LES AMIS RESIDENCE; LIVING ROOM

Marius sits on the couch in the living room, with his arms hugging a pillow. Combeferre enters from the front door. As soon as he does, Marius snatches his cell-phone and pretends to look busy.

COMBEFERRE: Hey…Marius. You ok?

MARIUS: Of course, Why wouldn't I be ok?!

COMBEFERRE: Well…for starters, you're playing with your phone upside down. (Marius looks at his phone and shoves it into his pocket.) What's up, man? You've been acting weird lately. And not weird like the kind where it's become socially acceptable as the norm by our fandom either.

MARIUS: It's just…oh I don't know.

COMBEFERRE: You'll feel better if you talk about it.

MARIUS: Okay…

COMBEFERRE: …Well?

MARIUS: I'd rather not talk about it.

COMBEFERRE: Marius!

MARIUS: Okay, fine! I think Cosette is cheating on me.

Combeferre sits and stares at Marius for a good minute, trying not to laugh.

COMBEFERRE: Um…Marius…that's impossible!

MARIUS: No, it's true! Last night she called and said she couldn't make our date. This morning, she backed out of going out for breakfast. And she's an hour late today we were all gonna go to see Beauty and the Beast!

COMBEFERRE: Oh…really?

MARIUS: What?

COMBEFERRE: No…it's nothing.

MARIUS: Come on! You said it wasn't bad!

COMBEFERRE: I did, but I didn't jump up and down and tell you to go see it or else I kill you! I figured I'd leave that for whoever leaves a review on our chapter!

MARIUS: You didn't think it was that good?

COMBEFERRE: I mean it was ok, just not really worth the hype everyone was making. I mean, they really defeated the purpose of a live-action remake if ¾ of the film was CGI'd. Personally, I was waiting for Be Our Guest to have 4D effects.

MARIUS: Well My grandpa is skeptical because they made LeFou gay.

COMBEFERRE: Oh, they didn't even need an announcement you could tell right off the bat. It was so obvious a child could have guessed it.

MARIUS: Or be very confused depending on their upbringing.

COMBEFERRE: OKAY ANYWAY! My point is, I'm sure you're imagining things! I'm sure she hit traffic or something.

MARIUS: No…it's too late. She's given up on me! She doesn't love me…

COMBEFERRE: Why don't you just talk to her?

MARIUS: Are you kidding? I don't have the heart to tell her… (He gets up from the couch)

COMBEFERRE: Where're you going?

MARIUS: The bedroom…At least she wouldn't think to look for me in there…

Marius exits into the bedroom. Cosette storms in the front door.

COSETTE: Unbelievable! Of all the nerve!

COMBEFERRE: What happened?

COSETTE: I am just so…mad!

COMBEFERRE: Oh no…did our ratings go down?

COSETTE: What? No.

COMBEFERRE: …. Weird.

COSETTE: No, some douchebag rear-ended me downtown!

COMBEFERRE: Oh, my god! Did he do a lot of damage?!

COSETTE: Yeah! About $500 worth! My dad's gonna kill me! Have you seen Marius?

COMBEFERRE: He's in the bedroom. Oh, and speaking of Marius…

COSETTE: This guy didn't even have his insurance card! He said he would drop it off later. Yeah right! He'll be long gone by now! Where's Marius?

COMBEFERRE: Still in the bedroom. Cosette, Marius thinks…

COSETTE: I can't stand people sometimes! Ugh! (looks at Combeferre) Well do you know where he is or not?!

COMBEFERRE: …nope. Haven't seen him at all today.

COSETTE: Great! Just great! Right when I need my boyfriend the most, he's not around! (Combeferre gets up to leave) Where are you going?

COMBEFERRE: I'm just gonna go into the kitchen, and use bleach to marinate tonight's meal.

COSETTE: Okay, if Marius texts you can you let me know? (Combeferre rolls his eyes as he enters the kitchen.) Honestly…$500 down the toilet. And I just had the car detailed!

Marius emerges from the bedroom and sees Cosette, his face growing sad.

MARIUS: Hi…

COSETTE: Marius! Where've you been?

MARIUS: Oh…just the bedroom. Didn't think anything…eventful would happen there. (He looks at Cosette again as she goes to the liquor cart to make a drink.) Hey…can I…ask you something?

COSETTE: Ugh, does it have to be now? I have way too much on my mind!

MARIUS: (pause) Does it…involve…someone else?

COSETTE: (looks up at him) Yeah, how did you know?

MARIUS: (Rushing to her) Oh God! How did it happen?!

COSETTE: First of all, Marius it wasn't my fault!

MARIUS: (voice shaking) Oh, it's ok. It usually never is…I…I can understand…

COSETTE: I mean, there I was, minding my own business in the middle of downtown. Next thing I know, BAM! He came from behind and rammed me hard!

MARIUS: (Trying hard not to cry) Is he…good looking?

COSETTE: Well…I mean, he's built, I'll grant that, but what does that matter?

MARIUS: Oh…nothing. I guess the damage is done…

COSETTE: Pfft! I'll say! $500 worth, and I have to go tomorrow to get it looked at!

MARIUS (Jaw drops) So…who is this guy? I mean…if he's built…doesn't he have a girlfriend?

COSETTE: Yeah…he had it on his phone screen. Why?

MARIUS: Oh…nothing. I just thought…well…if she knew about it.

COSETTE: Well she better! He's probably telling her as we speak!

MARIUS: But…but what will you do?

COSETTE: I need to clear my head before he gets here.

MARIUS: Wait! He's coming here?!

COSETTE: Of course, babe! I mean, I don't want my parents to know that he came unprepared!

Marius gasps as Cosette leaves. Combeferre enters, he heard everything.

COMBEFERRE: Okay, now Marius, I know what you're thinking…

The doorbell rings. Marius slowly gets up and opens the door. A man enters.

MAN: Excuse me, does Miss Cosette Fauchelevant live here?

MARIUS: (glaring at man) Yeah. Who wants to know?!

MAN: Well…I was hoping we could go over and resolve…the accident.

Marius yelps and faints.