I still have a terrible case of writers block, idontfeellikewriting, and . On the upside, I read the Underland Cronicles, the Rangers apprentice Series, and the Missing Series. All very good. But..i vowed to do a Christmas Fic. To celebrate the best time of year. I put together a cute little list too. Oh well. Just to put it out there, my favorite Carol is Carol of the Bells. Maybe its do you see what I see? Whatever. Merry Christmas.

Rule 21

Failure can be food for the soul.

Artemis Fowl the First was humming "Joy to the World" under his breath when he walked in on a strange sight. The Kitchen was covered in a haze, probably heat, but his son and Butler were fiddling with dough.

"How did you manage to get powdered sugar in your hair?"

Artemis Fowl Junior's eye almost twitched, no doubt remembering how it got there

Flashback

"No1, where did you put the Russian balls?

The round, spherical, balls of cake in powdered sugar? The tasty ones that you didn't make?"

"Yes, those."

"Well, we ran out of room on the counter, and you said you wanted these cookies to be a surprise, so they couldn't go on the table, so I put them on the next best thing that looked like a table."

"….Where?"

No1 pointed at the large, pan-shaped blades of the fan that currently had baking sheets teetering on them.

Artemis was about to order Butler to get them and move them somewhere that didn't ave a danger of hurting someone lonely brain cells, when Mulch came into the kitchen with a half-full basket of almonds. It had originally been full.

"Is it just me, or is it hot in here?" he asked, while reaching for the switch to turn on the fan.

End Flashback

"I was trying to look like you" Artemis said, deadpan.

His father snorted. "Let me guess. The invisible fairies did it?"

"Close enough, Father"

His father shook his head. "I know I really should be wearing a bombproof vest in here while you are baking, but your mother told me to tell you that she needs to use the kitchen in 45 minutes, so to start wrapping things up."

"Why didn't you use the intercom?"

"I was afraid the kitchen one might possibly have been removed from the wires."

"My cooking isn't that bad."

His father used the same deadpan tone. " cough The Incident of '99 cough. Who fault was that?"

"Butlers'."

Butler looked offended, but didn't say anything. Artemis father shook his head and left the room.

The Haze solidified, and everyone started snickering.

"What incident of '99?" asked Holly.

Artemis smiled a little. "Well…"

The Fowls and the Butlers were out eating at a fancy restaurant, for Christmas eve, after the service. Artemis had blatantly refused to sit on Santa's lap. Something about stalkers and never to trust strangers who give you candy. He wasn't really in the spirit anyway. His ather was still missing. (A/N if it takes place in 1999, then he would be 11. I could make him younger for a really long explanation that I don't feel like writing out.)

Butler was nibbling on a cookie and watching the room. He saw a shadow moving in the corner, and ushered his charge and Mother toward the kitchen, when the shadow jumped out, brandishing a knife.

The kid on Santa's lap immediately threw himself off and rolled himself up in the carpet.

"Santa! Save Me"

The Santa looked blearily at the man, and Butler drew his gun.

Artemis grabbed the pan from a chef, and took whatever was in the pan, and added something in a suspiuos bottle to it, ( it had a skull on it) and grabbed the pancake thing and hurled it at the knifeman. (he missed completely. He did, however, succeed in knocking over a bowl of prunes.)

Everyone backed away from the prunes. Disgusting things.

Someone whispered at Artemis creation "What is that thing?"

Someone else answered with wide eyes. "Well, its black, and hard..soo..BOMB!"

Everyone began screaming.

Butler sighed, and started to move Artemis away, when Angeline stood up and wacked the knifeperson with her purse, and kicked him. He moved back when Butler spent the next second tranquilizing him.

In falling, he slipped on prunes, and the Santa sighed and sat on him.

The guy passed out, and the prunes were to blame. The bomb was forgotten, until it was taken to the trial, and its properties were unidentifiable.

The incident made the evening news, where a reporter mentioned a "band of thugs that took down a despicable person who would try to ruin Christmas"

Holly doubled over laughing.

Artemis grinned and handed her a basket. "Here, I made these."

"What are they?"

"Plum Drops."

Holly raised her eyebrow and handed him a candy cane. "I think I have a really good idea of what to do with these."

In Holly minds she could

them to mulch

2. get ten extra points in trashketball

Artemis knew what she was thinking, and whispered a plan in her ear. She grinned.

"If I am right, and I usually am, also send a gift of Advil."*

Ark Sool received a nice basket of cookies on hi doorstep. In a few hours, a note for is maid appeared n the doorknob.

LET ME PUKE IN PEACE

All in all, it was a merry Christmas. Artemis and in his churches choir, and turned out to have a decent voice. Mulch sent himself on fire with a candle, and Holly received a locket with a sprig of holly made with rubies and emeralds. She wore it the next day to work, and looked at the baskets of candy and fruit everywhere from the staff party. She would have started cleaning, but No1 was clinging too her leg, something about Qwan getting high on eggnog. She shook him off just long enough to trip and fall face first into a pile of prunes. Rule 22 was working even during Christmas. That dang prune was grinning.

No1 was examining it too, with prunes decorating his scales and a mistletoe mustache.

"That isn't natural."

Yeah, I know, not really funny, but work with me here. Writers block SUCKS. All I want for Christmas is for it to go away. The restaurant thing was based of something that really happened. I should know, I was the kid wondering why everybody was screaming during the family reunion. Merry Christmas, God bless.

*I was going to end it at "holly grinned" but under the circumstances, I wanted a reference to the Nativity. The Wiseman (who is hilarious) keeps saying that.