Ok…*dives behind bulletproof glass..

I'm sorry! It's not all my fault though for not updating! Our computer crashed, when we switched to AT&T, and I umm.. lost some stuff. When we finally got it working, I had to finish a report on communist china, and then tomorrow, I on vacation, so we have to pack. Sorry!

I still don't have a lot of real inspiration, so this might not be very good, I AM using suggestions, but twisting them a little, or saving them for later.

Disclaimer: Raise your hands if you think I own Artemis Fowl!

*Watches as evil lawyers raise hands trying to trick 2whitie into a lawsuit..

*Immediately shoots all the lawyers who raised their hands with a neutrino, then shoves the smoking gun into Paperclip chick's hand, and runs when the police come

Just a thought for those still reading this! Who actually reads my fic, Coming back for a new one? Because if no one is, I might think about having someone adopt or something, because I thought of a really cool idea to do, seeing as this will be a long term fic: What if during the Time Paradox, Root suspected something was wrong, and decided to investigate? Review or PM me!

…..

Rule Fourteen

Before you write it off as a coincidence, look for a conspiracy.

Artemis looked behind his shoulder for the third time in five minutes.

"Butler…" he said in a murmur.

His giant bodyguard looked up from his phone "Yes, Artemis?"

"That is the third person today to pass me wearing a red hoodie..in the summer."

Butler shrugged, although he suddenly looked slightly nervous "Lots of people like red hoodies."

Artemis sighed. "Rule Fourteen, Butler."

Butler did mental check through the list of rules. "I highly doubt there is a connection, and besides, there is no known mafia that kills people while they wear bright hoodies."

Artemis looked up in surprise. Usually, Butler noticed these kind of things before him, and did something before it even LOOKED dangerous. I mean, tranquilizing a girl that was slightly obsessed with having him go to the school dance with him was proof enough of that. Artemis hadn't relied she was following him, until a larger group of people were gathering around the girl, and Artemis had made a comment to Butler of who she was. After that, the manservant looked decidedly guilty.

Artemis decided to wait to interrogate him about it later.

Fowl Manor

Trouble Kelp looked nervous after he entered the manor's double doors.

"I swear he saw me! Why did we have to use the red hoodies? They stick out like a bruised finger!

"Bruised thumb, Trouble."

"Whatever"

"We had to use the hoodies, because the full moon was yesterday, and I don't want to waste any magic, the big rig I hijacked only had red hoodies, and diapers!"

Trouble rolled his eyes and set about helping his brother hang the can of green paint above the doors. Artemis's birthday was in a few days, and today was the only day tey could all make it above ground. Mulch had bribed Butler to distract Artemis, and the rest of them were hanging a banner in the hallway. Actually, only a few of them had actually come to with Artemis a happy birthday. Trouble had come to see his get plastered in green paint, some had come just to say they had been in Fowl manor and survived. he had dragged Grub up with him though, and there was now a betting pool going on to determine how many minutes they would be in Fowl manor, before Grub wet his pants.

Doodah looked out the window. "he's coming! He's coming!"

Every Fairy in the room, including Juliet, dived underneath a piece of furniture, and waited for the genius to enter the house.

"Butler, why are you so jumpy?"

"It's part of the job description, Artemis."

"No, you open the door, but don't go inside first, like you always do, you show little interest in figures that have been following us, and you seem extra jumpy. Spill."

"Why are you suddenly seeing conspiracy in everything?"

"It's kind of what I do, Butler." *

Butler rolled his eyes, the walked in, careful to avoid the tripline. Heck, he wasn't going to ruin HIS Armani tie, his Gucci shoes, and his airman gildo zanin suit. **

Artemis gave his a weird look. His thoughts were confirmed when he heard someone hiss "shut up you moron!" in Gnommish.

He poked his head in, and saw the barely visible tripline. He seemed to address an empty room.

"I'm not that stupid."

There was a mass "awwww" as Fairies crawled out of their hiding places. His eyebrows shot up. He wasn't expecting this many.

Trouble growled and tackled the Irish teen across the trip line, getting them both covered in paint. His LEP suit immediately get it off, but Artemis wasn't that lucky. He got to his feet and glared at Trouble.

"I hate you."

Trouble grinned. "That's what they all say."

Artemis was briefly confused. "Who says that?"

Holly and Juliet were in fits of laughter. "Pick a girl, any girl" said Holly in between breaths.

Artemis glared at her, trying to wipe the green paint from his hair. This was happening way too often. "Why?"

Holly grinned. "err.. Happy Birthday!"

Artemis quickly donned his vampire grin. "I think I need a birthday hug.." He ran at her, with every intent to rub all the green paint onto her uniform."

Holly grinned and ran right at him. This Artemis was not expecting. It made him pause for a second, and cursed at himself for not paying more attention to rule nine.

Holly grinned and threw herself at him, and did what he least expected her to do.

She kissed him. Full on the lips.

With half the LEP watching.

Artemis about had a heart attack.

Trouble DID faint

Grub immediately decided to complain to Foaly about the glasses he was wearing, because, according to him, they cause hallucinations.

Juliet took a photo

Artemis started returning the kiss

Half the LEP turned away like little kids

Chix made gagging noises

Mulch started thinking about wedding invitations

FOUR HOURS LATER

All the fowls were seated at the dinner table, and Artemis wasn't touching his dinner. Both Mr. and Mrs. Fowl noticed and asked him what was wrong.

Juliet got up, and whispered something in Mrs. Fowls ear, something along the lines of "Someone just got kissed by someone that wasn't related to him."

Artemis decided he wouldn't change his rule. It was a conspiracy.

…..

Juliet handed him a disk with the label written with a permanent marker and masking tape.

Before you write it off as a coincidence, look for a conspiracy.

He looked at it weird, then popped it in the drive. It started playing, and to his horrification, someone had found the tape from Rathdown park and the tape from earlier today, put it on loop, and wrote in cursive writing on the bottom of the screen That doesn't look like a coincidence to me, Mud-Boy.

Knowing that Holly could not have put that kind of video together, he knew who did immediately.

Die. Foaly. Die

…

Ta-Da!

*bowtie starts to add the ba-dum kisshh on her drums, but fignewton stops her before she injures someone

PC: Yea! A/H!

Poptart *scrolls up* where?

2wh: points

Poptart: oh *starts dreaming fantasies of when SHE kisses fictional boys*

….

*That's from Storm breaker, the movie based off the first Alex Rider book

*SP? not sure, but that's from SWAK, and if you haven't seen that episode Shame on You!

*There is one other quote from SWAK, ill see if you can find it.