Chapter 2 - Split in Direction

Shepard was many things to many people. A friend, an adversary, a lifesaver, a life-ender. But she had been a lover to a grand total of three people in her lifetime; one was dead, and the other two were currently on her ship. To say she was inexperienced in the whole "breaking up" department was an understatement.

She knew there would be regret, and she was completely ready for that, but she wasn't prepared for the longing that set in the moment the doors closed behind her with an air of finality. It hung over her as she walked down the gangway, smiling weakly at the crewmen who nodded at her. She paused, then, wondering what to do next. Normally she'd finish her rounds and get started on her reports, but she just wanted to curl up alone in her bed right now. Well, that or turn around and go back to the main battery, and just spend time with Garrus. It seemed like an eternity ago when she'd make her way down there every day during the nightshift, cleaning her guns while he worked on his programs, simply chatting while they worked. She missed his familiar presence, but she'd gone and screwed that up for certain.

It's for him, she reminded herself, it's better this way. And it would be. Garrus hadn't fared well the last time she died, and if it were to happen again... she needed him strong, no matter what. If it meant ending their relationship, then so be it, no matter how much it hurt.

Her feet had taken her to Liara's cabin, where she hesitated for a moment. Liara and her had... history, and she had avoided speaking with the asari too much because of it. She wasn't ready to commit to anything yet, and there was no doubt in her mind that if Liara had the opportunity to, she'd bring the topic up. Plus, she didn't know if she was prepared for the other woman's come-ons right now, not after what just happened.

A little chat won't hurt, she reasoned, it might even help clear up your head. With that, she tapped open the door. At first she figured Liara wasn't in, but then noticed the bed on the far wall, where she was sitting with stacks of datapads surrounding her. She looked up and smiled at her warmly, as Shepard made her way towards her.

"Shepard," she greeted, "how are you?"

She stopped by the foot of the bed at picked up a datapad at random, which coincidentally held a partial report of the damages on Palaven. "I'm alright. Were you busy?"

She could feel Liara's gaze on her; no doubt she was curious as to why she sounded so tired, but Shepard didn't look up. "I'm setting up a few shipments of resources to the Crucible project, among other things." Shepard caught movement in her peripheral vision as Liara got off the bed and circled towards her, stopping just outside her personal space bubble. Of course, that didn't stop her from reaching up and placing a hand on Shepard's cheek, drawing her eyes up to meet Liara's. "What's wrong?"

Shepard resisted the impulse to flinch away from the touch. This wasn't what she wanted at all right now. "It's nothing." Liara seemed to buy it. "Really."

"Well, I'm here if you need me." This tim, she couldn't stop herself from twitching; her words were too reminiscent to what Garrus used to say after their regular chats. Liara didn't miss the gesture.

"I'll let you get back to work," Shepard said, moving to pull away. This had been a bad idea. Liara's other hand flew to her arm and held tightly, a mischievous glint reflecting in her eyes.

"I'm not that busy, and we haven't had time yet for a more... thorough reunion yet." Shepard's face went blank. Had she really taken her flinching as a positive reaction? She needed to get out of there, now. She couldn't do this, not after she'd just dumped her best friend.

Her omnitool pinged right then conveniently, and she took the opportunity to pull out of Liara's grasp to check her messages. It was from Cortez. "Not today, Liara," she muttered, heading quickly toward the door. "I'll talk to you later." She left the room without looking back, unsure if she wanted to see the expression on her face right now.

The door closed behind her, and she breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Liara didn't deserve this, but for once, she was being selfish about things. She pulled up the message from Cortez, which informed her that the upgrades she ordered earlier had come in. She headed toward the elevator, grateful for something to keep her occupied.

Shepard quite liked the shuttle bay. Even on the original Normandy, she had enjoyed spending time down there. This one was brighter, but the gentle whirring of machinery, the large vaulted ceilings, and the buzzing from the fluorescent lights all added to an environment that lulled her to calmness. She briefly glanced around as the elevator door swung open. James was sparring with one of the privates who guarded the security check outside the war room; what was her name? Bethany? Shepard wasn't sure, though it was obvious the two were flirting openly. Normally this would have made her smile, but she really wasn't in the mood to see relationships blossoming at the moment.

Cortez was diligently tapping away at the console by her locker, so she approached him.

"Cortez," she greeted with a nod.

"Ma'am," he replied with a salute, then gestured toward the weapon bench, where a medium-sized crate sat. "That just came in for you. Thought you'd want to have a look at it."

"Of course, thanks for the heads up." He nodded in reply, then turned back to his work. She walked over and clicked open the security lock, the lid hissing as it lifted automatically. The inside was filled with various little boxes, packed tightly. She took them out one at a time, counting to make sure all of her upgrades had come in. Upgrades for her Katana, her Shuriken, Liara's Predator... and Garrus' Mantis. She paused, staring at the five boxes as she absently lined them up in a neat row. God, had she been that excited when she finally had Garrus back? Enough to spend something close to 30 000 credits just to surprise him? It had only been four hours ago when she'd put in these orders, but she felt like a different person now. Back then she was overjoyed; now she just felt tired, weary, and, well, alone.

It doesn't have to be this way, that little hopeful voice of her conscience piped, you can still fix this. She stomped that out quickly, though. She rarely went back on her decisions, especially ones as important as Garrus' well-being.

She placed the empty crate under the bench and glanced at the rows of boxes on the bench for a moment, then turned away. She mumbled a goodbye to Cortez, no doubt drowned out by the grunts from Vega and his sparring partner, and stepped back into the elevator, hitting the first floor button a little too hard.

The elevator silently rose, and Shepard leaned against the back wall. She reminded herself that she had done this for Garrus, to make sure he would be alright if she bit the bullet (literally, in her case); it would lessen the pain if that happened. It wasn't an easy decision to make, and perhaps she had made it in a rush after four hours of meetings and debriefings earlier, not to mention that he had asked so suddenly too. Though he had never said so, she always felt slightly responsible for his actions on Omega, partly because she had been the one who encouraged his more ruthless side on the original Normandy. And that had been his reaction before they had taken their friendship one step further. Now... now even she didn't know what he'd do if she died, and that scared her.

It wasn't that Garrus had a hair trigger personality; it was more that his sense of justice made him unpredictable. In a way, he was similar to Samara and her Justicar code; bound by rules that only they understood. Garrus saw her genocide of 300 000 Batarians as sensible, but saw the murder of his squad worthy of revenge. She had stopped him from killing Sidonis to atone for the mistakes she made two years previous upon the original Normandy, but it didn't really make a difference; she found out later that he still harboured a tiny amount of resentment against her for stopping him, despite everything. They had argued about her decisions many times in carefully measured voices, though never finding common ground. She wished now that she had tried even harder to understand this facet of his personality, because it would have given her a little more insight on whether leaving him had been the right decision.

The elevator slid smoothly to a halt, interrupting her thoughts. She passed through the two sets of doors and entered her cabin, which was completely silent, save for the gentle swishing of water in the fish tank. She ignored the blinking light of her terminal as she headed for the bathroom. Right now, she needed a shower, a blanket, and a nice glass of brandy, in that order. The Reapers could wait for a few hours, first she had to clean up the mess that was Commander Shepard.

A/N: This is kind of an iffy chapter. It has monologue I needed to put in but events that I don't really like, and it refused to cooperate when I tried to rewrite it, so forgive the awkwardness. Title is a line taken from the song About Us by Neverest, which I hold no claim to. Same goes for the last chapter, which belongs to Kanye West.

Anyway, I'll have the next part up in a day or so =)