Hinata Shouyo, be my household slave.

— Saito "Maru" Maruichi

"Ah... nom." Maru smiled as she watched Levi crunch on the head of a cricket. "Are you enjoying your lunch, Levi? Make sure to save some for Bean. I would hate for your friendship to be ruined over some crickets."

Levi stared back at her, ceasing his chewing for the meantime. Maru was currently sitting in the closet and eating lunch with her best friends, Levi and Bean. Though people hardly ever walked through the corridor the closet was situated in, she made sure to keep her voice low anyway.

Bean waddled up next to Levi and chewed on one of the legs of Levi's cricket, his eyes pointing two different directions. Levi yanked his meal away from Bean, seemingly enraged by the other lizard's boldness.

"Don't fight, don't fight," Maru chided, fishing another cricket out of her jar and dropping it into the tank, the cricket landing in front of Bean. "There's enough for the both of you." She picked up her bento from the floor and resumed eating. "I'm glad to see that you're enjoying your lunch," Maru continued through a mouthful of food. "At least you don't have to deal with the convenience store crap." She sighed. "At least it gets me fed, am I right? We should never take food for granted." Her mouth started to water. "But, oh, what I wouldn't do for a sweet roast potato right now...!"

If lizards had sweat glands, Maru was sure that her friends would have sweatdropped at her cravings.

"Don't look at me like that!" Maru jabbed a finger at the glass tank, where Bean was still looking in two different directions. "I don't care if it makes me fat, let me enjoy culinary, dammit!"

Levi merely crunched his cricket in response.

"You two are so infuriating," Maru groaned, putting her bento and chopsticks down and clutching her hair. "Remind me why I put up with you again? Oh, yeah, because you're the only ones who put up with me." She leaned back against the closet door. "You know, I remember watching this anime where the animals a guy took good care of returned as humans to serve him." Maru flicked the tank, chuckling. "Man, that's pretty silly..."

Even as she dismissed the idea, the thought of Levi and Bean dying and reincarnating as humans flooded her thoughts. She envisioned Levi as a perpetually angry middle-aged man who had trouble with sharing while Bean was a cross-eyed glutton who always left the toilet seat up. Vases would be smashed, fists would fly, the shower curtain (which had a cute lizard pattern printed on it) would be torn off...

Maru began to sweat, though she continued to smile at her beloved pets. Yeesh, I might be lonely, but I hope that doesn't happen...

Levi and Bean began to paw at the glass as they ran their tongues over their eyes, expecting to be fed more. From where she was sitting, Maru thought that they looked like frustrated drunks getting tossed out of a bar. Maru sweatdropped even more, her lips forming a thin line. I sure hope that... they don't show up as a wife beater... that'd be a problem. And I wouldn't want to lay a finger on them either so it's always going to be me losing...!

She glared at her lizards. "Dammit, you two, you both have me wrapped around your little webbed toes and you know it! Shame on you for exploiting me like this!"

They stared at her through the glass.

"D-don't look at me like that! What's with those patronizing looks, huh?! I can see it written all over your little faces; 'oh, she must be pretty darn lonely if she keeps talking to us'!"

Levi and Bean continued to stare.

Maru heaved a sigh and dropped two more crickets into their tank. "Oh, who am I kidding... the world's a lonely place. When you die, I'll probably die too. Because I don't have anything else to live for." She sat up straighter. "At least, that's what I would say if I didn't like breathing so much. When you're gone, I'll probably find something else to do. I already plan to invest in video games and manga for the rest of my life. Especially the fighting ones like Dragon Ball Z and Naruto. It's the closest I'll ever get to being out in the ring again." She shook her head firmly. "Not that I want to, of course! I left that behind me. I'm just an otaku loser who lives alone now! Simple as that."

Bean's tongue slapped over his eye.

Maru smiled, her eyes shining behind her glasses as the sunlight trickling in from the high window warmed her face. "I knew you'd understand..."

"Ahhh, this sucks," Hinata grumbled as he swept up some garbage that had spilled in the hall, pouring the waste into a garbage bag. After school clean up duty was always a drag, especially when one had club activities. The first day of school should never be so boring...

He entered a classroom, where a few kids were scrubbing the windows with vigor. Hinata glanced up at the clock at the front of the room. It's nearly time. I wonder what Miku wants?

After dragging him away from Kageyama and Sumire, Miku had proceeded to tell him to meet her at the furthest corridor on the third year's floor, where hardly anyone went. It led to a dead end and there was only a single closet used for storing cleaning supplies.

So taking his broom and bag with him, he made his way upstairs to the third year's floor, nearly hitting Kageyama in the face with the broom when the setter was going down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Kageyama asked, turning his head. "We're supposed to be cleaning our own floor, not the third year's." What is he up to...? "You might get in trouble if a teacher catches you."

"I know that, Bakageyama," Hinata snapped, sounding a bit jittery. "I'm supposed to be meeting Miku up here and..." He gulped. "What if she wants to break up with me or something? Besides, what were you doing up there?"

"Oh, no, we are not going to have this conversation," Kageyama told him, frowning. "And for your information, I was doing an errand for a teacher. Don't get in trouble and get banned from practice or I'll kick your short ass!"

"Erk!" Hinata straightened. "Right...!" Better not run into Tanaka or Noya. Wherever they go, teachers are there too since they usually get into trouble...

Within minutes, he managed to dodge the teachers and make it to the secluded corridor, which was completely bare, save for the closet. Where's Miku? He wandered around for a bit before noticing that the closet door had an 'out of order' sign stuck on it. He sweatdropped. What kind of closet goes out of order?

Cautiously, he rapped his knuckles on the door, not really expecting any reply.

"Shouyo?" Miku's muffled voice came from inside the closet. "Is that you?"

"Eh? Miku?" Hinata opened the door, blinking in surprise when he saw his girlfriend sitting down on the floor, leaning against a few boxes. She smiled nervously at him.

"Oh, phew, I thought you were someone else for a sec. Close the door behind you."

Intrigued and more than a little be confused, Hinata did as she told, the door closing behind him with a click. "Miku...?"

"Shouyo," Miku blurted, a pink blush entering her cheeks. "I... um... we've kissed before, yeah?"

It was his turn to blush. "W-well, yeah... did you not like it something?! B-because I can try harder—"

Miku laughed, a bit of the tension dispersing from her posture. "No, no, nothing like that!" She lowered her gaze. "I was just wondering... would you like to take it up to the next level?"

"Next," Hinata squeaked, "level...?" Is she trying to say that she wants to have se—?!

"Erk!" Miku flushed even more. "You thought of something x-rated, didn't you? I mean to say that... do you want to try... tongue?" There, I said it! Ahh, how embarrassing...!

"I-I," Hinata stammered, struggling to maintain eye contact with her. Before he knew it, he said, "Suh-sure!" What do I do?! How does that work?! I don't know how to do this! Why did I agree?!

"Umm, just saying, I don't really know what to do... I've never done anything like this before," Miku admitted shyly, "But I... really like you, Shouyo. So..." She leaned forward, feeling the warmth he was emitting as their faces neared. "Here it goes..."

Hinata's breath hitched just before Miku's lips captured his, her tongue probing his lips. Shakily, he parted his lips, allowing her entrance. This... this is so weird...! But it wasn't a bad feeling either. He could get used to it. He squeezed his eyes shut and kissed her back, a tad more aggressive this time. Yes, this wasn't so bad. He could really, really, get used to it.

He lifted his arms and brought Miku close, wrapping his arms around her waist so that she half-sat on his lap. Blushing furiously, he sucked on her tongue, eliciting a slight moan from her.

Damn, this was getting heated. If something didn't happen soon—

To their absolute horror, the door swung open, light flooding the closet.

Smiling, Maru stepped in, somehow missing the couple as she declared, "Mommy's here—guh!" She choked on her words as she finally saw them, their mouths still attached. Slack-jawed, she closed the door behind her, knowing that they would all get in trouble if she garnered unwanted attention.

Hinata lurched away from Miku, both of them red-faced.

"I can explain!" they cried at the same time.

Maru crossed her arms, frowning. "No need. You're young and you're in love. I've read enough shoujo manga to know that. What you want to know, however... is whether I'll keep your secret right?"

"We'll do anything!" Miku whined, bowing her head.

"Anything reasonable," Hinata amended. "Please don't tell on us...!" Gwaaahhh! Embarrassing! So, so shameful! It was mere luck that it hadn't been a teacher that had discovered them. Unable to look Maru in the eye, he pushed his face into his hands, blushing furiously.

Maru watched them with calculating eyes that were somewhat hidden from the reflection off her lenses. Interesting. I hold all the cards right now. What could I make them do, I wonder...? "Are either of you any good with housework?" she asked, thinking of the piles and piles of moldy, dirty dishes in her kitchen sink. ... Disgusting. And I never dust either. No wonder I got sick last week from all the house dust. She was still sneezing from it, actually.

"Sorry, but I come from a rich family..." Miku admitted. "I don't really know how to do chores."

"What about you?" Maru turned to Hinata. Him again... if this were a manga, it would almost be like we were fated to meet. Something's familiar about him too. A troll-like smirk made its way up her face. A childhood friend from my dark and troubled past! Fuhahaha! How funny would that be?

"Eh? I guess. I mean, I help my okaa-chan with housework—"

"Good," Maru cut him off, "because from now on, you're my household slave."

Hinata stared at her. "Wh-what?!"

"Hold up!" Miku raised a finger. "How do we know you'll actually keep our secret?"

"Simple." Maru moved further into the closet, moving some cleaning supplies out of the way to remove her lizards. This probably wasn't the best move as it meant she no longer held all the cards, but she wanted them to trust her at the very least. "This is Levi and Bean. I'm their mother and their best friend. Say hi, guys."

Levi stared outside while Bean slapped his eyes with his tongue as if he were playing the bongos.

Miku flinched, disgusted by the small creatures. "Eeww...!" I can't believe Shouyo and I were making out in the same space as those things!

"Ooh," Hinata leaned close to the tank, "hi, Levi and Bean, I'm Hinata Shouyo. It's nice to meet you."

"Now you know a secret of mine too," Maru said matter-of-factly. "Does that satisfy you? Hinata Shouyo, be my household slave."

"D-don't say things like that so weirdly!" Hinata told her, thinking that she was envisioning him in some maid costume (he wouldn't be far off).

"I'll tell everyone about this if you don't," Maru answered coolly. "And I don't care if you tell the dean about my sons either."

Miku frowned at her. "You can't do this—"

"You said you'd do anything," Maru reminded her. "And I want him," she pointed at Hinata, "to help me around the house a bit. Is that so much to ask?"

"Miku, it's okay," Hinata reassured her. It can't be that bad. She probably just wants me to vacuum or something. He steeled himself. "I'll do it! You can count on me."

"Good. I'll see you after volleyball practice at the front gates then." She started to walk out the door after grabbing her lizard tank and throwing a cloth over it (which she had removed from her backpack when they weren't looking).

"Wait!" Hinata called after her, "How did you know about practice?"

"Because I pay attention to things," Maru replied simply before stepping out and disappearing from the door frame.