Scene: The Living Room

Cosette, Marius and Enjolras are sitting on the couch, watching the end of Sleeping Beauty. Combeferre and Eponine enter, puzzled by the sight in front of them.

"Um…what's going on here, guys?" Eponine asked.

"I was finally able to convince Enjolras to watch a Disney movie with me." Cosette replied.

"I'm sorry, what?!" Combeferre asked, baffled.

"Well, he said that every Disney movie has a plot hole, and I made a vow to disprove his theory." Cosette explained.

"And Sleeping Beauty was your first idea?" Combeferre countered.

"What? Why not?" Cosette asked.

"Well, because the plot hole is so obvious, Bahorel could've figured it out." Eponine added.

"Oh really?!" Cosette challenged. "Well, what's this plot hole?"

Combeferre took off his glasses and wiped them, while Eponine went into the kitchen to make two cups of tea.

"Well, the thing about Sleeping Beauty is, Aurora's fate could've easily been avoided 100% guaranteed."

"How so?" Enjolras asked, intrigued.

"Well, Maleficent had her henchmen search around for Aurora for the first sixteen years of her life, right?"

"Yeah?"

"And only now does she realize that they were looking for a baby, so she sends her right-hand crow to search for a sixteen-year-old. Right?"

"Of course."

Eponine returns to the living room with two mugs and gives one to Combeferre.

"Thanks, cutie. Meanwhile, the three good fairies have withheld from using magic at the risk of revealing their location to Maleficent. Right?"

"Right…?" Cosette said warily.

"And when Flora and Merryweather were fighting over the color of the dress that they used magic to create, the crow was alerted to their presence."

"Exactly!" Enjolras said.

Combeferre concluded. "Therefore, all of that being taken into account, Aurora's fate could've easily been avoided, if the three good fairies, without magic, being cooped up in a cottage deep in a forest with nothing better to do than raise a little girl, had just once in all the sixteen years they had her, f*cking learned how to bake a simple cake and how to sew a simple dress!"

Cosette is stunned. Enjolras nods in approval, and Marius ponders this new revelation.

Cosette leans back in her seat and mutters "Well…f*ck me then!"

Marius rolls his eyes and exclaims "You say it, but you don't mean it!"

Eponine and Combeferre look at them and raise their mugs to their lips.

"What a weird way to start off Season Two."

The Barricade Buddies

Starring

Brett Dalton as Enjolras

Noah Reid as Combeferre

Alison Brie as Eponine

Cole Sprouse as Courfeyrac

Jack Douglass as Feuilly

Anna Kendrick as Cosette

Ben Fankhauser as Marius

Jonathon Sayer as Joly

Donald Glover as Lesgles

Gillian Jacobs as Musichetta

Jon Cozart as Prouvaire

Danny Masterson as Grantaire

Josh Peck as Bahorel

Nancy Travis as Fantine

Neil Flynn as Valjean

John C. McGinley as Javert

Nick Offerman as Thenardier

Megan Mullaley as Mrs. Thenardier

Aubrey Plaza as Azelma

And Jack Dylan Grazer as Gavroche

Scene: University campus.

Marius and Courfeyrac are walking out of their classroom on their way to lunch.

"So, wait a minute, you mean to tell me that you guys still haven't had sex yet?" Courfeyrac asked.

"Why don't you just announce it to the world?" Marius replied.

"Aww man, this is worse than back when Combeferre was single last season!"

"Oh, that's another thing. Is breaking the fourth wall still going to be in?"

"As long as it provides us with content." Courfeyrac answered.

Just then, a male student approaches the two of them, looking pissed.

"Hey. Is one of you Marius Pontmercy?!" the student asked.

Marius raised his hand. "What's up?"

The student huffed and pulled out his phone and started pulling up pictures. "I think you should know, that your girlfriend has been running around with my boyfriend!"

Courfeyrac takes the phone to look at it closely. "Whoa, wait a minute, let me get this straight…oh! Sorry! No pun intended." he said, apologetically at the student, who looked less than amused at the jab.

Marius turns to the student. "What you're trying to say is…your boyfriend is running around with my girlfriend?"

"Yes!"

"YOUR BOYFRIEND?!" Marius repeated, making sure he was clear.

"YES!" The student exclaimed.

Marius, for his part, simply shrugged his shoulders. "So? That just makes three guys that've never had sex with her, and at this point probably never will!" he said before sulking off.

Courfeyrac gave the phone back to the student. "Buddy, you need to start figuring out what is classified as 'running around', and what is rehearsing for a part your boyfriend has in the school play." And then he followed Marius.

Scene: The Kitchen

Musichetta and Eponine are rolling up cookie dough balls and placing them on the cookie tray.

"So, how are things with 'Ferre?" Musichetta asked.

"Oh, it's great. I mean, it was fine back when we were just friends with benefits, but now that we're a couple, I feel like we'll have more of a plot to play around with."

"Like how?"

"I don't know. Maybe funny scenarios that would never have happened if we weren't a couple."

Musichetta shook her head. "That'll be interesting."

Meanwhile: The Living Room.

Combeferre is typing away on his laptop. Just then, his cell-phone rings. He picks it up.

"Hello?"

"Combeferre! Hi, it's John from the School Board."

"Oh, hi what's up?"

"I just got out of the meeting. I figured I oughta let you know, since you just started as a regular teacher and all…"

"What's up?"

"Well, the good news is we have that group of students that got accepted into that internship program in the city. They're all confirmed for the summer."

"Oh great. Wait let me write down their names!" Combeferre said before grabbing a pen.

As he listened carefully, he jotted down the names onto his list.

"Sharon, Rayna, Mary, Debbie, Julie, and Kevin." He repeated back.

"Yep, that's all of them!"

"Okay, wait, so what's the bad news?"

Eponine enters from the kitchen, unnoticed by Combeferre.

"Well, because of this internship deal we made, we had to do some rearranging in our budget. So, I'm afraid you won't be able to have an aide in your class after all. Do you think you'd be okay with telling Sarah?"

Combeferre sits up, partially outraged. "Are you kidding me? We haven't even been together that long, and now you're saying I have to get rid of her?!"

Eponine stops in her tracks and looks in Combeferre's direction, slightly shocked.

"Yeah but…we've only just started…No…no I don't want to argue…look if money is going to be an issue…okay, fine. No, I don't want to piss off the committee. I'll do it myself. But, if I'm doing this, do you think it's possible sometime in the future I can have a new one?"

Eponine silently gasps and covers her mouth.

"We'll see what we can do. We'd really appreciate it, it'll save us some time to get other things done. Speaking of which, were you able to pick up that prop gun for the school play?"

"Yeah, I have the gun in my desk drawer." Combeferre answered.

Eponine's eyes grow wide.

"Okay, talk to you later." Combeferre said before hanging up. He got up and saw Eponine standing, lost for words.

"Hey, babe. You okay?" he asked. Eponine continued to remain still. Combeferre, sensing that something is wrong, waves a hand to get her attention, but to no luck. He shrugs his shoulders and walks into the bathroom.

Musichetta walks in, and Eponine grabs her by the shoulders.

"Chetta! Combeferre's planning to kill me!"

"What the heck?"

"I overheard him on the phone! He's being hired as a hitman!"

"You can't be serious!"

Eponine goes over to the coffee table where the list is. She picks it up and yelps.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm not even dead yet, and he's lining up new girls to take over! Sharon, Rayna, Mary, Debbie, Julie, Kevin."

The girls did a double take on the last name.

"Maybe he's saving the last one for Prouvaire?" 'Chetta suggested.

Eponine looked at her. "But…but his preference was never established!"

Combeferre stepped out of the bathroom. Eponine turned her attention to him with daggers in her eyes.

"Eponine? What's wrong?" Combeferre asked, genuinely concerned.

"If you think you can get rid of me without a fight, you got another thing coming, buddy!" Eponine bellowed.

"What are you talking about?!" Combeferre asked, confused.

"If I can't have you, no one else will! So here's how it's gonna go down, buddy! I am taking full control! We are going to go back into the bedroom, strip naked, and have wild passionate sex until I say so!" Eponine demanded.

Combeferre, for his part, shrugged his shoulders and followed Eponine into their bedroom. "Fine by me."

Musichetta's jaw was open the entire time. "I only get mentioned once in the book and I get subjected to all of this?!"

Backyard

Grantaire was sipping a beer while flipping burgers on the grill.

Lesgles was sitting in the hot-tub with Joly.

Enjolras was sitting on the lounge chair, reading an article on his tablet. "I can't believe it. So many people are in support of that kid that tore up the Constitution for the #EndGunViolence movement.

Lesgles rolled his eyes. "We just returned from a huge hiatus. You seriously want to lost followers on our first day back?!"

"Look, I only have this to say, and then I'll drop it. These kids are screeching to take guns away claiming that they kill people. But by that logic, if guns kill people, then what's gonna happen when they start going after pencils for failed tests? Stop producing car keys to prevent auto-accidents?"

Just then, Feuilly came out of the house with some envelopes.

"Enjolras, I have some more hate mail for you. You really need to stop exercising your freedom of speech and just submit to the tide-pod eating, man-bun wearing, vegan-vaping romper wearing… oh no." Feuilly said.

The gang looked up and saw what was going on over the fence next door.

"What's going on? Who is it?" Joly asked.

"New neighbors?" Grantaire asked, chugging his beer.

Enjolras looked closely and groaned. "Worse…it's the cast of Hamilton!"

The rest of the group moaned in annoyance.

"Why do we hate them again?" Feuilly asked.

"It's not that we hate them. We just don't get them. We don't get why they're such a huge deal. We don't get why a single ticket costs more than an online class. We just don't get the craze."

"Hey Barricaders! You better stop the hate! Don't want our fans to pay a visit to your house with toilet paper again! We are the greatest musical that's ever lived and there's nothing you can do to change that!" Hamilton called out.

Enjolras got up to face him. "Oh get over yourself, Hamilton! Just because we think you're overrated does not make us haters. But threatening us to do anything other than praise you, is like reverse-hate."

Hoping to change the topic, Feuilly opened up a new letter. "Oh, look! Got another fan mail letter. This one's from bexlynne.

"Hey! I just started reading/watching and this is great! I have some questions for the Barricade:

Is your street called Barricade Avenue? That would be fantastic.

How big is your house? It must be pretty big if you all live there.

Can't wait for the next episode!"

Enjolras pointed his finger at Hamilton. "This ain't over, Hamilton. I know a historian who's done research on the famous duel. And. It. Was. Not. Climatic!"

"Hey, buddy? The fan mail?" Joly asked.

Enjolras pulled away from his confrontation and addressed the question.

"Well, it used to be called Barricade Avenue. Now, it's entertainment neutral, apparently. And also, we live in Englewood Cliffs, NJ, so our house is pretty big. Not too bad. We do pretty well. Thanks for asking. Glad you love the show!"

Feuilly read the next line.

"Whoops…better text this part over to Cosette and Marius."

Meanwhile, at Cosette's house.

Cosette and Marius are watching TV. Marius gets a text and reads it. When he sees it's addressed to them both he reads it out loud.

"Cosette and Marius, were Val Jean and Fantine's fears about you two ever put to rest?"

"Ha! With the sex withdrawal, I doubt that their fears were ever even born!" Marius exasperated!

Cosette rolled her eyes.

Living Room

Combeferre exited the bedroom looking exhausted, his clothes disheveled, and hair messed up. Joly was watching tv.

"Joly…I need help!" The bespectacled man pleaded.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Eponine. We've been at it for the past 13 hours. I need a break, but she's so full of energy. I don't know where she gets it! But she won't stop! What do I do? I've never seen her this active before!"

Joly sighed, and looked in his fanny pack, fishing out a capsule. "Here. See if she'll take one of these. It's not necessarily a sedative. It'll just reduce her energy by half. It should help at least buy you time."

"But how will I get her into taking it without it becoming obvious?" Combeferre asked.

Eponine poked her head around the corner of the doorway as Joly answered. "Just drop that into her water bottle. She'll never know the difference."

Her eyes widen with shock and fury. "Hey, you! 'Ferre! Yeah, I'm talking to you! I never said you were done! Back in the bed! Now!"

Combeferre groaned in exhaustion. He dragged his feet back to the bedroom. Before entering, he looked back at Joly, and muttered "I think she's trying to kill me."

*Cue Sitcom Laughter, Followed by Applause*

"A laugh track for that terrible line? What are we? Written by Chuck Lorre?!" Joly asked.