A/N: So it's been a while since I added anything, but I've been trying to make this next chapter really good, since the last chapter was a little out there with all the dream sequences and stuff. Sorry if it was a little confusing. For this next chapter, I'm trying to focus more now on what's going on outside the OR, so there won't be any Mer in this.

There is no word from upstairs. Nobody has called or communicated with everyone down here for hours, which could mean anything. Everyone seems to be managing, creeping around nervously, trying—and failing—to act like nothing is wrong.

Derek intended to go and see Addison and Bailey. He needed to find that distraction, but after checking on Tucker, he found himself back in the surgical waiting room, sitting in a chair like a lost puppy. He went to get himself a coffee after people started looking at him funny. The coffee now sits, cold and mostly untouched, on the coffee table, next to a stack of magazines meant to occupy family members waiting for their loved ones to come out of surgery. Derek considers them, but he knows he won't be able to focus enough to read any of them. He likes to read magazines—both medical and non-medical—but today, he's just not in the mood.

There's some kind of commotion at the nurses station. There are a couple fire fighters and some hospital staff milling around; from the sounds of it, they are all trying to get an update. Derek, in hopes of learning more too, heads over to join them.

One of the nurses turns and spots him approaching. "Dr Shepherd!" She sounds relieved that some figure of authority has presented itself.

"Olivia." Derek would recognize that red hair anywhere. What is it that the interns call her? It takes a moment before it comes to him: Syph-nurse. "What's everyone doing here?"

Olivia looks around uncomfortably. "It's the Chief, Dr Shepherd. He's—well he's a little stressed, and we're all wondering what's going on, but he's holed up in his office and won't leave. Maybe you could talk to him?" she suggests hopefully.

Derek sighs. "I'll see what I can do." May as well do something to pass the time.

Richard is sitting in the office chair—the one normally occupied by interns preoccupied with charting—looking particularly stressed. Derek can understand his anxiety. Richard hates not knowing even more than Derek because Richard is in charge; this is his hospital. He's got people asking him questions he can't answer, he's got one of his best surgeons upstairs with a bomb being held in place by an intern, his protégée is refusing to give birth, and his top neurosurgeon is walking around the hospital like a ghost. Everything is spinning out of his control. As bad as Derek feels, Richard shares the same burden, perhaps more so. But his is a different kind of pain. Adele isn't the one touching the bomb; she's not ever here, whereas Meredith is up there….

Derek wonders fleetingly is there's a way he could get up there. He knows that Richard would never let him go up there without an excellent excuse, and he knows full well that no such excuse has presented itself and none will.

"Richard?"

Chief Webber looks up; Derek can see the tension on his face. "What is it, Derek?" He is weary, tired of people asking him questions to which he is forced to reply, "I don't know."

Derek sighs. There is no delicate way to approach this. He wants to tell Richard that the hospital needs him; that people want answers to their questions and that the Chief has to give them something, even if it isn't the truth, but he can't bring himself to do that. In all honesty, he has no right to tell the Chief how to deal with any of this; he's barely dealing with it himself. "Are you all right?" is what he says instead.

"Do I look all right to you, Derek?" Richard shakes his head. "The whole hospital is falling to pieces in front of my eyes." He lowers his head into his hands. "They don't teach you how to do this in medical school. They tell you the procedure, but they never teach you what to do."

"You're doing fine, Richard," Derek soothes. "Everyone knows that this is a stressful time, and that communication between you and everyone upstairs is not necessarily the top priority. They know you're doing your best. You just need to calm down."

Richard isn't comforted. "Do you know what's going on up there?" he asks quietly. Derek doesn't like the direction this conversation is taking. "Do you?" the Chief pushes, becoming more aggressive.

Derek doesn't say anything. He can't. He came here to give himself something to do, to help someone, to get away from all this, and yet, he seems to have fallen into it again. It's following him like his own personal black cloud; he can't seem to escape the calamity that is threatening this hospital. He doesn't want to know what is going on up there—he doesn't need more reason to worry about—but, at the same time, he can't walk away without an update. However horrible it may be, not knowing is worse.

"I have an evacuated OR, a bomb in a body cavity, a missing paramedic, an intern with her hand on the explosive, a word class surgeons in harm's way, a man on the table who may bleed out at any moment unless we get the bomb out of his chest, and my favourite resident in labour, who I've now been told refuses to push! And the head of the bomb squad had to be called down to be informed that the main oxygen line runs right under OR3!" the Chief yells, without waiting for Derek's response. "Not only do I have a bomb in an OR that could go off at any second, but now, if it does go off, the whole hospital goes with it! You really want to say to me know to calm down?"

It takes a moment for this information to sink in. Derek isn't sure what to say. This is huge news, huge and terrifying, but he isn't terrified. It's almost a relief. If Meredith goes, so does he. He doesn't have to worry about living without her.

It's like the fog on his mind has lifted. He can work, he can focus, because there are two options here: everyone lives or everyone dies. He doesn't need to worry as much about Meredith because they are now all in the same boat.

"It's going to be fine, Richard," Derek says quietly, trying his best to reassure the Chief. "The bomb squad knows what they're doing. I'm sure they won't do anything that could cause the whole hospital to blow up."

Richard rises from his chair slowly, as if a great weight is pressing down on his shoulders. "I just need to know as soon as they start moving."

Derek nods. "I'll make sure the nurses know."

"Chief Webber?"

Both men turn; Izzie and Alex are approaching, looking concerned. Derek can see on their faces: they want news. Now is not a good time, the Chief doesn't need any more questions. He's already stressed enough and doesn't need anyone looking for information he doesn't have. Thinking quickly and hoping to avoid a major catastrophe, Derek steps ahead of Richard and pulls Alex and Izzie aside.

"Dr Shepherd!" Izzie, surprised, addresses him the way you would a child that has done something wrong; she is admonishing him for interrupting her, or perhaps she is surprised he is intervening at all.

"Now is not a good time, Dr Stevens," Derek says quickly. "The Chief is very stressed out; he doesn't need people bothering him."

"We just want to know what's going on," Izzie replies, affronted.

"And the Chief doesn't know any more than you do at this point. He doesn't need you asking questions he can't answer."

"Why don't we let him decide that, Shepherd?" Alex's voice is harsh. "You're not his doctor. You don't get to make those calls."

"Are you his doctor, Karev?" Derek retorts. He can feel the anger building inside of him; can't they see he's trying to help? Can't they understand that he is wondering too? "You are an intern, and I am your superior. I may not be the Chief's doctor, but I have many more years of experience than you do, and so when I tell you to leave him alone, you should leave him alone!"

"Sorry for disrespecting you, sir," Karev snaps insolently, "but my friend is up there with a bomb that could kill us all. So forgive me if I want to know what the hell is going on!"

Were they not in such a stressful situation, Derek would have punched him. He was of half a mind to ban Karev from the OR for a month. "Do you think I don't want to know what's going on? Do you think I don't care what is happening up there? You think that none of this matters? I know we could all die today, Karev, don't think for a second that I don't." Karev opens his mouth, but Derek isn't finished. "I know that Meredith and Burke are up there. I know that they could die, and regardless of what you think, I do care about them. Dr Burke is my friend, and Meredith—Just because I chose Addison doesn't mean I don't care about what happens to Meredith."

Derek can see on Izzie's face that she gets it; she's got his secret all figured out. He's not surprised; Izzie's a real people person. Relationships are her thing, but her pity won't do anything to help the situation. Karev, on the other hand, doesn't seem so moved. "You can say care about Meredith all you want," he spits, "but we all know that if you'd really cared about her, you wouldn't have gone back to your cheating bitch of a wife."

This is the final straw. Without thinking, Derek lunges at Karev. He can hear Izzie's gasp, but it seems to come from very far away. This type of behaviour is out of character for him, but today is not any ordinary day, and there is no way that Karev is allowed to bad-mouth Derek's feelings towards Meredith, and Addison in the same sentence.

The fight is a surprisingly even one. Karev may have been the champion wrestler to Derek's band geek in high school, but Derek has anger on his side, and twenty years of friendship with Mark Sloan, which has given him a fair amount of experience in the art of beating the shit out of people. Mark Sloan is not stranger to barroom brawls, especially over women. Derek can feel the sting of Karev's fist colliding with his cheek, but the ache in his knuckles shows that his punches are finding their mark too. It feels so good to have a way to alleviate the tension, to let go; here if the relief Derek has been looking for.

"Stop!" Izzie's cry is ignored; both Derek and Alex are too focused on pummelling each other to pay attention.

"STOP!"

At the sound of the Chief's voice, both men break apart, nursing their wounds. It feels as though Derek is resurfacing after having spent a long time underwater.

Richard storms out of the office, looking formidable and terrifying. He, too, has been looking for an outlet through which to let loose all his tension, and Derek and Karev have just provided him with one. Izzie stands back, looking torn; it seems that she wants to run to Karev and make sure that he is all right, but at the same time, she is too afraid of the Chief's wrath to intervene.

"What the hell do you think you to are doing?" Richard bellows. "Fighting in my hospital? Both of you should know better. Especially you, Derek. I have a million different things to be worrying about today what with the bomb in the OR, and Bailey in labour, do you really think I want to have to worry about whether or not my surgeons can behave themselves?" Shaking his head in disgust, the Chief turns and marches away.

Derek feels a rush a shame. Not because he's been fighting, but because Richard is the one to catch him. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. The Chief isn't meant to witness these moments of failure and weakness. He's only supposed to be there when Derek succeeds.

Wanting to make it right, to explain the situation, Derek hurries after Richard. "Chief, I—" he breaks off as he catches sight of Richard. His friend is doubled over, sweating and short of breath.

"Richard?" Forgiveness is the last thing on Derek's mind now.

The Chief doesn't respond.

"Richard?" Derek repeats more firmly. "Someone get me a gurney!" he yells, guiding the Chief to the nurses' station; somewhere where he can sit down.

"Dr Shepherd?" Izzie appears at his side like a shadow. "Is-is he all right?" she asks, catching sight of the Chief's face.

"I think he's having a heart attack, Dr Stevens," he replies as calmly as he can. "We need to get him a room, get him looked after." Izzie nods, still waiting for instructions. "Go and call the Chief's wife."

"His wife?"

Derek pauses. This is a serious issue, maybe he should call Adele; he knows what to say to her "Actually, I'll do it. Stevens, get him to a room and page cardio. We're going to have to run some tests." Izzie nods and hurries off.

The phone at the nurses' station is unoccupied; as they wheel Richard away Derek picks it up and dials.

"Hello?" Adele's voice sounds tinny and far away.

"Adele? It's Derek."

"Derek? What are you doing calling me in the middle of the day? Are you having troubles with Addie again?"

Derek sighs. If only it were that simple. "Actually, Adele, I'm calling about Richard."

"Richard? I never thought you'd be the one calling me about him. Addie's normally the one on my side. What has he done now?"

Derek combs a hand through his hair. It's almost as bad as talking to her in person. "You'd better come down to the hospital, Adele. We think Richard is having a heart attack."

It takes a while to get Richard settled. The test results are negative; no heart attack, just a panic attack. Richard is very anxious to get back to work, but Derek and Adele—who has been apprised of the whole situation—both refuse. He needs time to rest; Derek is not going to let him die. Not here. Not today.

"Dr Shepherd?"

Derek looks up. George is coming around the corner. He looks worn out, and Derek remembers that he's been with Bailey all day.

He wants to say something to George. Something, anything, to find out how Meredith has been doing without him, but he can't seem to find the words. And why bother? It's no secret that George hates him.

"Dr Montgomery-Shepherd is looking for you." George doesn't look cold or indifferent today, but maybe it's because he's just too tired.

Addison is looking for him. This is a surprise. After what happened in the conference room, he didn't think she would have wanted to see him at all. He isn't about to complain; he now has a purpose, a reason to get up and do something.

"How's Bailey doing?" Derek asks as they walk.

"Not too good," George replies. "Dr Montgomery-Shepherd is running out of ideas. "

This is a surprise. It's rare that Addison doesn't know what to do. Part of Derek wants to ask George about it, but he's not sure that he'll learn anything more.

George can see that Derek is surprised. Most people would be; Addison is always in control. But with the bomb, and everything that's happened between her and Derek, he's not surprised. Derek didn't see Addison break down. Derek has no idea what he's done; that Addison can't take care of Bailey because of him. But George knows. He remembers it clearly: he was just coming out to seek advice on what to do with Bailey…

MOMENTS EARLIER:

George leaves the room. He has to; he can't take seeing Bailey like this. There has to be some way to help her. Dr Montgomery-Shepherd should know what to do; this is her specialty after all.

He finds her sitting outside on a gurney, knees drawn up to her chest, beating her fists against her forehead. She looks so vulnerable, so fragile.

"Dr Montgomery-Shepherd?"

She doesn't glance up as George addresses her. Tentatively, he moves closer; perhaps she didn't hear him.

"What are we going to do? I mean about Dr Bailey," he continues, as Addison glances at him, eyes slightly bloodshot, as if she's been trying not to cry. "Can we drug her?"

"Against her will?" Addison's voice is thick; George can tell she's been fighting tears.

George considers trying to drug Bailey against her will. "No." He pauses. "Well…yes?" Addison sighs and turns away, already uninterested in what George has to say. "I mean, can't we force her to push?" he cries, desperately. "If…uh," George grasps at straws, "we declare her temporarily insane?"

Addison laughs, a short humourless burst. "You want me to declare Miranda—Miranda Bailey—incompetent." She pauses, allowing them both to consider the absurdity of the situation. "Do you think that will help? Do you think that will make her more inclined, more comfortable giving birth?"

George shakes his head. "Well I don't know, that's why I'm asking—"

"Do you think I'm not doing everything I can to help her?" Addison interrupts. "Do you think I'm out here because I'm lazy; because I need a little me time?"

"Well, no," George replies hastily, "I'm just asking."

"Stop asking!" Addison snaps. "Because no matter what you ask, the answer is I don't know. I'm doing everything I can—everything—" she smacks the gurney with her fist for emphasis. George has never seen her so angry before. "Miranda Bailey's husband just had brain surgery—serious brain surgery from which he could never recover—and there's not a lot I can say to comfort her right now because there's not a lot anyone can say to comfort me. I'm doing my best. Dr Bailey is doing her best. And I need you to do your best instead of standing here asking me the world's stupidest questions!" The dam has burst; everything is spilling out now whether Addison wants it to or not. George opens his mouth to say something comforting, but Addison doesn't let him. "Do you think I like not knowing the answers? Do you think I want to let one of my close friends lose her baby? No. No I don't. But I can't make her do anything. She's afraid, O'Malley, afraid of doing this without her husband. And I am too. My husband…well God only knows where he is." Addison combs her hands through her hair desperately. "I don't know where he is, O'Malley, and that's all I can think about. We could die today, and it makes me sick to my stomach, thinking about my husband in that OR. What would have happened if he were still there? When he got out, I was so relieved, I thought it would be fine, but he doesn't even talk to me. All he can think about is Meredith, and everyone knows it." She's gasping, practically in tears, holding onto her long, auburn hair like it's a lifeline. "So, no, O'Malley, I don't know what to do." With that, she drops her head in her hands.

George doesn't know what to say. Addison is the expert; she's the only one who can help Bailey. And the only one who can help Addison is…Derek.

George sets off, leaving Addison alone. He needs to find Shepherd.

Addison is curled on a gurney, head in hands.

"Dr Montgomery-Shepherd?" George's voice is timid, tentative.

Addison looks up slowly. Derek is surprised; it looks like she's been crying. Je can see the shock registering on her face as she sees him. "Derek?" Her voice is disbelieving, like he's a ghost she's been waiting to see for years. He can feel the confusion spreading. Didn't she call for him?

"Didn't you—"

"Dr Shepherd was looking for you," George interrupts, glaring at Derek, who begins to understand: this is all George's idea.

"I-I was wondering how you were holding out," Derek says quickly, playing along.

Addison is not sure she believes him; this much is visible on her face. She has every right to: to him at least, it's obvious that he's lying.

George, probably hoping to give them some privacy, heads back in to check on Bailey. Part of Derek wishes that he would stay; he's not sure that he can lie to Addison when they're alone. But at the same time, he owes it to them to pretend, if only for a little while longer. Addison deserves someone here for her now. The least he can do is be that someone, before he becomes the someone who tears her world to pieces.

There's a moment of tense, awkward silence; Addison is still wondering if she buys the lie, while Derek prays that she won't turn him away. He needs her now as much as she needs him. "Addie…" He wants to tell her how much he needs her, how much he needs someone. He can't finish his sentence, however, because Addison falls into his arms, clutching at him like she's trying to make sure he's real.

"Thank you," she whispers. "Thank you." Derek isn't sure what she's thanking him for, but he holds her anyways. He knows that he can't do anything to shatter the illusion; Addison wants to believe what he is telling her, and he knows the feeling: she's hoping that if she tries hard enough, this façade will become reality. He used to wish for the same thing, but he can't anymore. Not when he feels so strongly for Meredith. Still, he rubs her back, letting her hold on as long as she needs.

"I was so worried," Addison whispers. "I thought you were…" She trails off, but Derek knows what she was going to say: she thought he might try and go see Meredith; that he might get himself killed.

"How's Bailey?" Addison probably doesn't know any more than George, but Derek needs something else to talk about.

Addison sighs. "If I don't do something soon, she's going to lose the baby. Richard won't let me use an OR; if I have nowhere to operate…" she trails off. "You haven't seen him have you, Derek? Richard?"

Now it's Derek's turn to sigh. "Richard had a panic attack, Addie. Adele's here looking after him."

"Oh my God." She raises a hand to cover her mouth. As surgeons, they should expect this, they deal with these kinds of things all the time, but it's so different when it's one of your own. "Poor Richard."

There's a long silence. Everything that has happened with Richard and with Meredith has really put their mortality into perspective. As powerful as he may feel when he's in the OR holding a scalpel, ready to save a life, Derek isn't a god. He can't save everyone. Richard is fine now, but next time…and then there's Meredith. The one person that Derek wants more than anything is the one person he knows he can't save. It's all up to her.

"Do you want me to go and talk to her? Bailey, I mean," Derek adds, seeing the look on Addison's face. She'd obviously been thinking he wasn't talking about Bailey. He wants to laugh; it's the first time in a long time that he and Addison have been thinking about the same thing. It's ironic that the one thing their both thinking about is the one thing that's driving them further and further apart.

Addison rakes a hand through her hair. "I suppose. I don't know what else to do at this point."

This is hard for her. Derek can see that. Hoping to comfort her, he reaches out and rubs her arm. "It'll be fine, Addie. Nobody's going to die."

"I hope for Bailey's sake you're right." She brushes past Derek and into the room.

Derek knows he should follow her. He's just agreed to talk to Bailey, and it's clear that Addie is desperate for help in any form, but he doesn't want to be the one who swoops in and saves the day either. If anyone gets the glory today, it's not him. Addie deserves this.

Still, there's not point in standing in the hallway all by himself. Sighing, Derek pushes open the door.

It's not a pretty sight. Bailey is curled over the edge of the bed, hands closed in fists, eyes squeezed shut. George hovers behind her, trying to help, but unsure of what to do. Addison is at the foot of the bed, looking like she's trying very hard not to scream and rip her hair out. "Miranda, I need you to listen to me," she's saying. "You need to push. This baby has got to come out."

Bailey shakes her head resolutely. "I want to go home." It almost sounds like she is whimpering. "I want to go home."

Derek can't stand and watch anymore, it's heartbreaking. "Bailey," he says quietly, coming up behind her. "Tucker's going to be OK. He's fine. I know it's scary trying to do this without him, but you need to be strong."

"Dr Shepherd?" Bailey mumbles, confused. "What-what are you doing here?"

"I know you're scared, Bailey," Derek repeats, ignoring the question, "but you need to push, okay? You're not alone; we're here with you."

Again, Bailey shakes her head. "I'm not doing this today I'm not doing it without…Tucker!" That last turns into a cry as another contraction grips her.

Derek can't do this. He can't watch Bailey suffer like this, not when he promised tucker he'd take care of her. He grips Bailey's shoulders, holding her close. "Tucker's fine, Bailey. He's asleep now—he's very tired—but he was awake and he's fine. He'll be able to see the baby as soon as he wakes up."

"Derek—" Addison begins, but he silences her with a look.

"Tucker's awake?" Bailey looks like a blind man granted sight; here is the light at the end of the tunnel.

Derek nods encouragingly. "He's sleeping now, but he was awake. Brain surgery is exhausting. But I'm sure—"

"Dr Shepherd?" Addison cuts in. "Could I have a word?"

Derek glanced at George, who nods. He's got the situation under control.

"What were you thinking?" Addison bursts out as soon as they are out of the room. "You told Bailey her husband was awake?"

"Addie—" Derek tries to explain. Can't she understand the situation?

"We don't even know if Tucker's going to make it!" she cries, cutting him off. "How are you going to explain it to Bailey if he dies?"

He sighs. "It's unlikely that he's going to die, Addison. And even if he does," he continues, as she opens her mouth to protest, "Bailey needs something. If she loses her husband and her baby, she'll never forgive herself. I don't want her to lose the baby."

"Neither do I! Do you think this is easy for me, Derek? Do you think I like watching Miranda Bailey suffer? I'm trying to do my job here too."

"He'll be awake by the time the baby is born, Addison. You're overacting. It was nothing. She's never going to know."

"I'm not overreacting!" Derek hasn't seen Addison this angry in a while. She looks like she wants to hit him. "You lied to my patient, Derek. That's a big deal."

"Well, it's not like you were doing anything to help her either!" Derek snaps. "You were the one that was out on the gurney having a breakdown because you didn't know what to do."

"I'm not the only one having a breakdown," she retorts frostily. "Don't think I haven't noticed you roaming around the halls all day."

"I don't have a scared woman in labour who needs my help! I—"

"Do you think I wanted to be out on that gurney? Do you think I wouldn't rather have been in there helping Bailey?" Addison interrupts, practically in tears. "I was out there because I was worried about you, Derek. You've been gone all day, lost and broken because Meredith is up there with that bomb! I see the way you look at her when you think I'm not watching you, Derek, and I know that if it was me up there, you wouldn't care nearly as much."

"This isn't about Meredith! This is about Bailey!" Derek shouts. "This is about the fact that George had to come and find me because he knew that Bailey needed help and that you were too emotionally unstable to give it to her!"

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Derek regrets them. That was too harsh; he can see the shock on Addison's face too. He watns to apologize, but somehow, it feels as if that will do more harm than good.

Addison laughs darkly. "I should have known you didn't come of your own accord. The great Derek Shepherd doesn't have time for anyone but himself."

"Addie—" He can't believe that she is saying these things, that she thinks he's so selfish. If he were, he wouldn't have come to help her; if he was, he wouldn't have tried to make their marriage work.

"Just go, Derek," she says bitterly; she's still fighting back the tears. "You've done enough." With that, she turns away and storms back into Bailey's room.

Derek watches her go. Their confrontation was ugly, but it isn't the first, and it won't be the last.

With a sigh, he heads off to check on the Chief. As he goes, he resigns himself to the fact that they can no longer deny: this marriage is over.