Yeah..Writers Block. It sucks. I wasn't originally going to post anything, because I really don't have anything funny. To be honest, I usually steal jokes from when I hear people say it, and just revolve a scene around the joke. This system works until you get older and half the jokes made are really meant to stay in the M section, and your class is in permanent you-know-what ed. For those of ypu who don't know what I'm talking about, bless you. If you do, groan along with me. The only reason im posting anything is because I wanted something up for Easter. I like to post holiday-themed shorties, but the idea I had doesn't really revolve around Easter and what it REALLY stands for, because then I would have to make it a serious chapter, and I suck at writing anything serious, and getting nailed to a cross is no laughing matter.. Notice: Important: I have no inspiration for this, so consider this on hiatus. Maybe finished after other fics, but it isn't the reviews that I want. If this chapter gets 4 reviews, I will for sure finish it to 30 rules, if not, I will label it as finished, and update for holidays only.
Rule Whatever: You don't know what you have until you have lost it.
"Argon is on vacation?"
"Two weeks, apparently. Told me not to get in trouble."
"Artemis, I think this qualifies as trouble. He even wrote it out on a sticky note in case you tried to twist his words around."
"Too late."
"Too late for what?"
"I already twisted his note around." He passed it to Holly without looking up from the Easter egg he was carefully painting on, an exact replica of a Monet in sphere form. Holly picked the note up with two fingers and studied it.
"This looks pretty straightforward, Artemis." She said, raising an eyebrow. "Did you check the lab footage or something and see him crossing his fingers?"
"No. I was watching him in fruitless hope that he would do that. He was in a hurry and spelled "Trouble" with a capital T. T infers "Trouble" as a proper noun, therefore meaning a person, place or thing. I am in no way "in" Trouble. The commander is not a cannibal as far as I know. Eating me would the only way for me to be "in" him, due to the fact of height differences."
He didn't notice, or completely ignored, the look Holly was giving him as he rambled on about fairies eating humans without any mayo or mercy. She realized he was just rambling because that was how he concentrated when he was painting. She also stopped because her eyebrows hurt from holding them up so long. She stopped his ramble before it got too out of hand.
"So the reason you are in this mess with is because Argon capitalized a word he shouldn't have?"
"Yep."
Holly held the bridge of her nose and let out a long suffering sigh, something he was picking up from Butler.
"From the top again?"
Artemis raised an eyebrow as he concentrated on a single lily on the bottom of the egg before reaching for another one. "Mother is hosting a gigantic easter-egg hunt after the church service and had already placed water-proof eggs all over the grounds. I was originally supposed to hand out the baskets. Butler did his rounds this morning, and somebody replaced certain Easter eggs with neon grenades with painted on pansies. So we have to replace them all, and host the hint knowing someone wants to kill me." He replaced the egg that he had just painted. "That's what we thought at first. Turns out the egg-grenades were actually filled genetically altered flowers that smell nice when they come in contact with air."
Holly couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Go on."
"The flowers inside attract dust mites."
"And?"
"I'm allergic" Artemis clarified.
"So someone is trying to assassinate you with orchids that may or may not make you sneeze?"
"Butler thinks so. He wanted to stand next to me, but Mother doesn't want the children to be scared."
"I don't see what would make them think that. If anything, they should be scared of the twins. Things tend to explode, combust, grow hair, vanish, grow extra limbs, come alive, get munched on by the yeti, the penguins of Madagascar attack with M16's…"
"Hmm, that's funny. Don't remember the last one. My memory must not be what it used to be." Interrupted Artemis, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"What was it like."
"I don't remember."
Holly gave him the look.
Artemis's right knuckle shifted slightly under the power of the look. "They haven't caught anything on fire. Except Mrs. Hudson's Honda."
"I thought she drove a van."
Artemis didn't even reply as he placed the last egg in the basket, and took a yellow tie with chocolate bunnies on it and fastened it around his neck.
"Anyway, back to the story. Why can Butler not guard you against The Pansy Power Killers?"
"Heh. Well, you can't have an Easter party without an Easter bunny…"
"You are kidding."
Artemis shook his head. "He made me carry some means of protection."
"What are you carrying?"
He picked up a bunny that looked suspicious, like it belonged in Monty Python.
"That bunny looks odd."
"Its mother was a hamster and its father smelled of elderberries."* He shook it, and it morphed into a can of cheese spread, that when on contact with air turns into chloroform.
LINEBREAKER
(That linebreaker doubled as a time travel machine. Our favorite characters are at the hunt now,)
Myles gave Beckett and Andrew a hard look.
"I don't think Artemis will fall for the old redbull trick."
Andrew, a family friend of the same age, rolled his eyes.
"He detected our flower eggs. We want to stir up romance between him and the red-haired chick, right? Flowers equal romance. He IS a teenager. He will take the red bull. If he really likes her, he will offer it to the girl as a gift. We are here celebrating the biggest gift, right? They get showered with flowers. Then we turn away when they smooch."
Beckett was impressed "You've put more thought into this that I have."
Myles wasn't convinced that his brother would take it. Especially of Andrew was the one who gave it to him. "Let's leave it in the grass so he won't get suspious."
The four-year olds nodded. **
Artemis was standing by the edge of the lawn when we saw the same flower hanging out of the top of a red bull that had been in the eggs. He grabbed Holly's arm and pointed it out.
"Lets wait for the song change for the couples to get off the dance floor before be make a mad dash across the lawn."
"No. It may as well be on a timer in this heat. I may not be the only person with dust-mite allergies. Father found more of the same flowers in a bouquet that Andrew's family brought, and had to remove it."
The outdoor lights dimmed, signaling a slower song coming on. Artemis maneuvered around a few couples, and then gave up.
"Come on. It would be faster to dance with the crowd." He awkwardly place two hands on her shoulders. "Know how to dance?"
"No."
"That's makes two of us."
Holly copied the stance of the other women, and cocked her head. "What's the song?"
"Lord I Lift Your Name On High."
"I liiiiiiike it."
The dance very conviently moved mostly to the right, so after about two minutes they stumbled off the dance floor.
Holly kicked the can. Then poked it. It was, a Artemis suspected, filled with flowers. "That sucks. Red Bull is good." Holly had always drank Redbull every time she came to the Manor.
Artemis grinned, and pulled a can from his jacket. "Think of the Rules."
She grinned. "A Celebration of the defeat of the daffodil gang."
Artemis held up his cup of grape juice that he picked up from a nearby table. "I'll drink to that."
In a nearby bush, Myles scowled.
"It is so the Azalea Assassins."
Like I said, writers block. Remember: Four reviews or this will be the last rule. If I don't get 4 reviews by the next time I post, I will post a last chapter with a notice that it wont be continued, and as a consolation bit, include all the deleted scenes that were stupid, crossovers, not really that funny, or just was too weak or short. (I.E. Butler getting told he was going to be the Easter Bunny, in rule 13, when I wanted Argon to get treatment for recovery purposes after being in a hospital with Artemis. No matter what, this will be over by 30, due to the fact it really has overstayed its welcome, I don't really like the story anymore, and I want to work on other things. I'm open to adoption, if I think you will improve upon it.
*Blatant Monty Python reference. If you don't get it, forget it
**by book 8, they are four