"Thank god" I sighed, relaxing into his hug a little.
"Indeed! I was worried I wouldn't be able to change back and you would be angry with me forever!" He replied dramatically.
"I couldn't have stayed angry with you for that long… besides, it wasn't really your fault…"
"To be honest it was, if I hadn't suggested using it… I still feel awful about it!" He replied kissing my shoulder.
"It's fine now though"
"Hmm…would you feel better if you used it on me? Showed me how it felt for a bit, now that we know how it works and all" He suggested.
I laughed, "tempting as it is… I don't think that you're capable of being invisible, you're far too much of an attention seeker!"
"Hey!" He said in a mock wounded tone, causing me to laugh a little.
"We'd better get down stairs and let Gwen know that all's well" I said, backing out of our embrace, "Before she goes home that is… she had a slight mishap with a pond earlier"
"Oh really?" Jack asked, sounding amused.
I just rolled my eyes, "Come on!" I said, moving to make my way out of the door.
"Errr Ianto, are you forgetting something?" He chuckled.
I looked down, "Oh bugger I'm absolutely starkers!" I cried out, causing Jack to burst into hysterics.
"Oh you British and you're quaint little sayings; it'll never fail to amuse me!" He paused to laugh a little more. "I'll run and get your clothes, we don't want Gwen swooning over you down there, it sounds like she's been through enough already today!" He grinned.
"Oh ha-ha" I replied in a sarcastic tone.
"That defabricator might have caused us a hell of a lot of trouble, but you can't argue that it ultimately did what it said on the tin, here you are stood clothes less in my office!" He called back as he left the office to head down stairs, leaving me naked and laughing in his office, unable to fully comprehend what a strange series of events had happened in the last 24 hours.