As the snow piled up outside of the window so did the love in Katniss's heart. The days were long but they were also full of togetherness. Now that Peeta knew the truth she felt less of a need to shy away from his touch. They sat for hours while she sowed clothing for the spring and he read aloud to her. He taught her some new card games and even played the harmonica while she sang. It was the first protracted respite she had been allowed from intense physical labor and she found that the more rest she got the more the sexual yearnings in her body flowed.
Peeta was kind and considerate and easily her closest friend. The romance and tension between them had been immediately restored. Unfortunately, the trust had not. She knew that he cared for her deeply but she still struggled with doubts about his acceptance and feelings of inadequacy when she recalled how he had initially reacted to her arrival and then more recently to her lack of virginity.
The downtime gave them more time to talk and Peeta was glad when Katniss opened up and started to speak more freely about her family. He enjoyed hearing her stories about her mother and Prim. Her love shone through every memory that she shared. He could relate to many of the adventures she had as a child living on a prospering plantation and their conversation nearly accomplished the impossible of making him nostalgic about his boyhood home.
But when the conversation turned to her father he found himself increasingly uneasy. She completely adored the man and Peeta felt certain that no one else could ever live up. He tried to shake his feelings of insecurity when she spoke of her hero. It was her father after all, she was supposed to admire him. He was glad that they had been close and he didn't resent the bond they had shared. What really concerned him was how different he sounded than himself.
James Everdeen had been tall dark and handsome by his daughter's description. He had also been a skilled hunter and accomplished marksman. He prided himself on speaking his mind and had been a passionate advocate of succession.
"Once those first shots were fired there was no stopping him" she said with awe. "He was the kind of man that nobody challenged, just a natural leader. I know if more men would have had his courage and fighting spirit the cause wouldn't have been a lost one."
Peeta nodded in agreement, although he doubted that the strength and tenacity of any men could have changed the tide of the war. He just hoped that she could learn to admire and respect a quiet, jovial farmer. He had always been soft spoken and never overly bold. He did not killed anything unless it was completely necessary and didn't enjoy fighting other men.
He continued to wrestle with the issue in his mind but it definitely wasn't the only battle raging within. He was also doing his utmost to simply enjoy her company and not fantasize about the sight of her breasts and the sensation of her tight walls surrounding him. After what she had told him about her past experiences he had taken their physical intimacy back to near courtship status. They slept together at night but during their waking hours he settled for hand holding by the fire and light kisses before he trudged out to the barn.
Katniss sometimes accompanied him in the morning when there were lots of chores to do. He noticed her examining Johanna and she looked considerably perplexed as she ran her hand on the cow's side. "She has put on weight recently" she observed. "We haven't been feeding her any differently but still she keeps getting wider. I hope nothing is wrong."
Peeta smiled to himself. "No" he answered. "Nothing's wrong. At least nothing that won't return to normal in time. Before you came I decided that I needed another one and I took her to Thom's and put her in with one of the bulls. I'm pretty sure Johanna is going to have a calf in the spring."
His wife's face could have lit up a moonless night. "Johanna" she cried and ran forward to hug the cranky being. "Johanna, you're going to be a mother."
Peeta watched in wonder as his normally practical and collected wife gushed over the pregnancy of a milk cow. She talked excitedly for several minutes as if he weren't even there. He loved how the news brought out her energy and vitality. He pictured her face a bit fuller and her belly completely rounded. Nothing in the world would make him happier.
When they finished in the barn they moved outside and began to shovel. It took daily effort to keep the path to the house clear. Katniss didn't mind. She enjoyed using her cramped muscles and getting to breathe the cold fresh air. It felt wonderful after so many hours holed up in the cabin. She couldn't image how Peeta had survived it on his own.
She noticed his eyes drift to the barn every now and then and wondered if he was thinking of Smokey. "Do you think they would trade him back to us?" she asked.
He didn't have to ask her what she was referring to. "If I had something they really wanted" Peeta answered.
"You have money" she reminded him. "If you ordered some rifles I am sure they would make an exchange."
Peeta shook his head. "I don't think the white folks around here would appreciate me arming them any further. Besides, the braves take excellent care of their horses. He is in good hands."
When he heard her voice again he was surprised to find her standing beside him. "But not the best ones" she said softly.
When their eyes met he could see the emotion and tenderness in hers. She was missing Smokey too. Not just because she had become attached to the horse but because she cared for her husband and he was hurting. She was sharing his pain, taking it as her own so that he wouldn't grieve alone. He bent forward and kissed her.
When Katniss returned to her shoveling she did so with a lighter heart. At least Peeta knew that she was concerned and also that she was completely supportive of any effort that it took ensure his precious companion's return.
Her mind was consumed in thoughts of how it might be accomplished when she felt a cold, wet smack on the back of her neck. She turned in outraged shock to see him smiling. Oh, he did not just do that. She might be madly in love with him but she wasn't going to take such a deliberate challenge lying down. She let out a huff and turned back to her work pretending to ignore him.
Five minutes later, Peeta had begun to wonder if he had done something wrong. He was trying to lighten the mood and cheer her up but he could tell that she hadn't appreciated it in the slightest. He guessed that he needed a lot more work on how to interact with a woman. That would have gotten a laugh out of any of his boyhood friends from back home.
She was still glaring at him when he returned the shovels to their rightful place in the barn. He was working out an apology in his head as he shut the door in preparation for a return to the cabin. Just when he turned she pounced on him. He lost his balance and landed face first in the snow. It was a hard shock to his system and definitely not a pleasant one until he heard her melodious laughter. His petite little bride had played a trick on him and she had the upper hand in the scuffle for sure.
He quickly had their positions reversed but he was careful not to put his full weight on her. Her eyelashes fluttered seductively and she pucker her lips. He leaned forward for a kiss and she took advantage of his weakness and shoved a handful of snow down the back of his coat as her arms came around him. He let out a curse and brought his hands to her body in an instant. One thing he had learned about Katniss was that she was very ticklish and she thrashed and shrieked beneath him even through her layers of clothes.
She begged him to stop through bouts of laughter and when he finally relented the air was floating with the frozen wisps of their panting breath. His heart soared. She was playing with him and having fun. Her eyes were dancing with mirth but as long seconds went by the frivolity was accompanied by a deep yearning.
They searched each other's expressions for any hint of doubt, finding none, they moved together and their mouths collided in a needy kiss. Her hands grasped the front of his jacket and his raked through the mixture of snow and hair beneath them. She turned her head to the side repeatedly trying to taste him more deeply, explore the depths of his mouth more completely.
Katniss would have been content to stay fused together in the snow pile for the rest of the day but Peeta was mindful of the weather and didn't want her catching cold. He hefted her in this arms and they continued to pepper each other's faces and necks with kisses as he carried her across the threshold. He stopped a few feet inside and Katniss looked up to survey the room from this vantage point. It wasn't lost on either of them that he hadn't done this on their wedding day. He set her down slowly.
"We need to get you out of those wet clothes" he managed.
She was back in his arms the moment their coats were removed. Her mouth came to his and refused to let go. Each time they came up for air she swallowed a couple of gulps and attacked him again. He had never been so hard in his life. Not only was he kissing his gorgeous wife but she was playing the aggressor. Her tongue sweeping forward to enter his mouth, her hands pulling off his shirt and trousers.
He was reluctant to try to breech her last layer of clothing because he didn't want her pulling away. The last thing he wanted to do was put a damper on the passion she was so clearly putting on display. But when her hand moved forward to cup him through the front of his undershorts he could wait no longer. His fingers slid beneath her chemise to caress her breast and she let out a tremendous shriek.
He pulled back from her immediately, his eyes pleading for forgiveness. She took a deep breath and then flashed him a smile. "It's not that Peeta" she panted. "It's just your hands…they are freezing."
She started to laugh at the absurdity of the situation and soon he was chuckling too. While she tried to get her giggles under control he stirred up the fire and added additional fuel and she shed the last of her clothing and climbed into bed.
He turned to see her propped up on an elbow, her long dark locks falling all around. The blanket was pulled up just far enough to cover her breasts. If she would just let him taste them again he swore he could die a happy man. He was frozen in place, not by temperature but by indecision. Luckily, he found that it was not his call to make as she lifted a finger and motioned him to join her.
He slid in beside her and she pulled him close. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she pressed her bare breasts against him. Her core was wet and throbbing for relief. The nervousness and fear were still with her, an ever present drum beat of anxiety and self-hatred. But this time her desire and her love for her husband were stronger. She could no longer deny either of them what they needed.
He could see the internal battle raging in her mind and brought her forehead forward for a kiss. "I want more Katniss" he admitted. "I want so much more than hand holding and gentle kisses. But I know you are afraid and now I know why. It doesn't have to be all the way or nothing. There are other things we can do together. Things that would feel good."
This got her attention. She didn't know what he was referring to but it sounded exciting and she could feel some of her fluid smear across his thigh.
"Oh, Peeta…I'm sorry" she stammered untangling their legs.
He held her against his chest to still her motion. She relaxed for the moment and he placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.
"Sorry for what baby?" he asked.
"My…I mean, I got some…stuff on you and I know it's gross. It just keeps happening and I don't know how to stop it."
He found her stumbling words and the accompanying coloring of blush to be the most endearing thing in the world. Neither one of them had a clue what they were doing, but at least he had some parting advice and instruction from Haymitch.
"I don't want you to stop it Kat" he told her. "It isn't disgusting at all. I like it."
"You do?" she asked. He could see the surprise and longing glittering in her silvery eyes.
"Yes, it just means that your body is excited, that it wants to be with mine. It makes it easier for me to…you know…put it inside of you."
"Oh" she said and her expression turned reflective and dark. "That's why it hurt so much. Because my body didn't want it."
Peeta rubbed soothing circles on her back. "We can talk about it if you want to" he offered.
She felt the pulsing between her legs, made even stronger by the tone of his voice and the strength of his touch. She shook her head.
"Ok" he agreed. "You said before that you have been having crazy thoughts about being with me since we got married. I know you are scared about the intercourse part. What kinds of things were you thinking about?"
Katniss squirmed. It might be easier for her to talk about the past than confess her current yearnings. The silence between them drew out and she thought of all the tough things they had already faced together. She recalled how often he sought her advice and pondered the reality that his beloved Smokey belonged to another at that very moment because of his devotion to her. She took a deep breath.
"I've thought about kissing you and about you touching my breasts again. I really liked it, especially when you used your mouth. I've thought about touching you too and about you putting your hands…between my legs. There is something there that really wants your touch. I've also imagined what you would look like without your clothes on."
Peeta was about to explode. Katniss had been fantasizing about him and it had been arousing her. She was naked in his arms and her arousal was leaking onto his skin.
"I don't mind you know" he managed. "I am fine with you seeing me naked."
When her expression showed interest rather than apprehension he sat up and lifted his hips. He pulled his undershorts off and tossed them on the ground and slipped out from under the blanket.
Katniss had seen naked men before. She had survived the war and then lived and worked among them for years as a share cropper. But she had never seen a young handsome fully aroused one and she had definitely never actually looked at the sexual organ. The one time Peeta and she had been together their bodies had been so close that she hadn't had the chance to look at it.
It was pink and erect and straining toward her. She had little knowledge to make a comparison but it also appeared to be very large. It frightened and excited her at the same time. Without thinking her hand started to move toward it but luckily she came to her senses and was able to stop it.
"It's ok Kat" he whispered. "You can touch me. You're my wife. My body belongs to you."
"I don't know what to do" she admitted, her gaze dropping to the blanket beside her. She felt like the worst kind of mate, used but with no useful experience.
He lifted her chin and his boyish smile warmed her and chased the negative thoughts away.
"That's alright" he assured. "I don't know what to do either. Just do whatever you feel like and I'll tell you if I don't like it."
The way he described it sounded a bit like a game. Katniss thought of their earlier frolic in the snow. Yes, she wanted to play with him. She wanted it very badly. They had spent years building the act of sex up in both of their minds but in very different ways. Now it seemed like this dangerous line to cross. But as she looked at his aroused body and considered his flexible and adventurous attitude it didn't seem like quite such an intimidating challenge.
She reached out her hand and gently caressed the head. He let out a hiss and stiffened in a way that made her withdraw, certain that she had done something wrong. Her momentary flash of concern melted away as he took her wrist and returned her fingers to his length. She ran them up and down the shaft. She was amazed by how soft the skin was and how hot it felt even on a winter day. His eyes rolled back and he groaned in pleasure.
"Kat" he grunted. "That feels amazing."
A sense of power filled her and she gripped him more tightly and mimicked the movements she had seen beneath the blanket the night she had spied on him. She knew that men excreted fluid too and something inside of her tightened as she saw it come forth and bathe her hand. Peeta's eyes had closed and he was moaning her name.
When he was recovered enough from his high to know where he was he found her watching him intently. He quickly apologized which made her smile. He grabbed his discarded shorts and cleaned both of them up.
"You are incredible my love" he told her hugging her close. "I understand if you want to stop but please let me touch you. I really want to make you feel good too. I promise I won't try anything that might hurt."
She nodded eagerly. He wasn't going to put that big thing inside of her so she didn't have to worry and she was anxious to learn what he had to teach her. She expected him to reach for her privates right away but instead he cupped her chin and started kissing her. Their tongues touched and she was so aroused from watching him climax that she immediately moaned into his mouth. His hands found her breasts. He weighed each one and kneaded them until she was thrusting them into his hand. She was shocked how much it pleased her when he pinched and plucked at the nipple.
His mouth fell to her neck where it sucked and nibbled. Her hips were arching up and he responded by slipping his hand between her legs. She felt his finger testing her entrance and the world "yes" escape her mouth.
When he started to push it inside she tensed. Old memories threatened to overtake her. She heard his voice calling to her.
"Katniss, my beautiful bride. I love you. You're right here with me and we're taking care of each other. Your body was meant to be with mine and you've never done anything like this before. It's nothing like the past, nothing like the others."
She took a few deep breaths to calm her suddenly present anxiety. He returned his lips to her face and kissed her gently. She could feel his warmth and she let herself drown in his scent.
"Let me prove it to you" he said softly.
Her eyes were clenched shut so she had no idea what he was doing when she suddenly felt a zing of pleasure.
Peeta watched her reaction and then he rubbed her clitoris again. She mewled in sensation and he increased the pressure and started firm, purposeful circles. Katniss was awash in newly found pleasure. He was touching the ache that she had felt since the first time he had kissed her. It felt unreal but yet still not enough.
"Peeta" she squeaked. "Yes, more, please."
The pleasure only intensified when she felt his finger at her entrance again. The rubbing was great but she yearned for his presence within her as well. She needed him. Needed his pushing inside of her, filling her and making their bond stronger.
Her body accepted him easily and her moans and gasps of delight continued as he stimulated her both inside and out. She was coiling around him tightly and he knew that soon she would snap.
To Katniss it felt like coming to the edge of a glorious waterfall and them tumbling into ribbons of beauty and light. She screamed as her body contracted around him and he kept touching her, drawing out the pleasure and making her shake and tremble with release. When it was over he tucked her mouth in his neck and held her close.
"That was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen" he said. "Way better than any of the dreams or fantasies I ever had."
His approval warmed her even more than her afterglow.
"So that was my first time?" she questioned.
The vulnerability he heard in her voice nearly broke his heart.
"Yes" he whispered. "That was your first time."
"I'm assuming by the way you are pressing against my leg that it won't be the last" she jested.
He wasn't prepared for the joke but was greatly encouraged by it. They had come to intimacy at last and she had enjoyed it. He had brought her to completion and she was feeling good enough to laugh with him. It was a very proud moment that he would cherish forever.