Disclaimer: *waits for drum roll*

Bowtie: *beats on drums, and throws drumsticks up and breaks a light*

2wh* bruhes off the broken glass* I DON'T OWN ARTEMIS FOWL!

*echo echo*

Dedicated to All the people who have reviewed.

I got a suggestion for rule nine, but I already had this one planned out, so whenever I need one, I will use a slightly changed version of starryowly's rule, since it correlates with a later one, but I do use suggestions.

Rule nine: Never go anywhere without at least three backup plans. It's for your own good.

Holly nudged Butler.

"What is he doing? We need to leave."

Butler shrugged, his hand crawling toward his waist. Holly noticed the action.

"What are you doing?"

Butler kept his eye on Artemis "Following rule nine"

Holly's eyebrows shot up. " Never go anywhere without at least three backup plans. It's for your own good?"

Butler shook his head. "No. Not Artemis's rules. My rules."

Holly looked at him expectantly.

"Never go anywhere without a knife."

Holly nodded appreciably. "So what plan entail studying a manual and spending half an hour looking around the kitchen?"

Butler rolled his eyes. "According to Artemis, Microwaves are tricky."

…..

Mulch looked at Foaly. As close as the two were, he was still trying to understand him. They were going to the mall to pick out Caballine a birthday present, but taking along a huge backpack was a bit unneeded.

" I know I'm going to regret it, but what's in there?"

Foaly grinned. "Everything I need in case I get ambushed by goblin gangs, Koboi's minions, Artemis turned evil, Orion, Holly with a gun, paparazzi…"

"Whoa. Stop there. You found a cure for the paparazzi?"

Foaly nodded happily.

"What is it?"

Foaly set the pack on te ground and started searching through the pockets.

Twenty minutes later….

"Aha!" said Foaly, his voice triumphant. He held it up for mulch to see. "You press this doodad here, and… IM SO SORRY MULCH! ARE YOU OK?

Mulch was rolling around on the ground. "MY EYES!"

Foaly searched through his backup bag for a few minutes. "Here you go!" Water: the best way to battle pepper spray.

Mulch poured the water over his eyes. "AHHGGHHHH!

Artemis and Holly watched the video and laughed and winced at the same time.

"Poor, poor mulch" chuckled Artemis.

Holly backed it up until she saw what exactly was in Foaly's backpack.

"Why would he need a parachute and C4?"

Artemis traced circles on the desk, now bored with watching mulch squirm on the floor.

"Probably for plan three."

Holly just looked at him.

Artemis sighed. " Never go anywhere without at least three backup plans. It's for your own good".

Holly nodded knowingly. "Mind copying that onto a disk for me?"

Artemis was already doing it, his fingers a blur on the keyboard. "Going to send it somewhere?"

Holly nodded.

*for the record, after this video was sent to PPTV, the paparazzi did not bother Foaly for a whole week*

Rule nine! Wahoo! I will use all of the suggestions, but not in the order that they were suggested. When I don't have a good idea for a spin off, I will use any suggestions for rules and scenarios. I can only rely on inspiration from my own stupidity (Like the above scene) for so long.