VOICE-OVER: "The Barricade Buddies" is filmed before a live studio audience.

SCENE 01: LIVING ROOM: INT: DAY

COURFEYRAC exits his bedroom with an ice pack on his head. ENJOLRAS and FEUILLY are eating their breakfast when they look over to him.

ENJOLRAS (With a smug on his face) Did somebody over-do it again?

COURFEYRAC (holding his ice pack tight.) Please stop talking.

ENJOLRAS I don't know what you honestly would've expected. You tried to get Combeferre set up for a one-night stand, and yet here You are clutching your head in post-night-on-the-town syndrome.

COURFEYRAC Ugh! I'm going back to bed!

COURFEYRAC retreats to his bedroom. ENJOLRAS turns to FEUILLY.

ENJOLRAS Where is everybody anyway?

FEUILLY Uh let me see…Combeferre left early…so it was me with Bahorel, Grantaire, Joly, Lesgles, Courfeyrac, and Prouvaire. We couldn't fit everyone in my car so we put Prouvaire in the trunk and tied Grantaire securely on the roof. (Pause.) CRAP!

FEUILLY runs outside. EPONINE emerges from her room with her hair messed up and clothes all disheveled.

ENJOLRAS Morning, 'Ponine. Did you have a really bad nightmare last night?

EPONINE …why?

ENJOLRAS I don't think I've ever heard you scream so loud before.

EPONINE Oh…yeah…it was…intense. Extremely…mind-blowing…intense. I'm not so sure what he—happened in the nightmare was legal. I'm…I'm gonna go take a shower now…surprised I can walk.

EPONINE wobbles over to the bathroom. ENJOLRAS picks up his newspaper and reads it, as COMBEFERRE quietly emerges from EPONINE's bedroom, and tip toes to his bedroom. As he opens the door, ENJOLRAS hears the door creak, and he turns over to see COMBEFERRE opening his door.

COMBEFERRE (fake-yawning) Oh…morning Enjolras.

ENJOLRAS Morning. Wow…are you going out like that?

COMBEFERRE What's wrong with it?

ENJOLRAS Well…no offense, but you look really *CENSOR BEEP*-ed.

COMBEFERRE (chuckling.) You have no idea!

COMBEFERRE goes to the Kitchen to make coffee. FEUILLY comes back with PROUVAIRE as the two are dragging a passed out GRANTAIRE into the living room.

FEUILLY …I said I was sorry!

PROUVAIRE (panting from being inside the trunk all night.) You…guys…are…evil! Seven…hours…in that trunk…I hate all of you!

ENJOLRAS I'm surprised that Officer Javert hasn't spotted you or pulled you over.

FEUILLY and PROUVAIRE throw GRANTAIRE onto the couch with a hard thump.

FEUILLY Oh he did see us. When he approached my car and saw Grantaire tied up on the roof, he put away his ticket book and just walked away. Just like that!

PROUVAIRE It was...kind of hard…to hear…what was going on…since, you know I was thrown into the trunk! But I'm pretty sure I heard him say "I don't wanna know".

PROUVAIRE walks into his room.

ENJOLRAS Sounds like it was definitely our group.

EPONINE emerges from the bathroom. COMBEFERRE grabs a cup of coffee for her and the two make their way to the door.

FEUILLY Hey 'Ponine? (they stop) What were you and Combeferre arguing about last night?

EPONINE and COMBEFERRE exchange glances.

EPONINE What are you talking about?

FEUILLY Well I heard you yelling at him. A lot. I think at one point, you called him a 'huge *CENSOR BEEP*'. Is everything okay with you two?

EPONINE and COMBEFERRE try to go along with it.

EPONINE Uh…yeah! I just thought it was kind of mean that he didn't send me a V-Day card yesterday, and I called him a huge *CENSOR BEEP* because that's what he was. A huge…gigantic…*CENSOR BEEP*

COMBEFERRE Yeah! That I was…and I was just trying to…get her to…loosen up! Yeah because she was so tight-UPTIGHT! Yeah. She was being really uptight and needed to just get the tension out…yeah…anyway…

COMBEFERRE's beginning to fumble on his words.

COMBEFERRE …yeah anyway I'm gonna go for a ride—drive, and…uh…Eponine? I'm really sorry about last night…for being…um…so…I was gonna go…for a drive…and I would really lick it-LIKE it if you came along so we can bury the beef…bury the HATCHET! Um…it's…yeah.

COMBEFERRE lowers his head and runs out the door. EPONINE looks over to ENJOLRAS and FEUILLY. ENJOLRAS clearly knows what happened, but FEUILLY is confused.

ENJOLRAS I won't say anything to Courfeyrac if you promise that from now on, you'll do the talking.

EPONINE Couldn't agree more.

EPONINE walks out the front door. ENJOLRAS continues to read his book. FEUILLY sits there for a couple of minutes, then it dawns on him.

FEUILLY HEY WAIT A MINUTE!

GRANTAIRE wakes up with a start.

GRANTAIRE I SWEAR TO OFFICER I WAS NOT DRINKING GOD, BEER JAVERT!

***OPENING TITLES***

ENJOLRAS and FEUILLY are cleaning up their plates in the kitchen.

FEUILLY Weren't you home last night?! How could you have not seen that happening?

ENJOLRAS I was wondering why she needed the house to herself just so she can get dinner ready. Eh…I'll never understand women.

FEUILLY Do you think anyone else knows?

ENJOLRAS Realistically, it's not our place to say, Feuilly. What they do is their business. I usually prefer to stay out of the know because sometimes it may be too much for my brain to handle this early in the morning.

JOLY walks into the Kitchen to get some coffee. He is extra chipper today.

JOLY Morning, gang! Ah, I love the fresh scent of Maxwell House Coffee. (Looks directly at camera.) It's good to the last drop!

ENJOLRAS and FEUILLY are looking at him funny.

FEUILLY Joly, what are you doing?

JOLY (Continues looking at the camera.) Product Placement. This Fanfic's on a tight budget.

(Sips his coffee.) Mmm, good stuff! I may come back for a second cup!

ENJOLRAS (Pause) But you never want a second cup of coffee.

FEUILLY responds by taking a glass of water and splashes it in ENJOLRAS's face.

ENJOLRAS Ah, thanks buddy. I needed that.

MUSICHETTA enters the kitchen. She greets JOLY.

FEUILLY Whoa, what's going on here, guys?

JOLY (Still chipper)I still have no idea, guys! I woke up this morning and there she was, putting on her clothes! Whatever happened last night I really wish I could remember it!

JOLY kisses MUSICHETTA on the cheek and slaps her butt as he walks back into his room.

ENJOLRAS Hmm…it looks like you made your decision. I hope Lesgles isn't too upset.

MUSICHETTA …yeah about that.

LESGLES enters and hugs MUSICHETTA from behind.

LESGLES There's my hot and sexy little librarian.

MUSICHETTA (poker faced) I work at the Books-A-Million café.

LESGLES (Still holding onto Musichetta.) Eh close enough! I'm going to take a quick shower. Do you want to go out for lunch later today?

MUSICHETTA I wish I could but I have work all day today. I just need to grab a cup of coffee and then I have to be out of here. I'm sorry sweetie.

MUSICHETTA kisses LESGLES.

LESGLES Awe it's ok. You do what you gotta do! And whenever you're ready to get all hot and heavy, you know where to find me!

FEUILLY (Trying to avoid the awkwardness)Right here guys!

MUSICHETTA Okay cutie. See you later!

LESGLES walks to his bedroom door. Offstage we can hear:

JOLY Morning, Lesgles!

LESGLES Morning, Joly!

JOLY returns to the kitchen.

JOLY Well I have to go to class today. Can I pick you up later for lunch?

MUSICHETTA Sorry, I can't! I'm stuck at the café all day today. But I'd definitely love a raincheck!

JOLY No sweat, Miss Hot-in-Bed. Catch ya later!

JOLY returns to his bedroom. ENJOLRAS and FEUILLY look at MUSICHETTA eye-wide.

ENJOLRAS (flabbergasted.) WHAT THE *CENSORBEEP* JUST HAPPENED?!

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SCENE 02: MUSAIN DINER; INT; DAY

COMBEFERRE and EPONINE grab a table inside the Diner. They sit in awkward silence for a few mins.

COMBEFERRE …Okay so about last night…

(He waits for her to say something.)

EPONINE …I'm listening.

COMBEFERRE …crap.

EPONINE What?

COMBEFERRE I was kind of hoping you'd cut me off with an "It's okay you don't have to say anything."

EPONINE (Sarcastic) Nice plan.

COMBEFERRE Okay…then I'll just ask. What happens now?

EPONINE What do you mean?

COMBEFERRE I mean…Enjolras practically knows what went on between us last night. And Feuilly's kind of suspicious.

EPONINE Jeez, 'Ferre you make it sound like what we did was a crime.

COMBEFERRE No, but if Courfeyrac ever gets wind of this, it'll mess up our entire ecosystem.

EPONINE Ecosystem?

COMBEFERRE 'Ponine, how many boyfriends have you had?

EPONINE Mine or other girls'?

COMBEFERRE (Pause) Didn't need to know that, but Yours.

EPONINE Okay, five. They didn't last long, and the sex just got boring after that.

COMBEFERRE And how many relationships have "I" been in?

EPONINE nearly spits out her coffee from laughing. COMBEFERRE glares at her.

COMBEFERRE I guess that answers my question. My point is, last night Courfeyrac tried to get me set up with a one-night stand. He's been trying to do this for the past three years. Imagine his reaction if he ever gets wind of the fact that you were able to do in one night what's been taking the Playboy of the Amis three years? His ego will be questioned, and thus throwing our entire ecosystem out of whack!

EPONINE's eyes widen when she understands what he's talking about.

EPONINE Oh my god! Remember what happened when Joly had his mental breakdown and stopped caring about getting sick?

COMBEFERRE Yeah! The Ecosystem was so out of proportion Prouvaire couldn't tell the difference between sugar and salt!

EPONINE Okay, but you have to admit, that chicken noodle soup he made did taste interesting when it was sweetened.

COMBEFERRE Yeah. And the birthday cake he made for Lesgles? The one with the salt induced vanilla frosting?

EPONINE Okay no one can know about this.

COMBEFERRE Agreed. (Their breakfast arrives.) So…as long as we keep this to ourselves, and Enjolras and Feuilly are contained to our satisfaction, we should be alright!

EPONINE Yeah…(pause) Side-note…was it good for you?

COMBEFERRE Oh hell yea! (Realizes how overly enthusiastic he was for saying that.)

EPONINE Okay, you do realize there's no brownie points for being a kiss-up.

COMBEFERRE Yeah I might be on edge from this experience. (takes the pitcher from their table and pours it into his cup and drinks it.)

EPONINE Wow…you must be distracted; you just drank maple syrup.

COMBEFERRE spits out the syrup.

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SCENE 03: BOOKS-A-MILLION CAFÉ; INT; AFTERNOON

MUSICHETTA is working at the register. Her friend CLEMENTINE is mixing the coffee.

CLEMENTINE So let me get this straight! You got both of them so drunk last night, they have no memory of what happened in the interim?

MUSICHETTA Listen, both of them started getting on my case on which of them I was gonna sleep with first. I had to think fast! I ended up sleeping on the couch at their place last night. Joly is the first to get up, so I staged it to look like I spent the night with him. And when I told him I needed to use the shower, I hurried over to Lesgles's room and did the same thing. And I'm sure they are both so hungover they'll never question it!

CLEMENTINE (Pause) And you're completely okay with playing polygamy?

MUSICHETTA I wouldn't call it Polygamy. I'd call it… (gestures to their work.) taking shifts! They take turns with me. As long as they are both satisfied that they get to have this (points to her body) everyone is happy!

CLEMENTINE And what do you get out of this?

MUSICHETTA Haven't you ever wanted more than one guy fighting over you?

CLEMENTINE (Pause) Do cats count?

MUSICHETTA Okay no more talking for you. It hurts your ego. (CLEMENTINE continues working, now with a depressed look on her face.) My point is, eventually, both men will feel the tension of pressure of not knowing who's the better lover. Eventually, both men will go above and beyond to prove they are the better match for me. Can you say "fancy dinners" and "new sports cars"?

CLEMENTINE No…but I can say "Shallow"

MUSICHETTA Oh come on! It was the latest craze in the 19th century!

CLEMENTINE But hasn't it ever occurred to you that they could wonder what really happened?

MUSICHETTA How could they possibly figure out what happened?

JOLY and LESGLES enter the café looking pissed.

CLEMENTINE (Sarcastic) I may be wrong, but it could be the possibility that they both tried bragging to each other about sleeping with you?

MUSICHETTA (Pause) Crap.

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SCENE 04: PATIO; EXT; EVENING

ENJOLRAS is sitting on a lounge chair while COURFEYRAC is sitting in the Jacuzzi. He is still holding an icepack to his head.

ENJOLRAS It's been almost twenty-four hours how can you still have a hangover?

COURFEYRAC Eh…I don't know. I guess I was just stress-drinking because I'm getting worried about 'Ferre. And I would've thought that you of all our friends should be worried too! You're his best friend. The two of you practically founded the gang. You're the Riff to his Tony!

ENJOLRAS (Pause.) Considering what happens to both of them I'm not so sure how to take that statement.

COURFEYRAC Look…it's obvious that 'Ferre hates his job. He wants to explore and do other things but he can't because the job market sucks, like it always does because deus ex machina.

COURFEYRAC looks at the camera.

ENJOLRAS Well Combeferre is the smartest one of all of us. He's also the coolest minded person. I'm sure he'll come around and pull through this little dark spot eventually.

COURFEYRAC But imagine how much stress will be taken off of him if he had a girlfriend, or better yet, just had regular hookups. He needs a way to destress. And his lack of a sex-life is starting to get me down.

ENJOLRAS (slowly raising his iPad to his face.) Yep…

COURFEYRAC Okay what's going on?

ENJOLRAS Huh?

COURFEYRAC Every time you have a dirty little secret, you raise your iPad or book or newspaper slowly to your face and hesitantly say "yep" or "…yeah".

ENJOLRAS Look. I really don't think it should be our place to decide on how to run Combeferre's personal love-life (quickly stating) Or Lack Thereof! (pause.) As I was saying. He's smart and cool-minded enough that I'm sure he will find a way to resolve his stress.

COURFEYRAC (Unconvinced.) Yeah you're definitely hiding something. And you know what?! I don't appreciate it one bit! Every time something around here unusual or exciting happens, I'm out of the room and as soon as I ask about it, everybody keeps to themselves! I always miss out on the juicy gossip!

COURFEYRAC sighs and puts his ice pack down and sinks into the water. His ears are underwater and he closes his eyes. EPONINE and COMBEFERRE enter from the side of the house.

COMBEFERRE Where's Courf?

ENJOLRAS In the Jacuzzi. He's getting into his zone right now so you two should be safe.

EPONINE Okay good. So…has Feuilly figured out what's going on with 'Ferre and I?

ENJOLRAS Took him awhile, but yes he unfortunately knows. But I had a talk with him and made sure that he does not tell anyone else. (Pause) So…um…you two, huh?

EPONINE and COMBEFERRE shrug their shoulders.

ENJOLRAS Is this gonna be a boyfriend/girlfriend thing yet or will that be next season?

COMBEFERRE Well we talked about it, and we feel that for the sake of this household, we would just keep it as an off-the-record "friends with benefits" deal.

ENJOLRAS Really? That's where you're going with this? You're already pissing off our followers by making it clear that you two like each other now you're gonna just do the "No Strings Attached" crap?

COMBEFERRE Dude, we only have one follower, 4 reviews and 3 favorites.

ENJOLRAS (Agitated) And as soon as I figure out how to use it, I will follow it! We've been through this!

COMBEFERRE Moving on…we saw Musichetta arguing with Joly and Lesgles. What was going on there?

ENJOLRAS Oh they were both mad at her because she tricked both of them into believing they both slept with her when in actuality they didn't.

EPONINE Well, it is technically both of their faults they kept on pushing her to make a decision last night. I probably would've done the same thing.

COMBEFERRE Decision?

EPONINE Yeah. She was gonna decide who she was going to sleep with.

COMBEFERRE (Pause. COMBEFERRE is obviously confused.) And Both guys are okay with this?!

EPONINE She told me that as long as they both got some booty, and that she gets all the attention, she could care less.

COMBEFERRE So…you're saying they are in a threesome?

ENJOLRAS No from what I've read in the last chapter, they're not in a threesome so much as they are "taking turns" with Musichetta. In other words, she's playing Polygamy and they're both on board with that.

COMBEFERRE Oh…ok.

ENJOLRAS So to sum things up short, you two are in a FWB arrangement, and Musichetta is rotating between Joly and Lesgles.

EPONINE Anything else to report upon?

ENJOLRAS Um…Prouvaire nearly burned down the house while he was trying a new recipe. Grantaire is still passed out from last night. That's the third time this month I'm not gonna worry about it. Bahorel just signed up for night classes. Marius and Cosette are Facebook official. And Feuilly took a cab into the city for his latest audition.

COMBEFERRE It's 1 in the morning how long has he been gone?

ENJOLRAS Six hours.

COMBEFERRE SIX HOURS?! I thought you made plans to go pick him up?!

ENJOLRAS Yeah but Feuilly may have forgotten to take into account that I hate driving into the city.

EPONINE and COMBEFERRE grumble and run off into COMBEFERRE's car and speed off, racing to go pick FEUILLY up. COURFEYRAC emerges from the Jacuzzi after drifting off. There is uncomfortable silence between him and ENJOLRAS

COUFEYRAC I missed something juicy didn't I?

ENJOLRAS (looking at his iPad.) You have no idea!