***SHOUTOUT TO Cheekysu, Smiles1988, and RJ. for reviews!***

SCENE 01: CORINTHE BAR; INT; NIGHT

BAHOREL and his date RACHEL are sitting in awkward silence at a table. BAHOREL looks as if he is disturbed, and RACHEL is curious as to why.

RACHEL Bahorel, do you think we should just call it a night?

BAHOREL Hm? No! No, I'm sorry Rachel…I'm just…eh, I don't know how to describe it. It's about…your parents.

RACHEL (Disheartened.) Oh…well, does it bother you that they are both deaf and mute? You can be honest with me, I won't judge.

BAHOREL (Reassuring) Oh god no it's nothing to do with that! I mean, I would gladly take up sign language with them. I really like you, so I wouldn't mind at all. (RACHEL blushes) It's just…what they did in the living room while you were getting ready.

RACHEL What do you mean?

BAHOREL (clearly uncomfortable) Well…it's really embarrassing to tell you…I mean at first I didn't mind the silence in the room. Your mother sitting in her nightgown in a couch, and your father sitting in his chair watching TV. And then…all of a sudden, your mother stood up, lifted up her nightgown, took a glass of water, and poured it down her butt crack! Then your dad got up from his chair, pulled down his pants, and started doing your mother doggy style! When he was done, he sat back down in his chair, and picked up a matchstick and held it close to his eyes. I do apologize for the bluntness, but to tell you the truth, I kind of feel traumatized by it.

RACHEL (Laughing out loud) Oh my God, Bahorel. Is that all?!

BAHOREL (Bewildered.) How the heck can you seem so calm about this?!

RACHEL That's how they communicate! My mom was asking my dad "Aren't you going to get this ass*CENSORBEEP* a drink?" And he said "Screw you, I'm watching the Match!"

BAHOREL (Pause.) CHECK PLEASE!

***OPENING CREDITS***

SCENE 02: ELEVATOR LOBBY, COURFEYRAC's PLACE OF WORK; INT; MORNING

COURFEYRAC, LESGLES and a lady enter the elevator together. The lady is closest to the buttons.

LAUREN Floor?

COURFEYRAC 32.

LAUREN presses the button, then takes a good look at COURFEYRAC.

LAUREN …Combeferre?

COURFEYRAC looks at her.

COURFEYRAC: Courfeyrac.

LAUREN Courfeyrac!

COURFEYRAC looks at her and realizes…

COURFEYRAC Shannon?

LAUREN: Lauren!

COURFEYRAC Lauren!

BOTH: Montfermil High!

The two of them laugh, while LESGLES stands there in silence. LAUREN looks at him closely.

LAUREN ….No!

COURFEYRAC Yeah!

LAUREN No!

COURFEYRACOh! (COURFERAC straightens his hair to the side and pushes out his front teeth on the top.)

LAUREN Rabbit-Ramsey! (COURFETRAC nods.)

COURFEYRAC Braces!

LAUREN Amazing!

COURFEYRAC Thank you!

LAUREN reflects on their high school experience.

LAUREN Football?

COURFEYRAC (Shaking his head) Theater Arts.

LAUREN Oh.

COURFEYRAC Choir?

LAUREN Football!

COURFEYRAC (Confused) Football?

LAUREN Cheerleader.

COURFEYRAC develops his sinister smile.

COURFEYRAC Riiiiiight!

LAUREN Excuse me?

COURFEYRAC (Smiling)I remember…

LAUREN What?

COURFEYRAC (looks at her.) Us.

LAUREN Huh?

COURFEYRAC gestures to the two of them.

COURFEYRAC Remember?

LAUREN (Shocked.) No.

COURFEYRAC Yes!

LAUREN Didn't!

COURFEYRAC Did.

LAUREN DIDN'T

COURFEYRAC DID!

LAUREN …Did?

COURFEYRAC Did.

LAUREN (Shaking her head.) Never!

COURFEYRAC Nature Trail?

LAUREN What?

COURFEYRAC Secluded Spot…

LAUREN Secluded…?

COURFEYRAC Hanky Panky!

LAUREN (Slaps COURFEYRAC) Pig!

COURFEYRAC (wincing in pain) Easy!

LAUREN EASY! (Slaps him again.)

COURFEYRAC What?

LAUREN Standards!

COURFEYRAC (Scoffs)Sorry!

LAUREN (Recovers)Over with.

COURFEYRAC Married?

LAUREN Yes.

COURFEYRAC Congrats.

LAUREN You?

LESGLES (Scoffs) Him?

COURFEYRAC glares at him before he sulks back into his corner.

COURFEYRAC Single.

LAUREN Happily?

LESGLES coughs in the background.

COURFEYRAC (Pointing to LESGLES) Brain-Injury.

LAUREN My Sympathies.

COURFEYRAC Thank you.

The Elevator button dings and the doors slide open; COURFEYRAC and LESGLES step out.

COURFEYRAC Well, Lauren it was nice talking with you. I'm glad we caught up. I feel like I can have a full solid conversation with you.

LAUREN rolls her eyes

LAUREN Chatterbox!

SCENE 03: BACK PATIO; EXT; AFTERNOON

FAN MAIL TIME

THE GANG including MARIUS and COSETTE gather around the back patio as COMBEFERRE brings in the letters.

COMBEFERRE Okay, this first one is from "Guest" again. (opens it up) "Hahahahahahaha this was such a funny chapter! I love this sitcom so much!"

ENJOLRAS You know what? No! I'm not going to grace anymore fan-mail with correcting the fans that this is a sitcom, not a fanfic!

COURFEYRAC There's a few from this "cheekysu" fan. (opens up first one.) "Aww. Poor Courfeyrac. And woo-hoo! Totally going to favorite more things if it's going to show up in the story!" (PAUSE) Poor me? Why is this person feeling bad for me?

EPONINE & COMBEFERRE NO REASON! (They try to look busy to avoid COURFEYRAC's quizzical looking)

FEUILLY (Takes the next letter.) the second letter from that fan says… "Figures that Valjean would be almost totally useless in a time like this. Now, if Marius were being shot at, he could help. (I hope Valjean's not the one doing the shooting, after this.) Also, Raoul? THAT Raoul?"

MARIUS Being shot at?! What did I do?!

COSETTE Calm down, Marius. Daddy just thought you got me pregnant.

The whole gang bursts out into disbelieving laughter.

MARIUS Gee thanks guys! I'm right here.

COSETTE And to answer your question, Cheekysu, yes I was referring to Christine's boyfriend. The two of them have been hitting a rocky bump in their relationship so I was just seeing what my options are in case things don't go well with Marius.

MARIUS Still right here!

COSETTE Anyway…(opens up next letter) This one is from Smiles1988. "Holy crap that was brilliant! And you're humor is kinda inspiring me to actually plan out a story I'm still on the fence about. Anyway, thank you for the shout out, and once I think of a good question, I'll send it in (might take awhile) and I eagerly await Part 2 of the episode!"

COLONELTRAVIS1836 runs on stage and yanks the letter out of COSETTE's hand.

JOLY (opening up next letter) From RJ. . "Brilliant! I laughed all the way through! I can't wait for the next episode! X"

ENJOLRAS Well at least SOMEONE got the memo.

PROUVAIRE Oh this one's from Smiles1988 again. "That Cop fantasy line killed me. I had to take a breather. Hilarious, great job!"

COMBEFERRE Yeah…we ALL had to take a breather… (Glares at Grantaire who smiles innocently.)

EPONINE GUYS! GUYS! GUYS! Cheekysu actually sent us Questions! (The gang applauds as EPONINE opens the first letter.) This first question is to Grantaire. "Do you get tied to the roof of the car a lot, or do you guys sometimes take turns?"

GRANTAIRE Wait…what?

EPONINE Uh…they want to know if you get tied to the roof of the car a lot?

GRANTAIRE Wait when was I tied to the roof of the car?!

FEUILLY Uh…that night we went out drinking. We took my car and couldn't fit everybody. You were passed out and we already shoved Prouvaire into the trunk.

PROUVAIRE I still get nightmares from that thank you very much!

GRANTAIRE gets up from his chair looking pissed off.

GRANTAIRE You mean to tell me the one time you guys tie me to the roof of a car and it's when I'm passed out?!

Everyone stares at him in stunned silence.

FEUILLY Um…are you upset that we tied you to the roof or that you missed out on that?

GRANTAIRE That I missed out on that! It's like, on my bucket list! Come on!

GRANTAIRE motions for BAHOREL and LESGLES to follow him around to the front of the house.

EPONINE Anyway…(reads second letter) To Enjolras: "How do you keep track of what everyone in the house is up to? Are you always on your iPad because that's where your notes are?"

ENJOLRAS Thank you for playing along, "cheekysu". And to answer the first part of your question…I don't. You'll find that after living with the same roommates for the past God knows how many fanfictions you've all written about us, I've decided to just break the mold of type-casting and just not really give a crap on what these guys get themselves into. I realized a long time ago that no matter what the situation is, these people will all remain the same. Grantaire will always be drunk and/or cynical. Lesgles will always be luckless. Joly will always be a paranoid hypochondriac…

JOLY Gee thanks.

ENJOLRAS Marius and Cosette will always be blindly in love with each other to the point where it's sickening…

MARIUS and COSETTE stop making out and turn their attention to ENJOLRAS.

ENJOLRAS I'm sure by now you get the point. There's no way I can change these guys or keep an eye on them, so why bother? They make their own mess, so they can clean it up. And to answer the final part of your question, I always use my iPad because it helps block me out of their little sitcom-worthy shenanigans.

EPONINE Meh…can't argue with him there.

SCENE 04: JAVERT's PATROL CAR; INT; AN HOUR LATER

JAVERT and his partner are sitting in their car eating donuts, when they chance to see GRANTAIRE tied to the roof of BAHOREL's car.

GRANTAIRE WOOHOO! THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!

HARRY Sir…was that?

JAVERT Yes, Harry. It was…

HARRY Shouldn't we like…pull them over?

JAVERT (Pulls out his newspaper and opens it up. His "I'm so done" face is showing.) Nope.