Someone was knocking on her door.
Rey groaned, opening her eyes and squinting from the sunlight streaming in through her curtains.
Thud, thud, thud.
Yep, that was definitely knocking.
There was a moment of fuzzy confusion while she struggled to remember why she was still in bed. She glanced down at the huge black sweater and it all came flooding back. Last night, this morning, whatever time it has been...she'd gotten Kylo to open up a little. It was a small step but the first was always the most difficult. Getting to know him only made her want to help him more, to do what she could. Even if it was just someone to talk to, to share his burden with.
The knocking continued and she swore it was getting louder.
Rey slid out of bed, yawning as she made her way to the front door. It took her a second of fumbling to get the lock opened, relieved to see Kylo had locked it on his way out.
She opened the door to reveal a very annoyed looking Finn.
Oh. She had forgotten he was coming over this morning. They had made plans on the phone a few days ago since they both had the day off and it had totally slipped her mind.
"I've been knocking for ten minutes," he said, clearly exasperated.
"Sorry." Rey yawned again, pushing her hair out of her face. "I must have overslept."
"Overslept?" He asked incredulously. "It's almost noon! Oversleeping for you is nine!"
Noon? Holy shit, she must have crashed hard. All these nights of being woken up must have caught up with her. She apologized again, moving aside to let him in.
"Is it because that neighbor of yours is keeping you up?" He crossed his arms, leather jacket creaking. "I'll go have a talk with him right now."
Rey waved her hand dismissively, turning on the coffee maker for Finn. "Kylo's fine, I just didn't set an alarm."
Finn eyeballed her. "Oh so it's Kylo now, is it?"
She rolled her eyes. "Shut up. I'm going to change, are we still on for lunch?"
He nodded, searching her cabinets for a mug. "Your new place is nice, much better than your previous one," he called as she walked into her bedroom. She could hear him walking around, taking in her apartment.
Digging through her closet, she pulled out a clean pair of jeans and a cream colored blouse. Once dressed, she ran a brush through her hair, pulling the front pieces back with a few pins. She grabbed Kylo's sweater from where she'd tossed it on the bed, folding it nicely. She'd see if he was home on her way out and give it back. He'd definitely notice if she kept it. Not that she was tempted to do so.
"Yeah, this place is decent," she said, emerging from her room, setting the sweater and her purse on the kitchen counter. "I haven't run out of hot water yet."
"A small miracle," Finn joked. It was one of Rey's biggest pet peeves with places she'd lived, since taking long, hot showers was a guilty pleasure of hers.
She went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth quickly while Finn sipped his coffee.
"Okay, I'm ready." She grabbed her purse and Kylo's sweater. "I just want to give this back really quickly, then we can go."
Finn zeroed in on the sweater with laser-like precision, just like she knew he would. "Let me guess, it belongs to the hot neighbor boy? And what, dare I ask, are you doing with his sweater? Which, yes, I did notice that you slept in."
Rey loved Finn but he could be so dramatic. He was probably already imagining her rolling around in bed with Kylo. Hell, now she was imagining it.
Her cheeks got hot and Finn gasped.
"Oh my god, stop being an idiot!" She said, heading out the door, avoiding eye contact. The hallway was empty as usual.
Finn followed her closely, standing right behind her as she went over and knocked on Kylo's door.
"If he answers, you will be nice or so help me," she threatened in a whisper.
After a second, Kylo opened it, his bulk filling the doorway.
"Hey," Rey said, praying she didn't make a fool of herself in front of Finn. "I just wanted to give you your sweater back. I should have last night but I was a little out of it." She laughed awkwardly, recalling stumbling down the stairs and plopping into her bed like a child.
Kylo looked like he was holding back a grin as he took it from her. He glanced behind her at where Finn was hovering, breathing down her neck.
"Oh, Finn, this is Kylo, my neighbor." She stepped to the side a little. "Kylo, this is my friend, Finn."
"Best friend," Finn said forcefully, reaching out to shake his hand. "And as her best friend, I'd like to ask a few-"
"And that's totally not necessary," Ret cut in, shooting him a look that promised a slow death.
"Nice to meet you," Kylo just said, looking like a mixture of amused and uncomfortable.
"Have we met before?" Finn asked, studying Kylo intently. "You look really familiar."
His face immediately closed off and he took a step backward. "No, I don't think we have."
"Are you sure?" Finn prodded. "I swear I've seen you somewhere before."
"I'm positive."
"Maybe you know one of my friends-" he started but Kylo cut him off.
"I said I'm positive."
An awkward silence fell through the group. Rey studied Kylo for a second, trying to figure out what was making him so uncomfortable. She knew from experience that he wasn't great with meeting people but it looked like he had at least been trying with Finn at first.
"Well, we'd better get going," she finally said, letting Finn pull her away.
Kylo watched them for a second before going back into his apartment, closing the door maybe a little harder than necessary.
"That guy is weird," Finn said on the way out to the car. "Did you see how he went all ice man on me when I asked if we'd met before?"
"You probably made him uncomfortable with all your dumb questions," Rey retorted.
He shook his head. "Nah, he's hiding something, I can tell. I know he looks familiar."
"And where would you possibly have seen him before that he'd want to keep secret?" She asked sarcastically, climbing into the passenger seat of his car.
"Gay bar?" Finn suggested and she snorted.
"Not likely."
He closed his door and turned to look at her. "And how would you know that?"
She crossed her arms. "Just trust me, you didn't see him at a gay bar." She was pretty sure Kylo wasn't gay, not with the way he looked at her sometimes. But even if he was, he seemed too socially uncomfortable to go to a bar and hang out.
Finn glanced behind him, reversing into the street. "Look, I know you have a big crush on the guy, but all I'm saying is, that was weird and I know you picked up on it too. Just be careful."
"Yes, dad," she sighed.
...
Their lunch went well, Finn taking her to a cute little Italian place in the next city over. He eventually stopped nagging her about Kylo, telling her about his job instead and his latest date disaster. Apparently, he had made plans to take this guy to a show coming up and already gotten the tickets, when the guy decided that he would break the news to Finn that he was already married. To a woman.
"He said I was an experiment," Finn said over his salad, putting air quotes around the word.
"Ouch," Rey winced.
"Seriously. So now I have tickets to this show, which were very expensive by the way, and no one to take."
"Yeah, it sucks you don't have a best friend or something," she deadpanned.
Finn sighed. "Well, of course, I can take you but I was hoping to have a hot date. It's supposed to be a little risque." He jabbed dejectedly at his salad.
Rey grabbed a breadstick, considering. She really shouldn't. She promised herself she wouldn't meddle but really, how could she resist such a perfect set up?
"You could always ask Poe," she said, innocently nibbling on a breadstick.
He just stared at her.
"You know, Poe Dameron? My cute boss who I've seen you check out at least twice."
"Poe?" he repeated.
"Yes. He likes guys and probably hasn't been in a date in forever. Plus, he's fun to hang out with."
"Has he said something about me?" Finn asked a little too nonchalantly. Rey just gave him a look. He huffed, crossing his arms then looked away thoughtfully.
Rey couldn't help but feel a little smug, knowing now that she'd brought it up, he'd at least think about it. Poe was going to owe her big time.
After lunch, they'd gone to a park and walked around, enjoying the last of the cool afternoon spring air. Spending time with Finn made her feel safe and she could feel the stress of the last week melting away. They'd killed time walking around the pond, Finn trying to get a duck to come eat from his hand, then hopped on the swings together. Watching Finn try to fold himself onto the tiny swing, laughing as he barely fit, Rey found herself so thankful that fate had brought them together.
"I'll see you soon, yeah?" Finn promised, pulling up to her apartment.
"Not soon enough," Rey sighed, earning her a smile.
She gave him a hug goodbye, hopping out of the car and waving as he pulled away.
Thinking of the tub of ice cream sitting in her freezer and how nice a hot bath sounded, she made her way up to her apartment. It felt a little stalkerish of her but she was disappointed she wasn't working today so she could see Kylo. It had become something she'd looked forward to every day so it felt strange now.
Once she reached her floor, she hesitated. There was an older woman just standing on the landing, staring at Kylo's door. She was well dressed in a cream pantsuit, hair in a braided updo. Hearing Rey approach, she twisted quickly, looking relieved when she saw her.
Rey gave her a small smile, going over and unlocking her door. The woman just went back to studying Kylo's door. Strange.
"Can I help you with something?" Rey asked, not unkindly.
The woman hesitated for a second, pulling out a small piece of paper from her pocket. "Is this-" she glanced at the paper, "Kylo Ren's apartment?"
"Yes," Rey answered, studying the woman again. Maybe she was her on some sort of official business. "If he's not home, I could take a message and let him know you stopped by?"
She waved her off, glancing at the door again. She was pale and as she tucked the paper back into her pocket, Rey saw her hand was shaking.
"No, thank you, dear."
Rey waited a second then went into her apartment, closing the door and leaning against it, listening. She was so going to hell for being a snoop but that woman... she had Kylo's eyes.
A minute went by before she heard her knock on his door and she strained, trying to get in a good position to listen.
She heard his door open then nothing but silence. Were they speaking too quietly for her to hear?
Finally, she heard Kylo's deep voice, muffled through the door. "Mother. What are you doing here?"
Mother. That explained the eyes. Rey's stomach twisted. Kylo never mentioned his family, going out of his way to avoid the topic and she'd always assumed he had a good reason.
"Is that all you have to say after all these years?" Ret could hear the sadness in her voice.
"What else would I say to you?" His voice was cold.
She shouldn't be listening to this. Rey, slid away from the door, taking several steps back. This was a private matter and she was a horrible, wretched person for listening in on the first place.
She paced around her apartment, fighting the urge to go press her ear to the door again. After a few minutes, she went over, telling herself to just check if his mother had left yet.
"-won't you come home?" His mother's voice was pleading and stuffy sounding, like she was crying.
Nope. They definitely weren't done.
Rey went over and rinsed Finn's mug from this morning, focusing on the sound of the running water. Damn it, why was being a good person so hard?
Another minute went by, then she heard Kylo yelling. "How many times do I have to say I don't want to see you?! Come here again, and I won't answer the door."
He slammed his door loudly enough that the dishes in Rey's cupboard rattled.
She felt sick to her stomach. She shouldn't have heard any of that. Poor Kylo. And his mother, she'd had to stand out there and work up the nerve just to knock on her son's door.
She had no idea what was going on between them and it was none of her business. But her heart ached for Kylo because no matter what his relationship with his mother was, that seemed like a rough encounter.
There was a loud crash from his apartment then the tinkling of glass shattering. Another crash, this time sounding like something hit the wall connecting their two apartments.
Rey winced. She'd been there. Though she liked to think she had better control over her temper now, she'd broken her fair share of things before in fits of rage. She had a scar on her arm where she threw a vase on the floor and a piece of glass ricocheted back and cut her.
Kylo stomped around for a bit longer but it sounded like he was done breaking stuff. Maybe he was throwing around pillows instead.
The sudden image made her want to laugh even though there was nothing remotely funny about the situation.
She sighed, leaning her head against the cupboard. She wanted to go check up on him, see if he was okay. But she knew he probably wanted and needed to be alone right now and her sticking her nose where it didn't belong wouldn't do either of them any favors. He'd been getting along just fine before she moved in and decided to start pestering him.
So she went and ran her bath instead, sprinkling in some jasmine bath salts and throwing her hair into a bun perched on top of her head. Hopefully, it would help with the nervous energy currently coursing through her.
She sank into her bath with a groan, the hot water burning at first. Breathing the scent of jasmine in deeply and feeling the delicious heat sink into her tense muscles, Rey let herself really think about this situation. To go over would be a huge invasion of his privacy and reveal that she had heard some of what was going on. Well, he had been yelling though so that wasn't really her fault. But she still knew going over so soon was off the table. Just because he had opened up to her a bit didn't mean he wanted someone in his face right now.
So what then? Did she bring it up once she was back at work and he came in? The cafe wasn't really an ideal place for a conversation like that. And that was assuming he would even want to talk, he could just tell her to fuck off and to mind her own business.
Rey flicked the water, annoyed. And what if she ran into him tomorrow? Was she just supposed to pretend nothing had happened?
More than anything, she realized, biting her lip, she was worried about him. His mother had said it had been years since they'd seen each other, what if her showing up had undone years of progress he'd been struggling with? What if it brought out inner demons he'd managed to push down? What if seeing her had ripped something open in him?
A knock on her front door jolted her from her thoughts and Rey froze for a second. She was in the bath, she should just ignore it. But... who else would be knocking on her door right now than Kylo? No, he wouldn't show up here, it was obvious he wasn't the type to reach out.
But what if...
Rey splashed out of the bath, throwing on her robe quickly, trying to shake off some of the water. Her robe was a silky, dove gray thing Finn had given her for Christmas last year and did little to cover her up, especially while wet, but she didn't have time to grab clothes.
She had to laugh at herself as she hurried to the door, trying to open it with damp hands. It was probably a package or one of the other tenants and she was going to look so stupid-
Kylo was standing there, looking lost. His face made it clear that he had no idea what he was doing standing outside her door and his eyes were a little red.
He scanned her slowly. "I- I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were busy."
"I was just in the bath, no big deal. "Rey crossed her arms over her chest, hoping it would help cover her up a bit. She felt very exposed under his unflinching gaze.
He took a step back, eyes down. "I'm sorry, it's nothing, I shouldn't have-"
She reached out and grabbed his arm, gently but firmly. "Kylo, it's fine. What did you need?" Tell me what I can do, is what she wanted to say. Let me help you.
From where her hand rested on his arm, she could feel how stiff he was, how much he must be struggling right now.
"I was going up to the roof for some fresh air," he finally said after a long second. "I was going to see if you wanted to join me." The way he said it was so resigned, like he already knew she was going to say no. He was always like that, assuming she would say no then so surprised when she said yes. It broke her heart that he always kept trying anyway and knew that hope lived somewhere inside him.
"I'd love some fresh air. Give me a minute to get dressed." And there was the surprise, flaring in his eyes even though he tried to hide it.
Rey rushed back into her apartment, unplugging the tub and throwing on her jeans from earlier and a comfy blue hoodie, followed by two mismatching socks and her boots.
She was back in the hall within a few minutes, relieved to see Kylo was still waiting. Part of her had expected him to go hide back in his apartment.
As they made their way up to the roof in silence, she realized her heart was racing. She felt like they were standing on the edge of something really important. He had come to her, approached her first after this situation with his mother. He was clearly upset yet he wanted to spend time with her rather than wallowing in his apartment alone. She knew it meant something.
The sun was setting outside, painting the skyline in shades of pink and orange.
Kylo went and sat in the same spot as last night, long legs stretched out, head resting against the wall. Rey could see his chest move as he took deep breaths. She waited a second before sitting next to him, letting him have a moment of quiet to himself.
She knew she needed to not mess this up. Whatever was between them was new and so fragile. She wanted to offer him a piece of herself, to show him that she understood and didn't judge, that he could trust her.
"The hardest part for me growing up without parents wasn't that they were gone or having to move from place to place in the foster system. It was knowing that they willingly abandoned me." Kylo didn't look at her but she knew he was listening. "I used to dream that they would show up one day and want me back, apologizing for taking so long and having some fantastical story as to where they'd been. But when I got older, I stole my file and read the truth. As a toddler, they left me strapped in a carrier, sitting on the sidewalk in front of some fast food joint. Just left me sitting there, where anyone could have found me."
It had been a long time since Rey allowed this to bother her. She liked to think she'd moved on from the old pain. But sometimes, reliving the memory of reading those papers, finding out that her parents had discarded her like trash- it hollowed her out.
"The foster system wasn't kind to me," she continued. "I ended up with a lot of cruel people. Not everyone was awful, but most were. I struggled for a long time, let myself think I had done something to deserve it. If my own parents thought I was garbage, why wouldn't everyone else? And these people, they were supposed to be my family. That's what everyone always said when they dumped me at a new home. They'd tell me this was my family now."
Kylo shifted a little closer to her, turning so he was facing her. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked.
"Because it's important," she responded. "Because I want you to know."
He said nothing so she kept talking.
"The last man I lived with, Unkar Plutt was his name, he was the worst. He ran a chop shop, made me steal things for him to earn my meals. He treated me like a slave, making me sleep in the closet and clean for him. I remember laying at night and thinking I would die there, in that dark, stuffy closet, all alone." Rey still had a hard time with small, dark spaces to this day. "Finn came and found me after a while, we'd tried to stay friends even when we were separated. Saw what was happening and told me to leave, wrote down the address of where he was staying."
"It should have been easy," she whispered, remembering holding that scrap of paper with his address. "I should have been the easiest decision of my life to just leave. It took me two months. Two months to convince myself that I deserved better. Two whole months to work up the courage to allow myself to believe that I could escape and be happy."
She hadn't realized she was crying until Kylo reached out and gently wiped a tear away, his finger just the barest brush against her cheek. She wiped her eyes, letting out an embarrassed chuckle.
"Sorry," she muttered. "The point I'm trying to get at is that no one can tell you who your family is. You can have blood, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers... but your family is who you choose. You have to make the decision to build your own though. You have to want it, you have to believe that you deserve to surround yourself with people you love. There's no shame is separating yourself from people who hurt you, blood relative or not."
Rey looked at him meaningfully. He was gazing at her with a look in his eyes, something she didn't have a name for.
"My mother-" he started hoarsely, looking away. "She wasn't a bad mother, or at least she tried not to be. She threw herself into work a lot when I was a kid, to distract herself from my dad always leaving. And my dad, he didn't know what to do with me. We weren't the same, I wasn't the sort of son he wanted. But neither of them ever tried to hurt me."
He took a deep breath, clearly struggling with sharing. She let him take his time, knowing how hard it was to open something up that you tried so hard to keep pushed down.
"Something... something happened when I was younger. I tried to go to my mom but she wouldn't listen, always too busy for me." He was speaking through gritted teeth, shoulders curled in protectively. "She didn't know but maybe if she had taken the time to listen, she would have seen and she could have done something-" He cut himself off suddenly.
"It's okay," Rey whispered, reaching over and setting her hand on his arm. He was tense, like a cornered animal.
"I still love her," he choked out. "But I can't forgive her. And I can't be around her, not now. I'm no good for her, I can't be back in her life. I had to leave for a reason, I had to get away. And I can't go back."
She said nothing, just tried to focus on comforting him with her touch, sending warm emotions of safety and peace to him.
He must have felt so alone his whole life and still did. This wound inside him, it was just festering. He hadn't done anything to heal, just ripped himself away from the life and people he knew and tried to ignore it. He'd need to face his inner demons eventually and decide his happiness was worth fighting for.
But that wasn't important now. Now, he needed comfort and to know he wasn't alone.
Rey slid closer until she was against him and wrapped her arm around his broad back. He was so huge, she could barely do it, but it was the contact that mattered. He let out a shuddering sigh and pressed closer.
She held him as the sun slipped below the horizon and the sky turned into a velvet blanket of deep blue.
I'm so sorry these chapters keep ending up being so long, I don't know what I'm doing haha! As always, the response I've been getting is insane, you guys are so kind with your comments, it means the world to me. I've never really written a story like this so the encouragement is the greatest thing. Also, I'm sorry there's so much door knocking in this dumb story *hides face* It's a necessary evil but I hate seeing the words "knocked on the door" or " there was a knock on the door" like ten times in a chapter. Thanks for bearing with me! Love you guys!