THE EXPLANATION

Hannibal leaned his back against the door of the car and turned his body toward the seat. He did this quite strategically so as he held Clarice in his arms she would lean against him and he would feel the length of her body against his. The entire ride back to their hotel they did not speak.

Hannibal massaged Clarice's neck and shoulders his body tingling at the soft hum of comfort she released with the pressure of his grip. She craned her neck and turned her face up to her husband, searching for his lips. Hannibal smoothed a hand across her throat and surreptitiously searched for her pulse. He positioned a finger over it at the precise moment he lowered his face toward hers. It pleased him to feel the beating of it as they kissed, her increase matching his.

When the limo pulled in front of the hotel, the dutiful husband reluctantly released his wife and exited first, certain to be extremely generous when tipping the driver. The man had seen and heard enough. They would need his services again on Monday morning for their trip to the airport. By the expression on the man's face when he received the gratuity, come Monday morning their driver would be punctual and pleasant.

With each step Clarice took from the car to the room, she thought less of holding Hannibal and more of Emilia. By the time the pair reached the door to their room, her temper which moments earlier had just begun to simmer was now rolling up to a full boil.

They did not speak until they entered their suite. As soon as the door to the room closed, the calm of the ride was fully forgotten and Clarice exploded, not at Hannibal but at the situation. He understood her frustration and let her vent her emotions without the intrusion of his feelings to color her own.

"Oh my God… H! How the hell did you ever get involved with her? She's so revolting I feel like I need a goddamned tetanus shot. No, I take that back. Considering the high likelihood that a woman that promiscuous probably has an STD I should get some penicillin as well."

Hannibal sat on the couch that had been his bed the night previous before dropping his head low between his shoulders. His unusually stooped carriage reflected his exhaustion and his utter frustration having to deal with this long forgotten portion of his past. He took a long pause before responding to his wife.

She finds Emilia to be repulsive, thus by association on some level, she is now equally repulsed by me.

"Is that a rhetorical question, Clarice or does it actually require an answer on my part?"

Clarice stopped her tirade and after checking her temper, very seriously considered his query.

Do I really need this information or do I want it?

She turned to Hannibal, her expression quizzical. "You know…I'm not sure about that. I'm going to think this over while I change. Do you mind if I shower first or are you in a hurry to change your clothing?"

"No, I am perfectly comfortable. Please be my guest."

Normally, Hannibal would ask Clarice if he could join her in the shower. He did not feel it appropriate tonight.

Better she have time to clear her thoughts and decide what information, if any she is seeking.

Clarice went into the bathroom and with no small level of frustration, spun the faucets releasing the hot water tap almost to capacity. She felt dirty even speaking to that abhorrent woman and couldn't imagine that Hannibal had soiled himself by touching her.

Jesus, H…it isn't as if you couldn't do better! She doesn't even seem your type. So…servile…so in need of male domination…so goddamned stupid! She's hardly the challenge I would expect you to seek.

Clarice didn't even know what about Emilia disgusted her so much. It wasn't as if her hygiene was suspect and she was actually quite attractive. The woman's pathetically hypersexual demeanor was so reprehensible that Clarice dialed the faucet until clouds of steam fogged the room. She stepped into the shower and flinched at the heat, the burning sting of it felt as if it would vaporize her skin. Fully in the fourth month of her pregnancy she was beginning to show and kept her back to the heat so as not to hurt the baby.

She remained in the shower much longer than was her custom, scrubbing her quickly reddened skin vigorously as if removal of the first layer of dermis would remove this woman from her life.

When she emerged, her wet auburn hair falling across her deep terrycloth robe and nothing underneath, Clarice returned to her husband and sat on the couch beside him. She curled her legs beneath her and enjoyed the silence of his company.

This is the calm before the storm. Do I really want to do this?

A satisfied smile crossed her face as she noticed Hannibal's chest rise and his nostrils flare as he gathered in her scent. She watched her husband's expression and other than that one deep inhalation showing his physical interest, a natural gesture from him that spoke volumes to her; he was a blank canvas. There was one thing she was certain of. He loved her. She knew that.

What is going on in that brilliant mind?

"What are you thinking about, H?"

Hannibal's previously relaxed posture instantly self- corrected. He was now sitting bolt upright and moving very little. His mind tumbled as it calculated various exchanges, attempting to decide what his next statement should be.

"What does it matter what I am thinking? It matters only what you are thinking, Clarice."

The only movement he made was a slight trilling of the thumb and forefinger of his right hand tapping absentmindedly against his thigh. His face remained calm and wholly impassive. He spoke in near monotone without his usually playful, almost taunting inflection. He continued to answer her question.

"Though if it is important for you to know, I am trying to determine how to adequately explain to you that which I am not certain you are capable of understanding, such is your goodness."

Clarice wasn't entirely certain she wanted any further details. What she had already read upset her far too much. This wasn't the way she pictured her husband. The man she read about online was savage, merciless and raw. She wondered if knowing his motivations would upset her more or less than the deeds themselves.

"If I question you about this, you'll obviously answer honestly." She stated more than she asked, as she already knew the answer.

He released every bit of wind in his lungs through one painfully protracted sigh.

So it begins.

Abruptly, the trilling stopped. Hannibal flattened his palms on his thighs and leaned back slightly, his arms extending but hands remaining in place. Clarice thought he looked like a lion leaning back in a predatory stance as if readying an attack. Hannibal Lecter was far more terrifying when he became absolutely still. His answer to his wife was plain.

"I have told you many times before, Clarice… I will never deny you my honesty. I will answer the questions put to me even if the truth of that answer comes at great personal cost to me."

Clarice was wary of this response. "Why do you believe I'm trying to hurt you or that this will cost you something? I don't want to hurt you. I want to understand you."

Hannibal stared forward, not in the direction of Clarice but somewhere off in space as his limitless mind created within it a mighty brush that painted great masses of color across expanses of infinite darkness.

"I believe it my Love because already, you have unwittingly harmed me and this has cost me no small measure of your respect. You look at me differently. Mere moments ago you held me and kissed me as you did on our wedding night. As we entered this suite, and your mind shifted, the first statement you made is evidence of that cost. I am tremendously saddened by that fact. Still, I owe you honesty. If you ask…I will answer."

Clarice bit her lower lip and set her jaw. "Yeah, H…I know…I'm sorry but I need to hear this from you. The fact that I don't recognize you at all in this scares me a little."

He did not turn his face toward hers, still choosing to remain in the alternate reality of shapes and colors he was concurrently creating within his brilliant mind.

"Very well, Clarice. Ask your questions if you feel you must."

There was a pulse point at his temple that had begun firing rapidly. Clarice could see this discomfort and believed it to be a reflection of suffering. She felt tremendous love and empathy for him.

He's so brave, so much courage.

She reached out and traced a loving finger across his temple as if brushing his hair back from his forehead would relieve some of pressure pulsing there.

"H…I want to know why?"

Reds…deep alizarin crimson, like blood pooling and clotting. Blues approaching violet, deep and limitless as the cold depths of the galaxy. Add a hint of swirling ochre, burning hot like the sun…

"The why of it all may not make sense to you, Clarice. Emilia was an experiment and one that I am not proud of. I was seeking to link some emotion to the sexual experience, to feel something…anything aside from the physical release. I did not believe I would ever find a woman to whom I was willing to offer my love…one that was in turn willing to accept my love. If I could not find love in the experience, the opposite seemed plausible. Therefore, in Emilia, I found a woman not seeking my love and more than willing to accept my hate."

Vermilion and green ebbing and flowing like vast fields undulating along a distant horizon.

"I don't want details about the sex, H. That happened long before us…it's none of my business. But…did you ever tell her you loved her? Did you ever love her?"

Hannibal did not flinch. His response was clear and direct.

"I did not tell that woman or any other woman that I was in love or loved them, nor have I ever loved any other woman. I absolutely and unreservedly have only loved you, Clarice. What I shared with Emilia was very physical and aggressive. There was nothing of love in it at all. If she thought she had found love somewhere in that carnal brutality that is no concern of mine."

Deep whirling clouds of umber and sienna that twist and turn on the horizon like plumes of smoke.

Clarice took a deep breath as if the strained inhalation could in some way gather to her a portion of Hannibal's courage, some small measure of his inner strength. She would pose now, the question she most wanted to ask and the answer she least wanted to hear.

"When you had sex with her, I don't want any details… was…was it…better for you?"

At the completion of the question with Clarice's wind strangled in the back of her throat in breathless anticipation approaching utter terror as she waited for the answer.

"Please continue your thought my Love. Better for me than what? Be specific please."

Onyx…deep black…reflecting into the abyss…

"Was it better for you with her than it is with me? There were things I read that you did with her…things that…I don't do that we don't…do you...need me to…"

She didn't finish the sentence. She couldn't bring herself to form the words. She didn't want the answers anymore. Her eyes burned as they welled.

The appearance of tears...she is crying.

Hannibal snapped quickly back from the protected solitude he had placed himself within. His mind was now fully with Clarice as he tenderly touched the pad of his index finger to her cheek lifting the tear from her skin just as it spilled over her eyelid.

"Clarice…I beg you… do not do this to yourself."

Hannibal helplessly watched his wife as she struggled with what had obviously been long held feelings of inadequacy. He had been so concerned that he was somehow diminished in her eyes he had not considered the same may be true of her. It cost him more to find out that she believed she was diminished in his eyes as well.

"She is…what I'm not." Clarice burst into tears, hiding her face in her hands as she hid within the folds of her robe. "I'm not…"

Hannibal immediately recognized the situation, assessed his response and mentally pursued Clarice. He challenged her, leaning in and physically invading her space as his words penetrated and probed seeking to clarify her thought.

"You are not what? Clarice, please this question is quite important so make every effort to answer honestly. You believe that she is something you are not? What would that something be? What is missing in you that is present in her? Or rather…might it be there is something present in you that is absent in Emilia. Consider the two and decide."

Clarice raised her face from her hands just long enough to get her point across.

"She's so…sexual. I'm not. I'm just not."

"You are correct, Clarice...she is sexual. You are not."

Clarice's eyes widened. She could not believe her ears.

I'm pouring out my soul to him and he's mocking me!

As she reached her hands for the fabric to again cover her face, Hannibal slipped to his knees in front of her opening her legs to bring his body more closely against her. He pressed against her and gripped her wrists. He opened her arms wide, denying her want to bury her face and sob.

"Look at me... Look at me and do not turn from this. Do not hide from yourself. You have already made the proper distinction, Clarice. You have stated it quite eloquently but did not realize the significance of your own statement. She is sexual. You are not. I agree fully with that. Do you understand what it is exactly that I am agreeing to? Do you understand the distinction? Is the thing that is lacking within you or within Emilia? Who is lacking?"

"I am…I don't…I'm not…"

"Do not confuse her behavior with femininity or being sexually appealing. You have both traits in abundance. She does not. She is sexual…the way any animal in estrus is sexual. She is driven by that need and that need alone much like a dog in heat would be. That is the difference between you. She is sexual and in that context, you are not."

"I'm lacking…"

"No…Do you remember your Merriam-Webster, Clarice? It would define sexual as being of, relating to or associated with sex. Notice the word love is not in that definition just as it is not in Emilia. Sex for you is an expression of love. Therefore you have a trait that she is lacking. She has no love, not even love for herself. That connection between sex and love is a distinction found in humans and not found among lesser animals. Emilia is a lesser animal. I am ashamed to say to you that utilizing that definition, at that point in my life…before you…in that context, I was a lesser animal as well. In your arms…I am no longer."

Hannibal reached for his wife and held her, kissing the top of her head as she sobbed against his chest. His heart ached for her.

"Clarice there has never been anyone who could ever match you in my arms or in my eyes. I have had many partners but I have had only one Lover…You. There is nothing you lack. There is nothing more you need do for me. With you I am finally complete."

"But with her you were so…aggressive. Maybe I'm not enough for you."

"Sex for me is different now. It is a sharing. It was never that for me before you. I am more satisfied now than I have ever been at any point in my life. I am in awe of your power over me and am humbled before you. You are Perfection Clarice. In my heart and in my soul, you have no equal."

Clarice looked up at him, her eyes swollen and plaintive. "What if she's right about the baby, H? You've never lived with a family. Not since you were almost too young to remember. What if you hate it? What if you get bored and resent us…resent me?"

Hannibal was hurt by her statement. "Clarice, I am a man. I have a wife. I am about to have a child. Why do you believe that I am some sort of creature that cannot understand that concept? That I cannot love that which I am responsible for creating? I feel as though you are seeing the mask again and forgetting there is a man holding you. A man that loves you and a man that is fully content to do nothing but hold you for the rest of his life."

"What if she keeps coming back? What if she won't leave us alone?"

"Then, Clarice I fear I may be unable to keep my promise to you."

"What promise do you mean, H?"

"If she is unrelenting know that I will be relentless. I will hunt her down and I will kill her. I will not allow this creature to destroy that which has taken me a lifetime to attain."

"No, H. We'll stay away from her. I want to go back to the States to have the baby. I want to be with friends for this. Does that upset you? Would you allow it?"

"I don't want to live in the duplex, Clarice. I would want more privacy than that. I would move to the states if you agreed to set up house in Baltimore. The home I once occupied came for sale last year and I was able to purchase it back at quite a bargain. Some people are squeamish living in a home that had once been a crime scene. That property is available for our use if that is agreeable to you."

"I would feel much better, H."

"Then it is decided. I will shower, we will have a bite to eat and we can plan this further."

"Do you want me to call room service?" Clarice asked, looking through the menu.

"If you do, I am feeling rather carnivorous. Steak if they have a good cut, rare."

"Do you want it rare or bleeding?" She teased.

"Tell them to walk a cow past and I'll slice a piece off myself." He countered.

"Bloody it is."

Hannibal went to take his shower. Clarice called room service and ordered the food specifying that her husband wanted his meat so rare the center of it should be almost cold to the touch.

Within minutes, Hannibal returned, wearing a plush robe, his hair slicked back from this forehead sleek and shining much like the first time she saw him.

"Have you ordered the food, my Love?"

"Yes, it should be here soon. They said the kitchen was quiet."

"Did you make a healthy choice, for the baby?"

"Yes, I told them I wanted something healthy but nothing with gills! Chicken was what they had so chicken it is. H, I swear with all the poultry I've been eating, I'm gonna start clucking before this baby is born."

There was a knock on the door. Hannibal answered the door and with a broad sweeping gesture of his arm, directed that the food to be set up in front of the window next to the wing chairs.

The young and overly hormonal waiter delivering the meals smiled widely at Clarice, obviously noting her state of undress. As he set the food out, his salacious eyes looked her up and down making no secret of his thoughts and no apology for doing so.

Hannibal noticed the implied intention of the junior gigolo and was less than pleased. It was obvious that this young man had probably gotten many provocative invitations by showing this level of interest. He probably believed that such a late night food delivery, greeted by two partially clothed guests might include an invitation to something more. Normally Hannibal might find this situation to be amusing. Tonight, he was hungry, tired and was most assuredly not amused. He sternly voiced his displeasure, the assertive timber boomed forth and echoed in the room.

"Mind that your eyes remain on me, young man and not on the body of my lovely wife. While I am certain your services may prove useful to other couples, I assure you I do not play well with others and am more than capable of enjoying the pleasures of my spouse alone tonight."

"Yes sir…no offense meant. Sir…your wife…she is lovely."

"Yes she is and we both thank you for your compliment."

He escorted the young man to the door.

When Hannibal closed the door, Clarice paused a moment to be certain the waiter had moved far enough away from the door so as not to overhear their conversation. She began to laugh uncontrollably.

"That was interesting."

"There must be some fairly flaccid guests patronizing this establishment. It would seem the young man has quite the racket. Please join me my Love." He was eerily calm as he held the chair for her.

Clarice stood nervously smoothing her hands against the comfort of the soft robe. He pushed her chair in, placed a napkin in her lap and uncovered her meal. Before taking his seat, he kissed her cheek.

"Would you like to return to the States before or after Thanksgiving?"

Clarice's eyes lit up. "That's this Thursday do you think we can get the new house set up in time?"

"Yes of course. The kitchen is fully appointed. A housekeeper maintains the home on a weekly basis. I can phone ahead and have it prepared. She need only place fresh linens on the bed. I can arrange the delivery of groceries to coincide with our arrival. I am certain it can be arranged."

"That would make me feel a whole lot better about life in general, H."

The pair enjoyed their meal and spent the next two hours talking about the arrangements needed for their trip. Hannibal was unsure at the end of the meal whether he would be taking his place beside his wife in the bedroom or spending the night on the same couch he made due with the previous night.

Clarice yawned. Hannibal stood and ever the gentleman pulled her chair out, allowing easement for his wife.

"Shall I remain, Clarice?"

"Why? Aren't you ready for bed?"

"I am unsure as to where my bed is tonight. Last night, it was the couch. The decision is yours."

You told the waiter you could handle me alone, H. Not feeling up to the task anymore?"

"I think with a little encouragement I can most definitely handle it."

Clarice took hold of the sash on his robe and tugged Hannibal playfully to the bedroom. When they reached the area beside the bed, she smoothed her hands across her husband's chest, opening his robe. She left her palms resting on his pectoral muscles.

He mirrored her movements, taking it one step further by slipping his hands over her shoulders beneath the fabric of the robe. He reached to her back, causing the robe to slip off and pool at her feet.

Clarice could feel his heartbeat slowly increase as he slipped his robe off and lifted her in his arms, carrying her to the bed. He set her gently on the mattress and took his place beside her. The pair, rested quietly in each other's arms.

Hannibal made no overtly sexual advances, satisfied for the moment with holding his wife and kissing her lips, moving the tip of his tongue across them but not probing further.

Clarice turned her head suddenly and yawned deeply, stretching against his body as the inhalation sapped the strength from her.

"Excuse me H…I'm so sorry."

"Are you tired, my Love?"

"Exhausted…you?"

"Somewhat…Did you want to sleep?"

"Would you be upset? I don't want you to think I don't want you."

Another yawn from Clarice, she was far too tired.

"Sleep...We have a lifetime together."

Hannibal rested against his wife much lower than was customary, his head just below the bare breasts he often rested his face upon. He did this so that his arms might encircle her now swollen belly, cradling the child within.

Moments later, Clarice was asleep.

Suddenly, Hannibal felt the faintest flutter against his cheek causing heart to soar with paternal pride.

The prideful father whispered softly, the sound of his voice almost imperceptible as his lips brushed quietly against her skin, careful not to wake Clarice.

"So my little one, I feel a kick from you already? Your mother will be upset she missed it. We will keep this secret to ourselves so that she can be the first to feel it. Your father loves you very much."

His precious child would arrive soon and though Hannibal understood his wife's need to be near loved ones, Hannibal also understood that in Argentina, on their secured compound, they were safe. In the States he was unsure.

Steps would have to be taken to protect his family. Possibly…lives would be taken as well.

Until the next chapter my friends,

LH