When Tony woke up, his back and neck were sore and aching. He needed some time to gather his senses while he blinked sleepily; apparently he had fallen asleep again after his panic attack of the night before. It didn't help him feel any more rested, though, since he had been having unpleasant dreams all night so his sleep had been more than uneasy.
The bitter, metallic taste in his throat had become a distinct, disgusting flavour that was impossible to ignore and just as he finished that thought, he felt nausea churning in his stomach and scrambled to his feet, trying to not get tangled in the blanket as he rushed towards the bathroom. He reached the toilet-fountain-thingy just in time to empty the contents of his stomach into it. One thing he was grateful for with these Asgardian things was that their constant stream of water washed everything away at the same instant it touched the surface so, at least, he didn't have to dwell in the smell of it until he found the energy to pull some lever.
Tiredly, he rested his head against the cool marble and tried to breathe as deeply as he could without stirring another wave of nausea. Yay for day five, he thought to himself sarcastically and, as if on response, had to dry-heave again. He felt like just going back to sleep and not waking up again before noon and was contemplating to do just that as he heard the door to the main room open.
"Anthony?", Loki called out quietly.
"No", Tony croaked in a way of replying and returned to cooling his head on the rim of the toilet.
"Are you alright?"
"No."
"Would you come out so I can check on you?" Wow, patient today. Or just persistent.
"No."
"Am I going to hear a different word from you anytime soon?"
"No."
"Are you bathing?" What?!
"No!"
"Then I shall come in now."
"No", Tony whined miserably, but didn't make a move when the door opened and he saw Loki's black leather boots moving towards him.
"Oh dear", the god muttered and Tony snorted. Oh dear indeed. "Come now, get up."
"No."
"Anthony...", Loki began, beginning to sound annoyed, but Tony cut him off.
"Nononononono", he muttered into the toilet.
"Get up. Now."
"No. I'm dying. I am literally going to die. I'm practically a dead man walking. Or kneeling. I don't have to do anything I don't want and currently, I don't want to stand up so I'm going to sit here until I feel like doing something else."
"Great!", Loki exclaimed and Tony raised his head in confusion to see the prince beaming widely. "Then we can go now."
"Did you even listen to a word I said?", the engineer asked slowly.
"Yes, and it was something other than 'no'. I believe we have already spoken about the rest of what I did not listen to", came the cheerful reply. Tony was confused enough to let Loki pull him upright and lead him over to the sink so Tony could (try to) wash the disgusting taste away that had settled in his mouth. It tasted a bit like some small exotic animal had decided that his tongue was a great place to die on and had been rotting there for some weeks. The images that idea caused in his heads were doing nothing to improve the poor condition of his stomach. Neither did the glimpse into the mirror that he got when he looked up.
He was pale, sickly so, and there were dark shadows under his eyes; it was obvious that the last time he had shaved was more than five days ago and there was a network of black lines on his neck. Well, one of these things he could do something about and so he decided that if this was going to be one of his last days, then well, he could at least look good while dying.
Half an hour later, the palace kitchen got to see a probably really unusual picture as Loki and Tony (the latter freshly shaved, bathed and generally feeling a lot more human than before) sat on the table next to the maidens who were, as usually, doing stuff with dough that stretched from simply kneading to creating figures with it that looked so intricate that Tony would probably never dare to touch, let alone eat them.
Loki, having breakfast with him, in here among these so very... normal people and contrary to what Tony would have thought, it didn't seem to be all that unusual. No, Marianne brought the two of them their breakfast, Loki thanked her politely and began to pick out all the berries to eat them first. The image had something so very domestic to it that it made Tony grin, even as Marianne fussed over how pale he looked and that he really should go out more often to see the sun (because that would help, sure) and a little tan wouldn't hurt Loki either, would it now? The god only rolled his eyes at that (but, for the record, he did it when he thought nobody but Tony was looking) and searched for another berry in his bowl.
He shot a fleeting glance at the engineer, looked around and then smirked mischievously. He did a little thing with his wrist, and two seconds later, there was a shrill scream from one of the women at the table. Tony turned in confusion and saw a roll of dough, shaped like a snake – even with a little split tongue – creeping over the table towards one of the servants. Loki watched it all with a delighted grin that was mirrored by Tony, right up until Marianne, standing unnoticed behind the prince, flicked the god's ear lightly. With a noise of protest, Loki turned around to glare at the woman who seemed to have a hard time not laughing herself.
"You need to stop pretending that I am still a hundred years old!" , the mage complained in a tone that Tony would have called whiny if it came from anyone but Loki.
"Of course, my dear", was Marianne's reply, "as soon as you do so yourself."
Loki huffed out a grumpy "Fine" and the dough roll went limp.
"I was serious though", Tony remarked when he was halfway through his bowl and had managed to keep everything in. "I looked through the stuff in the lab and did some...", experiments that mostly involved stuff exploding because damn, that was fun, "tests on the materials that I didn't know and I honestly can't find anything that would fit the bill." Loki regarded him with serious eyes, but didn't chime in just yet, instead opting to listen. "It's just... it doesn't work. There's no replacement for that. I would need a completely self-sustaining energy source that, in the ideal case, is not radioactive or killing me in another unpleasant way."
The prince stared at his spoon thoughtfully and suddenly let it drop into his bowl as he stood upright and announced: "I might know what you are searching for." He abandoned his breakfast (all the berries were eaten up anyway) and hurried towards the door. Tony scrambled to follow him, throwing a "Sorry!" at Marianne who looked at the two men, then at the food bowls accusingly, and caught up with Loki in the hallway.
"So we're going to do another trip through this labyrinth of a castle? Are you at least telling me where we're headed?", the inventor asked. He had to move in a mixture of walking and jogging to keep up with Loki's long strides.
"The library", came the god's clipped reply and Tony stopped for a moment before running to catch up again.
"A library?", he demanded. "Like, an honest-to-god library with books and paper and stuff?"
"Yes, Anthony", Loki replied with a sideways glance, "that's what a library is. Congratulations."
"I know what a library is", the engineer muttered sullenly. "I was just wondering how it's going to be of any help here."
"Asgard's library is not just any library", the mage explained. "It is the greatest collection of knowledge in all the Nine Realms and beyond, even superior to the Vanaheim's one. Even I have not read all the books in there." The last sentence was spoken in a tone that let assume this was a really notable fact.
Tony understood when they entered the library. There were four guards standing in front of it and they were nothing like those idiots Tony had encountered the day before. None of them spoke a word, they were all stoically staring ahead – right up until Tony tried to cross the threshold behind Loki. Two swords were crossed about half a centimetre away from his nose and he jumped backwards with a yelp (although he couldn't help but internally smirk at how classic that was). Loki assured them he was with him and then, Tony was allowed entry. And froze.
The room he was in, no, the hall, the tower, he really couldn't tell, was huge. As in, really huge. Like, extremely fucking gigantically huge. It was round, there were bookshelves three times Tony's size lining the walls and stairs leading to new storeys which actually just were narrow gangplanks with beautiful wooden railings that allowed access to more giant shelves, and more above that and above that... It all was lit dimly by candles and, apart from the quiet shuffling of feet and the rustle of paper, everything was silent. There were surprisingly few people here.
Loki hurried up a flight of stairs that led to one of the upper levels and hurried towards one of the shelves without looking at the covers of the books around him even once. Tony would have bet his right hand (or the arc reactor – yeah, the reactor. He didn't need that to build stuff) that the prince would know his way around here with his eyes closed and his hands behind his back. The engineer just trailed behind him, feeling a little bit like a lost puppy or a fifth wheel as Loki stopped and pulled an ancient looking book from a shelve, then another and a third before dumping them into Tony's arms. Their weight made his knees buckle and he huffed before adjusting his hold and watched as Loki trailed a finger over the backs of the books and then chose another one, flipped it open to turn a few pages, scanning their contents, and then shut it again and placed it back carefully.
"This is it", he declared and took two of the books from Tony's arms again, gesturing for him to turn around and go back down. The inventor complied and tried to descend the stairs as quietly as possible. It was the atmosphere that libraries just seemed to have, especially one like this, that made him fear to disturb the peace and quiet by breathing too loudly. Or, you know, his heartbeat.
Loki led him to a dark wooden desk and they set the books down. The god sunk down into a chair, took the book laying on top of the little stack and opened it. Then, he frowned at a candle as if it had personally offended him, and clasped his hands together. When he slowly pulled them apart again, there was a brightly glowing ball of light between them. Upon a gesture of Loki, it floated upwards and illuminated the desk. While Tony watched it in awe, the prince opened one of the books and began to skim through the contents.
After a while, the engineer's attention shifted towards the black-haired deity and before long, he caught himself staring. Loki was utterly absorbed in his research, green eyes moving over the pages with a fast pace, lips slightly parted in concentration and a stray lock of hair falling over his pale face. The image had something peaceful, holding a quiet and calmness that Loki rarely displayed. Distractedly, the mage raised a hand to brush the errand strand back. A little frown formed on his face shortly after, and another minute later, he snapped the book shut with a shake of his head and took another one of the stack they had brought down with them. While doing so, he seemed to notice Tony once again and blinked, slightly confused. It was... kind of cute, in a way.
"If you would like to, I could bring you down to the laboratory so you have something to work on", he offered, a poor substitute for Oh jeez, I kinda got absorbed in this and forgot you were there, sorry, am I covering up nicely? Tony didn't mind. No, he genuinely smiled at the god as he replied: "No, I'm fine here, it's..." Extremely fascinating to watch you work because you look sort of adorable when you're not all princely and regal. "...maybe better if I'm here. In case you find something. Which we'd need to discuss, you know." Because it's not like he can magically teleport himself or anything. Smooth, Tony, really damn smooth.
There was a short hesitation, filled with a questioning look from Loki, before he answered: "Alright. Do make yourself comfortable. I am here in case you should need something."
"Of course." Remind me. Because I'm the one who forgot you were there while reading. Sure thing. Lokey-dokey – okay, Tony, no, this is taking it too far, definitely. Stop it.
Tony was usually easily bored, but he found that watching Loki had something oddly fascinating. That and the quietness of the library made him feel at peace in a way that was rare these days. He sat there silently and studied the line of Loki's jaw, his dark eyelashes brushing against his cheeks and the way his tongue flitted out to wet his surprisingly soft-looking lips – Jesus fucking Christ on a stick, Tony, are you checking the guy out? This is your owner. This is the bad guy in this story. This. Is. Wrong. The thought didn't resent him nearly as much as it should, which, in a way, set him even more on edge.
He was unbelievably grateful when Loki disrupted his thoughts with an excited little "Ah!". He watched, leaning forward slightly, as the god turned a page, smiling, almost grinning and his eyes gleaming with enthusiasm. Alright, he'd definitely found something there, and something good, judging by his expression.
That was, until Loki's smile dropped and he slammed the book shut with something that was definitely a curse word (even in a language Tony didn't recognize) and definitely too loud for a library. The god seemed to notice his mistake immediately because he quietly cleared his throat and stared down at the book accusingly, as though it was at fault for his little slip. Tony could have sworn that he was even blushing a little. Adorable. Nope. Not adorable. Stop it.
"Found something?", he asked unnecessarily, mostly to distract himself from his thoughts (and possibly to find out what made Loki's hopes build up so high that he swore in a public library, loudly at that).
"No. Yes. No." Loki sighed and leaned back, still staring at the book in exasperation. "I thought I had found something, but it... I was wrong. We do not have it here anymore."
"And there's no replacement for this mysterious it?", the inventor dug in further. "Like, something that has similar qualities? Or a way to retrieve it?"
"None that I know of", came the almost resigned answer. "It is not here."
"Okay, firstly, stop going all Steven King on me and tell me what it is, and secondly, you're really giving up just because you don't know? That's not how I got to know you", the engineer pointed out, earning a surprised look from Loki. Now, he wasn't usually one for motivational speeches, but he was going to have a fair bit of words with Loki if he was really this easily swayed.
"I am sure there is no replacement for it", the mage answered, but he sounded less hopeless and more careful while saying it, less like We're doomed and more like I might have talked nonsense there and you're about to call me out on it. Tony liked that. A lot. "What I found in here was information about one of the Infinity Gems. They are powerful artefacts, but they were scattered across the Nine Realms to protect them from misuse long before I was even born, and no-one knows where to find them. The Tesseract would suit our –"
"Wait, Tesseract?", Tony interrupted. "Like, glow-y blue cube with funny swirling light inside and all? Not even as big as my hand? Incredibly powerful?"
"Y-yes", Loki answered, eyes wide in surprise at the inventor's knowledge. He found that he liked this look of bafflement on the god – he should surprise him more often with random scientific facts.
Before he could go down that road any further, he continued swiftly: "I know where it is."
"You know where it is?", the prince repeated, actually leaning forward in his seat to catch every word Tony uttered, although they probably were louder than the appropriate library volume anyway.
Of course I know where it is, my father used the thing, Tony wanted to respond before a thought struck him and he said instead: "Shit. No. I actually don't. Not anymore. My father found it and told me about it when I was a kid and he was currently neither drunk nor going on one of his Captain-America-is-the-greatest-being-ever-to-touch-American-ground speeches, and while he was looking for good ol' Cap, he found the Cube instead. Experimented on it for a while, but it's not there anymore, I would know if it was. Have no idea where it is now, though, I was like seven or eight years old when he stopped using it and gave it to... well. No idea, really."
Loki regarded him with a look which made it perfectly clear that the mage had understood only half of what Tony had just spilled out (well, how would a god know Captain America and Howard Stark – unlike what Howard had thought, neither of these two were gods) and decided to ignore that in favour for the bits that made sense to him as he slowly asked: "So you are telling me that your father found the Cube?"
"Yes."
"And then worked with it?"
"Yes."
"And then gave it away?"
"Exactly."
Had Loki not been a prince, Tony was sure this was the point in the conversation where he would bang his head against the massive wooden tabletop. Possibly several times. Instead, he just drew a long breath and quietly declared: "I think, Anthony", a short pause as though he was considering to actually say the next few words, "that your father is an utter idiot."
Tony snorted a laugh and corrected: "Was." Before Loki got to respond to that, he continued: "But there's nothing we can do about that, so how about you play a little Google Translate for me now and show me that book so I can see if I can recreate that thing?"
"It is impossible to recreate", Loki pointed out with a raised eyebrow (once again skilfully ignoring any reference he couldn't possibly understand), but he still reached for the book.
"I've done impossible things before", the engineer stated with a shrug and pulled his armchair over to Loki with some effort so he could look at the book together with the god without having to turn awkwardly. The page looked surprisingly similar to an engineering textbook, filled with technical drawings and things he couldn't actually read, but looked like equations. He suddenly wanted to learn that language so he wouldn't need help to work his way through all the treasures and wonders this library held –
"We will have time for that later", Loki stated and, upon Tony's bemused look, added: "You do think rather loudly."
The inventor cleared his throat and hoped that the dim light hid his embarrassed blush (if it weren't for Loki's magical light-ball-thingy) as he said: "Right. Then, uh... let's get started, shall we?"
"Of course", the mage agreed with the smallest hint of a smile on his lips and leaned down, pointed a finger to one of the equations and began to read out.
It could have been hours they spent like that, Tony wasn't sure. Loki spoke and explained in a way which made it obvious that he knew what he was talking about and wasn't just reading off the paper. Although it was apparent that he had not dealt with the Tesseract in particular so far, he was quick to understand everything to a point where he could explain it to Tony so it was easy enough to understand. The engineer, in turn, asked questions when he needed to, especially about the energy form that most Asgardian contraptions and devices seemed to use (he refused to call it magic – there was a logical explanation to it, Loki was currently proving that, and magic was not logical. Therefore, it was obviously science). It was, admittedly, a lot more complicated than he'd originally thought it to be, what with a completely foreign form of energy that he had to understand over the course of one day, but what was he a genius for if not that sort of thing? It felt really damn good to be able to turn over new things in his mind, calculating, really having to try to keep up. Finally, there was something new.
They decided to take a break (or more like, Loki decided that they were going to take one) when Tony's stomach began to growl for attention.
"This is it", the god declared and closed the fifth book they had been working on, ignoring Tony's protests. "We are going to eat, and after that, we shall see about continuing."
"But I'm not hungry!", Tony lied in a whiny voice. Before Loki could respond, his stomach let out a growl that could have been a complaint. "Oh, shut up, you traitor", the inventor, knowing that he had lost.
"Come now, you giant man-child", Loki ordered with a fair amount of amusement.
"Excuse me?!", the engineer sputtered. "Man-child? I'll have you know that I'm a perfectly reasonable and functioning adult." The mage raised an eyebrow at him, causing Tony to tag on: "Should the need arise, that is." Loki just smiled a bit wider, saying Yes, of course you are more clearly than words could have. Tony rolled his eyes and huffed a grumpy "Fine, if we can get back to doing science afterwards" as he rose from his armchair. It caused a series of cracks and pops in his spine from the long time of being hunched over the desk, but he found that he had missed that. The feeling after hours on end, spent over formulas and problems, tying up loose ends all the way. It was wonderful.
He turned towards Loki, who regarded the inventor with a thoughtful expression clouding his green eyes, making the previously shining colour seem several shades darker all of sudden. Tony met his gaze, but the mage didn't seem to actually see him so he waved a hand in front of his face, throwing a careful "Earth to Loki, anybody home?" his way. The god blinked a few times and then nodded, muttering "Of course, let's go" or something like that under his breath before he turned around and made his way to the exit of the library. Tony followed suit, trying to figure out what had dampened Loki's mood all of sudden, but not finding an obvious answer. Well, he might find out later.
He expected to be greeted by far too bright lights upon exiting the library tower, but everything was surprisingly dim. His companion appeared to be equally taken aback by the fact that they had spent the whole day in there, because it was clearly night now or at least late in the evening. Also, his body reacted badly to standing up, as he only realized now. As if catching up on what was happening, it began to protest by making the world spin around him, causing the feeling of nausea to make a sudden return, only amplified by the bitter taste of the palladium that he had managed to ignore for almost the whole day.
His knees felt like they were going to fail him at any second and Tony stumbled, instinctively reaching out and clinging to Loki before he could hit the ground. The god turned around in surprise and immediately looped an arm around Tony's back, pulling him upright. The engineer leaned against him heavily and held on to the fabric of the tunic covering Loki's chest. Dear Lord, we gotta look so cute, he thought sarcastically while taking deep breaths.
"Anthony?", the mage asked, concern clear in his voice. "Are you alright?" Tony resisted the urge to point out how stupid that question was in favour of swallowing drily and a shake of his head. A very careful, slow one. "You need to eat something."
"I don't think that's the problem", he muttered into the fabric in front of him, inhaling deeply – everything that would distract him from the sudden dizziness was more than welcome and Loki really didn't smell bad. A bit like the leather that he wore almost constantly, also something herbal (similar to the washing lotions and everything that Tony had found in his own bathroom, too), and then there was something lighter, like... he couldn't put a finger on it, something fresh, very...
"You still need to eat", Loki interrupted his thoughts. "I will bring you to your chamber and then –"
"Please, no teleporting", the inventor cut in. "I don't think my stomach would take that too well right now." A short hesitation, then he felt a nod above him and the prince bent down to pick him up. "Oh nonono, you're not going to carry me!", he protested weakly, and he swore he could feel the eyes of the guards on his back.
"Would you rather walk, Anthony?", Loki asked sharply and, okay, no. He wouldn't manage three steps on his own and he didn't actually know the people here, there were no journalists waiting to catch a picture of him being carried by a tall, handsome stranger (where did that come from?) and no press to make a fuss over it. Also, still dying, so screw dignity.
"Fine", he murmured and buried his head in the crook of Loki's neck so he wouldn't have to see if anybody else witnessed this. Screw dignity had seemed like an easy concept before he had decided to act out on it.
Jesus, Tony, you're such a crybaby, he scolded himself and breathed in and out deeply. Loki was walking at a fast pace, but still calm enough for Tony not to be moved too rapidly. He tried to calm himself, eyes closed and clinging to Loki like a drowning man would cling to a barrel. It wasn't like he could make things much more embarrassing, really. Dying was a great excuse for embarrassing behaviour. A perfectly reasonable excuse. Also, he was starting to feel chilled and the only source of warmth around was Loki.
It was almost a disappointment when the god set him down. Tony hadn't really noticed the two of them entering his room, and as soon as his feet touched the ground, he slid down to his knees. With Loki away from him, the slight chill from before turned to cold and he wrapped his arms around himself. Where was this coming from all off sudden? He had been... sort of fine not even fifteen minutes ago, and now he felt like his head was going to burst with all the spinning it did, trembled from a coldness that only existed in his head and he could feel his heartbeat through his whole body, pulsing and pushing against his ribs as if trying to escape.
He had taken, what, twenty steps from the desk to the outside of the library? Nothing that should be physically exhausting, and yet his body couldn't take it. He was much worse than he'd originally thought and for the first time, he began to really, really understand.
"I'm dying", he breathed, his voice unsteady and disbelieving. "I- I'm seriously, actually dying. Oh god. Oh god, I don't – I can't do this, Loki, I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm going to die, I'm literally going to die. This is insane." He was hysterical, and some part of him realized that that wouldn't do, that it wasn't helping, that he needed to stop and start to think clearly, but he couldn't. He was going to die here, in a world that wasn't his, away from the people whom he had thought he would spend his life with – no Pepper, no Rhodey, not even Obadiah – Obadiah, yes, the one whose fault all of this was, he wouldn't be here without him, why was this happening? "I can't do this, I can't do this, this is all wrong, why am I here? I don't want to be here, I don't want this, this is completely insane."
"Anthony, calm down." Loki's voice reached his ears, the tone giving away that he was not saying it for the first time. The god had clasped both Tony's icy hands in his warm ones, holding them tightly, and was kneeling in front of him. "Look at me. Look into my eyes. Just like that. Yes." Tony stared at him, his vision blurred from unshed tears. "Breathe deeply. You are not going to die, and trust me, I will see to that. But I can only do so much. I need your brilliant, sparkling mind with me. Can you do that?" The engineer stared at him, eyes wide and not daring to blink for the fear that if he did, he would release the tears he had been holding back so far. Swallowing, he nodded, slowly, jerkily, and drew a shuddering breath.
Yeah, screw dignity.
With a sigh of defeat, he slumped forward and pulled his hands free from Loki's grasp to latch onto the mage's tunic, then loosened them again and wrapped them around the god's waist to pull him close so he could hide his face in the crook of his neck again. Because he was cold. Yes.
Loki stiffened in surprise for a moment, but then quickly returned the tight hug, not saying another word for now. Tony gladly used the feeling of warmth to actively slow his breathing and drive away to hysteria that had threatened to become a full-blown panic attack with all the lovely extras and a cherry on the top. When he still didn't stop shivering after a minute, Loki produced a blanked from somewhere and managed to wrap it around both of them, and slowly, Tony calmed down for real, felt the world stop its constant spinning and his heart rate dropping to a normal pace again. It wasn't perfect, of course not, what with the bitter palladium taste and the still gnawing hunger, but for the moment, he was okay, comfortable even. If it could only stay this way.
"So, we grab something to eat and then get back to work?", he asked after a while, his voice low, but breaking the silence first, before he could get warm and comfy enough to fall asleep.
"I think you should get some rest first", Loki objected just as quietly, neither of them moving just yet.
Tony immediately shook his head no. "Think about how I was this morning. Or, uh, just now. I don't know if..." He cleared his throat. "If I'd be able to do anything tomorrow. Gonna be hard enough like this. And it's not like that would be the first night-shift I've pulled."
"But you have an idea of what to do, yes?", the mage asked with a hopeful note to his voice.
"Uh-huh", he muttered into Loki's skin and then pulled back reluctantly to look at the prince. "But I need your help. There's a lot of stuff that I'd got back..." Home, he wanted to say, but it didn't feel quite right. "...back on Earth that I don't have here, and I'm not sure how to reproduce it. I'd find a way, sure, but I would rather have this done quickly, so, if you're in for it..."
"Of course I will help you", Loki confirmed with a small smile. "I believed that you knew that."
"Yeah, of course, I... yeah." Tony swallowed and for a moment, he entertained the thought of just staying like this for a little while longer; straddling Loki's lap, huddled up in a blanket with his arms around the god and vice versa, close enough to feel his breath on his skin and –
– holy mother of God, Tony, have you any idea what you're doing? A bit too abruptly, he stood up (immediately regretting it because his surroundings did the spinning thing again), causing the blanket to drop from his shoulders, eliciting a shudder. He covered it up by clasping his hands together while Loki got up as well.
"Well then, Lokes, I hope you're as good as you promised, because this is going to be difficult. Let's go." He shuddered and added as an afterthought: "But I think I'll get something warmer to dress in first."