Kylo showed up for the next few days, always around lunch time and always ordering the same thing; pomegranate tea with extra honey. He always claimed the same table in the back, always brought his laptop and a battered journal he scribbled in. And after an hour or two, he would pack his stuff up, thank Rey for the tea, and leave.
She learned that he was a writer but he wouldn't tell her what, never let her get a peek at what he was working on. He always wore dark colors in various shades of black, faded shirts or soft looking sweaters. And when he was thinking, he would nibble on the end of his pen, fingers tapping out a beat on the tabletop.
It made her feel weird, but she couldn't help but watch him sometimes, the man in front of her so different from the one who woke her up at night, crying out into the darkness.
He was good at hiding it but she noticed a few things when she watched him. How his shoulders would curl in protectively when people passed his table. How he left early one day when the cafe got crowded, hands curled into tight fists. He hadn't noticed her approaching with his tea one time and when she set it down, he flinched so hard, his chair nearly tipped back.
It made Rey's heart ache.
But she looked forward to seeing him every day. It was like a game, seeing what new thing she could learn about him. He revealed so little about himself, preferring to ask her questions, but day by day, she was getting bits and pieces of information.
Today though, he hadn't shown up, lunch time coming and going. Rey supposed she couldn't expect him to show up every day but she had the next two days off so she probably wouldn't see him then either. She couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.
"Looking for that guy?" Rose asked when Rey peeked her head up for the twentieth time upon hearing the door open.
"Hmmm?" Rey asked, pretending she didn't know how she was talking about. Ugh, she was so obvious.
Rose just gave her a knowing look. She helped around the cafe occasionally, closing with Rey on nights that Poe couldn't. She was tiny and adorable but one of the most fierce and determined people Rey had ever met. She was a prime example of not judging a book by its cover.
"He's handsome but I like my men a little more… friendly looking," Rose said, wrinkling her nose cutely.
Rey couldn't really argue with her, Kylo certainly was intimidating, with his size and constant expression of displeasure or boredom. His dark clothes certainly didn't help.
"And," Rose continued, thinking out loud. "I think I'd constantly be scared he'd squash me. Men that big make me nervous. Like there's a line where big and manly crosses over to brutish and menacing." She blushed like she just realized what she said and was waiting for Rey to argue with her.
But she just shrugged, wiping down the counter. She knew Rose didn't mean anything by it, she just wasn't good at censoring her thoughts before they came out of her mouth.
Besides, people were allowed to have opinions, even if they were wrong.
…..
It was almost seven, an hour before closing, when Kylo walked through the door. Rey didn't notice at first, busy restocking their tea selection, but Rose jabbed her in the side.
"What?" she complained, twisting around. Then she spotted him. "Oh hey."
He gave her his usual small smile. "Just the usual, when you get a second." He shoved a five in the tip jar, his way of paying since she refused to ever charge him.
Rose gave Rey a smug look, taking over restocking the tea so she could make his drink. Rey dug out the spaceship mug which had somehow become his mug, adding a generous pile of honey in the bottom.
A minute later and she was setting it down on his table, along with a chocolate chip cookie on a plate. It was dead this time of night so they would never sell the last of their baked good anyways.
She wanted to ask about him being here so late today but didn't want to come across as being nosy. It wasn't really any of her business but she'd gotten the impression that he was a creature of habit.
"Just as a warning, we close at eight," she said instead, trying to subtly peek at his laptop and see what he was writing.
Without even looking at her, he turned it to the right, hiding the screen.
She huffed, shaking her head at the satisfied curl of his lips. "That's it, I now firmly believe you're a porn writer."
Kylo spluttered into his drink. "Porn?!"
"Well I can't think of any other reason you'd be so secretive about your work," she said then laughed at the look on his face.
"I'm pretty sure they don't bother getting writers for most porn," he mused.
"What are you talking about? Where else does the incredible dialogue come from?" Rey put on a high pitched voice and cocked her hip to the side. "Oh dear, I didn't realize my pizza came with extra sausage!" She fluttered her eyelashes, pouting her lips.
Kylo's deep laugh made her flush. "Pizza guy fantasy, huh?"
It was her turn to laugh. "God no, I'd like to think I'm a little classier than that. Middle-aged plumber man usually does it for me."
He shook his head, grinning. The appreciative look he was giving her was making her self-conscious.
Needing to do something, she reached over and broke off a piece of his cookie, popping it in her mouth. Vanilla and chocolate goodness made her groan happily.
Kylo looked amused. "Did you bring that cookie over here for me or for you?"
"Sweet tooth," she said, unapologetic, snagging another piece.
He was staring at her mouth. "You got chocolate..."
She licked her lower lip, tasting sugar. "Sorry, I'm a beast when it comes to cookies." She darted her tongue out again, dabbing at her lip. "Did I get it?"
His eyes flicked up from her mouth and she felt an electric shiver jolt down her spine. His pupils were huge, those intense eyes of his looking at her like he wanted to grab her and-
"Rey!" Rose called from the front of the cafe, breaking the moment. Rey hadn't realized she'd taken a step closer to his table and swallowed heavily. "Rey, the espresso machine is leaking all over again!"
"I'd better get that," she muttered weakly.
Safely behind the counter, she leaned her hot face against the cool metal of one of the machines.
"Holy hell," she muttered.
…..
The next hour flew by, Rey keeping busy with all the closing duties. Kylo left a few minutes before eight, nodding goodbye and slipping out the door.
She and Rose made quick work of tidying up and wiping down the tables, throwing the cash in the safe in Poe's little back office and heading out the side door to lock up.
"See you next week," Rose called, making her way over to her little red car parked out back.
Rey waved, locking the door and setting the alarm. She stepped into the dark side alley and a familiar meow greeted her.
"Hey there," she cooed, crouching down to pet the cat. It was a stray that always hung around the cafe, a tiny ball of orange fluff. He purred, rolling around for her to pet his tummy.
She indulged him for a minute, finally standing up. He gave an annoyed sounding meow, pawing at her boot.
"Fine, you needy brat," she sighed, picking him up in her arms. He loved to be held, curling into a ball and purring like a machine against her chest.
"You just think you're so cute," she told him, carrying him out to the front of the cafe, the streetlight casting a halo of warm light on the sidewalk. There was someone leaning against the pole and her heart skipped beat for a second before his height gave him away.
"Hell, Kylo, you scared me," Rey said, willing her pulse to stop racing. "What are you doing?"
"I thought I could walk you home. If uh, you're okay with that?" He said it like a question, clearly out of his comfort zone.
She struggled to hold back the giant grin that threatened to take over her face. "That would be nice, thank you."
He stepped forward then noticed the ball of fur in her arms. "What is that?"
"It's a cat, obviously. He's a stray that hangs around here most nights."
Kylo squinted at him. "He's such an obnoxious color."
Rey glared at him, pulling the cat against her tighter. "Don't you talk bad about him. Just because he's not black doesn't mean he's obnoxious." She pressed a kiss to his furry head and he purred louder. "Ignore him," she whispered loudly.
"He seems to like you," he commented, watching the cat wiggle around in obvious pleasure as she scratched his chin.
"I get along well with most animals," she said dismissively, then closed the gap between them. "Would you like to pet him? He's very friendly."
"Oh uh, cats don't really like me. He looks like he's fine with you."
Rey shook her head. He always seemed so hesitant, like he had burned it into his brain that he constantly ruined things.
She shifted the cat to one arm and reached down, grabbing Kylo's hand in her own. He didn't flinch but stiffened in surprise. His skin was hot against hers.
She took his hand and guided it to the cat's head. He leaned in, rubbing his face against his fingers the second they were close enough, purring louder than ever.
Rey let go of his hand, resisting the urge to shake off the tingling sensation in the tips of her fingers.
"See, I told you he's friendly," she whispered, unable to look away from Kylo. He tentatively rubbed the cat behind his ear, a look of quiet wonder and surprise on his face.
"He likes me," he said softly, like he couldn't believe it, then seemed embarrassed he'd spoken out loud.
Rey just gave him an encouraging smile and scooted a little closer.
They stood there for a minute, bathed in the soft light of the streetlamp, her holding the cat while Kylo towered over them, laughing gently as it rolled over in her arms, revealing his white belly for pets.
"Okay kitty, time to go home," Rey eventually said, crouching to put him on the ground. He meowed at her plaintively before darting back into the alley, disappearing into the shadows.
"Well..." she said to Kylo, tucking her hands into her jacket pockets, gesturing down the sidewalk with a quick tilt of her head.
He joined her and they took off, walking side by side.
"Did you have any pets growing up?" she asked.
"Just the family dog, this big, shaggy brown thing. His name was Chewie." He smiled ruefully. "No cats though, my dad hated them."
This was the first time Kylo had mentioned his family in all the times they chatted. It was a topic they actively avoided. He spoke in past tense though and she wondered if it was because they'd passed away or were just gone to him.
"Chewie... that's certainly unique," she teased.
"Don't look at me, I had no say in the name. That dog was around long before I was." Something about the way he said it had a flavor of old bitterness.
"I didn't have any pets," she admitted. One foster family had a dog but she'd only been with them for a few months so that didn't really count.
"Parents didn't let you have any pets?"
"Didn't have any parents so it never came up," she said lightly, gauging his reaction.
He glanced at her but rather than looking sympathetic or apologizing for not knowing like most people would, he just said, "That couldn't have been easy."
It was the way he said it, just a simple understanding that told her he understood to a degree what it had been like to grow up lonely. She didn't know if he'd lost his parents or had been in the system like her, but loneliness came in many different forms.
They walked the final block in a comfortable silence and he opened the door of the apartment building for her. Up at her door, she dug around in her purse, pulling her keys out triumphantly.
"Well, thanks for walking me home."
Kylo nodded, dark hair falling in over his forehead. "Do you always walk home alone in the dark?"
Rey shrugged. "It's not much of a walk, I doubt anyone's going to try to snatch me."
He frowned, an expression she was far too familiar with. "You never know, it's dark and the streets are pretty empty in this area."
A laugh bubbled out of her. He looked so serious, like a disapproving father. "I'm sure I'll be fine, Kylo."
His gaze was fixed firmly on the wall behind her and he shifted from foot to foot. "I could start walking you home if you'd like," he offered.
"Oh..." Rey floundered for a second, surprised but pleased. "I don't want you to go out of your way or anything. But I'd really like that."
He instantly perked up, like a giant puppy. "You would?"
Had he asked, just assuming she'd reject him? "I would," she said firmly.
"Okay, that's- that's great." The smile he offered her made it suddenly hard to breathe.
"Oh!" Rey remembered she had the next two days off. "I'm not working tomorrow or the day after though. I mean, you can obviously still go to the cafe if you want, just, I won't be there. Not that I'm saying you only come to see me! But you obviously don't have to walk me home... because I won't be there."
Why did talking with him always want to make her bang her head against a wall? She almost always embarrassed herself. Hell, she needed to figure out how to speak to this man without looking like an idiot.
"I'm going to go inside now," she said and he laughed, eyes warm.
"Good night, Rey."
"Good night," she muttered back, watching him vanish into his apartment.
…...
Rey groaned quietly, rolling over to peek at the clock. 4:12 AM. She'd already been awake for a few minutes, listening to Kylo groan and cry out in his sleep. He finally woke up and was currently in the pacing phase of his nightly routine.
Being woken up was getting harder and harder to deal with the more she got to know him. Now his cries and sounds of pain felt like they were physically gutting her, his heaving breathing making her own chest tighten in response. She didn't know how to help him though.
Another minute went by while she layed in bed and listened to him move around his room. Sleep was going to be impossible to reach now. She sat up in bed, sliding on her slippers, feeling wide awake and wired.
The thud of Kylo's apartment door slamming shut had her heading to her living room, listening curiously. Was he going somewhere? The sound of the door that led to the roof creaking open with its usual screech answered that question.
Rey would have liked to say she thought about how creepy it was that she was considering following him up onto a deserted roof at night after listening in on his intimate dreams, but she didn't. Instead, she thought about how lonely he'd look up on the cold roof, alone in the dark with just his thoughts.
So she went to the cupboard and pulled out a mug, filling the kettle with water and setting it on the stove. She didn't have any pomegranate tea so lemon would have to do.
A few minutes later, she was heading up the stairs leading to the roof, in her pink striped pajama pants and ratty old slippers, the mug of hot tea in her hand.
It was still dark out, the glow from the city lights providing only a little light so she almost didn't see him at first. After a second, she spotted him sitting with his back against the low wall that lined the roof, head back.
A chilly wind blew over the roof as she made her way to him and she shivered in her thin shirt, goosebumps erupting across her skin. She should have grabbed a jacket but it was a bit late for that now.
Kylo's head snapped towards her when she was just a few steps away. It was too dark to really make out his expression so she had no idea what he was thinking.
"Thin walls," she said by way of explanation, sitting down next to him, the stone wall cold against her back. "I thought you might like some tea."
He took the mug wordlessly, wrapping both hands around it. This close, she could see his face was closed off, an expressionless mask.
"I don't want to intrude, I'll leave if you'd like," she offered sincerely.
He shook his head. "No. Thank you for the tea."
Kylo didn't say anything else but she didn't mind the silence. She tilted her head back, trying to see stars but the city lights were too bright.
"I used to have trouble sleeping," she muttered, eyes fixed on the sky. "I would spend my nights desperate to sleep but so afraid to at the same time. It was like my fear would summon the nightmares. The same ones, night after night."
"What were they about?" he asked hoarsely.
"My parents mostly. Abandoning me, walking away and never looking back, no matter how much I would scream and cry. Then I'd just be alone, alone and cold until I woke up." She hadn't had that nightmare in a long time but she still felt her throat constrict from the memory.
"I don't dream, not really," Kylo whispered. "Mine are real. Memories. They don't disappear when I wake up."
Rey knew from experience that trying to convince him everything would be okay didn't help. He was struggling with a burden she didn't understand, she wouldn't disrespect him by pretending she did or offering false reassurances.
Instead, she reached over and took his hand in hers. His hand was huge compared to hers but it just made her feel oddly content and safe.
"You're cold," he muttered, pressing her fingers into his own warms ones.
He released her hand for a second, reaching down to pull his sweater over his head. His undershirt went with it for a second, revealing a pale strip of his skin in the darkness.
"Here." He tugged the warm sweater over her head before she could protest, chuckling quietly when she struggled to get her arms in the holes. It was huge on her, basically a dress, the scent of something spicy and masculine surrounding her.
He helped her push the sleeves up, taking her hand back in his own.
"Thanks," she murmured, stiffening in surprise when he scooted closer so their sides were pressed together. Though his sweater was warm, she could still feel the heat of his body against hers.
They sat together until the skyline started to soften, light blues and pale pinks bleeding into the horizon. Rey fought it but eventually, her eyes started to droop, Kylo's warmth and the strange peacefulness of the situation lulling her asleep. He tugged her towards him softly so her head leaned on his shoulder.
The next thing she knew, Kylo was gently shaking her awake. She wasn't sure how long she'd drifted off for, the tiniest hint of the sun now showing.
"Rey, let me get you back to bed," he said quietly.
"Okay," she said sleepily, letting him help pull her to her feet. Her back ached but her eyes were so tired, her limbs so heavy.
Kylo helped her down the stairs, a steady arm around her. She stumbled a few times, her body on autopilot, brain still mostly asleep.
"The door's unlocked," she mumbled, swaying against him.
Thinking back, she couldn't remember if he had hesitated before opening the door and leading her into her apartment, if he had paused and looked around once inside.
All she remembered was him helping her to bed, the hot brush of his fingers against the bare skin of her ankle as he helped pull her slippers off. He tucked her blanket around her shoulders, something soft grazing her cheek. There was something she wanted to say, but she was so tired.
She heard her bedroom door close softly, then a few seconds later, the louder thud of her apartment door. The brief thought that maybe she had been dreaming flitted through her mind then sleep claimed her.
I can't thank you guys enough for all of the kind reviews I've been getting! This story is definitely a slow burn, I want to take the time to do these characters and their relationship justice. Also, as a warning, Kylo is closed off now but once he starts to open up to Rey and reveal some of his past, it will contain sensitive subject matter. I'll post a real warning coming up. Again, thank you all so much, you guys are awesome!