Fade In:

SCENE 01: Living room; int.; day

A spacious living room surrounded by six doors and a kitchen/dining room. GRANTAIRE is sitting on the couch making sketches. PROUVAIRE is in the kitchen making sandwiches and putting them in brown paper bags. ENJOLRAS is on his laptop, shaking his head. COMBEFERRE walks in from his bedroom.

COMBEFERRE: Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?

ENJOLRAS: They actually gave me off today.

COMBEFERRE: What happened? One political opinion too many?

ENJOLRAS What's wrong with having a political opinion where I work?

PROUVAIRE Oh, nothing wrong, I think it's great being an article writer for Fox News.

FEUILLY enters from his room in his diner uniform.

FEUILLY Well, I'm off to work.

COMBEFERRE You can just say you're going to an audition, buddy. Cat's out of the bag.

FEUILLY (pause) I haven't gotten that stereotypical have I?

COMBEFERRE Well, you're going off to work at the Musain Diner. You get paid lousy. You've been there for at least two years. My other guess would've been Med School.

JOLY (O.S.)

I heard that, you nasty ignorant stuck-up twit!

COMBEFERRE (to JOLY) You can't have stereotypes without authenticity! We've talked about this!

PROUVAIRE Says the one who's all dressed up ready to face the world, challenge the young, and all the while, fill in for the main teacher who called out sick.

COMBEFERRE (Pause) Break a leg, Feuilly.

COMBEFERRE and FEUILLY take their sandwich bags and leave.

GRANTAIRE Why couldn't you just tell him that you got fired?

ENJOLRAS That's the difference between him and the rest of the entire house. Sure, Prouvaire loves to keep house for us. Joly is always concerned for our health. But Combeferre is the only one out of all of us that actually has some bit of morality left in him besides me. (GRANTAIRE rolls his eyes.) Hey, if he found out I got fired instead, he'd never let me live it down.

GRANTAIRE Not all of us are morally corrupt, Enjolras.

COURFEYRAC exits his room with visible hickies all over his chest. He has clearly just woken up.

COURFEYRAC Has anyone seen a hot blonde? 5ft, 8in, hourglass figure?

PROUVAIRE She left half an hour ago. Said something about needing to get to the college early.

COURFEYRAC panics and returns to his dressing room. ENJOLRAS turns to GRANTAIRE.

ENJOLRAS Not all of us corrupt, huh?

PROUVAIRE Edgar Allen Poe presents "The Fall of the House of Decency!"

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*An 80's rock version of "Do You Hear the People Sing?" plays as the show's theme song*

THE BARRICADE BUDDIES

Starring as RAMIN KARIMLOO Enjolras.(Enjolras reads the newspaper and rolls his eyes.)

NOAH REID as Combeferre.(Combeferre is doing homework and unknowingly bites off half of his pencil and eats it.)

ZOOEY DESCHANNEL as Eponine.(Eponine is doing her nails when she accidentally touches her hair to satisfy an itch then gets her fingers stuck.)

JOHN KRASINSKI as Courfeyrac.(Courfeyrac is sitting at a bar nonchalantly checking out women passing by him.)

SETH GREEN as Feuilly.(Feuilly is sitting at the diner bar looking depressed; down on his luck, before he has to put on a smile when a new customer walks in.)

ADAM SCOTT as Joly.(Joly walks out of the bathroom just as Lesgles sneezes, causing Joly to casually walk back in.)

THOMAS SANDERS as Prouvaire.(Prouvaire is in the kitchen with a bottle of sauce in his hands. He takes a wiff of it, pulls back in disgust before pouring it into his mixing bowl.)

CHRIS PRATT as Lesgles.(Lesgles is sitting at a table opening up a fortune cookie, accidentally cutting himself in the process.)

STEVE HOWEY as Bahorel.(Bahorel is crouching down to tie his shoe, but appears to have extreme difficulties.)

GRAHAM PATRICK MARTIN (Combeferre is tutoring Gavroche. When he spots Gavroche on the phone, Combeferre whips out his spray bottle of water and sprays it on Gavroche.)

With TAYLOR BALL & ELLIE KEMPER as Marius & Cosette.(Marius and Cosette are sitting on the couch cuddling, while everyone else throws popcorn at them.)

And JAKE JOHNSON as Grantaire (Grantaire pours a vodka shot into a tiny shot glass, then chugs the whole bottle.

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SCENE 02: COMBEFERRE's CLASSROOM; INT; DAY

COMBEFERRE walks in, disheartened, and unenthusiastic about being a substitute teacher. He enters the classroom full of Sophmores. He plops his suitcase on the desk and gets comfortable.

COMBEFERRE (Spoken very quickly, with no energy) O.K. Class, my name is Mr. C. and let's just skip to the point. You hate this class, I hate my life, let's just pretend we're all here and move on!

FIRST STUDENT Excuse me, Mr. C?

COMBEFERRE Yeah, Black T-Shirt?

FIRST STUDENT It's just, we were supposed to learn about the Fall of the Alamo today.

COMBEFERRE O.k. I'll break it down for you. The Alamo was a makeshift border patrol, thousands of illegal Mexicans breached the wall and all the guard patrols were killed, including Colonel Sanders and Floating Buoy.

SECOND STUDENT I thought it was Colonel Travis and Jim Bowie.

COMBEFERRE bangs his head on the desk.

COMBEFERRE I can't do this. Anyone got Amazon Prime?

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Cut to COURFEYRAC's college classroom. COURFEYRAC walks into the classroom and takes a seat next to MARIUS.

MARIUS Wow, thought you weren't gonna show! The teacher hasn't shown up yet.

COURFEYRAC Eh, I know! I went to a party last night with this really hot chick! Like, she was smoking hot! After a few drinks she asked me whether it would be her place or mine! I can't remember how the decision was made, but we wound up at my place. I overslept and she was gone.

MARIUS Damn. Does she have your number?

Just then, a very attractive woman enters the classroom. COURFEYRAC's eyes widen. She settles her suitcase on the desk in front of the class.

Prof. MAGLIORE Good morning class, I am your Sociology Professor…

COURFEYRAC (aside, to MARIUS) Oh she's got my number alright! And I don't mean my cellphone!

COURFEYRAC shrinks in his chair as the Professor with whom he spent the night before continued her discussion and paid no attention to him.

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Cut to COMBEFERRE's Classroom. The projection is setup, connected to COMBEFERRE's laptop. The class is watching "The Alamo" 1960 with John Wayne. Gunshots and cannon fire can be heard in the audio speakers. One of the Students closest to COMBEFERRE's desk.

THIRD STUDENT Are you sure we're learning from this? This isn't the most accurate—

COMBEFERRE No movie ever is. But it's free, it's taking the load off of me, so sit back enjoy it and shut up.

The school bell rings. The class begins gathering their stuff.

COMBEFERRE O.K. If your regular teacher asks about what you learned about the defenders, just remember. Everybody dies. The end.

GAVROCHE hesitates for a few moments then gathers his books and approaches COMBEFERRE's desk.

COMBEFERRE I'm legally prohibited from rigging the quizzes so don't bother.

GAVROCHE Uh…actually, no it wasn't that. I was just stopping by to see what's up, man!

COMBEFERRE Ugh…why? Surely you have friends. People that you can actually talk to and have some level of respect.

GAVROCHE Oh come on! People respect you.

COMBEFERRE Oh really? Yesterday I asked the Janitor for a stick of gum. He told me to get a real job. That right there, is the nutshell of Substitute Teacher pains.

GAVROCHE Hey, man…I'm sorry for your pains. That's gotta like, suck man.

COMBEFERRE Eh, what do you want anyway?

GAVROCHE Well, I thought I saw you a couple of times when I was hanging out with my sister.

COMBEFERRE She's not under 18 is she? Because right now you should just stop talking before I end up dropping soap for a living.

GAVROCHE Nah, man. My sister, Eponine? I'm her little brother, Gavroche?

COMBEFERRE's eyes widen.

COMBEFERRE Oh my god. How come I haven't seen you around before?!

GAVROCHE Eh, I usually just keep to myself in my room. I usually don't talk to pretty much anyone.

COMBEFERRE You're not one of those angst-filled teenagers that's filled with more contradiction than a Dan Brown novel are you? You're certainly talkative now.

GAVROCHE Nah, trust me. If there wasn't anything in this for me, I would've already left. But I do need the extra $40.

COMBEFERRE $40? For what?

GAVROCHE Yeah, Eponine offered me $40 to come up to you and ask you…something. Ah, crap. I forgot what it was. If only I could remember. She said it was very important. She needed to talk to only you about it…

COMBEFERRE fumbles in his pocket, jumps out of his chair and hands GAVROCHE $40.

COMBEFERRE Here! Here's $40 right here. You think you remember now?

GAVROCHE snatches the money.

GAVROCHE Oh yeah! Now I remember. Uh, wait…no it wasn't Eponine. It was Courfeyrac. We made a bet to see how you would react to something urgent from Eponine. He bet $40 that you would. And now, I don't have to worry about paying my own cash! You should've seen the look on your face!

GAVROCHE leaves the classroom. COMBEFERRE is left with his jaw dropped.

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COURFEYRAC's class is gathering their books and walking out the class. COURFEYRAC approaches PROF. MAGLIORE.

COURFEYRAC Excuse me, um…Professor?

PROF. MAGLIORE Oh, Hi Courf!

COURFEYRAC checks the rest of the room to make sure everyone left.

COURFEYRAC Why didn't you tell me last night that you were going to be my class instructor?

PROF. MAGLIORE (deep sigh) I'm sorry Courfeyrac. If I had known that you would be one of my students, I wouldn't have slept with you. That's why I paid no attention to you. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

COURFEYRAC Oh, it was just a lack of communication. Besides, it was only the night before the first day of semester, so neither of us could've known!

PROF. MAGLIORE Yeah! And don't worry. I won't say anything if you won't. It was just a mishap, and we'll just acknowledge it and move on!

COURFEYRAC Exactly. Besides, I may have been prone to one night stands, but I do have a small set of standards. I have no problem sleeping with a slightly old…(pause, gets a glare from PROF. MAGLIORE) slightly more mature woman, but if it involves a teacher of mine, it just makes everything so…wrong.

PROF. MAGLIORE So what, you're saying you have regrets?

COURFEYRAC Oh, don't get me wrong, Professor! Trust me you were great! I just don't have the mentality to be caught in all the drama if this got out of hand.

PROF. MAGLIORE smiles. COURFEYRAC gets his books.

COURFEYRAC Well, I'll see you next week, Professor.

COURFEYRAC walks outside where he meets MARIUS.

MARIUS Did you really feel morally guilty about sleeping with your Professor?

COURFEYRAC Oh god no I only said that to make her feel better about being such a bad sex partner! God! Never again!

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SCENE 03: LIVING ROOM; INT; EVENING

COMBEFERRE and EPONINE are sitting in the living room watching T.V. catching up from last week's episode.

EPONINE O.K. This has got to be it. They have to reveal who did it now!

They sit at the edge of the couch, when suddenly a loud explosion is heard coming from the screen.

COMBEFERRE They blew up the whole police station?! Are you kidding me?!

EPONINE That's it! I'm done with NBC!

COURFEYRAC walks in the front door. COMBEFERRE and EPONINE share a glance and then approach him.

EPONINE Hey, so. What happened today?

COURFEYRAC (Defensive) What? Nothing happened! Who said anything happened?!

COMBEFERRE Oh, just an old friend of ours. He's got some real dirt on you!

COURFEYRAC Look, I don't know what Marius told you, but none of it is true!

COMBEFERRE Oh yeah. He told us all about it. I mean, he did witness the whole thing!

EPONINE (Serious) You know, Courf, I don't really appreciate this kind of behavior coming from you. I'm kind of hurt, and my trust is broken. It'll take a long time before I can trust you again.

COURFEYRAC Look, I don't expect to earn your trust! Everybody knows I'm untrustworthy! But I could seriously get in so much trouble if this gets-

EPONINE Just pay Combeferre his $40 bucks and all will be forgotten.

COURFEYRAC glares at COMBEFERRE. COMBEFERRE extends his hand. COURFEYRAC sighs and gives back the $40.

COURFEYRAC Fine. You win. But seriously, promise me you won't tell anyone?

COMBEFERRE Courfeyrac, you know I am a man of character. My silence cannot be bought. However, now that I have my $40 back I am in a very charitable mood. Consider everything we talked about tonight, forgotten!

COURFEYRAC Aw thanks, 'Ferre! You're awesome!

COURFEYRAC exits into his bedroom.

EPONINE What the heck does Marius have on him?

COMBEFERRE Who cares? Reverse Psychology is a bitch!

EPONINE I cannot believe he made a bet with Gavroche. What was it even about?

COMBEFERRE Eh, Gavroche tricked me into thinking that you paid him to tell me that you needed to talk to me.

EPONINE And you believed him? You do know we have cell-phones. You could've just texted me asking me "what's up".

COMBEFERRE I clearly wasn't thinking. (pause) Besides, I didn't want to bother you with my daily burdens anyway.

EPONINE Oh yeah? What daily burdens? What gets you down?

COMBEFERRE Well, you know. (pause. EPONINE leans forward.) How I hate my job. (EPONINE slumps back in her seat in disappointment.) How I get no respect from my students or staff members. I swear, every day I'm there, I get more and more miserable.

EPONINE Awe. You should write a play about your struggles. We'll call it, "The Miserable Ones".

COMBEFERRE ponders the idea, and then he shrugs.

COMBEFERRE Eh, it'll never work.

COMBEFERRE flips the T.V. Channel.

T.V. Announcer And now, back to your regular programming…right after these messages!

COMBEFERRE OH COME ON!

EPONINE THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYING!