AN: Warning: This chapter as well contains talk of the sensitive topic of abortion. Please read with caution.
Ana
"I can't."
"Miss. Steele?" The doctor looks up at me confused.
I cover my eyes with my trembling hand. Tears are streaming down my face as I cry.
"Baby?"
Christian tries to peel my hand away from my face, but I shake my head and continue to cry.
"Miss. Steele, do you want me to stop the whole procedure?" The doctor asks softly.
I nod frantically and continue to cry.
"I can't do this. I can't," I choke.
"Okay, we will stop. Tanya, let's give them a minute. We will be outside Miss. Steele. Please, take your time," he explains.
I nod weakly and I hear both of them step out of the room, and the door closes softly.
"Baby, please talk to me. Are you okay?" he asks frantically.
I finally take my hand away from my face and turn towards him. He is starting at me in concern.
"I can't kill our baby Christian," my lip trembles.
I can't do this. I can't believe I almost went through with it. There are other options that we could have looked into, but having an abortion is something that I don't want to do. I know that I would regret the decision afterward. I know that I would beat myself up over what I have done. I see the future, and I see Christian resenting me when it was all over. I know Christian, he wouldn't think that way, but I can't help but believe that he would later on. We need to make the right decision. The right choice for our baby, and I know in my heart that this is not the right option.
"I know baby. I thought we were doing the right thing," he murmurs and runs his hand through his long, wild copper hair.
His hair is getting too long; he needs to get it cut. He looks miserable. He looks worried and scared.
I sit up, and I bring the blue sheet up to my chest and stare at him with tears in my eyes.
"Can we do this Christian?" I whisper.
I need to know that this is what he wants too. I can't raise this baby alone. I love him, and I need his support if we are going to be parents to this child.
He sighs and looks at his hands.
"It's going to be hard Ana," he says.
"I know, but I can't do this," I murmur.
He leans over and takes my head in his hands and stares at me in determination.
"We are going to be okay baby. We will work it out, and everything is going to be fine," he explains.
I nod my head, and he kisses me softly. He wants this too. He is serious.
"We need to speak with the doctor," he says.
I nod, and he gets up and walks out of the room. I jump off the table and get dressed. I wipe my eyes as the doctor and Christian reenter the room.
He smiles sympathetically at me and walks over to the rolling chair and sits down with his clipboard in hand.
I sit back down on the bed and Christian sits down on the chair that he vacated earlier. He takes my hand in his and squeezes it reassuringly.
I smile at him weakly.
"Okay, so Mr. Grey explained to us that you both have decided not to have an aspiration abortion. Is that correct?" he looks up at me over his glasses.
We both nod and doctor nods as well. He takes a pen out of his front white coat pocket and writes something down on the paper that is attached to the clipboard. A stethoscope is hanging around his neck. He is an older man, with salt and pepper hair and kind brown eyes. The first person here who does not stare at us with pity or disgust.
A man that understands our situation and does not pass judgment.
"Very well. Have you both considered another option? Or are you both requesting an appointment with an OBGYN?" he asks.
We both look at each other uncertainty.
I bite my lip, and he squeezes my hand and nods at me reassuringly. I instantly relax and nod back at him. He wants this.
"We would like to see an OBGYN," I say.
He nods and writes something down on the paper.
"Do you have insurance?" he asks. Shit.
I look over at Christian in panic as he closes his eyes in regret.
"No, we do not," Christian says matter-of-factly.
"I see," he sighs.
I look down at my knotted fingers and take a deep breath.
"Okay. I would recommend you both apply for Medicaid. You would need to have insurance for us to see you here at this clinic. Until then, I would like to start you on prenatal vitamins. I would recommend you call this number for the Medicaid office before your next appointment in four weeks," he explains.
He writes the prescription and number for the Medicaid office down on two separate pieces of papers and hands it over to me. I nod and thank him.
"Seeing a doctor is important throughout any women's pregnancy, so please, make sure you get insurance set up beforehand. Any questions for me?" he nods.
"What would you like for us to do before our next appointment?" Christian asks.
He stands up straight and stares at the doctor intently while he talks. I look at him, and he is hanging on to every word the doctor says.
"Well, I recommend that you take your prenatal vitamins every day. I would like for you to eat regularly and try to eat as healthy as possible. Do not drink alcohol or take any drugs. Just take it easy; that kind of thing. I will give you some pamphlets for you to take home. The do's and don'ts of pregnancy," he explains.
We both nod.
"Any other questions?" he asks.
"Can we still have sex?" Christian blurts out.
I blush and then slap him upside the head.
"Christian!" I hiss.
"What? It's a valid question," he hisses.
He rubs the back of his head and glares at me. I blush beet red and peak up at the doctor.
"It's okay Miss. Steele. The question is asked a lot around here, and it's normal. Yes, Mr. Grey, it's okay to have sexual intercourse while pregnant," he chuckles.
I blush again and close my eyes. Kill me now.
"Thank you. That is all my questions," he beams.
"Okay. I will put you guys down for four weeks. Hopefully, you will be set up with the insurance by then. If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to call the clinic. The hospital will take care of the prenatal vitamins for you, so don't worry about the cost," he nods towards the paper that is in my hands.
"Thank you," I say gratefully.
"Congratulations. We will see you both back here in four weeks," he smiles.
"Please, head to the reception desk and make your next appointment," he reminds us.
We both nod and he gets up and leaves the room.
Christian and I walk out of the room and head for the reception desk. The women behind the counter look to be in her late twenties with curly brown hair and brown eyes. She is on the phone, and she is typing rapidly on her computer.
"Just one second, please."
She holds up a finger and continues to type on her computer.
I roll my eyes and look around the room while we wait for her to finish. Christian wraps his arms around my waist and holds me from behind. I press my body to his and I instantly relax in his embrace.
The waiting room is full of pregnant women. Some are here alone, and some are here with their husbands or boyfriends. I also see many girls who look to be in their teens, who are pregnant as well. I spot a blonde haired girl; who couldn't be older than seventeen, sitting by the window. She is scanning the room nervously. Her blue eyes are wide and full of fear. She is staring at all the pregnant bellies. She looks intimidated. I try not to look at her in pity, but I can only relate to her. She is scared to death, and I don't blame her.
"Yes, thank you."
The bitchy receptionist says into the phone before she hangs up. She continues to type on the computer for a second before she lets out an aggravated sigh and looks up at us.
She immediately frowns at us and stares at us strangely before she gives us a fake smile. I look at her impassively. We get this look a lot, and right now, I am not in the mood to be criticized.
"What is your name?" she says sweetly.
"Anastasia Steele. I need another appointment in four weeks," I say impassively.
She looks at her computer and squints.
"Our next available appointment is on November 30th. We have a morning and late afternoon slot left. Which would you prefer?" she sighs.
I look over my shoulder at Christian and he mouth afternoon.
I turn back to her, and she is examining her nails in boredom. I roll my eyes.
"Late afternoon," I hiss.
She flicks her hair behind her shoulder and types in the time on her computer. She picks up a little piece of paper and writes something down. She hands it over to me, and I snatch it out of her hand.
"Have a good day," she says sarcastically.
"We will. Hope you have a very shitty rest of your day," I say sweetly.
Her mouth drops open in shock, and I smile at her, and take Christian's hand in mine and drag him out of the door.
He follows me while trying not to laugh.
I spot the blond haired girl before we make it out the door. I smile reassuringly at her, and she gives me a weak but grateful smile.
We both walk to the bus stop, and when we get there, we both sit down on the bench and wait.
I sigh and put my head in my hands. It's been a long, exhausting day.
Christian pulls me into his lap and kisses my hair.
"It's okay baby," he coos in my ear.
I nod and snuggle into his neck.
We sit there for a while until the bus parks in front of the stop. I get off his lap and we both get on the bus. The bus is not crowded, so we walk to the back and sit down in the corner. The bus drives off, and Christian pulls me back into his lap.
I put my head on his shoulder, and we sit there in silence for a while until he starts to speak.
"We're going to be fine baby," he murmurs.
I bring my head up from his shoulder and look up at him in apprehension.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I whisper.
"Of course, I want to do this baby. Look, I know that you are scared, and I am scared too, but everything is going to be okay. We are going to be fine," he reassures me.
My lips tremble, and I nod my head. I look into his eyes, and all I see is sincerity, but I need to know for certain that this is what he wants.
"Would you have resented me for not going through with the abortion?" I murmur.
I need to know that he doesn't resent me for not going through with it. I know what I want, and I don't want to kill our baby. I am selfish, and I want to keep my child. I don't want him to resent me in the future when something happens.
"Why would you think that?" he asks with a frown.
"Because I want the baby, and I don't know what you honestly want. I don't want to push you into anything you don't want to do," I murmur embarrassed.
His lips form a straight line, and his eyes turn hard. He looks angry and hurt.
"Why would you even think that? I love you, Anastasia. I love our baby, and I won't regret it, and I don't regret having this baby. I felt like we were doing the right thing, but deep down; I wanted this baby too. I didn't want to go through with it either, but I thought we were doing the right thing," he sighs heavily.
I nod and gulp.
"It's going to be hard, but we won't fail. We won't abandon this baby. You hear me? We will not fail," he says firmly.
My eyes water as I stare at him. I nod and try not to let the tears fall.
He pulls me into his arms. I wrap my arms around his middle and bury my face into his neck. He does the same and wraps his arms around my neck and coos into my ear softly. The tears fall once again at his next words.
"We're going to be a family,"
AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing.
I appreciate all of the feedback and PM's for the last chapter. I tried to not go into detail, and I appreciate all of your kind words and understanding of the topic. I know some of you were going to stop reading if they did go through with the procedure, and I understand, but that was not my direction. I know in their situation, this choice is the first option for many women. I don't pass judgement, and either way, it's a hard experience to go through, especially in Ana and Christian's case.
I know a lot of readers want Christian to find a job, and get off the streets. The story would be over in fifteen chapters if I wrote that into the story after this.
I want that too, but the story is about them being homeless and their struggles and their journey on becoming who they are supposed to be. Don't worry, we will get there, but it will be a while. I hope you all continue to read and review.
Thank you again for reading, and welcome to all the new followers.
Please, check out the Facebook group if you haven't yet: FSoG Fanfic Obsessed. We all would love to have you. :)
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See you all soon :)
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