By the time he found her she was completely exhausted and just hoping to find a place to drop into unconsciousness. She almost didn't believe what she was seeing as she turned and saw him riding up on his horse. Why had he come after her? She took in a deep breath and let it out again. She couldn't bring herself to care what his motivation had been. She had been riding all day for weeks and sleeping on the cold hard ground at night. The journey had been long and the physical and emotional strain of the events earlier today were starting to take a heavy toll. She looked up at him stupidly and all she could think was that he was handsome and that she wanted him to take her someplace safe. For just one night in her life she wanted someone to care for her. When the full realization of that hit her she let her eyes fall to the ground. That was never going to happen and he certainly wasn't the right man to expect kindness from.
Peeta could see the lifelessness in her expression and demeanor. She hadn't believed that he would pursue her. She had given up hope in him. He thought of the distance she had traveled with only Haymitch as a companion. She was just tired that's all. This dissociated state she seemed to walk around in would not be permanent. At least he sure hoped that it wouldn't. He dismounted and removed his hat. If he was going to turn things around with her he had to start acting like a gentleman.
"Katniss…" he started and then realized that it wasn't proper for him to call her by her given name. "I mean, ma'am…I'm sorry. It was rude the way I treated you and I'm not usually like that. I just didn't expect Haymitch today and some part of me never thought he would bring anyone back and you weren't what I was expecting and…I was just surprised that's all." He looked to her for a response but she just stood and stared at him.
"Kat…ma'am, I think you should come back with me now. It won't be long before its dark and it can be dangerous out here." She shook her head. "No thank you" she said her voice much stronger and clearer than he expected from the looks of her. The refusal took him by surprise. "What I mean to say is, that if you would accompany me back it would be my pleasure. I want you to come back home with me." That sounded more awkward than he wanted it to but he realized that it was the truth now that he had said it aloud. "No, Mr. Mellark" she insisted. "I don't think that is a good idea."
"Why not?" he said before he thought better of it. "Because I don't want to owe you anything that I cannot repay" she answered honestly. She surprised him again. It was common courtesy for men to offer women protection and assistance when they were in need. He didn't recall the females of his youth being concerned about reciprocity to men who gave them attention in any way. "Why did you run?" he asked rather than address the issue of repayment. "And if you were taking off why did you do it on foot when you had a perfectly good horse? We hadn't brought yours into the barn yet."
Her gaze held steady despite her obvious fatigue. "It isn't my horse" she explained. "Haymitch purchased her for the purposes of my delivery to you and expected the expense to be covered. You clearly aren't interested in me, hence why I decided to leave so the horse either belongs to you if you agreed to reimburse him despite the fact that I was an ill-considered choice or it still belongs to Haymitch. Whatever you may think of me Mr. Mellark, I am not a criminal."
Peeta had learned an immense amount about Katniss in the last several minutes. First of all, she had an education and communicated well. Secondly, she processed the world as a working man did. She knew the value of an animal and understood the rights of ownership. She was honest and proud and he respected her for it. He also knew that she had heard every word that he had said and he regretted it immensely.
He took a deep breath. "You came out here to marry me didn't you?" he asked. She nodded. "Yes" she answered. "Haymitch said that you were in need of help around the farm, that it was too much work for one person." Peeta took a moment to process that. "Did he also tell you that I'm in need of children to carry my name and help me expand it some day?" It was a very forward thing to mention but he needed to be sure that she understood completely. Some color came back into her cheeks and she broke eye contact with him. "He did" she said somewhat quieter and he found it endearing.
"Did you want to come here?" he asked because he needed to know. Her jaw tightened and she lifted her chin in defiance once again. "It has nothing to do with you personally, but if I had another choice I would not have come." He nodded. He had assumed that was the case. It had been his plan to offer to find another place for her. Provide assistance in locating another man to marry whom she might be more amenable to or a home with another woman who needed some help. But now that she was standing in front of him all courageous and young, her eyes filled with resistance he couldn't bring himself to actually say the words.
"I'm sorry Miss…" he still didn't know her proper name. "Everdeen" she supplied with a wince. "But no one calls me that so you can just call me Katniss." He wanted to call her that but it still seemed disrespectful. "I'm sorry Miss Katniss" he continued. "Not just about forgetting my manners but for the things I said about you. Like I said, I was in shock. I certainly didn't intend for you to hear them and I didn't mean them. I would still like to marry if you are willing."
Her shoulders were still set and he knew what her response would be and it was crazy. "I don't wish to marry you anymore Mr. Mellark" she stated. With that she turned and started walking towards the horizon again. "Miss Katniss wait" he said following her and grabbing her arm. It was a gentle grip that broke easily when she turned on him. "Don't you dare touch me" she screamed and he jumped back in alarm. Her eyes were wide and her chest rising and falling quickly. She wasn't just angry with him, he had really frightened her.
"I'm sorry" he said again. He knew he sounded like an idiot repeating himself over and over but he didn't know what else to say to her. "I can't just let you go. Something could happen to you." She rolled her eyes despite the alarm she was clearly feeling. "I have been taking care of myself for quite some time Mr. Mellark and I am sure I will be fine. Any fate is better than being wed to a man who I am not appealing to in the slightest." She turned and started on her way again.
"Katniss" he pleaded practically running to keep up with the brisk pace that she set. "Katniss…please." It was the tone of his voice that made her stop and look back at him. "Listen…I really want you to stay. I'm asking you to…I guess I am begging you to. Like you heard me say earlier, you aren't what I was picturing but Haymitch is right that we could make a go of it. I just wasn't being practical. You know how to farm right?" She nodded cautiously. "I need help and I would give you the best I have of everything. Haymitch said you had been share cropping and he told me what you went through. That would actually fit my situation really well. You would already know what to do."
It was her turn to be surprised. She had suspected that Cato had told the old man about her past but she hadn't expected him to tell Mr. Mellark right away or for him to be so understanding about it. As for her knowing what to do, she didn't, but she was sure that nothing of much skill was required. He could see that she was wavering, really considering his request. He reached out and took her hand. It was rough and dirty but he was pleased with how much smaller it was than his. "The other thing is. Winters here are really bad and I get very lonely. I need someone to be with, to talk to, to share things with. I need you to be my wife so that person can be you."
Katniss couldn't breathe. He was holding her hand and telling her that he needed her and she was drowning in those deep blue eyes. She should say no. He didn't want her, he just didn't want to be alone anymore. The cabin fever must be messing with his mind. Still, she had nowhere else to go and if he was willing to share what he had with her she was likely never going to be offered any deal better than that. She could sleep in the cabin tonight. She would have her own horse. She could work the land and actually eat from it. Those were the practical reasons why she should accept.
But if she were honest with herself she would admit that there were other things swirling in her head as well. His hand was big and powerful and it completely surrounded hers. That normally made her afraid but he was taking care to be gentle as he touched her. Her blood was pounding in her ears as she stared back at him. Would he bed her tonight? No, there was no preacher around and she wouldn't succumb to him until they were properly wed. She would have a least a night or two of respite before she would have to confront that awful deed.
In the end, it was neither his possessions nor his good looks that persuaded her. It was his words and the pleading look in his eyes. He was serious, he actually needed her. No one had needed her in so long. If she could meet those needs then perhaps he would grow to accept her, like her even. She would have a home again and a place to belong. If she bore him children she would have a family. In her mind's eye she could see the scene he had described earlier. She would work alongside him and help sow and harvest the crops. They would eat around the table and sit by the fire during long winter days and talk.
"Alright Mr. Mellark" she heard herself say before she had even completely made up her mind. "It sounds like you need a partner and I need a farm to work on and a place to stay. I accept and I will do my upmost to meet with your approval." Peeta gave her the most radiant smile she had ever seen but then it faded into concern. "I do need to know one thing before we make it official Katniss. I know it isn't gentlemanly of me to ask but in this case it is important. How old are you?" She didn't think it odd that he would want this type of basic information in the slightest. "21" she answered. "Thank God" he blurt out and she could see by the way his face reddened that he hadn't actually meant to say it. He motioned his horse and the animal came to him immediately and nuzzled his hand. That was a good sign. A man who knew how to care for a horse may be kind to his wife as well. She could see why Haymitch was fascinated by the animal. He wasn't particularly large but he was strong and proud and she could see the various injuries that marred his flesh. He had once been a war horse but now he was tame as a kitten.
He mounted and offered her his hand. She hadn't considered the logistics of how they would return and this would put them much closer together than she was comfortable with but it made sense. She reached for him and he pulled her up in front of him. She was acutely aware of the fact that she hadn't been able to wash properly in some time and of the wall of muscle behind her. His arms encircled her as he held the reins and guided them home and the slight rocking motion mixed with the warmth of his body began to lull her to sleep. She fought it as long as she could but she just couldn't keep her eyes open another minute.
He felt the moment when her head fell back on his shoulder. The poor thing was completely wiped out and he held her closer. Her exhaustion concerned him more than her odor but he noticed that too. She was in need of a bath and a few days' rest. He would see that she got both. Haymitch would be surly about having to stay on until Sunday but they needed a chaperon until he could say vows with her. His mood lightened at the thought of what would happen after that. An image flashed in his mind of her naked and reaching for him. His suddenly active imagination combined with the sway of their bodies and her soft behind had him hard and aching and he prayed that she wouldn't awaken any time soon.
He had helped Madge off of a carriage now and then but he had never held a woman in his arms before. He guessed that it was fitting that she be the first since she was going to be his wife. He wouldn't have guessed her 21 but he was relieved just the same. When he had lifted her on and off the horses today he had noted that she was light as a feather. He had attributed it solely to her petite build at first but upon further consideration it may also be impacted by her diet. There was little share cropping around these parts so he was relatively unfamiliar with it but he had heard rumors about what people were facing back home. She had come with just the clothes on her back so she was clearly indigent. He added hearty meals each day to the mental list of things that she needed in order to thrive.
The bath, food, and rest he could provide right away. The purchase of new clothing would take more time. He hoped that she could sew because yards of cloth could be found at the general store. Finished dresses would have to be sent away for. He looked down at her sleeping form and smiled at the top of her head. She seemed pretty resourceful so he doubted there were many tasks that she couldn't complete if she put her mind to it.
When Katniss came to she felt a gentle nudge on her shoulder. Someone was saying her name softly. Cecelia must be trying to rouse her for the day. No, the voice was deeper and definitely male. It must be Haymitch eager to begin riding again. It all came back to her the moment she opened her eyes. It was nearly dark outside and not only was she on Peeta's horse, she was also snuggled against him. She sat straight up, mortified that she had fallen asleep like that.
If he found it strange he didn't act like it but instead slid off the horse and lifted her down after. "We're home" he said taking her hand. She let him lead her like a child to the hitching post where he tied off his animal before taking her into the cabin. It was spacious for a one room with a decent size bed in one corner, a sitting area by the fireplace and by the opposite wall a table and even a cook stove. She was impressed, she would no longer have to prepare every meal over an open fire. She touched a chair and then one of the bedposts as she made her way around the room. The furnishings were well made and although she wouldn't describe the place as clean, it was not disgusting either and it would not be difficult to improve.
He removed his hat and then went back outside before returning a short time later gripping it tightly in this hands. He looked at her and then at the door again. He appeared agitated but she could not determine the source of his anxiety. "Haymitch…he left" he said uncertainly. "We could go after him but I doubt we could reach him and bring him back here tonight." She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sure he will be alright" she answered somewhat confused as to why Peeta was concerned. "Yeah" he agreed. "He'll be fine but I thought to have a proper chaperone here for you until we can meet the preacher on Sunday. I did not want to damage your reputation just in case you changed your mind. But one night with me here alone and you won't have a choice but to go through with it. You would be totally compromised even if we are engaged."
Her head began spinning and she felt a sticky warmth inside of her. She was engaged. "Oh, come on Peeta" she answered and he decided he liked the way his name sounded coming from her lips. "The only person who knows I am here is Haymitch and I don't really care much for my reputation one way or another. Besides, I am not going to change my mind." Her indifferent attitude was certainly practical and it made his life easier but he was concerned what other social topics her 100% practical approach may extend to. Katniss was touched by his consideration but by his own earlier admission he knew she had no unblemished maidenhood to protect.
Peeta took a dirty plate from the counter and left for a moment and when he returned she could see that he had washed it. He placed it on the counter and went through his storage filling it was a long strip of jerky, an apple, and two rather crude looking biscuits that she guessed were made of meal. "Sit" he said motioning to the chair. "I have a few things I need to tend to but you should eat. You need to get your strength back." Her body obeyed his command and she barely noticed him starting a fire in the stove and adding a large kettle. He, however, noticed her every movement and his heart hurt a little as he saw her begin to scarf up the food like a starving animal before he headed out to the barn to take care of the animals for the night.
When he returned he had a large tub in his hands and he was shocked to find that she had already hauled water and was washing his dishes. "Katniss" he said coming over and placing his hands on her shoulders. She nearly jumped out of her skin. "Whoa" he said steadying her. "I didn't think I had snuck up on you, I'm sorry." She shook her head even as she held a hand to her heart. "You didn't" she confessed. "I knew you were there. I'm just not used to people touching me that way. That's all." It was the second time she had become jumpy as a result of even the least physical contact. It may be harder than he had originally thought to get her to bed with him.
His expression became a frown but morphed into puzzlement when he turned to the table. She had finished only half of the plate. "Were you taking a break before you finish your supper?" he asked. "Oh no" she said. "I wasn't going to eat your half too. I saved it for you." He laughed until he saw the look on her face. She was being completely sincere and the gesture was very considerate. He pulled out the chair for her. "I eat a lot more than this for supper" he explained. "The land produces well and I trade for what I can't grow. Sometimes I run short on a thing or two but generally speaking you can eat as much as you want to."
She returned to her seat and began to eat again but her shoulders were a bit slumped and her eyes were downcast. Although it was not his intention he had embarrassed her. He finished the dishes in silence and then gathered his own meal and set it down across from hers. She still hadn't finished her plate. "I'm sorry" she said in a tired voice. "I know that I'm skinny and I need to eat more but I can't. It's too much and I'm not used to these portion sizes." He offered her a smile. "That's fine. Katniss I'm not angry or annoyed with you. I just wanted you to have a sound meal and to see that this will be a good home for you."
He rose and dumped the kettle of water into the tub he had brought it. He stopped by the table and grabbed a long strip of jerky and began to chew it as he went back out and returned several times with buckets of water. "I'm sorry it won't be that hot" he said. "But I know you are probably wanting a bath after such a long journey." He certainly hoped that she did anyway. "Yes" she said and she couldn't keep the excitement out of her voice. He kneeled by a trunk at the foot of the bed and retrieved an item wrapped in cloth that he unfurled as he walked over to her. She couldn't help the tears that came to her eyes. She hadn't seen store bought soap since her mother was alive. He reached out and extended it to her.
"I…I bought this as a welcome present for you" he said coloring in embarrassment from the intimate nature of the gift. She gave him a skeptical look. "Well" he clarified. "I bought it for the bride that I thought that Haymitch was bringing for me so I did buy it for you. I just didn't realize that it would be you, Katniss Everdeen exactly." The awkward articulation of his logic made her laugh and her hand flew up to her mouth as if to catch the unexpected sound. She accepted the bar and she looked like a kid in a candy shop as she lifted it to her face and inhaled the scent. It smelled of vanilla and lavender and she had never had anything so fine.
He pulled out a rag for her to use for scrubbing and then snatched up his plate before leaving her in privacy. Her face broke out into a huge grin the moment that the door latched shut. She was going to have a real bath for the first time in years. In the summer, she could go down to the river with the other women but they only had harsh homemade soaps and they sometimes made them smell almost worse than before. Still, she preferred it over the winter months when all she could do was wash up in a small basin.
Tonight, she sank into the tub and the water covered past her breasts with just her knees sticking out. It wasn't hot but it was fairly warm and she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. It felt heavenly to soak her sore muscles. She would have been content to spend half the night like that but as the minutes past she realized that she had no idea when Peeta was coming back and that made her heart begin to race. He had that effect on her, making her excited for no reason at all. Quickly but thoroughly she washed her body and then her hair and rinsed them.
She felt humiliated by how dirty the water was but she didn't think that she could lift the tub to empty it on her own. She would certainly try though. It was only after she had stepped out and dried herself on a blanket he had left her that she realized that she had no clothes to put on. She looked at her soiled trail dress. She couldn't stand to return it to her gleaming and beautifully scented skin. She went to the trunk and although it felt like an invasion of privacy she supposed this was now pretty much her home too. It was filled with his clothing and she selected a pair of pants and a button up work shirt but quickly found that only the top was needed as it fell below her knees and there wasn't even a prayer that his trousers would fit her.
She used her fingers to comb out her hair and braided it before returning to attempt to drag the tub outside. It wouldn't budge. She tried again and again straining her arms and back but to no avail. He knocked but she didn't hear him over her struggle. He waited a couple more minutes until he felt that she had been duly warned and when he stepped inside and saw her his heart nearly stopped. Her olive skin was slightly flushed by the scrubbing and her exertions. Her hair was held back in a wet braid and he could see that it was very dark, nearly black. The room smelled fantastic and Christ almighty she was wearing his shirt. The hardness in his pants returned with a vengeance.
Her frame was petite and he was a head taller but the moisture of her bath caused the fabric to cling to her feminine curves. Damn but Haymitch was right. She definitely had them. For a few moments he just stood there a fantasy of laying her by the fire and unbuttoning that shirt to reveal every inch of her playing in his mind. The shy look she gave him only added to her essence of vulnerability and he felt both the impulse to protect her and to claim her innocence. It was her voice that broke him out of his revelry. "I was trying to empty my water" she explained and he shook his head to clear it. "No problem" he said with an equally shy smile. "I've got it."
Her fear that he would find the filth in the tub appalling was unfounded because he barely glanced at it as he easily hefted it up and dumped it in the yard. For some reason his show of strength caused a tingling at the tips of her chest and she had the impulse to rub the juncture between her legs as well. When he had returned the tub to the barn he found her sitting by lamplight at the kitchen table. "I just wanted to check and make sure there was nothing else you needed" he said. "Where are you going?" she asked in confusion. "I'm going to sleep in the barn tonight" he told her. "Oh, no" she replied. "You don't have to give up your bed because of me. I'm used to sleeping outside when I need to." He smiled again giving another shake of his head. "Katniss" he scolded. "You're my fiancé. It's my job to love and care for you and even if it wasn't I would never make a lady sleep in the barn." "I thought you said I wasn't a lady" she observed with quiet strength. He got up to leave but before he walked out he turned to her "I was wrong."