It's killing her.
Of that, Bethany was sure of. It became increasingly hard to even look at her without feeling her own cheeks heat and her heart race. It was becoming equally difficult to tear her gaze away, even when troubled violet-blue eyes turn and meet her. More than once, her focus had wavered when she looked on as Clarissa cut down Darkspawn after Darkspawn with calculated, precise attacks, the spectacle enrapturing her with such intensity that she had to resort to a costly surge of magic to ward off a blow she could have blocked with her staff; More than once, her mistakes would leave her weary and muddled, unable to act as her sister, ever vigilant, leapt to her defense, shrugging off crushing blows with the gnashing of teeth and her battle-worn bracer while she slayed those who would endanger her sister with frightening efficiency. It was just like so many times between them, but with one difference: After her rescue, Clarissa left as swiftly as she had come, charging back into the fray without so much as a backward glance, not even giving time for Bethany to utter so much as a thank-you. Bethany could only watch as Clarissa, grimacing from the pain of her numerous injuries, cut bloody paths through the endless throng of snarling, roaring Darkspawn. While her heart warmed at the thought of Clarissa defying the Maker Himself to come to her aid, she could not suppress the chill that ran down her spine as she watched Clarissa slip away from her, as she noticed Clarissa ignoring her attempts at conversation, refusing her offers at healing her wounds, and shying away from her very touch.
The intimacy between them, if only as sisters, was one of the things Bethany cherished the most. She hated the thought that by adding to that affection, she would, and indeed she was, putting distance between them.
The hesitation melting away as her lips, gentle and firm, embraced her own wholly, fully, without reserve. The spark of white-hot passion at the bottom of her stomach as her fingers ran themselves across taut, soft skin that moved as their mouths moved in unison, in a dance with no choreography and planned movement, just kindred fire dictating their bodies and driving them blissfully, willingly mad.
Deep down, she knew that she was wrong, that they were wrong. It went against the will of the Maker Himself, and Bethany was sure countless others would also condemn them as well, if only because of their devout belief in the Chantry.
What would Mother say? What would you say,if your two daughters, coming back from a hot-headed misadventure, suddenly claimed to be in love with each other?
She could almost scoff at the incredulity of the last sentence, had it not been her own self she was referring to. Instead, it dragged her mood to new lows as she stared forlornly into the lonely campfire, subconsciously tampering with the flames to make it flicker all the more intensely.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean t-" Cutting Clarissa off never felt so good as she took the initiative, the molasses restraining her letting go, set free by the fiery sensations that coursed through her very core when Clarissa had kissed her. It had been her first kiss, her very first attempt at such a level of intimacy with another, yet their lips moved in flawless synchronicity, complementing each other as she felt Clarissa's tongue beckoning at her closed teeth, gently seeking entrance. She had not expected the wave of pleasure that washed over her as Clarissa explored the confines of her own mouth, her own tongue rising in challenge, battling for dominance while she claimed Clarissa against the chamber wall.
It was these thoughts that threatened to drive Bethany mad, flirting with her sanity with the sheer amount of pleasure it gave her, fanning the flames that grew ever stronger within her. It just felt so good... so... right,she couldn't turn away, even if she wanted to.
Her abstract ministrations slipped, and the flames shrugged out of the vise she had suppressed it with and flared in protest.
Echoing footsteps caught her attention, and she turned away from the fire and towards the source of the sound. "I take it that Clarissa is back?" Varric, forgotten and sitting across from her, said to himself. Clarissa had volunteered to hunt, as she had for the last three nights. Even though the exhaustion had been evident on her face, as the sporadic encounters with Darkspawn had proved to be taxing for all of them, she insisted upon undertaking the frustrating task of chasing down the nimble, crafty nugs that dwell in this part of the underground. Bethany had an inkling as to why she was so stubborn, and it pained her to see how Clarissa was hurting herself, for her. She supposed it helped that Isabela tagged along this time.
Clarissa emerged from a shadow-cowled passageway, a brace of nugs in one hand, her dagger in the other. Isabela trailed behind her and, as her eyes met Bethany's, flashed her a knowing smile. It nearly went unnoticed, however, as Bethany pushed herself up to relieve Clarissa of her burden. She made no attempt to refuse, and in the briefest of moments, Bethany's fingers brushed Clarissa's. A tingle ran down Bethany's spine, bringing silenced memories to the fore as Clarissa's hand shrank back, the limp nugs barely escaping into Bethany's saving clutch. Bethany felt her chest tighten as Clarissa muttered an apology, ducking her head and turning away from Bethany's watering eyes.
Why was she doing this? Shewas the one who leaned in so slowly, so softly, making her heart race with the heat of her breath cradling her face; Shewas the one who whispered her name so softly, so lovingly, bidding her last doubts flight with the passion in her voice kindling her anew; Shewas the one who brushed her lips against hers, making the world fade away with the feel of her taut lips over her own, making her want... Making her need.
And yet she was the one who backed away, when Bethany had finally kissed her back, lovedher back in the way they both wanted to.
I need...time...
Maker be damned, what did that mean?Bethany furrowed her brow, deep in thought as Varric and Isabela busied themselves with the nugs, their skinning knives making dull, muffled sounds as they cut into flesh. It unnerved Bethany all the more, as her heart throbbed and ached for the heat, the passion and the one person she wanted. No, needed. The person that was now clutching a stone railing that lined the relatively smaller chamber, looking deeply troubled.
Bethany murmured words under her breath, casting a spell that isolated sound in that particular section of the chamber. She had to fix this, right now. She had to, or she'd lose her.
It's now or never.
Taking a deep breath and letting it give her confidence, she stepped forward.
Clarissa felt the air around her still, the omnipresent echoes that regularly made their way fading to nothing. She felt the familiar silhouette of her sister approach, the crisp scent of freshly-washed clothes permeating the bubble Bethany created as she herself crossed the threshold, enclosing the both of them from the rest of the world.
Together.
It came to her so suddenly, with such force, that Clarissa winced at the intensity of the thought. Her thoughts took her back in time, to the moment when she, of all times, lost control. Yet, as her fists clenched and flexed in an effort to rid herself of her traitorous thoughts, she could not resist turning around to meet her sister's, her lover's, gaze. The ice she had so painstakingly frozen her heart with melted away in an instant as her eyes fell upon the intensity that burned behind Bethany's eyes, upon the purpose with which she carried herself with. She was here to strip her, to tear the walls around her down once and for all, to fling open the doors she had kept shut for nigh on eighteen years. Clarissa felt breath rush out of her as she struggled to not give in, to not wrap her arms around her dear sister and pledge herself to her until the end of time, to not surrender to the sizzling lust that burned deep within her body. She was struggling simply to not go mad. Simply, willingly mad. She felt tears welling behind her eyes. She knew that she shouldn't. She knew that itshouldn't. Of all the things in the world that she stood up against, all the dangers she braved without fear, all the pain and sorrow she took and kept going, shewas the one who would finally best her.
She felt the last of her defenses melt away as Bethany took her hand, as the tears overwhelmed her and the sobs escaped her taut throat. "Why do you cry?" Bethany asked. From the look of her eyes and the soft tone of her voice, it was evident that she knew the answer.
You know why. Clarissa couldn't summon her own voice, not when Bethany stepped closer still and she let her head fall onto her shoulder. "You're not the older sister you wanted to be. I know that. You try, time after time, to keep our family safe. To keep me safe." Bethany whispered into her ear, the words shivering as the whole of Clarissa's being resonated with them.
"You thought you'd failed, didn't you? When you saw them hurt me? When you saw Mother cry? When you saw Carver lie lifeless, crushed by the Darkspawn as he tried to be that proud arse that I hated him for?" Clarissa felt amusement lance through her despite herself. It was unsettling, the way Bethany manipulated her emotions as if twiddling them between her fingers, the way she addressed her deepest, darkest fears, her most painful, most heartbreaking regrets. But yet, as she lay limp in her younger sister's arms, she felt her words ring all the more true, and she yearned for more, for her to take all of her sadness, all of her pain and make them vanish.
Indeed, there was only one person in the world that had such power over her.
"You think you'd failed to be strong when you kissed me that night, when you let yourself go, just once, just so that you can finally have me- Your delectable little sister that was becoming your lover."
She moaned into her as the words struck home, the tears seeping into the white cloth and making Bethany's skin- Her soft, welcoming, silken skin- feel all the more close to her.
"You punished yourself because of it. You never stopped doing it. You think about how things could've been different, had you been stronger, tougher when they came to pass around you."
Did she? Had she been the one tearing herself apart for so long?Her arms found each other behind Bethany, but she still could not find the strength to pull herself up, to meet the eyes of the woman she loved.
"You don't have to face it alone."
She didn't?
"Other people always took risks to keep me free, to keep me safe. Other people have given their lives so that I may live. But only one of them have stabbed herself in her heart so she could keep her vaunted vigil."
Vaunted now, am I?Clarissa couldn't suppress a smile tugging at her lips. Bethany was doing it again, and she wanted it all. She wanted more.
Clarissa felt hands at the back of her head, pulling her back, bringing into the view those melancholic honey-brown eyes that she had avoided for so long. But it didn't matter now. She wanted it. She wanted it all. Just by a few words, Bethany Hawke had already brought Clarissa to her knees and remade her into someone else. There was no magic, no sorcery, just her, only her, and it was enough.
"My heart flutters and races when I think of you. My veins burn with fire that outshines the most potent of magics when I look at you. My body tightens, my breath quickens, and I lose control when your touch graces me."
Clarissa looked into her eyes, and saw the entirety herself reflected in them: The want, the desire, the myriad emotions, all mirrored as they were.
They were sisters. But that they were no longer.
"Tell me it's the same for you."
Yes.
"Tell me that you love me, as I love you the moment your lips sealed over mine, the moment we became utterly, gloriously, one."
I love you.
"Swear it to me."
And she did. She pulled her close and she kissed her. She kissed her fully, deeply, marking without a doubt that she was hers, and the other way round. She moaned with blissful release into her as she, for the first time, experienced her completely and without hesitance. She let her heart run free, feeling the rhythm of their kindred pulses together as she pressed herself against her, the beats of her heart echoing in her ears, drawing out words reserved for her, and her alone.
I love you.
They separated, but no longer because she wanted to run away, but because the air between them rippled and wavered, the mute outside world becoming audible once again. In the heat of their passion, Bethany's control over the spell was forgotten.
There was a long pause, then Bethany began to giggle.
Clarissa felt mirth bubble up in her as well, and she grinned like she never did before. She felt new, remade, and she knew who she had to thank for.
"Wait, they can-" Bethany was silenced as Clarissa kissed her again, the protest melting away as she sighed contentedly.
She withdrew, but held her close. The happiness in Bethany's eyes made tears well in her eyes again. There would be no more restraints, nothing more that can keep them apart. That was the promise she made to her, and with a single kiss on her brow, she vowed never to break it.
Then she turned her head sideways, letting her eyes settle on Isabela and Varric, who were leaning against separate pillars, sheepish grins on their faces.
"You don't need to explain." Varric chuckled, shaking his head. "Your magic kept kept sound from going in, not out."
"We heard everything." Isabela added helpfully, snickering.
Clarissa turned back towards honey-brown eyes, and together, they giggled like mad.
/It felt like a breath whooshing outta me, y'know, only a long-awaited breath.
Btw I got mad ideas for the events after Legacy, just to keep your hopes (and views) [and reviews] up.
Spike: Sexytime? All in due course, my friend... All in due course.
Koona: There ya go :D Thanks for not givin' up on meh!
And to all of you who read my work, THANK YOU! My life again has meaning! Wait that's too much revealed huh... damn...
As always, hope you enjoyed, R&R and keep reading!/