By the time they got back to the apartment, it was late afternoon. They had spent the car ride back talking about happier things, simpler things. But now that they were home and Kylo had just helped her face her past and saw the positive outcome for her, she knew it was time to tell him.
She slung off her purse, setting it on his counter and crossing her arms. Her stomach was twisting a hundred times more than it had when they visited Plutt's and she felt slightly sick.
There was no way that she couldn't tell him, she knew that. She'd already been lucky that she'd waited this long and it hadn't bit her in the ass. But as Rey stood there and watched Kylo cross the kitchen and open a cabinet with a small smile on his face, she wished he never had to know. That she didn't have to be the one to destroy the feeling of safety he had worked so hard to obtain.
It was a selfish thing but she wished it all the same.
"Kylo."
He paused from where he was getting a glass of water, obviously hearing the distress in her voice.
"I- I need to tell you something." She rubbed a hand up and down her arm nervously, her conflicting emotions swirling around inside her, making her feel lightheaded. She wanted to sit down but knew she needed to be strong.
He was clearly waiting for her to continue, his carefree expression fading as the silence stretched out longer and longer. He set the glass down on the counter, eyes fixed on her. The words were stuck in her throat and she finally managed to spit them out after a silent struggle.
"I saw Snoke."
His expression went dead, eyes emptying of all emotion. He looked hollow, like she'd stolen his soul with those three words. "What?"
"I saw him. When you were on your trip, the day before you came back. He walked by the cafe. I'm positive it was him."
Rey was holding her breath, lungs screaming as what she said sank in. Kylo reached out to brace himself against the counter and she saw that his hand was shaking.
"What- Why- Why would he be here? So close to my apartment?" His chest was heaving, quick stuttering breaths. She could see that he was on the edge of a full-blown panic attack. "Was he here for me? Does he- does he know-"
She rushed over to him. "Kylo, deep breaths. Here, sit down." She helped him sit on the floor, guiding his head between his knees. Grabbing his empty glass from the counter, she filled it with cold water and tried to hand it to him but he wouldn't take it. He was shuddering violently, fingers digging in where he'd wrapped them around his knees.
Instinctively, she wanted to wrap her arms around him but she knew from personal panic attacks, she usually needed space and air and didn't want someone clinging to her. So she just sat next to him, making soothing noises while his breath sawed in and out of his chest in harsh gasps.
After a minute, he seemed to regain a bit of control, taking controlled, steady breaths and muttering quietly to himself.
"Listen," Rey said, tentatively laying a cold hand on the exposed part of his neck. "Just focus on breathing and listen to me for a minute. Don't say anything, just listen. Okay?"
"Okay," he rasped, head still down.
She closed her eyes, trying to get her thoughts straight. The last thing she wanted was to panic Kylo further but they couldn't just ignore this. If they didn't talk about it now, they'd just have to go through all of this again later.
"We have to consider the fact that he might know where you live. It could have been a total coincidence that he was here, but it also could have been because he was checking out the area and maybe even this apartment. He could know you're here and there's a possibility that he could show up at any time."
Kylo let out a terrible sounding moan and her heart tried to shred itself in her chest. She hated herself at this moment but she fortified herself and continued.
"I know, I'm sorry, but we have to consider it. Which is why I think we need to turn him in, before he shows up and hurts you."
He lifted his head at that, looking at her.
"Are you insane?" he whispered hoarsely. "Turn him in? To who? He's the fucking governor. He would hurt us and destroy my mother's career. No. No way."
Rey bit her lip. "Your mother wouldn't want you to choose her over yourself, you know she wouldn't. And just because he's the governor doesn't mean he's above the law. We take this to the authorities and get him locked up. He'll never bother you again."
Kylo's eyes went glassy. "Never bother me again? Rey, don't you get it? I'll never get rid of him, he made sure of that when he broke me."
He spoke so factually, so emotionlessly. "He ruined me, Rey. I'll never be free of him. I see him constantly, in my dreams, in the people on the street. He carved himself into my body and soul, marking me. He'll never go away, he'll never let me have peace."
She slipped her hand around to grip the hair at the back of his head tightly, pulling his forehead down to rest against hers.
"Don't you say that," she whispered fiercely. "Don't you dare let him win. I know you're afraid but you are stronger and braver than that."
She unwound her fingers from his hair, sliding her hand back down and resting it over his heart, staring into his eyes. "You belong to no one but yourself. I won't let him have you. Healing can take time but you'll never be free if you're looking over your shoulder for him for the rest of your life. I'll fight for you but I need you to help me."
He was shaking his head, stumbling to his feet unsteadily. "No, you don't understand. I don't want you to fight him, I don't want you anywhere near him. He will ruin you."
She wanted to say that she wasn't scared of Snoke but she didn't have it in her to lie. But her feelings for Kylo, her desire to help him outweighed her fear. She couldn't let Snoke win. She wouldn't.
Taking a deep breath, she braced herself for what she was about to say. Something horrible beyond words but it needed to be said.
"You need to realize... he might be abusing another boy."
Kylo froze, a mixture of emotions flashing across his face. Disgust, horror, hatred... He spun around and punched the wall, plaster cracking and raining down onto the floor.
"Kylo!" Rey rushed over to him, taking his hand in hers. The skin on his knuckles was split, blood streaked across his skin.
He hardly seemed to notice as he slid down the wall. He was breathing heavy again and it took Rey a second to realize he was crying. Silent tears slipping down his cheeks as he sat and stared at the floor.
"I can't- I can't let what happened to me happen to someone else," he choked out. "Another child- I can't-"
"I know. You could never let that happen, not when you could do something about it," Rey said fiercely, feeling the truth of it in her heart. Kylo was too good, too caring and selfless to let that happen.
The sigh that Kylo let out was so weary, so exhausted, it made Rey's heart hurt. It was the sigh of a man who was tired of life, tired of the struggle and the constant, unending fight.
But she could see it on his face, the thought of another boy being where he was... he couldn't ignore it. She could see the ghost of young Ben Solo looking out through Kylo's eyes.
He cradled his injured hand against his bare chest, shaking his head like he couldn't believe what he was about to say. "What's your plan then? How do you think we're going to make this work? I can't just go to the police, it would be my word against his and everyone thinks Ben Solo is off on a nice vacation at a mental institution."
Rey sat with him, knowing what he said was true. If they were going to do this, they needed to be smart. They couldn't just accuse the governor of something like this, they'd be silenced immediately and called crazy or liars or both.
"I think..." she hesitated, nervous to continue. "I think we need to start with telling your mother the truth."
As she expected, Kylo flinched away, immediately rejecting the idea.
"No. No, I won't bring her into this. I don't want her to know that I- that I-"
"That you what?" Rey challenged. "That you were abused as a child through no fault of your own? That you tried to protect her from the truth for all of these years? And that now, you're trying to protect future children from Snoke?"
She sat up straighter, putting a hand on his knee. "If anything, your mother will be proud of your bravery. Like I am. It's going to hurt for her to hear and she'll probably blame herself but she needs to know. She deserves to know the real you, to know what an amazing man her son is."
Kylo looked away but not before Rey saw another tear streak down his face. She looked away, giving him a second to collect himself.
"Even if I told her, I don't see how that would help us," he finally said, voice thick with emotion.
"We'd have someone credible and with political power on our side," she pointed out. "She probably knows someone in the police who would take us seriously. And she knows Snoke, maybe she'd have an idea about how to take him down."
He was silent for a minute, thinking things over. She could tell it was painful for him and that the hope of getting justice and being free of Snoke was a frightening thing to consider. Hope could be fragile and frightening when you let it into your heart after so long without it.
"Okay," he finally muttered. "I'll try to contact my mother and make plans to talk with her."
Relief crashed over Rey like a wave. Her heart swelled with emotion as she stared at the beautiful, brave man sitting before her.
She leaned in and kissed Kylo on the cheek softly. "Everything will be okay. You've got me and soon your mother will join us. We'll help you make this right."
He nodded but couldn't hide the doubt and fear in his eyes.
...
Rey had to work the next day, though she was terrified to leave Kylo alone. She let him stay at her place last night, BB their silent protector at the door, but he'd still jumped at any sound, his body a tight knot of anxiety and fear. His nightmares were worse than ever, to the point where Rey ended up waking him out of fear that he would hurt himself. She knew he hadn't gone back to sleep after that, staring into the dark as she wrapped herself around him.
They had debated on whether he should come to the cafe tonight or not. Rey was nervous that Snoke could be in the area again but Kylo was adamant that he would come.
"If it was a coincidence, then I have nothing to worry about. I sit in the back anyway," he pointed out. "And if he knows where I live, I'm already fucked. Going out isn't going to change anything. I'd rather be able to keep an eye on you."
She had given in in the end, thinking that she'd rather he was where she could keep an eye on him too.
At work all day, the thought of Snoke showing up at his apartment when he was there alone haunted her. She was trying to keep calm and not freak Kylo out with her own fears, but she still texted him on every break. Every time he responded, the surge of relief made her dizzy.
When Poe had asked how their reunion had gone, she'd stared at him blankly for a few seconds before she remembered. God, it felt like it had been weeks since Kylo had left. She could hardly believe it had only been a few days.
Around five, Finn walked through the door. He grinned hugely at Rey, striding over to the counter.
"What are you going here?" She asked, coming around to hug him. His familiar scent surrounded her and she felt the tight band around her chest loosen just a bit.
"I wanted to see how you're doing, we haven't talked for a few days." He looked her up and down, seeming satisfied that she was still in one piece, though he eyed her slouchy sweater and comfy jeans with a frown.
Poe came out of the back, surprise lighting up his face. "Hey handsome," he called, throwing a wink their way.
Finn grinned, cheeks pink. Oh goodness, they were too adorable. Why hadn't she tried to hook them up months ago?
"Are you here to visit me or your boyfriend?" Rey asked, arching a brow.
He looked offended. "You, of course... and then Poe."
She laughed, rolling her eyes and leading him over to sit at a table away from the window. She'd been avoiding looking outside all day, certain she'd see Snoke staring at her through the glass. She shivered.
"So, what have you been up to? You and Kylo just relaxing the last few days?"
Ha. She wished. God, where to even start?
"Not really. We went and saw Plutt."
Finn's eyes widened in surprise. "What? When? And you took Kylo? What happened?"
Rey left out a huff of laughter, rubbing her forehead. "We went yesterday. He drove us down and we were in and out pretty quick. I'm glad Kylo came with though, Plutt... he was pretty vicious. I don't know what he would have done if I was alone. But I gave him the money and I'm done with him."
He drummed his fingers against the table, eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by vicious? Did he say something?"
"Oh, just the usual. Talked about how I'm worthless trash and a snotty bitch." Rey tried to keep her tone light and joking. "No surprises there."
"Yeah, maybe it's good that you didn't bring me along," Finn said darkly. "I would have hit him for sure."
"Kylo almost did," she told him. "I had to jump between them and stop him from beating Plutt to a bloody pulp. I don't think Plutt even realized how close he was to being hospitalized." The thought shouldn't bring her so much satisfaction.
Finn raised his eyebrows, looking impressed. "Did he? Damn, maybe I should rethink my opinion of him."
Rey tried not to smile. "If you think that's impressive, you should have heard his exiting lines. He pretty much told Plutt he was the biggest idiot for not giving me a chance and that he hoped he died alone and miserable and full of regret. It was pretty awesome."
He didn't even try to hide his grin. "Okay, Kylo might be growing on me, despite my better judgment."
"Be nice," Rey admonished. "You'd like him if you gave him a chance."
And she meant it. Though they were two completely different people, she really thought they'd get along if they tried. Finn got along with everyone and she knew that once he spoke with Kylo, he'd see the same good qualities in him that she did. Kylo was just quieter and better at hiding the fact that he was a good person.
Looking away, Finn had the good graces to look a little ashamed.
Twisting her fingers, she considered telling him about her plan with Kylo. She would love to lean on him right now and get the weight off of her chest, but she didn't want him to worry. Or to betray Kylo's trust in any way.
"How are you and Poe doing?" she asked instead.
His eyes lit up, though he tried to play it cool, shrugging like he didn't care. "We're fine. I took your advice, just going with the flow and letting him make his own decisions. It seems to be working pretty well."
Though he said it nonchalantly, Rey knew that it couldn't have been an easy decision for him. She was so proud of him though for trying and being brave enough to let someone else take the reins for a bit.
"Well, you didn't ask me but I think you guys are a good match," she told him, happy for him. "And Poe really does like you."
Right on cue, Poe glided out from behind the counter, setting a mocha down in front of Finn and giving him a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek.
"On the house," he told him, a playful smile curling at his lips. "But only because you're so cute."
When he walked away, it took Finn five minutes to lose his blush.
...
Finn stuck around for the rest of the night, chatting with Rey and Poe and pulling a book from his bag. He seemed relaxed but had never stayed here for so long and she thought that maybe he was taking Poe out after they closed up for the night.
It wasn't until Kylo walked in that she realized Finn had been waiting for him.
"Hey," she called to Kylo, noticing how tired and strained he looked. His hair was messier than usual, dark bruises under both eyes and he was pale. It must have been a stressful walk over for him.
"Go sit down, I'll bring you some tea," she murmured softly, giving his arm a gentle squeeze.
Finn straightened in his seat, eyes fixed on Kylo.
"Kylo," he waved. "Come sit with me."
Rey tried to give him a warning look as Kylo stiffened, heading over to his table warily. She lingered for a minute, just within earshot, trying to make sure Finn was being on his best behavior.
"Hey man," he said as Kylo sat, looking uncertain and confused. "Rey told me about you helping her with Plutt. How you stood up for her. She won't admit that it was hard for her to go and do that, but I know having you there with her made it easier. I just wanted to say thank you. She means the world to me and you helped her a lot."
Finn paused, rubbing his head self consciously. "I want to apologize too, about what I accused you of a while ago and sticking my nose in your business. I misjudged you and I'm sorry. You seem like a good guy for Rey."
Rey peeked over her shoulder, seeing the genuine surprise on Kylo's face. He obviously hadn't been expecting this.
"It's uh- no problem," he said awkwardly. "I can understand being overprotective where Rey is concerned."
Finn chuckled quietly then held out his hand. "I'd like it if we could be friends. I promise I'm not a giant dick all the time."
Kylo took his hand hesitantly. "Yeah, I'd like that too."
Smiling to herself, Rey headed back to the counter and made Kylo's tea, keeping one eye on their table. Slowly, she could see his tension and nervousness slipping away, shoulders relaxing. Finn had that sort of charismatic charm that always put people at ease and Kylo was no exception. Though it was silly with everything else going on, the sight of the two of them getting along made her throat tighten with emotion.
"You guys playing nice?" she asked, bringing Kylo's drink and a new mocha for Finn.
Finn snorted. "When am I ever nice?"
She laughed, rolling her eyes. He was always an angel and he knew it.
"Actually," he said, eyes falling back on Kylo. She saw him take in his strained appearance, the sympathy he tried so hard to hide flashing on his face for a second. Finn was too perceptive sometimes and she knew that he sensed something was going on, something that was hurting Kylo. "I wanted to ask if you guys want to come over to my place after you close. Poe and I are having dinner and watching a movie, we'd love it if you wanted to join."
Rey glanced at Kylo, feeling bad he was being put in an awkward situation, even if Finn was just trying to be kind. He didn't know what was going on. She turned back to Finn, opening her mouth, trying to tell him with her eyes that now just wasn't the time. Kylo was stressed and a ball of crackling tension, the last thing he'd want to do was get put into an anxiety-inducing situation like socializing.
"Sorry Finn, we actually-" she started but Kylo cut her off.
"Yeah, we'd like that."
She tried and failed to hide her surprise. But in her defense, he even looked surprised that the words came out of his mouth.
"We would?" she asked, trying to not sound too skeptical.
He seemed to consider for a second, hiding his pause behind taking a sip of tea.
After a second, he nodded. "Yes. It sounds fun."
Finn watched with an amused expression on his face but didn't comment. "I'll go let Poe know," he said, sliding out of his seat.
The second he was gone, Rey turned to Kylo.
"You don't have to say yes," she told him quietly. "His feelings wouldn't be hurt and you don't have to do this for me. We always have time later, once things have calmed down a bit."
Kylo shook his head. "I know, I just- I like him," he said helplessly, looking vaguely confused at the words coming out of his mouth. "I want to go spend time with them tonight, it actually sounds kind of nice. Plus, getting away from the apartment right now..."
Rey nodded as he trailed off, understanding what he meant. She was trying really hard not to laugh at the thought that Finn had already worked his magic on Kylo, who seemed completely out of his depth at the moment.
She reached over and took his hand in her own, hoping that tonight would go well and offer them a brief reprieve.
This chapter took me a while to finish. Kylo's emotions and struggles are personally really difficult for me to write and I had to step back from it a few times. I find his emotions harder to put into words than Rey's but hopefully, I did an okay job.
Thanks to everyone for being part of such a kind and supportive fandom! I'm proud to be a part of it with you!