A little challenge for all of you: Derek meets a certain someone from his future in this chapter. Think you know who it is? Put it in your review. I'll let you know in the next chapter!

Death is something that Meredith deals with every day, and yet it is so much more different when you are the one facing death. You never think it's going to be you until it is, and even then, you don't really believe it.

They're going to move. That's the brilliant solution Dylan Young has come up with. Meredith isn't allowed to even wiggle her fingers because she could blow up the hospital, and yet they're going to roll the gurney down the hall like it's nothing? They're crazy. Young is crazy for suggesting it, Burke for going along with it, and she is the craziest of them all. She's the one touching the bomb, after all. And it's not like with Hannah, where she didn't know what she was getting into; Meredith knew exactly what was going on. What kind of person does that? What kind of person sticks their hand in a body cavity containing a bomb? Maybe she is depressed. Maybe that's what this is: Derek's rejection has made her suicidal. Somehow, though she doesn't think this is true. After what happened to her mother all those years ago, Meredith looks at suicide differently. Besides, Derek and Addison don't look so happy these days; there's hardly any reason for her to be depressed anymore.

"You ready, Dr Grey?"

Young is standing in the doorway with two other members of his team. Meredith has a flashback to this morning, when Burke was asking her if she was ready to scrub in. If only she had said no. If only she hadn't been so determined to get the biggest surgery. If she wasn't so damn competitive, she never would have found herself in this situation. Now, however, there is nothing to do but nod. "Let's get this over with."

They creep along, inching out of the room and into the hallway. Nobody says anything, no one dares. The only sound is the sound of the wheels rolling along the ground, accompanied by their footsteps. It's as if speaking will cause the bomb to go off, like if they keep in silence, they will make it. Meredith can't take it. She can practically hear time ticking in her head; the seconds of her life's clock bouncing around like ping pong balls.

They inch past the door of OR 2. Here is where Derek performed a craniotomy on Bailey's husband this morning. Was it really such a short time ago? Meredith marvels. It feels like years have passed since then. What would have happened if Derek's surgery hadn't wrapped up so quickly, or if Tucker's accident had happened later? What if he'd still been in there now? Meredith doesn't want to think about all the terrifying what-ifs. Her consolation in all of this is that Derek and the others are safe; they won't be blown to smithereens if this thing goes off. She doesn't even want to imagine what it would be like knowing he was in harm's way. If I make it out alive, she promises herself, I'll tell him the truth. I can't do this alone. I need him.

"You're doing great," Young encourages.

"Let's go over it again," Meredith replies quickly. She doesn't need his praise; she needs to take her mind off Derek and what could possibly happen if she doesn't make it out of this alive. They have a plan; if she can only remind herself what it is, if she knows it back to front, then nothing can go wrong. She tries to stay calm, but the slight tremor in her voice betrays her a little.

"The device is shaped like a rocket. It's about eight inches long. I'm going to have a team in place, Dr Burke's going to have a team in place. I'm going to ask you to take the hand that you have in Mr Carlson and wrap it around the device." Young's face is infuriatingly impassive. If he's worried, it's impossible to tell.

"And pull it out." Meredith takes a breath. It's simple. Wrap your hand around it and pull it out. Easy. You can do this.

"Level," Young says sharply. "Pull it out while keeping it level."

Right. Keep it level, or everyone goes boom.

There's a brief moment of silence, in which Meredith's mind begins to wander again. How is she going to tell Derek how she really feels? She's never been the type to ask for help, so how is supposed the love of life that she can't live without him? Then again, telling Derek the truth will be a walk in the park compared to everything else that's happened today.

But what if he's still in love with Addison? What was she thinking, telling Cristina to tell him that if she died he should stay with Addison and be happy? She does want him to be happy, but it isn't her place to go around telling her ex-boyfriend to be happy when she's dead. He's got a wife, and it's not her.

"You know I don't like you very much." Meredith needs to distract herself again. Sure, it may not be the most polite thing to say to Dylan Young, but under these circumstances, anything goes. Besides, if they're both going to die, they should at least know how they feel about each other.

"I don't like you either," Young's tone is anything but friendly.

Well at least that's one thing we have in common, Meredith thought drily. Despite having just confessed to not liking him, she wants to know more about Young. Is he married? Does he have kids? Does he want any? She's not normally such a curious person, but there's nothing else to do other than think about Derek, which is not a good thing to be doing now. She can't afford to be distracted, and thoughts of Derek Shepherd do not help her to focus at all.

"What are you doing?"

It takes everything Meredith has to keep from jumping three feet into the air. Cristina is standing in the hall in front of them, eyes wide. Meredith has completely forgotten that she is still here, that she has been sitting by the elevators the whole time, waiting for them all to come and get her. She fights the urge to scream at Cristina to run away, to go downstairs and stay there until this is all over, because she knows that, were she in Cristina's position, she would hate sitting around doing nothing too.

"Stop. Stop right where you are." Young is livid. Cristina has no idea of what everyone else knows: that she very nearly caused this whole thing to explode. Had Meredith not been able to stop herself from reacting, had someone stopped short in surprise…well it would have been all over.

"What are you doing?" Cristina repeats angrily. She is reacting the same way Meredith did when she first heard of the plan to move. She doesn't know about the oxygen line. All she knows is that they're trying to move the bomb, and in her eyes, that's an incredibly stupid idea. It is a stupid idea, but it's smarter than the alternative.

"I thought Dr Burke told you to leave," Young snaps. He obviously wishes he had more authority in this situation, so that he could just send Cristina downstairs and never have to see her again.

Cristina ignores him. She has eyes only for Meredith

"We have to move," Meredith explains quickly, hoping to avoid a major blow-up between Cristina and Young. Part of her is incredibly relieved that Cristina is here; she has someone else to talk to, someone who understands her. "The other OR was over top of the main oxygen line, so we have to move to another OR, you know, in case we blow up."

"Oh." Cristina's voice is quiet, the implications of what would have happened had they not moved sinking in.

"I distinctly remember him telling you to leave," Young repeats sharply.

"Where is he?" Cristina sounds so desperate, and Meredith understands exactly how she feels. "He's prepping the OR."

"Then he'll never know, will he?" Cristina says dejectedly.

Meredith sighs and looks away. She knows what Cristina is talking about. It's the same way with her and Derek. If this whole thing goes boom, he'll never know.

"You stay over there." Young points with his eyes, not daring to take his hands off the gurney.

Obediently, Cristina steps to the side. "You stay over there," Young repeats, before turning to Meredith. "You ready?" She nods, and the procession begins to move again.

"Tell me something," Meredith implores of Cristina. She needs something to distract herself, and so far, attempting to converse with Young is not doing the trick.

"What?" Cristina looks at her like she's got three heads. Meredith knows what she's thinking: what could there be to talk about on a day like today?

"Cristina, I have my hand on a bomb. I'm freaking out. And most importantly, I really have to pee. So tell me something. Anything. Just tell me something." Please, please, please take my mind off of everything.

There is a brief silence as Cristina ponders what to say. Finally, just as Meredith thinks that she's going to say nothing, she speaks. "He told me he loved me." Meredith can't believe it. Burke told Cristina he loves her? "Last night," Cristina continues, before Meredith can say anything. "He thought I was asleep, but I wasn't; I heard the whole thing."

Meredith can feel the smile spreading across her face. "Burke loves you." This is good, this is just the kind of distraction she needs: someone else's love life to focus on rather than her own depressing, miserable excuse of one.

"Yeah," Cristina repeats faintly. Love is a big deal to her, which Meredith understands. It's a big deal to her too. "Mind your own business," Cristina snaps at Young, who has been watching the exchange with a slightly amused and surprised expression on his face. He clearly thinks Cristina is not Burke's type.

"Burke loves you," Meredith repeats, trying to be all shiny and happy on the outside, while secretly feeling the unfairness of it all. How come Cristina gets her happy ending and Meredith doesn't?

"Yeah." Cristina sighs. "Everyone has their problems."

Meredith isn't quite sure how to interpret this. "Well, are you going to say it back?"

"Of course not!" Cristina exclaims, as if Meredith has just suggested she stick her hand in Mr Carlson's chest instead. "He didn't say it to me, he said it to the sleeping me! Reciprocity is not required. Besides, he might blow up," she adds, a hint of tears creeping into her voice, betraying her true feelings.

"Excellent point." Meredith cannot deny the truth in this. Why worry yourself about telling the truth to someone who probably won't live to see tomorrow. If he survives, Cristina can worry about telling him, but for now, they don't know.

Cristina is nodding, glad that Meredith is agreeing with her on this, when suddenly, the gurney hits a bump.

Everyone freezes. Nobody even dares to breathe; they're all waiting for the bomb to go off, for the end to come. Meredith's heart stops for a fraction of a second, and she braces herself for the blow that doesn't come. They're fine. The bomb didn't go off. They're okay. Meredith let's out the breath she didn't know she was holding. It was just a lip in the floor. Everything is going to be fine.

Young takes a deep breath. "All right everybody. Let's just put one foot in front of the other. Nice and slow. "

Meredith closes her eyes, Young's voice falling away. She can't help thinking about what Cristina said. Burke told her he loved her, last night, while they were sleeping. Meredith can't remember the last time Derek told her he loved her. Come to think of it, she can't even remember the last time they kissed. She talked to Cristina about it this morning, and, in all the hoo-ha, has completely forgotten all about that conversation. Now that she's remembered though, she can't get the thought off her mind. She can remember their first kiss, and many others in between, but the last kiss is...well she doesn't know what it is. It's just not there. Like she said to Cristina this morning: you never know it's going to be your last kiss. You think you can last forever, and then suddenly, everything is gone and you can't remember the last time that you kissed.

Meredith desperately wants to know. If she dies today without remembering their last kiss…well she doesn't know what will happen. She wished she hadn't been so cocky, hadn't assumed that after all these year of a shitty life, fate would suddenly deal her a good hand. She should have known better, because now she could very well die, and then she'd never know. If I survive, she promises herself, I'll ask Derek if he remembers. And if he doesn't know, well, then I'll kiss him regardless so that I'll know to remember it as our last.

Thinking of all of this makes Meredith realize that Cristina needs to tell Burke she loves him. Now may not be the best timing, but if he dies before she gets to tell him, she'll never forgive herself. Meredith knows this all too well; if she'd treasured every moment she and Derek had had together, she wouldn't be here wondering what their last kiss had been and wishing to God that she could remember before it was too late.

"Meredith we're almost there." Young, thinking she is having some kind of panic attack, tries his best to be soothing.

Meredith takes a deep breath. "Okay." She is going to make it. She is going to find Derek and everything is going to be okay.

"We're almost there. Nice and easy. You ready?"

Meredith nods. She has to do this. They have to get this thing out before she goes crazy. She needs to find Derek. "Okay."

"All right, let's go. Nice and slow." And with that, they begin to move, slowly, all of them dreading the possibility of death in their near future. Cristina's face is expressionless.

There is a moment of terror and anticipation as the front wheels of the gurney pop over the bump in the floor, but everyone lets out a breath of relief when nothing happens.

"You had to say you were going to die today," Cristina whispers sadly as the gurney wheels away from her.

Meredith simply raises one eyebrow in a what did you expect kind of way. "I told you," she replies, and they hold each other's gaze for a moment before the gurney moves too far down the hall and Cristina disappears from view. It's only then that Meredith remembers she should have told Cristina to make her confession to Burke. Another reason we have to live through this I suppose.

Derek is back to not knowing what to do. Izzie and Alex are in charge of the Chief; he trusts that they can look after Richard, who is going to be fine. He's much better now that he's had some rest, and Lord knows Adele isn't going to let him go anywhere until he is one hundred percent better. Derek doesn't want to hang around; he doesn't want Adele fussing over him, or Richard lecturing him, but most of all, he doesn't want to have to face Karev. He's not sure he can look suppress the urge the beat the shit out of him that he gets every time he sees Karev's face, and the last thing the Chief needs today is more fighting. He'd love to be with Bailey, either trying to help or just being there for her, but after the fight he had with Addie, well it's just not possible. Besides, Bailey doesn't need the extra people crowding in the room trying to pressure her into having this baby.

The truth is, Derek really wants to be with Meredith. He wants to be up there with her, drinking in the beauty of that face, telling her that everything is going to be OK. He knows she's not freaking out up there; she is always calm in the face of a crisis. She can handle this, and—though it's hard for him—he's doing his best to handle it too, but if she dies...well he can't handle that, not after the way things ended between them. Their last kiss was nothing, just a quick peck, the kind married couples exchanged every morning because they knew that they had forever to exchange real kisses. He wants—needs—to kiss her—really kiss her, the kind of passionate kiss that leaves you breathless and weak in the knees—one more time before she goes.

His pager goes off suddenly. It must be Tucker; Derek has no other patients, Richard should be fine, and there are no incoming traumas. Please don't be dead, Derek whispers to himself as he hurries off towards Tucker's room. I can't face Addison if she's right. And Bailey can't make it without you. I promised you I'd take care of you for her, so don't you dare die on me.

"You paged?" Derek asks the nurse outside Tucker's room. She's not someone he's familiar with, bus she's very pretty: long dark curls, sparkling eyes. It's a shame Derek barely notices beautiful women anymore; otherwise he might have made an effort to learn her name. She nods, smiling that smile that he gets all the time, the I think you're really hot smile. "Mr Jones is awake, Dr Shepherd."

Tucker is awake? This is good. This is really good. Were it not so important that he check on his patient, Derek might have hugged her. He has a reason to go back and see Bailey, to try and mend fences with Addison.

"How are you feeling, Mr Jones?" Tucker blinks groggily, and looks around, confused. He tries to speak, but he has obvious difficulty forming the words. This is no surprise, given that he just underwent major brain surgery. "What—what happened?" he finally mumbles.

"You were in a car accident, Mr Jones. There was some bleeding in your brain, and we had to rush you to surgery, but it was successful. You're at Seattle Grace Hospital. I'm Dr Shepherd," Derek explains, while examining Tucker's pupils.

It appears as though the mention of the hospital causes a light to go off in Tucker's brain; it seems he has suddenly remembered everything that happened before the surgery. "Miranda…the baby?" Derek can see the urgency on his face; he wants to be with Bailey. The birth of his first child is a major milestone, and he wants to be there. Derek would too, if it was his baby, but Tucker can't go anywhere yet.

"Bailey's fine, Mr Jones. She's still in labour, but everything is going fine." Derek feels a tiny pang of guilt about lying to Tucker, but the last thing that his patient needs right now is something else to worry about. He needs to be able to rest without being distracted by anything else.

Tucker relaxes. "Good," he sighs. "Tell her—tell her I'm sorry."

Derek nods. "I will. I'll go check up on her now and I'll be back to tell you how it's going, OK? You get some rest, Tucker," he adds, but Tucker is already drifting off.

"How's he doing, Dr Shepherd?" The dark-haired nurse sticks her head in the door, smiling that blinding smile.

"Fine," Derek replies. "Keep an eye on him, and page me if anything happens. I'll be back in a little while to check on him again."

The nurse nods, and opens her mouth to say something, but Derek never finds out what it is because he is already gone, feeling more optimistic now than he has all day. Tucker's recovery is a miracle, a ray of light in the darkness; it's proof that not everything is going to go wrong today. The black cloud of fear and dread that has been blanketing Derek all day seems lighter now. Meredith is going to make it. She has to. Tucker is alive, Bailey is going to have her baby, and Meredith is going to be okay.

Derek opens the door to Bailey's room and runs smack into Addison, who is just on her way out. There is a moment of awkward silence, and then Addison finally says, "Come to gloat Derek?"

"Addie." It doesn't have to be this way; just because their marriage is over doesn't mean they have to be all bitter and hateful towards each other. They can still be friends. She starts to brush past him, but he grabs her arm before she can go anywhere. "Addie, I'm sorry. What I said—about you being incompetent—it was out of line. It's just—" he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Today's been a bad day for everyone."

For a moment, Derek thinks Addison is just going to walk away, and she seems to think so too, but instead, she sighs and lets her arms drop. "Miranda refuses to push. I have to go find Richard now and tell him that I need him to find me an OR."

"Tucker's awake." Derek's not sure if this is going to help, but he feels like he should let Addison know before he tells Bailey. "He's sleeping now, but his vitals are stable and his response is good. He's going to be fine."

"Can he be moved?" There is hope in Addison's face; it's faint, but it's there. Derek shakes his head. "Then there's no way she's going to do this. I need to get an OR. Now."

Derek nods. There's no other way. "Do you want me to stay with Miranda?" He knows Addison probably doesn't need his help—George is standing in the corner of the room—but he needs something to do other than sit here and watch Bailey, who is curled up on her side, silent tears streaming down her face. It breaks Derek's heart to see and to know that there is nothing he can do to help. This is one of the worst feelings in the world for a surgeon: uselessness. Judging by the look on George's face, Derek knows that he feels it too, they all do.

Something flashes across George's face then, almost like anger. He can't seem to keep his emotions bottled up any longer. "Dr Bailey, I'm surprised at you, I really thought—This is not how I thought you would do this."

Derek is momentarily speechless. Of all the people to stand up to Dr Bailey, George O'Malley is the last one to come to mind. Then again, maybe Derek shouldn't be so surprised; O'Malley, after all has a tendency to surprise people.

"Dr O'Malley I really don't think—" Addison begins, hand dropping away from the doorknob—this is a situation that needs her immediate attention; getting an OR will have to wait—but George keeps going. "I truly—I expected more," he continues, walking over to stand beside Bailey, his voice filled with quiet disappointment.

"George," Addison, brushes past Derek, but he grabs her arm and holds her back. "Let him do this," he whispers quietly, as she glares at him. "Just let him try."

George takes a washcloth from the basin by the bed and wrings the water out methodically before crossing to Bailey and sponging her arm gently. Derek and Addison watch silently, Addison with her arms folded across her chest in disapproval, Derek gently touching her elbow, reminding her to stay back. To any outsider, they look like a married couple, a couple with years of love and understanding behind them and many more still to come. Derek can see why; in this moment, he can almost believe it too.

"You're Dr Bailey." George continues to sponge Bailey's forehead, looking at her with more kindness than Derek has ever seen a resident show towards a patient. "You don't hide from a fight. You don't give up. You strive for greatness. You, Dr Bailey, you are a doer." Bailey tries to turn away from him, but George doesn't let her. Derek is impressed by his determination. "I know you're husband isn't here," George continues softly. "And I know there are a lot of things going on today that we have no control over. But this—" here Bailey begins to look up, and see George; Derek can tell she is listening—"This we can do. Okay?" Derek can't see that Bailey has made any indication of whether or not she has heard George, but she must have, because he looks at Addison and says, "Okay," very quietly.

Wasting no time, Addison springs into action, leaving Derek's side to arrange the sheets on the bed, as George rolls Bailey up into a sitting position and springs onto the bed behind her, positioning her between his legs. Bailey leans back, eyes closed, fighting the pain. George rubs her shoulders gently. "Let's have this baby, okay?"

Derek can't believe it. It's happening. Bailey's having the baby. Once again, the black cloud lessens slightly, as a new ray of hope appears. He wants to stay, to be here in a place full of hope and happiness and the triumph of new life, but he gets the feeling that Addison doesn't need him, and that he will only get in the way. Still, something is pulling him to stay. If he leaves, all those fears and worries about Meredith that he's been suppressing will come back to consume him again.

"Dr Shepherd?"

Derek turns. Izzie is standing in the doorway. She catches sight of Bailey, and he can see the shock on her face. She's never seen Bailey so vulnerable before.

"Yes, Dr Stevens?" Derek moves out of the room, taking Izzie with him. They're only going to get in Addison's way if they stay.

"Chief Webber, he—well, he's gotten out of bed and we can't get him back in again."

Derek sighs. Why can't Richard understand the seriousness of what happened to him? He needs to rest so that he doesn't have another attack.
"Where is he Stevens?"

Izzie shows Derek back to the nurse's station, where he can see Richard talking to a nurse. With a flash of anger, he notices Karev there as well, trying to reason with the Chief, who is ignoring him completely. "Alex has been trying to talk him back into bed, but he's not listening," she explains.

Derek nods. "I'll take care of it, Stevens." He marches over towards Richard, mentally preparing the speech that he's going to make about how Richard's first concern right now should be his health. Let Derek take care of everything else.

"Chief—" he begins, but the Chief holds up a hand to silence him. "Not now Derek."

"I don't think you get to make that call, Richard," Derek protests, but doesn't continues because he notices the man in the bomb squad uniform approaching. The Chief notices him too.

"Finally, some news!" Richard look immensely relieved. "What's going on up there?"

"Young sent me to let you know that there are some problems upstairs." The man's expression is austere.

"What kind of problems?" The Chief thunders. "Haven't we had enough problems for one day?"

Derek isn't listening to the Chief anymore. Problems upstairs? What does he mean, problems? Has the bomb gone off? Is Meredith dead?

"The intern with the bomb refuses to take her hand out."

Meredith won't take her hand out? It's like everything else has faded away. It can't wait. He needs to tell her the truth so that she can realize the craziness of what she is doing, that she can realize she needs to hand on for him. She needs to try for him, because he can't live without her.

"Where are you going?" Derek hasn't even realized that he's moving until the Chief's words stop him in his tracks. When he replies, there is no hesitation in his voice, no indecisiveness. He knows what he needs to do.

"Upstairs. I need to talk to Meredith."

A/N: I meant to post a note about this in Chapter Four where it actually happened, but I didn't want to have to go and edit the whole chapter, so I thought I'd just put it here instead. So you know the whole conversation Derek had with Nelson? Some people said it seemed a little weird and out of character for Nelson, which I totally agree with. The thing is, when I wrote that chapter, I still hadn't met Nelson in the series, I had just heard his name mentioned, so I had no idea what his character was actually going to be like. (I'm doing things a little weirdly; I'm watching season 6 and season 8 at the same time. I only started watching the show in January. So I'm on season 6, but I wanted to see the new episodes too. A bit of a spoiler, but it's not a big deal to me.) Anyways, I know get why some people may have thought that was a little weird for Nelson to say because I think it is too. I'm not going to go back and change it though, because I think it works with the story, and I think that everyone would be doing things that are out of character on a day like that. Emotions are running out of control. And you could also say that Nelson says what he does because he's trying to seem cool in Derek's eyes, because, well, I don't think it's a secret at Seattle Grace that Derek Shepherd gets laid. They don't call him McDreamy for nothing! ;)

I'll try to update a little quicker next time, but school is starting to get a little busy, and I'm writing two stories at the same time, so I can't promise anything. However, I do a lot of writing in class and I really want to update these stories and get started on new ones because I have so many ideas floating around my head it's crazy! So hang in there. The next chapter will be up as soon as I can get it done.