Hello, all. I hope you all are enjoying this adventure thus far. My sincere gratitude to anyone who has stuck with me this whole time. So without further ado, please enjoy this next installment in the Haikyu boys' nightmare.

Lunar Eclipse

Chapter Seventeen

Yamaguchi looked like a ghost - at least that's what Sugawara thought. He imagined that this was the vision Ukai saw picking him up hours ago - a pale, shaky, and broken kid. Tsukishima was Yamaguchi's closest friend, and he'd known Akiteru far better than anyone else on the team. Sugawara couldn't imagine how much emotional agony was dragging his teammate further back into the depths of his subconscious. He needed to pull Yamaguchi back up, bring him back to the surface so that maybe, at some point tonight, his teammate would breathe. He reached over and patted the first year on the back as he stood from his chair.

"Hey, Yamaguchi. Come on, let's go talk somewhere." Yamaguchi looked up at his teammate with a wide, far-off gaze. He nodded and slowly stood.

"Hey, coach, we're gonna go talk somewhere private." Sugawara told Ukai, who still seemed to be trapped in his own world as well. He hadn't broken eye contact with the door since Amaya left.

"Hm? Yeah, just stay out of trouble." The two boys left the waiting room without another word.

Sugawara led Yamaguchi around the hospital until he found an environment he thought would be suitably comfortable for both of them. Hospitals had a bad habit of making people nervous, and it made sense why. Terrible, life-changing things happened in hospitals - people got sick and often died, and death had no age bias. It didn't matter if you were a ninety-two-year-old grandmother, a newborn baby, or anywhere in between, you were just as subject to death as the guy in the next room. It was terrifying.

It also probably didn't help that this was actually Yamaguchi's second time in a hospital tonight. Earlier in the evening he'd been here waiting for the doctors to come in to tell him if his dad would be okay. Sugawara couldn't possibly imagine being here for a parent. He found himself in awe of Yamaguchi's inner strength.

Eventually, he found what he was looking for - the waiting room for the pediatric ward. Since it was the children's wing of the hospital, it was designed for children and their parents, which meant that the room was designed to cater to delicate people - like young children. All the walls were brightly colored, with heartwarming pictures of sunshine and lakes and lots of green growing things that all looked like they had been drawn in crayon in a child's coloring book. Crayons and activity books sat scattered around the room, on tables and on the carpet, and toys littered almost every available space. There were puzzles, wooden building blocks, Legos, Hotwheels, Barbie dolls, picture books - anything to keep a child busy. The chairs were vibrantly colored as well, and twice as plush as the ones in the other waiting rooms.

There were a handful of people there waiting, mostly parents waiting for their children, but there were one or two younger kids asleep in baby carriers and strollers. Sugawara led Yamaguchi into the room and sat him down in a secluded corner. Sitting next to him, Sugawara took a stuffed bunny with a cartoon cast on its arm from the floor and placed it smoothly in Yamaguchi's hands. He perked up a little, as if noticing the sudden unfamiliarity of the object he was now holding, and it seemed to ground him a little in reality. Yamaguchi squeezed the rabbit gently; it was so soft and supple that he could touch his fingers together through the fabric. He found a little button sewn underneath the fur in the center of its chest and pressed it. A high-pitched, child-like voice said, "Don't give up! I wuv you!" Starting to cry, Yamaguchi held the bunny tight against his body.

"Yamaguchi," Sugawara began, "Let's talk about this. Is that alright? Can we talk for a little bit?" But Yamaguchi didn't give his teammate the slow nod or quiet "yes" he was expecting.

"Suga..." Yamaguchi muttered seemingly out of nowhere, gaze focused on the floor, "This is all my fault..."

Ukai wondered how Amaya was doing. She'd left about twenty minutes ago, and hadn't returned. He didn't expect to see her happy and chipper immediately after the death of her son, but with everything she'd been through tonight, he was concerned for her well-being. After staring at the waiting room door and debating internally for several minutes, he decided it was probably in both of their best interest to go find her. He even had an idea of where she'd go.

Ukai slowly pushed open the door to the quiet room and peered around. It didn't take him long to find Amaya; she was the only one there, and she was clutching what looked like a small laminated photograph in her trembling hands and weeping bitterly. He slowly approached her and leaned against the window sill to her right. The latch had been unlocked and opened a small crack, and Ukai could feel the moisture in the night air caress the back of his neck as he stood beside his newfound companion.

"Amaya." She looked up at him.

From his position by the window, he could see the picture she had clutched in her hands. It was an old wallet-sized photo that appeared to be peeling at the edges, even to the point of being completely white and papery in one or two corners. The color was faded a bit near the center, worn away from years of being held. It had been laminated - probably somewhat recently to prevent it from disintegrating any more than it already had. Looking further, Ukai saw why the photo was so precious - It was a photo of Tsukishima and Akiteru as children. Akiteru, who only looked about five or six, was sitting in blue jeans, a sweatshirt, and his stocking feet on the carpet of what looked like a living room, holding a onesie-clad Tsukishima in a bear hug upright between his legs. Tsukishima was teething - the head of a rubber dinosaur his apparent victim. It was the most content look Ukai had ever seen on his player's face, and Akiteru looked like he was having the time of his life - nothing in the world could have made him happier than having his little brother in his arms.

"They're adorable. I've never seen Tsukishima without a scowl on his face." Amaya smiled faintly, as if suddenly remembering something mildly amusing.

"No... I don't suppose you would have... You know, I don't know if anyone ever told you... I don't think Kei would have ever mentioned it in practice... But he and Akiteru haven't gotten along in almost four years."

"Really?" Amaya nodded. She went on to explain the incident that had happened between her two sons all those years ago, about Akiteru's volleyball skill, about Kei's hero-worship of his older brother, and about the lie that shattered their relationship.

"Tadashi tells me that Kei's the only one on the team who doesn't try in practice... That's why. He hasn't been able to put his heart into anything since Akiteru betrayed his trust. And Akiteru has been trying to make it up to him ever since... Now he never will..." Amaya started to cry. Ukai gave her a hard, pitiful stare.

"I never knew... Why are you telling me this? Isn't it Tsukishima's business?"

"Because this picture has gotten me through all of it. Every time they fight, I take this photo out of my wallet and remember a time when they loved each other... when they could be happy together..."

"Amaya..."

"I remember when we first told Akiteru he was getting a little brother. He was so happy, he started jumping up and down. He asked me every every single day for two months if we were going to go get his brother today. He couldn't wait... The night Kei was finally born, I was propped up in my hospital bed holding him for the first time. My husband, Yoshirou, excused himself for a moment and left the room, only to come back in leading Akiteru by the hand. I'll never forget the look on his face the moment he entered the room. The very first thing he saw was the little baby in my arms and he knew that was his brother... He knew he'd finally gotten his brother."

Amaya's voice shook harder the deeper she got into her story. It was painful for Ukai to listen to in light of the situation, despite how happy the memories were.

"His face lit up like a Christmas tree. He started yelling, 'Daddy, can I hold him? Please, please, can I hold him, daddy?' Yoshirou sat him down on a chair in the corner... He very carefully took Kei from me and placed him in Akiteru's waiting arms. He then leaned into Akiteru's ear and whispered, 'Be very gentle with him, now, he's not a big boy like you are. His name is Kei. Can you say hi to your new brother?' Akiteru brought him up close to his face and said 'Hi, Kei! I'm gonna be the best big brother ever!' Nobody ever believes me when I say this, because babies aren't supposed to do this until they're much older, but in that moment, Kei laughed. Yoshirou insists he was just crying, but I know... it sounded like a laugh. I never saw a more wondrous look spread across that boy's face than when his brother laughed at him for the first time."

Ukai was speechless.

"... I called Yoshirou just before you came in. I told him we lost Akiteru. He said he was going to cancel his business dinner to take the next flight from America back to Japan to be here. Ukai, his superiors were really counting on him to be there, and you know how corporate suits can be. What if he gets fired? If he loses his job we'll never be able to pay for Akiteru's funeral, Kei's medical bills... or... god... Kei's funeral, should we... should we need to."

Ukai moved from his place at the window and sat down in a chair beside Amaya.

"You can't think about that right now. You have to focus on being there for Tsukishima."

"How am I supposed to not think about it? There isn't anyone else in the family we can go to for help..."

"Amaya, you're tired, you're scared, and you're grieving. You've had one hell of a long night, and I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through. But worrying about tomorrow's problems is not going to help you deal with today. You need to tackle this monster one problem at a time."

"Ukai... if Kei dies tonight... I'll have to bury both of my children. What happens when you've had the funerals, and you've put on a face for all the relatives, and you finally go home and just sit in the silence of your kitchen? Where do you go from there? How am I supposed to wake up the next day knowing that everything I've given the last twenty years of my life to is just gone?"

Ukai stared at Amaya in a long, unbearable silence. He couldn't remember the last time he'd wished he had an answer this badly, feeling every other aspect of his life become swallowed up by this woman's heartache. He hated himself for not having anything he could say to help her. Ukai was not a man prone to self-deprecation. It was an uncomfortable, unfamiliar feeling.

"I'm sorry... I don't know. I don't have that answer. Sometimes... I think we just have to roll with what life throws at us."

Before Amaya could answer, their conversation was broken by the soft opening of the door. Leaning into the doorway was a doctor they didn't recognize.

"Excuse me, are you Mrs. Amaya Tsukishima?"

Amaya's heart leaped into her throat. She had been down this road before, and she hated where it ended. She stood.

"Yes."

"Are you the mother of Kei Tsukishima?"

"Y-Yes."

Here it was - the moment of truth. She stood terrified at what the next words out of the man's mouth would be. Would they give her relief or set fire to her whole world? There was a small part of her that didn't want to find out.

"Your son is out of surgery. He's recovering in the ICU. If you would like to see him, I can take you to his room."

Amaya gasped in surprise, as a shocked yelp escaped from her lips. As she watched the doctor's face, almost in complete disbelief of what he'd said, Amaya Tsukishima could feel the first rays of the early morning sun begin to caress her skin through the open window. It was in feeling the smooth warmth on her bare skin that long forgotten hope began to swell in the center of her chest.

"Yamaguchi, what are you talking about?" Sugawara asked, completely incredulous, "Mrs. Tsukishima told us it was an accident. Of course this wasn't your fault." But Yamaguchi wasn't having it - he turned toward Sugawara, still clutching the stuffed rabbit.

"No, you don't understand!" he shouted, "If it weren't for me, none of this would have happened! Akiteru would be alive!"

"Okay, calm down," Sugawara said, gently placing his hand on Yamaguchi's shoulder and side-eyeing the other waiting room occupants, "What makes you think this is your fault?" Yamaguchi looked back down at the bunny. He began to pick at its soft fur, rubbing its smooth glass eyes with his fingers. He squeezed it, making it speak one more time - for good measure.

"Because... I knew."

"What do you mean you knew?" Yamaguchi's mouth quivered as he began to tell the story.

"A few months ago, the last time Akiteru was home for break, I slept over at their house. Tsukki and I spent most of the night upstairs in his room playing video games until his mom called us down to dinner. When we got downstairs, we noticed Akiteru hadn't come down yet, and Tsukki's mom asked us to go upstairs to get him. I agreed and went by myself straight to his room, because that's where he usually is, and strangely enough, found it empty."

Sugawara continued to stare intensely at Yamaguchi. He had a feeling he knew where this story was headed.

"After looking around some more and calling his name, I found his bathroom lit with the door slightly open. I knocked at first and called his name one more time, but he didn't answer. I was worried, so I decided to take a chance and push the door open, only to find Akiteru unconscious, curled up on the floor. I freaked out and shook him, and he just... shot up gasping. It was at that point I noticed a small plastic bag of what looked like pills sitting on the edge of the sink. Still freaking out, I put two and two together."

Yamaguchi paused slightly, shuddering at the fear the memory brought him.

"I demanded to know what they were, but Akiteru kept trying to shush me. He reached across the floor and closed the bathroom door behind me before whispering that they were sleeping pills he got from a friend of his at the college. He said that he was taking them as anxiety meds, because his family was having trouble adjusting to his dad's new promotion among other things, and he didn't want Tsukki or his mom to worry about him. He said his anxiety was getting in the way of his school work and his job, and he really needed the pills."

Sugawara draped his arm gently around Yamaguchi's shoulders as he started to cry.

"I tried to open the door to leave; I was going to go tell Mrs. Tsukishima because those things are dangerous, you know? But he grabbed me by the arm before I could reach the door and begged me not to tell on him. He said that since he bought them from a friend and they weren't prescribed to him, if I told anyone about it he could go to jail. He said that if I did, I'd make everything worse... I told him that there was no way I'd keep quiet. I'd just found him unconscious on the floor! I mean, I was really about to go call his mom and take him to the hospital. He then promised me he was getting help and that everything would just blow over if I let him handle it."

"Yamaguchi, that's terrible! It's hard to believe Akiteru would do something like that."

"Something you have to understand about Akiteru and Tsukki, is that as wildly different as their personalities are, they both have this habit of hiding their problems when they think they'll hurt someone they care about. At one point Akiteru took it too far and it destroyed their relationship. If he thinks that bottling his emotion will help Tsukki, then he'll do anything."

"Yamaguchi..."

"Suga, why did I trust him? If I hadn't trusted him... If I had just gone back downstairs and told Mrs. Tsukishima anyway - it would have ended right there. Akiteru might have gotten arrested for drug dealing or something, sure... but at least he'd be alive."

Suddenly, a look of horror and realization spread over Yamaguchi's face. He dropped the bunny onto the floor in shock.

"... C-can I go to jail for this?"

Sugawara almost didn't hear his teammate at first, he had spoken so quietly. Even once he was sure about what Yamaguchi had said, he still had trouble registering the magnitude of his words. Yamaguchi... in jail? For what? What had he really done? Then he realized. Akiteru was dead, because of pills he was getting illegally, that Yamaguchi knew about, and yet did nothing to stop. Was that enough for the police to tag him as an accomplice to Akiteru's death? Sugawara knew there were laws about not reporting known crime, especially when a person's death was involved, but it wasn't like Yamaguchi was the one selling him the pills - and he was a minor as well. All in all, Sugawara didn't know enough about law to answer Yamaguchi's question honestly. And he wasn't about to tell a sixteen-year-old kid whose father just had a stroke, lost one friend to a drug overdose, and may lose another to a maniac with a handgun that he could go to jail for something he didn't do because of a technicality. Maybe he was better off telling Yamaguchi that he was safe, even if he didn't know whether or not that was actually true. As soon as he made the decision, he wondered if this was why parents often told their children white lies - to give them comfort, even if it was only for a little while.

"Of course not. You had nothing to do with this. And besides, you're a minor. They can't do put you in jail if you're under eighteen unless you committed a felony."

"Are you sure?" Yamaguchi asked with the smallness of a toddler. Sugawara paused a half second before answering.

"Absolutely. You're fine." The words tasted sour the moment they left his mouth. He almost hated himself. Sugawara hoped that'd be the end of it, that they could go back to Ukai and wait for news about Tsukishima all together while Sugawara bleached his brain of the lie he'd just told, but the look on Yamaguchi's face told him he had something else in mind.

"Despite whether or not the law thinks so, my negligence still cost Akiteru his life... If Tsukki lives... he'll never forgive me..."

"I think Tsukishima would understand you didn't mean for Akiteru to hurt himself." Yamaguchi stared steadily at the floor. He picked the rabbit back up and hugged it for comfort.

"Tsukki doesn't handle his emotions very well. I'm sure he'll understand somewhere, but who knows how long it will take him to get to that point. He'll need to process his brother's death and the trauma of what happened to him... not to mention he'll be recovering physically, too, so he'll probably be in a lot of pain..."

"Look, Tsukishima's a rational guy, right? So everything will be fine."

"I guess..."

Sugawara had never tried to give such serious advice before. He knew he didn't know what he was doing, and he hoped that Yamaguchi felt more comfortable with what he was saying than he did. Fortunately for him, fate saved him from the awkward conversation before it could continue. He felt his cell phone vibrate against his leg. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw that it was a text message from Coach.

"It's a text from Coach! He said Tsukishima's out of surgery. They're going down to the ICU to see him. Let's go!" Sugawara and Yamaguchi stood from their places and practically ran from the waiting room, leaving the stuffed bunny on the seat behind them.

Another chapter full of lots of heavy tragic themes. If you're enjoying this story, I'd love it if you let me know! And remember, any and all constructive criticism is always welcome.