Clarisse told herself to breathe deeply. He loves you. It will be fine. He'll think there's something wrong with me. There is something wrong with me. I can't do this. I can't loose him. 'Breathe Clarisse' he led her to the sofa and rubbed big circles on her back. She didn't know where she was. Nothing was making sense. 'I'm here. It's going to be okay' She felt sick. 'You're having a panic attack. It'll pass. Just breathe darling' she screwed her eyes shut willing this to go away. This is all Rupert's fault. Bloody Rupert. Somehow the anger she felt towards her deceased husband at this time helped to calm her. 'That's it Clarisse. Breathe in and out. In and out. With me. In and out'
Gradually she felt her lungs open up more and the air came in easier. The dizziness started to fade and she opened her eyes. 'You're okay. You're okay' he soothed as he held her stroking her hair out of her clammy face. For the next few minutes he just held her whilst she cried. He was worried sick. Why in God's name was she this nervous. If someone had hurt her in the past then... he sighed frustrated. Hopefully there's a rational explanation to all this he hoped.
'Joseph there's something I have to tell you. You have to understand this is very hard for me. It's embarrassing' she spoke in a minute voice very unlike her own. 'Hey, hey. You can tell me anything. Anything at all. Don't be embarrassed. And I promise I'll try to help you in whatever way I can. But I need to know what's causing all this anxiety Clarrie. It's normal to be nervous about a first time with someone but this isn't right'
'I know, and I'm sorry'
'Hey don't apologise, this isn't your fault'
Okay this is it she thought. Times up. He has to know. 'See the thing is... I... I've... Oh for goodness sake' she shook her head frustrated. He pulled her against him and stroked her arm in a way he hoped was both encouraging yet comforting at the same time.
'I've never. I've never made love, Joseph' she breathed out. Finally she had told him her biggest worry. She looked towards him to see his reaction. He smiled in relief. He knew that Clarisse and Rupert were never in love. That was obvious for everyone in the palace to see. 'I know Clarisse. But I can promise you it'll be different with me. You'll know nothing but love when we consummate our marriage because we are in love with each other' she frowned. 'I don't think you understand Joseph'
'Oh. Then try to explain it to me darling' he encouraged and gave her a quick peck on the lips to reassure her he didn't think she was some sort of freak for not loving Rupert. 'What I mean is we never had sex' she looked down at her feet ashamedly. 'That's okay too Clarrie. I was your personal bodyguard for over 25 years. I know you two didn't share a bedroom. I've not had sex in a long time either' he chuckled. 'So are we on the same page now?' He asked. She shook her head. Joseph pulled back to look into her eyes. She refused to meet them but Joseph persevered. When she finally did glance up she was rewarded with his loving gaze and that was what it took to give her that final bit of courage, 'Joseph I've never had sex before'
'Hmmm?' He looked at her confused. She just nodded her head in confirmation. 'I'm sorry did you just tell me you're a virgin?' He laughed. What was she playing at? Of course she wasn't. 'It's one thing admitting you never made love with your husband but to deny it happening when you have two grown up children is another thing entirely' he spoke rather annoyed and confused. Why would she say something that's such a blatant lie? A tear made its way out of her eye. Now he thought she was crazy. Great. 'Well if you must know, my children were conceived using a pipette we stole from the medical cabinet!' She spoke with a raised voice. Queens never shouted so when Joseph heard her raise her voice he knew he'd crossed a line. 'Oh' was all he could say. He felt so stupid. He'd just promised to be helpful and he'd ridiculed her instead. 'Yeah' was all she said before jumping out of his embrace and rushing to the bathroom. 'Clarisse. Look, I'm sorry. Let's not fight. At least not on our first night as husband and wife' Clarisse closed the bathroom door where he heard the lock click then the shower start.