Peeta was right about the shoes. The first time she wore them she could barely walk by midday. Peeta suggested that she take them off and give herself more time to adjust to them but she refused. She was incredibly stubborn and sometimes her contrary attitude baffled him. "Why don't you call it quits for today?" he asked her, watching her wince in pain every time she thought he wasn't looking.
"Because" she huffed in frustration "the worked isn't done yet." He sighed. All she wanted to do was work, work work, every day from dawn till dusk. He knew that she was trying to prove her worth and assert her independence but truth be told she was running him ragged.
"I already told you, I can finish this with no problem on my own" he reminded her. "And I know that you need to keep working on your dress. Why don't you go back to the house and put some time in on it." She had already completed a skirt which she currently wore along with one of his work shirts but sewing a complete dress was proving to be a difficult and time consuming project. She ignored his proposal and continued with the wood hauling they had been at for the last few hours. It was back breaking work and he would have preferred not having her help him at all but she pretty much set her own schedule.
They continued to labor in an ever thickening silence. She was aware of his annoyance with her and she had about had it with him as well. She knew he was angry. Why did he have to be so continually polite about it? She much preferred more direct communication. Her feet were killing her but her pride would never allow her to admit it so she continued to struggle on. She would be glad that she had in February when she was sitting in front of roaring fire rather than shivering in a pile of blankets with Cecelia's daughters.
Peeta could not believe her. Cutting and hauling wood was a simple task for him. It required little finesse and plenty of brawn. It was perfect for a broad shouldered young man with little knowledge of farming. It was extremely taxing on Katniss, even under the best of circumstances. She was petite and skilled at setting traps, cooking, using tools, and her expertise in cultivation and survival made her worth her weight in gold. But chores that required brute strength exhausted and sometimes harmed her. It burned him up that she put herself through them anyway instead of letting him be a proper husband.
He wasn't sure if it was the overexertion or the pain from her blisters but when he saw the look of anguish on her face as she fell to the ground along with the log she was trying to carry he reached his breaking point. He walked forward and scooped her up in his arms.
"Peeta" she yelled in alarm as he lifted her. "Put me down this instant."
He had to smile. Already, her tone had turned to anger. "Nope" he replied, swinging her around over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. She yelled at him again. "You're done for today Katniss" he informed her.
"What? No!" she insisted. "Peeta, stop. I am not done." She started fighting him harder and he tightened his grip and gave her rear end a smack causing her to struggle all the more. When they reached the front door he kicked it open and set her down in a chair. Her signature scowl was extraordinarily resentful as he dropped on one knee before her to remove her shoes. What he saw when he removed them made his heart constrict in physical pain. She had several large blisters. He was careful to cause the least discomfort possible as he washed them, applied medicine and wrapped them in linen. He took her ankle and lifted her foot to his face and kissed it.
"Please stop" Katniss trembled and he could see that her eyes were suddenly full of tears.
"I'm sorry" he apologized. "I tried not to hurt you."
She shook her head. "Not that" she said. "Stop trying to take care of me all the time. Stop trying to shield me from the hardest work."
It was his turn to decline a suggestion. "Absolutely not" he told her firmly. "I'm always going to take care of you."
She closed her eyes with a wince that he didn't think had anything to do with her blisters. "Don't Peeta" she answered. "I can't live like that. I can't need you that way. I would never feel safe."
He took the seat beside her. "Why not?" he asked, taking her hand.
"Because I will owe you and you could leave someday or something could happen to you."
He nodded in understanding. "I'll never leave you Kat and you don't owe me a thing but I share your concern about one of us dying."
Her gaze lifted in surprise and her eyes found his. "You do?" she asked.
"Yes" he admitted. "But I'm taking the same risk and it feels safer somehow doing it together." Her brow furrowed in confusion. "I need you too. I need your help every day. You took care of my cut the other day just like I did your feet. You have already shown that you are better with numbers than me and you know more about the farm."
He could read in her expression that she was considering his argument. "I know you have some feelings for me that you aren't very comfortable with" he observed and he saw her blush. "I have those thoughts and feelings about you too and I have no control over them. You aren't in this alone. We both need each other, which is what a partnership is. But I need you to let me do the things that I'm good at and I'll rely on you to do the ones you are better with. Then we both win. But you can't keep pushing yourself like this. It's hurting you and it's painful for me too." Her eyes fell to her lap. "Can you do that?" he pleaded. "Can you trust me to be your partner?" Silence hung in the air for several beats and he held his breath for her response. In a few moments she squeezed his hand.
"Can you bring my sewing box?" she asked. He grinned and went to fetch it for her. "I'll have dinner waiting for you" she said with a small smile and he headed back out to finish the wood.
A couple weeks later Katniss noticed that this helping each other with everything pact didn't extend to every area of their lives. As temperatures cooled Peeta struggled more and more with his leg but he wouldn't admit to it and he had never taken her up on her offer to rub it for him. The slight limp she had noticed on first arrival was becoming more and more pronounced. She suggested several times that liniment would help and he agreed but never applied it. She had a sneaking suspicion that he would do so if it were not for her presence.
She waited until after dinner to bring it up. "I noticed that your leg was bothering you today" she said casually. "No worse than normal" he dismissed. "Bullshit" she said and her cursing shocked him into speechlessness. "Peeta" she said standing and coming forward to stand before him. "I know your leg is hurting. I'm going to rub something into it tonight. It will help you feel better."
He was conflicted. His leg did hurt and it needed to be treated. But her breasts were also close to his face and all he wanted was to unbutton the front of her shirt so that he could look at them. He wanted to touch them too, but he couldn't let his mind wander that far right now. Dammit, the things he was feeling were so complicated. She was his friend and he wanted her help but she was also a beautiful, sexy woman and he didn't want her to see the extent of his injuries.
It was her turn to sigh and roll her eyes at his stubbornness. "You were the one who said that we are partners and that we need to help each other" she pointed out. "I've accepted that. I've been letting you be that to me. Now it's your turn to do something difficult." She was right and there was no way around it. He retrieved the bottle and came to sit by the fire. She followed and fell to her knees at his feet.
He couldn't recall ever being so nervous in his life. He nearly jumped out of his skin as her hand grazed his bare calf beneath his pant leg. It didn't take her long to realize that lifting it wasn't going to work. "You are going to need to take your pants off" she told him. The ground was not frozen yet so she wasn't surprised that he was not wearing long johns but the site of his clearly aroused body in nothing but a thin pair of shorts made her simultaneously nervous and excited. She tried to ignore both emotions and concentrate on the task at hand.
She had been so focused on his straining member that she didn't even notice his scars until her hand made contact with one of them and she pulled back on instinct. Peeta saw her flicker of hesitation and immediately reached for his pants. "It's ok" he said in embarrassment. "I can take care of it. I know it's an awful sight." She ignored his words and assessed the extent of the damage which had long since healed. She brought her hand forward to touch it again.
His entire leg had been mangled badly. She was shocked that he had even fully regained use of it. Patches of skin still appeared discolored and its shape would never be completely natural again. She retrieved the liniment and applied it generously. He tolerated her nursing until she put the bottle aside and took his lower calf in both of her hands. "You don't have to Katniss" he said softly. "I know you don't want to."
She dropped his leg and sat back to look at him. This handsome and generous man who feared her rejection simply because he had been hurt in the past. She wanted to help restore him and she knew she could, but it would come at a high cost to herself. In the end, his frightened eyes caused her to spring into action. There was nothing she could do to remedy his physical appearance but she could reassure him that it didn't matter to her. That she could accept him despite his imperfections.
Peeta wasn't sure what she was about as she set his foot back on the floor. He just knew that she was pleased to be relieved of a gruesome task. He had to give her credit. She had gritted her teeth and doctored the aging wound. He suspected that she would go finish cleaning up dinner and he reached to grab his pants but he dropped them on the floor in shock when he saw her turn and begin to unbutton the front of her recently finished dress. Why was she undressing in front of him?
She let it fall open and then worked at her chemise as well. For a moment he thought she had chosen this odd moment to allow intimate relations to move forward until she gathered the material at the front to cover her breasts. The fire light was hypnotic on her white underthings and he was mesmerized as she untucked them from the waist of her dress. She wasn't quite as skinny as when she had first arrived. Her shoulders were soft and feminine and he longed to kiss them and trace the line of her slender neck.
He grew even harder at the thought and she returned to her place at his feet. But when she let the material at her back fall completely down to her waist one of her greatest secrets was revealed and he thought for a moment that he might vomit. Her back was stained with dozens of deep lacerations. The angry marks covered her upper and mid torso and a couple also streaked around her side. Someone had whipped her and they had done so repeatedly. Somewhere out there was a man who deserved to be dead.
She sat as still as possible for several minutes and let him look his fill. She knew he would have eventually found out anyway. He could see that she was trembling and he could only hope that she was not crying as well. When she turned he noted that her tears were still unshed. "Do you…" she managed to get out. "Do you care for me any less?" she asked on a whisper. He pulled her up on to his lap and held her there.
He brought his lips to each remnant of pain and then settled his nose at her neck. "Of course not Kat. This doesn't change anything."
She slid to the floor and took his leg back within her grip. "Not for me either" she stated as she gave it a deep massage.
He moaned as she worked and she couldn't help the blush that spread across her body. She had slid her chemise back in place but her dress remained open. She got the feeling that he enjoyed the view. "Peeta?" she asked. "What happened to your leg?"
His expression turned painful at the memory. "I was run over by a carriage" he told her. "My leg got caught in the wheel and it got the worst of it."
She nodded as she continued to sooth him. "How old were you?"
He let his head fall to the back of the chair as he relaxed in her hands. "Eighteen."
When she finished she stood to leave but he grabbed her hand and pulled her back to his lap again. "Kat, I need to know. Who hurt you?"
She hesitated a moment before settling against him and laying her head on his shoulder. He snuggled her closer and breathed in her scent. He wasn't sure how he had ever lived so long without her. "One of the first landlords I ever worked for" she told him. "There was a man who worked on his farm too and he…bothered me a few times and I told the landlord what happened. I didn't realize that the man was related to him and he said that I was a trouble maker and he whipped me in front of the others to make an example of what would happen to anyone who spoke out of turn."
Peeta was so angry he could spit nails but he knew that it wasn't the time. Right now he needed to hold his wife and comfort her. "Is that why you left?" he asked. "How you ended up working for Cato?"
She shook her head. "No" she admitted. "I didn't leave right away. I needed to wait until harvest so I could make my pay. But after he paid everyone out some money came up missing in one of the cabins and someone accused me and I got whipped again. After that, I ran away. I lived at another planation for a while before Cecelia took me in. That's why I went to work for Mr. Jacobs."
Peeta didn't trust himself to speak immediately. He was too choked up with emotion and he didn't want to cry in front of her. Instead he kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back again and again. "I'm so sorry" he told her. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there to protect you. I'm sorry no one stood up for you." Katniss wrapped her arms around him and held tight. It felt good for someone to tell her that it wasn't her fault. For someone else to recognize and call it out as abuse and tell her that it never should have happened. She had become accustom to accepting that she deserved it. "I'm never letting anyone hurt you ever again" he promised. She closed her eyes tight and nodded repeatedly. It wasn't until she was tucked safe into bed that Peeta went to the barn to tend the animals. There he finally let the wall of emotion go and sobbed uncontrollably at the knowledge of all the pain and suffering she had endured.
It was long past midnight when he crept back into the cabin and slid into his bedroll. He lay awake and did his best not to think of her hunched over, taking the lashes from a horsewhip. He could only imagine how long she had to sleep on her stomach to keep her torn flesh from further injury. He was finally drifting off when he heard her whimpering softly. This happened from time to time. She tossed and turned and called for someone named Prim. He would try to calm her but he feared that a man's presence in her bed would be more disturbance than comfort. He wanted to go to her but his better judgement kept him in place.
A few moments later she let out an anguished scream that cut through the last of his reservations. He climbed onto the bed beside her and shook her gently. She tensed in alarm and screamed again. "No, leave me alone! Help! Help!" He pulled her onto his lap and held her arms at her sides to stop her flailing. He rocked her gently again and again and slowly she began to settle. He kept his voice soft and steady so that it caused her no further alarm but rather brought her back to consciousness gradually.
Katniss tried to fight the stranger off but he was much stronger than her. He chased her around the barn and she screamed for help but no one heard her. At least no one who cared. He had her cornered and she knew his intention but once he had hold of her he didn't pull or grope or fondle. Instead, he held her still and rocked her. She could hear a voice cutting through her screams and struggle like rays of sunlight to a dense fog. She tried to concentrate on the voice. It was familiar and she wanted to make out the words it was whispering. "Katniss, it's ok. I've got you love. You're safe. You're right here at home with me."
When she was fully awake she became aware of two things. First of all, that she was at home in her own bed. Secondly, that Peeta was in it with her. She looked up at him and he kissed her forehead. "Hey there beautiful" he said softly. "You're awake." He set her back on the bed and went to fetch his work shirt. She thought that he would put it back on but instead he sat down beside her and used it to wipe her face. He held it over her nose and instructed her to blow which she did. "Are you ok?" he asked. She nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?" She shook her head. "Ok" he said standing up.
Her hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. "Don't go" she pleaded.
She wasn't sure she was ready for this but she knew that she didn't want him to leave. He gave her one of his sweet boyish smiles and climbed in beside her. At first she left some distance between them but she could feel his body heat through the thin sheet and she wanted so badly to be held again. She stared into the darkness. She was being ridiculous. She wanted him to touch her and she knew that he wanted to. They had been married for weeks and it was exactly what they should be doing. She rolled over and placed her head on his chest. His arms encircled her and his lips rested in her hair. She had never felt so safe and cozy, not even when her father was alive. She was asleep in a matter of minutes.
Peeta wasn't sure if he was lucky or not. On one hand, Katniss was asleep in his arms. On the other, he had a raging erection and no way to deal with it. Her smell was intoxicating and he twitched every time she let out one of her small breathy moans. He wanted so badly to love her. Not just with his body but with his whole heart too. He knew he was miles ahead of her in terms of falling for each other but he couldn't stop himself. She was so strong willed and determined that he knew he would have to move mountains to completely win her over. But once she gave herself to him she would do it wholeheartedly and she would never falter in her devotion. It was a battle worth fighting for sure. He WAS lucky because he had the chance to make her his and because she was calm that night as he held her. She had suffered so much and he had been able to bring her this small measure of peace.
When Katniss woke the next morning she could tell that they had slept entirely too late. Bright sun was streaming in the windows and she could hear a couple of the animals calling from the barn. Johanna would be frightfully cranky, she needed to be milked. Still, she couldn't bring herself to move. She had rolled over in the night and Peeta spooned her from behind. His strong arms still held her and she could feel his member pressing against her bottom. She thought that its proximity would frighten her but instead she felt a heat settle low in her belly. She was arousing him and although she didn't want his body within her she wanted him to desire her. She was also more than a little curious about exactly what he looked like and how he would feel in her hands. She lifted the blanket to cover her blush. This whole situation was so confusing.
As much as she wanted to stay and enjoy his closeness, after a time she relented and slid from the bed. She needed to get ready for the day and tend the animals and she desperately needed to relieve herself. When she stood she knew she could not wait a minute longer. She grabbed the extra blanket atop Peeta's unused bedroll and threw it over her shoulders so that she could head to the latrine. She charged clumsily through the front door and almost ran straight into Haymitch.
She was so unsettled by his presence that she let loose of the blanket and it slipped to the ground. "Well" he said in his thick southern drawl. "I see ya and the boy's gotten might friendly."
She opened her mouth to argue but it seemed futile. She was standing in front of him mid-morning in her drawers and chemise and she was aware that her hair was mussed. She scooped it back up to cover herself. "We were married a couple of days after you so conveniently abandoned us here" she informed him. He grinned in return. "Now if you will excuse me I need some privacy." She motioned back to the house. "Peeta is still sleeping."
Haymitch laughed as she shuffled away. "Take yer time" he called after her. "I'll just be tend'in this here cow. Things bawl'in some'in awful. Ya might a heard her if ya'll weren't so busy."