A/N: So here's the final chapter. It's been a long, dramatic roller coaster ride to get here, but here we are.

I realized that I should probably stick one of these up at some point: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS. If I did, there wouldn't be any need for me to write this.

Hope you enjoy!

George doesn't know what to do anymore. The crisis is over. The bomb went off. Bailey had her baby. Tucker survived his surgery. Mr Carlson is alive. There's no need to panic, no need to wonder if he is going to die today. Bailey doesn't need him anymore; she has her husband and her baby. Meredith doesn't need him; she has Izzie and Cristina. Dr Montgomery-Shepherd doesn't need him, but then again, he's not sure she needs anyone right now. If the rumours are true, Dr Shepherd told her that Meredith is the love of his life, effectively ending their marriage.

George is happy not being needed right now. He's tired, and he just wants to go home, have a huge meal, a hot shower, and go to bed. He's had enough work for one day.

There shouldn't be anyone in the locker room at this time of night, and so George is surprised when he opens the door to see Cristina and Izzie coaxing a stunned, silent, and filthy Meredith into the shower. The surprise doesn't last long though, and shame creeps up quickly to take its place as he remembers the dream he was having this morning. To think that he had wanted to walk in on the three of them in the shower, washing each other and saying all the things he had always wanted to hear from a woman. Well, he's walked in on them now, and it isn't sexy or stimulating like it was in his dream. It's heartbreaking, and it makes him feel like he's intruding on some deep, private moment. And yet, horrified as he is to be witnessing this, he can't look away. So he stands there silently as Izzie peels off Meredith's surgical gown and removes the scrub cap, letting all of her hair spill around her shoulders. He watches as Cristina turns on the water, and the two of them tip Meredith's head back gently so that the water runs down her face like a river. He tries to turn away at the very least, but he can't move. He's never seen Meredith so fragile-looking, not even after Derek chose Addison. She won't lift a finger to help herself; she just stands there like some kind of statue, not even noticing that she is still fully clothed. He can't help but notice the concern on Izzie and Cristina's faces; neither of them has anticipated this either.

"Derek," Meredith mumbles suddenly.

"He's with Tucker, Meredith," Izzie soothes, and from her tone of voice, George can tell that this isn't the first time she's had to tell Meredith this. "He'll be back soon."

No sooner has she says this does Shepherd enter the locker room, brushing past George as if he isn't even there. He sees Meredith standing helplessly in the shower and crosses to her without breaking his stride. There is no hesitation, no doubt in his steps.

"I'm here Meredith, " he whispers, cradling her face in his hands, ignoring the fact that he is getting soaked too. "I'm here."

Izzie and Cristina turn and go, not wanting to intrude on the intimacy of the moment. They see George now, but if they realize that he's been here the whole time, neither of them says anything. "

"How is she?" George asks quietly, feeling the need to say something.

"She's fine," Cristina says firmly. "She has a concussion and a sprained wrist, but she's going to be okay."

"She doesn't look okay."

"She's Meredith. She'll be fine." With that, Cristina leaves the locker room, Izzie following her. George takes one last look at Meredith, who hasn't moved; even now that Derek is there, tenderly washing all the blood and grime away from her face and arms.

He doesn't find it hard to turn away now. The arrival of Derek has reminded him of the painful reality: Meredith doesn't love him, and she probably never will. She has Derek. She doesn't need him.

Nobody does.

"Addison."

Derek looks up, startled, wondering if he has misheard. Meredith's voice was nothing more than an incoherent mumble, so it's highly possible that he's misheard what she said. Either that, or she's not fully aware of what she's saying. She's severely concussed; it's not surprising that her brain is doing making her say strange things. "What?"

Meredith shifts slightly in the hospital bed. She's been admitted so that they can keep an eye on her overnight, and even though they'll let her go home tomorrow, it'll be at least a week, more likely two, until she's back at work again. And even then, she won't be back to work full time. The concussion is pretty serious, not to mention her wrist, which luckily turned out to be nothing more than a sprain.

"Addison." Her voice is stronger this time; there's no mistaking what she's said. "Your wife. You should," she paused; talking was obviously an effort. "You should be with her."

"Meredith." Derek's chest aches. She's been through so much, some of it caused by him, and yet she's still honourable enough to tell him that he should be with his wife. "Addison and I—We—We're not together anymore. It's over."

"You left her?"

"It was time, Meredith. We stopped loving each other a long time ago."

"But you…" Meredith trails off, confused. He can't understand it; shouldn't she be happier? They can finally be together, and all she can feel in confusion? "You chose her," Meredith whispers, staring at her hands, which are twisting the blanket nervously.

Derek sighs. He understands now. It all comes back to this, to this choice he made. They are never going to outrun this one. No matter how hard they try, no matter how many good memories they may or may not have to share in the future, this will always be the elephant in the room. He chose Addison. He had the chance to choose Meredith, and he chose Addison. "Meredith…" How could he explain this in a way that would make her see why he had done what he did? She can't even look at him. How can he make her see when she won't even look at him? "I couldn't just leave Addison like that. When she came back to Seattle…I wasn't happy she was here, but I felt like I owed it to her, to us, to give it one last try. We were married eleven years, Meredith. That's a long time. And when she came back here saying that she still loved me, that she might still be the love of my life, well I couldn't not give it another try."

"It's nice that you tried to make it work, Derek. It makes you a good person. An honourable person. It was proof that you were the Derek that I fell in love with." Meredith still won't look at him. "But she cheated on you. With your best friend. How can you forgive that?"

Derek runs a hand through his hair. They are in dangerous waters now. Cheating isn't something that Meredith takes lightly; after all it was her mother's affair with Richard that tore her family apart. "It wasn't just Addison's fault, Meredith. Or Mark's for that matter," he adds, seeing the look on her face. "It wasn't like he seduced her or she fell in love with him or they were trying to hurt me. It was my fault too. I—"

"How is it your fault?" Despite the fact that her voice is still weak, there is no mistaking the frustration in her tone. "You don't have to blame yourself for everything, Derek."

"I wasn't there, Meredith!" he exclaims. "I was never home. There was always another case; another surgery; just one more patient that needed my attention. I didn't have time for Addison anymore. I took her for granted; I forgot about what it was like to love her. She was all alone, and Mark was there, paying her all the attention I should have been giving her. Seeing them in bed together was painful, but not necessarily because I was still in love with Addison. It was more because they had lied to me. They were my best friends, and they went behind my back. Mark never told me I should have paid more attention to Addison, he just swooped in and took my place. Addison never told me she wanted me home more often, she just bottled up all her pain and then slept with someone else. So when she came back, I had to give it one more try. I had to make up for all the times I hadn't been there for her."

"So you're just going to give up on her now?" Meredith whispers. "You're just going to give up?"

Derek shakes his head in frustration. "I'm not giving up. It's over. It was over before Addison even came back to Seattle. I just didn't realize it until now. Don't you see, Meredith? There was never any choice to be made. I just didn't see it at the time when it mattered most. I thought that I owed it to us to stick it out with Addison. I thought I needed to try. I thought there might be some love left in me for her, but there isn't." He pauses to take a breath before continuing. "It took your hand on a bomb to make me realize that I never had a choice. It was always you, Meredith. You're the love of my life. And I almost lost you today because I couldn't see that sooner."

Meredith doesn't say anything for a moment. Derek is terrified that she is going to tell him that she's moved on, that she's healed herself and that she doesn't want him anymore. Finally, she speaks.

"Take me home, Derek."

"What?"

"I can't stay here," she whispers. "After everything that happened today…I need to get out of here. I need to go home."

"Meredith, they want to keep you overnight for observation to make sure that you're okay. You have a pretty serious concussion."

"And you're a world-class neurosurgeon. I'm sure you can handle a concussion. Please Derek," she begs, and his heart melts.

"I'll talk to Richard," he concedes. "But if he says no, you're not going anywhere."

"Fine," she whispers, sinking back onto the pillows. Derek can see the pain in her eyes, and the shock. She doesn't want to stay in this place full of ghosts and terrifying memories of bombs and near-death experiences. He has to take her home.

There is some arguing with the Chief as to whether or not Meredith has to stay at the hospital, but eventually, Derek convinces him to let her go home. Meredith is glad; she doesn't want to spend one more minute in this place. She needs be able to think, to clear her head. So much has happened today. She touched a bomb, and watched two guys blow up before her very eyes. She almost died, and Derek left his wife and told her that she was the love of his life. It's a lot to take in, and she can't deal with it here. She's not even sure if she can deal with it at home, but it will be easier to grasp there.

Derek drives her home. They don't say anything the whole way home. Meredith doesn't know how to put what she is feeling into words, and he seems to understand that she doesn't want to talk. She rests her head on the seat and closes her eyes, trying to assuage the pounding in her head. All of the other aches have lessened: her wrist has been bandaged, the cut on her forehead sutured, and she has been given something for the general pain, so now it's only the pounding in her head accompanied by occasional bouts of dizziness and nausea that remain.

She tries not to think, because thinking makes her head hurt more, but the thoughts chase themselves relentlessly around her brain anyways. Derek is leaving Addison. He's really leaving her this time. He's going to sign those papers, and he and Meredith are going to be together at last, and then it won't matter that she can't remember their last kiss because there will be many more kisses coming her way. Everything is as it should be, and yet, Meredith doesn't feel happy or satisfied, the way she had always thought she would be when this happened. Derek didn't choose her. He picked Addison, and then changed his mind. She knows that she should be happy that he has chosen her now, that he is here, smiling and saying things and promising forever, but she can't get over the fact that she wasn't his first choice. He had to pick Addison to realize that she was the one he really wanted. And had the bomb not gone off today, he'd probably still be with Addison.

You're the love of my life. He finally said the words she's been dying to hear for months, and thinking that she would never hear. He loves her too. He wants to spend the rest of his life with her. It's all she's ever wanted, and yet now that it's here, it's too much. She can't deal with all of this right now. She needs time, and space, to figure out what's next. Which is why she has to send Derek away.

"We're here."

Meredith opens her eyes slowly. The light shines through the windows of the house like a beacon, and Meredith knows that everyone else has beaten her home. Izzie is probably in the kitchen baking—whether or not the baked goods are to make Meredith feel better or as a result of Izzie's relief that she is alive, Meredith has no idea—and George is either lounging in the living room or already asleep. Meredith suppresses a groan as she imagines the scene that will unfold when she enters the house: Izzie, appearing from the kitchen, apron over her clothes, with those big worried eyes, all ready to talk and to comfort. Meredith doesn't want to talk about anything right now. She wants to go to bed and forget this ever happened.

There's a long silence. Meredith doesn't get out of the car, and Derek is obviously waiting for her to say something, invite him in maybe? As much as Meredith wants him to come in and fend off Izzie with her big, sad eyes, and then stay the night with her, she can't. She has to have some time, some space, to think about everything that he's said. She needs time to deal with all this.

"Thanks for the ride," Meredith says quietly, fumbling with her seatbelt and opening the door.

"Do you need help?" Derek looks at her with those big, sad eyes, and she knows that the ball is in her court. He's not going to come in unless she invites him.

She shakes her head. "I'll be fine. If I need anything, I can ask George or Izzie."

"Of course." He's hurt, but he doesn't say anything more. He's not going to push it tonight.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Derek." She hopes he'll understand what she really means. I can't let you in now because I need space, but you can come and see me tomorrow.

"Okay. Sleep well, Meredith."

Meredith heads into the house without looking back. She can't, she's afraid if she does that she'll cave and invite Derek in. She needs this. She needs the space.

Mercifully, Izzie doesn't come and greet her at the door. Meredith realizes why: the sound of the electric mixer drowns out the noise of the door. She goes straight upstairs to her room, her progress slow. She has to stop twice on the stairs because the dizziness is overpowering, but she makes it and collapses on her bed, fully dressed. Derek helped her put some clothes on at the hospital: black yoga pants and the deep red V-neck sweater she likes so much.

Her head feels so much better lying down. It's still painful, but much less so. Meredith pulls the blankets around herself, and waits for sleep to come. She's terrified of closing her eyes, all she can see when she does is the bomb going off, that last look on Young's face before he was blown to smithereens. She wishes now that Derek were here to hold her and make everything better. He's the love of her life and he's finally admitted that she's the love of his life too, and what does she do? She sends him away. Stupid, stupid, Meredith. She mentally smacks herself. This is classic Meredith, proof that she is screwed up and dysfunctional and no one should have to deal with her for their whole lives, let alone marry her. How can Derek want her when she is so obviously flawed? She can't understand it, but somehow he still does, and she should just accept that, no questions asked, not send him packing. She's probably ruined whatever shot they have left. And she told him to go home? To the trailer? Addison lives at the trailer. She's just sent him back to his ex-wife. Stupid.

She wanted so badly to be alone, and now that she is, she wishes she weren't.

Six-dozen muffins. That's how many Izzie has made by the time she hears the doorbell. Maybe six-dozen is a little excessive, but baking is her therapy, and after a day like today, she needs all the therapy she can get.

There was a bomb at the hospital. A real bomb, the kind that goes off and decimates everything around it. And it did go off, and killed two guys and destroyed the whole OR hallway. And Meredith…she almost died because she was so close to the bomb when it went off. And Izzie had sex with Alex. Not once, but several times, even though she'd told him that very morning that her legs were going to remain closed to him. And Bailey had her baby while her husband was recovering from major brain surgery.

The scariest part is that it could have been Izzie. She could have easily been the one to get assigned to Mr Carlson; she could have been the one up there with the bomb. And the scariest part is that if it had been her, there was no way she would have stuck her hand in that guys chest when the paramedic pulled her hand out. So, had she been the girl with the bomb, they all would have died. Hence the baking.

They aren't bad muffins either. Damn good if Izzie does say so herself. There's some variety too: a dozen banana, a dozen lemon cranberry, a dozen blueberry, and three dozen raspberry (her favourite). She doesn't think anyone in the house is going to mind, after all, none of them ever have any time to cook proper meals, and so it's nice to have something quick and easy on hand to eat.

She wonders who could be at the door. She doesn't think it will be Cristina; she's gone home to Burke. She hopes that it isn't Alex; he's a nice guy, and the sex is great, but she really doesn't want to go at it with him anymore. It can't be Meredith either; even though Izzie hasn't heard her come in, she wouldn't ring the doorbell. It's her house after all.

The door reveals the one person Izzie doesn't expect to see: Derek. He stands there silently, hands in the pockets of his coat, staring at his shoes. She wonders why he's here, he should be at home by now. He looks equally surprised to see Izzie, as if he's forgotten that she lives here too.

"Dr Shepherd."

"Stevens. Is, uh Meredith still awake?"

Meredith's home? This was news to Izzie. "I'll go and check. Why don't you come in?" Izzie feels bad leaving McDreamy standing out in the rain.

She watches him as she climbs the stairs. He stands in the foyer, looking around, with that sad, lost look on his face. She feels bad; today has been such a difficult day for him. She half-hopes that Meredith will be asleep already. He means well, but Meredith doesn't need any more pain.

Derek knows he should have stayed away. She doesn't want him here tonight. She needs her space, and he can understand that. For someone like Meredith, all of this is a lot to take in, but he can't leave her just yet. There's something he needs to get off his chest, something he needs to say. He doesn't know what it is, but he needs to do something to relieve the pressure that is threatening to crush him. Besides, he doesn't want to go back to the trailer. Addison won't want to see him either.

It's only been a minute or two since Izzie went upstairs, but it feels like forever. Derek waits, hands in the pockets of his jeans, eyes roaming everywhere but seeing nothing. He can't get her out of his head, and the pain of not being with her—if that's even the cause of his pain—is too much for him to take. He keeps seeing her lifeless body lying there every time he goes to close his eyes, and she needs to know that. She needs to know that she isn't the only one who's been affected by today. He has too.

Her footsteps on the staircase barely make any noise, but Derek knows she's there. She looks better; she's moving slowly, but there is more colour in her face and less pain. The dizziness must be subsiding. He opens his mouth to say something to her, to tell her everything he needs to say so badly, but she beats him to it. "Hey." She sounds slightly confused, like she can't understand why he looms so upset.

Derek takes a deep breath. "Hey." His voice is hardly more than a whisper; he's too busy trying to trying to figure our how to put his feelings into words.

"What happened to your face?"

"My face?" Derek is thrown. What's wrong with his face?

"Your face. It's all bruised, and there's a cut on your cheek." Meredith pauses to take a closer look. "Did that need stitches?"

Derek has completely forgotten about the fight with Karev and his half-assed attempt to suture his own face, but remembers now that Meredith has brought it up. She must only be noticing it now because of the light, or maybe she was just never paying attention before. "Oh, it's nothing. I got in a fight. That's all."

"A fight?" Meredith repeats incredulously.

Derek nods. "With Karev. But—"

"You fought with Alex?"

Derek sighs impatiently. "Yes, but it doesn't matter Meredith. I'm fine. What matters is—" He breaks off, unable to voice his thoughts properly. "You almost died today," he finally says.

Meredith's face sobers; his fight with Karev forgotten. "Yeah. I almost died today."

There are so many things Derek wants to say, but none of them seem to come out. He opens his mouth, trying to tell her how her almost dying nearly killed him, how he lost it several times, but it's like the words are stuck in his throat. She's looking at him expectantly, almost hopefully, waiting for him to say something, anything, but he can't, so he turns and leaves, heavy hearted.

"I can't—" Meredith's voice makes him freeze halfway out the door. He turns and looks at her, and sees that her expression is pained. Hopeful, he steps back into the house.

"I can't remember our last kiss." Derek can't help the tiny smile that creeps up at the memory. "All I could think about was 'I'm going to die today, and I can't remember our last kiss', which is pathetic, but…The last time we were together and happy—I want to be able to remember that. And I can't, Derek."

The way she says it breaks Derek's heart. She wants to remember the last time they were happy. You don't say those kinds of things to the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. You say them to the person who you love but are never going to see again. He nods, resigning himself to the sad truth: she isn't ready for this. She can't get over the fact that he chose Addison. He's ruined everything.

"I can't remember," she says softly, urging him to remind her.

Derek tries not to let the heartbreak show. "I'm glad you didn't die today," he says after a long moment, before turning and heading out the door.

He's barely closed the door all the way behind him when he stops. Why shouldn't he tell Meredith about their last kiss? If he reminds her of it, maybe she'll realize how happy they were together, how they're meant to be. Either way, she deserves to know.

"It was a Thursday morning." Meredith has already started to head back upstairs, but Derek's voice stops her. Seeing her hesitation, he comes back in again, but holds the door open for himself; he's not going to stay. "You were wearing that ratty little Dartmouth T-shirt you look so good in, the one with the hole in the back of the neck." He smiles just thinking about it. "You'd just washed your hair, and you smelled like kind of…flower." For the life of him he still can't remember the smell.

Meredith begins to turn towards him, and he can see that she's remembering too. "I was running late for surgery," he continues. "You said you were going to see me later. Then you leaned to me, you put your hand on my chest, and you kissed me. Soft. It was quick, kind of like a habit. You know, like we'd do it every day for the rest of our lives. You went back to reading the newspaper, and I went to work. That was the last time we kissed."

"Lavender." He's almost out the door when her voice calls him back again. "My hair smelled like lavender, from my conditioner."

Derek nods, smiling. "Lavender." Of course. Now that he knows, the smell is easily identifiable. He chuckles to himself. How could he have forgotten, especially when he used to tease her about the overpowering smell of her conditioner?

The feeling, the pressure is gone now, and, as much as he hates to leave, he can go now. The storm is getting worse, and Derek will probably end up spending the night at the Archfield because the weather will be too bad to make it all the way out to the trailer.

"I want it to be a habit," Meredith blurts out suddenly. She can't let him go like this. She needs him here, now.

Derek turns, still standing on the porch. He looks at her expectantly, almost like he knows exactly what she is going to say, but is just waiting to hear it from her own lips.

"I want the kissing to be a habit," she says breathlessly, terrified of what she is confessing, but knowing that, scary as it is, she wants it. Badly. "I want to be able to kiss you every morning before I go to work, and know that I can come home and do it again." There. She's said it. She's finally admitted that she needs him.

Derek smiles, a real McDeramy smile. "Me too," he admits.

"Don't go, Derek." This is it. There's no going back now. "Stay here. With me."

"Are you sure?" Derek asks gently. "I'll understand if you need space."

Meredith shakes her head. "I can't sleep. I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes, I keep seeing Young and the bomb going off. I need you to hold me, so that when I close my eyes, I won't see any of that, all I'll see is you."

Thankfully, there is still an old pair of Derek's pyjamas in Meredith's closet. He doesn't ask why they were never returned because he knows why: Meredith needed to keep a little piece of him.

It feels so good to lie in Derek's arms again, but still, Meredith can't sleep. The headache is back with a vengeance, and she can't stop thinking about whether or not Cristina finally told Burke that she loves him too.

"You still awake?" Derek mumbles, already half-asleep.

"My head hurts," she whispers, thinking that Cristina would not appreciate her sharing the whole Burke thing with him.

"Try closing your eyes," he murmurs, lips brushing her temple. "You won't feel it when you're asleep."

"Okay," She snuggles closer to Derek, relishing at how at home she feels in Derek's arms. "You know I love you, right?"

Even though her head is tucked under Derek's chin, she can feel him smile. "Yeah. I do."

"I was so afraid I would die without being able to tell you," she whispers, burrowing her face a little closer to his shoulder.

"I know. I was to," he murmurs. "But it's over now, Meredith. It's over, and you're going to be okay, and I love you. That's all that matters."

"Yeah." Meredith closes her eyes, feeling profoundly content. "That's all that matters."

She can tell from the way Derek relaxes that he's fallen asleep. Part of her wishes he hadn't, that they could stay up late and kiss and hold each other, but he's tired, and so is she. It's been a long day, and there will be many more nights filled with hot sex and kisses of all kinds. They just need to take it one step at a time.

The most important thing is that she has Derek. She's here in his arms, and she'll still be there tomorrow morning. He's not going to disappear. He's here, and in this moment, in his arms, she feels whole and healed, like the heartache that has been her constant companion never happened. And she knows that it will always be like this. Now, and forever.

A/N: Wow. Never though that ending a story would be so hard. There were so many moments when I was like, 'I can just end it here', but then I'd just keep going because I couldn't stop. Part of that was probably because I felt like the actually episode didn't end the way I wanted it to, and so I had to fix all the things that Shonda did that I didn't agree with (like Meredith and Derek not being together), but it was also because I just love Meredith and Derek so much, and I just wanted them to have the happy ending they deserve.

I want to send a HUGE thank you to everyone who reviewed. Honestly, I probably would have given up on this a long time ago without you guys.

So that's it. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Reviews are great!