Ok…

Im not going to apologize. I was busy, and I still am, and I had 2 weeks to get over 16 huge projects done and..

Yes I will apologize.

Sorry. I got an amazing amount of reviews, and I couldn't find any inspiration until valentines day. So this is late Single Awareness day Fluff. Enjoy! To whoever asked about me doing a rule about the goblin rebellion movie mention in book 4, I actually made a song-fic, non-posted of it for AFF. Sooo…ill post it here too if anyone is interested. And to WolfButler, Yes, I could see Butler killing someone with a key. My favorite bit was page 150, the bit where he mentioned a friend named Windows 2000. Laughed. So. Hard. P.S Has anyone else seen the new covers? I want the U.S version! Sooo cool looking. Lol, but the UK one has him holding a sword. Go Arty. Go Arty. Go Arty. Go Arty.

Disclaimer: Yes. I own him. *tries to make the Eoin Colfer expression that is always on the back on his books but ends up looking like a fish* Really?

Dedicated to Mr. Heinz. Yes. He has an awesome name.

Rule 25: There are no stupid questions, just inquisitive idiots.

Juliet passed a truffle to the right so Holly could sample it. It had a creamy strawberry filling, something that was impossible to come across underground.

"We should do something for Valentine's day."

Artemis fingered a cookie in one hand and plans for thermal-honing rose petals in the other. (When it found its target, it blew it up. Thankfully, it left behind a very manly cologne scent). "Like?"

Holly was working on the truffle. "Nothing with violins. I heard about that one proposal of that one cousin of yours that got ruined because of the violin."

Artemis looked scandalized. "My cousin is an imbecile. It was an electric violin, in a supposed- to be-romantic-thunder storm. It had nothing to do with normal violins."

Holly shrugged. "I still would rather listen to normal music."

Juliet already had her iPod out. The strains of LFMAO* were already playing.

Mulch popped up from behind the couch, where he had been exiled to. "So it's THAT kind of party!" He immediately took off his dwarf made jacket, revealing an M&M T-Shirt below it, and immediately broke into a three way mix of the shopping cart, the air guitar, and the dwarf version of a dance mix of Puff the Magic Dragon. *

In all honesty, it looked like the hamster Buggsy from bedtime stories on steroids.

A very smelly, fat, version…

Yeah, there was no difference.

Artemis was kind of disturbed. He tried to get things back on track. "Sooo….maybe a ukulele instead?" he asked.

Juliet clapped her hands together. "Let's get Mulch a Date."

Artemis shrugged. It was a better idea than putting small explosives inside bon-bons. (Or, more accurately Bon-Bombs) "Let's do it."

Holly decided just to go along with it. "We could start by bribing him to stand in front of a blow-dryer. Un-mat some of that hair."

Juliet was of the opinion that he would either look like a very adorable, irresistible cotton ball, or he would look like a tumbleweed.

Both were attractive options. She also wanted to use it, because on time, Mulch had picked up her hair and decided that he now claimed ownership, and its new name was "Fleabag."

Artemis couldn't really say anything. He didn't have the best track record with women. Heck, according to Butler, his best pick-up line had been used on Holly. He had said it after Butler had told him that people talked to you more if they thought you had a sense of humor.

"Soooo….The Mitochondria walked into a bar."

He had been at the Argon clinic at the time, and had slipped into mind-space right after that out of embarrassment. Orion had challenged him for rights right after that, claiming that to make it fair, they had to duel it out with paper wads and onomatopoeia . He had also insisted on finding the Giants-Beanstalks, and setting weevils on them.

"The giants won't be able to climb down once they find out that Weeva's buddies here have chewed their ladders to oblivion!"

Artemis shook his head clear of those thoughts.

"Ok. So here is what we are going to do.."

"Do you have the action hero face down, Mulch?

Mulch nodded. He would have participated in this normally, but after Foaly bet Artemis that he would try and squirm his way out of it, he agreed, reluctantly.

"Good."

They were at an above-ground site for dwarfs. All fairies were welcome, but hardly anyone came in beside dwarfs. Holly ran in, bawling, and pulled a female dwarf to the side.

"My..*sniff* friend was over for a party, and at the end, she was just HUGGING my cousin. Then there was a no-good-dirty-rotten-book thief who made off with a book I REALLY wanted to read, and then he creates a ramp in my fridge to insure all my oranges ended up on the floor, and LIFE HATES ME!" **

She then shot the welcome mat with her gun, imagining it was the notebook paper that Artemis had written his plans out on. Why did she always have to sound like the damsel in distress?

The dwarf took her outside, because State Farm insurance just didn't cover everything.

The Tree House a few feet exploded and everyone started screaming.

A dark shape appeared on the horizon. It looked like..

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"

One dwarf with really good eyesight started screaming. "THE FIRE IS SHOOTING FLUFFY GRENADES AT US!"

The Fluffy Grenade in question pushed the female dwarf away from a very dangerous Weevil (That was on fire and was eating a bon-bon) and had his most heroic face on.

Artemis and Holly watched the chaos, and the female dwarf warming up to her "hero"

"Everybody deserves a little action on Valentine's day" said Holly.

They both sat wistfully at the flames.

Holly leaned in. "I think I'll take you up on that moment passionate-French junk Orion talked about."

Artemis smiled, just a little. "Do you really want to?"

Holly smiled. "Rule 25"

And the kiss tasted just like strawberries.

*barfs* ack..fluff o meter just shot the roof. I need to stop attempting romance of any sort.

**A special-Shout-Out top the kid who complained (sort of) the stuff that was mentioned above. If he finds out about this, and I survive, he is an awesome sport. Well, multiple people that I know personally that I parodied in this. But a special shout out to M***** who has been a bouncing board for jokes that are actually funny, stupid jokes, and just plain dirty jokes. He is finally reading Artemis Fowl, and I'm hoping he convinces his awesome girlfriend to read them too. So they can BOTH be bothered by my obsession.

*A reference that only Americans will get. The Short version: on the Superbowl, there was a commerc ial for M&Ms that went "I'm Sexy and I know it". The M&m stripped off his candy shell and exclaimed "So its THAT kind of party why everyone gave him weird looks. I don't know how many people have seen this, but I had to put it in after a guy in my class did it.