SCENE 01: LIVING ROOM; INT; NIGHT

EPONINE exits her room to find the GUYS barricading the doors and windows. COMBEFERRE is hammering wooden planks to the windows. BAHOREL and LESGLES are rearranging furniture to block the doorway.

EPONINE Umm…guys what's going on?

There is loud banging on the door.

JOLY IT'S JOLY! LET ME IN!

COMBEFERRE goes to answer the door but COURFEYRAC stops him.

COURFEYRAC Wait! How do we REALLY know it's Joly?

JOLY Aw come on Courf! It's me!

COMBEFERRE Better prove yourself fast, Joly. I hear the air outside is getting too thick with pollination.

JOLY WHAT?! OH MY GOD! LET ME IN! I'LL SUFFOCATE OUT HERE! PLEASE!

COURFEYRAC Yep. That's him.

They let a panting, panic-stricken JOLY inside.

EPONINE Is anyone going to tell me what's going on?

COMBEFERRE It's a long story and we don't have too much time!

JOLY I got all of the supplies we need! Hopefully no one saw me. We should be able to last a month in here.

EPONINE What's going on?! Was there a nuclear exchange?

FEUILLY No…they're all still alive.

EPONINE Is it the zombie apocalypse?!

COMBEFERRE Eh, in my opinion it might as well be!

COURFEYRAC YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH! OR THEY'LL COME AFTER YOU NEXT!

EPONINE Next?!

ENJOLRAS Don't you guys think this is all just an overly exaggerated reaction?

PROUVAIRE Enjolras, the fact that you're still not fazed by what is going on, is probably why they'll be coming for us!

EPONINE Can someone please tell me what the *CENSOR BEEP* is going on here?!

They all look at her. COMBEFERRE lets BAHOREL take his spot in barricading the window and goes over to her.

COMBEFERRE Okay…Eponine. I'll try to be as delicate about this as I can. You remember how Prouvaire won the lottery for Hamilton tickets?

EPONINE Yeah?

COMBEFERRE And he was somehow able to convince Enjolras to see it with him.

ENJOLRAS I only went because it has the American Revolution in it.

COMBEFERRE Right. Anyway, after they saw it…Enjolras…well…he kind of…said something that he shouldn't have.

EPONINE What did you say?

ENJOLRAS ….look I don't get why you are all barricading the windows and doors. It's not that big of a deal!

GRANTAIRE Enjolras…are you TRYING to sign your own death warrant?!

EPONINE What did you say, Enjolras?!

ENJOLRAS (sighs) All I said, was that I thought it was (shrugs) an "okay" show. (The lights flicker) It's not really my favorite. (Thunderstorms clap) And I just don't get the appeal.

EPONINE (Pause.) ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR *CENSOR BEEP* MIND?!

ENJOLRAS What? Did you like the show?

EPONINE I wouldn't know. I've never seen it. But I'm not stupid enough to say it out loud in public!

ENJOLRAS Hey, this is America. I have a right to free speech. All I said was I just don't understand why people are wetting their pants over something that had the same style of music as Kanye West.

The Doors and windows start shaking.

PROUVAIRE Oh God…it's them!

EPONINE Who?!

COMBEFERRE Pretty much every Hamilton lover in the world. They want Enjolras's head on a pike.

EPONINE All because he said he just doesn't understand the appeal of Hamilton the Musical?

COURFEYRAC Realistically, Prouvaire's the only one who has an idea.

PROUVAIRE I mean, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. To tell you the truth I just wasn't that impressed with the contemporary approach to the definitive moments of our Founding Fathers. I'm surprised the Duel at the end wasn't an Epic Rap Battle.

A window breaks and hands are reaching out from outside. Some of them grab PROUVAIRE from behind.

PROUVAIRE NO! WAIT! I WAS JUST KIDDING!

The hands snatch PROUVAIRE through the window and yank him outside.

COURFEYRAC PROUVAIRE! NO!

The Crowds break through the windows and doors and start charging after the AMIS Gang. The screen suddenly freezes, and in the upper right corner, there is a II PAUSE icon flashing. It cuts back to the AMIS Gang watching TV. COURFEYRAC puts down the remote and sets it on the table.

COURFEYRAC And that, dear friends, is why we can never ever express our honest opinions over topics that people wet their pants over.

ENJOLRAS …I *CENSOR-BEEP*-ing hate the Internet sometimes…

SCENE 02: PATIO: FAN MAIL TIME

The Gang is gathered around the patio. OFFICER JAVERT comes through the backdoor.

JAVERT Just got the call. Is everyone okay?

PROUVAIRE Oh we're fine! We got some fan mail and one of them is addressed to you!

JAVERT Oh…uh…cool. Maybe next time, don't use the word "Emergency" in the phone call.

(COMBEFERRE hands JAVERT his letter.) What kind of a name is "cheekysu"?

COMBEFERRE It's an internet thing. Besides, haven't you ever questioned why Victor Hugo gave you the name he gave you?

JAVERT Eh…point taken. (opens up letter) Ahem… "Yaaaaaaaayyy! So happy for Grantaire!

Javert: Do you have a special incident form just for the Buddies?" (Pause) That's it? That's what I got called over for? I'm on duty, kids! We were investigating a double homicide!

EPONINE Just answer the question and you can go!

JAVERT (sighs) Okay. Um…Do I have a special incident form just for the Buddies? Well…(he looks at the AMIS gang who smile innocently.) Yes. I'm surprised we haven't invented it sooner. And why the hell am I not played by John C. McGinley?

EVERYONE shrugs their shoulders as OFFICER JAVERT leaves.

FEUILLY This one's from Smiles1988 again. "I feel like I can relate to Javert. Also that scene with Courf and Lauren was priceless. Great job!"

COMBEFERRE Did you seriously have a one-worded conversation with that girl?

COURFEYRAC Oh she's great at communication!

LESGLES Somehow I feel like he spoke the majority of his entire vocabulary with a girl.

GRANTAIRE This one's from "RJ". "Definitely my favourite episode so far! I identify with Grantaire a lot. Question for Grantaire: What else is on your bucket list? And how much of it have you achieved? X" (PAUSE) I have a bucket list?

BAHOREL You made us tie you to the roof of the car and drive down route 80!

GRANTAIRE Ohhhhh yeah! Yeah I have a bucket list. Unfortunately, the majority of it is the main reason Javert has his special incident form just for us. (slides in his seat sheepishly.)

ENJOLRAS This one's from " ." "THIS SITCOM IS AMAZING! Props to the writer for such an original idea, and to all the talented actors for portraying their characters so perfectly.

I also have a question for Enjolras: Enji, are you ever happy? You strike me as a little grumpy, which is hilarious most of the time. But, I'd love to see your smile *winky face* you're my favourite "buddy"- sorry everyone else but it's true-and I just want you to be happy sometimes!" (Pause) Is this fan coming onto me?

COMBEFERRE I don't know. We tried screening the profile. It didn't give us any clue as to whether or not it's a male or female. And we can't message them, because I guess maybe their introverts?

ENJOLRAS But why would a male fan be coming onto me? (They all look at him, then they look at the screen) Oh…right. I forgot. Fanfiction and all… Well, . To answer your question, I do try to be happy sometimes. But wouldn't you feel the same way I do if you had to live with the guys I have to live with?

COMBEFERRE Enjolras, you're talking to the Les Miserables fandom about how they'd feel if they lived with us. What are you trying to prove exactly?

ENJOLRAS (Sighs) Well…I don't believe in being sappy so much. If I wanted all sentimental nonsense I would go watch Full House. Blech! But I'll tell you what, , if you send COLONELTRAVIS1836 a PM describing yourself, hobbies, interests, type of humor etc., and if you want to appear as a guest star on our show, we'll work something out!

COLONELTRAVIS1836 Hold on! I just want to clarify that this request is for ENJOLRAS, not me! I have a girlfriend lol. But seriously, maybe adding fans into the show besides fan mail could be an interesting approach!

COMBEFERRE Oh come on, ! What's there to lose? We need the followers as well as content. We're running low on ideas as it i-